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Vow Renewals
Jells2dot0
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Vow Renewal Etiquette
Vow Renewals are not technically second weddings, as no divorce or death has occurred in between. They are usually held to celebrate big anniversary milestones (20 years, 25 years) or after the couple has overcome a major obstacle in their marriage. Etiquette is slightly different between renewals and weddings.
Some couples see vow renewals as a chance to "re-do" their wedding as it may not have been what they dreamed of at an early age or felt disappointment in how the party side of the event turned out. This is what is referred to as a "PPD" or Pretty Princess Day. PPDs are generally frowned upon as they tend to breach proper and traditional etiquette. To learn more about a PPD, click the link below:
http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1036614/legally-married-now-having-a-real-wedding-stop-here-first-aka-the-ppd-faq-thread#latest
Below is an excellent resource to use when getting started with planning your renewal to ensure you are following traditional etiquette and hosting a proper celebration:
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vow Renewal Etiquette
I searched "vow renewals" to see what people may have posted on other boards. (Because this one is pretty quiet!) Came across the PPD term which I had never heard of before. It actually took me quite a while to find out what it stood for and when/why it's used. Would that be a good point to add here? I don't think the term existed when I was on TK several years ago. Just a thought.
Ok got it!
Thanks.
What are your reasons for planning something bigger? If it's in any way a re-do because you weren't satisfied with your original wedding, then yep, it's a PPD.
Having a vow renewal is totally fine. You can have lots of guests, a big party, and even have a special cake. It just gets hairy with the big poofy dress, attendants, and pre-wedding parties. It sounds like you are making sure that "Wedding-like" aspects are left out and, of course, you aren't calling it a wedding. Have a nice renewal ceremony, hire a photographer, hire a DJ/band, have lots of food and booze, and have fun!
It is already an accepted tradition. It's called an anniversary party.
You can't really equate a second marriage to a vow renewal. A second marriage is a whole new event to a whole new person (unless you got divorced and are re-marrying the same person.)
Also, if the bride and groom make the decision to have a small ceremony, it was their decision to make. Why regret it? Because the wedding industry said you missed out?? There is nothing wrong with just having a party to celebrate an anniversary, just as you would with a birthday. You can throw one every year if you want, as long as your guests are properly hosted. If it's a milestone anniversary, one might want to do a vow renewal, but you don't have to renew your vows in order to celebrate.
It's not an attempt to equate a vow renewal to a second marriage. It's equating the change in etiquette due to demand. At some point, the etiquette changed and women no longer took the opinions of their more traditional guests into account.
And yes, it's absolutely ok to celebrate your marriage every year and however one feels is appropriate.
That is why I find it abhorrent to stress antiquated rules of etiquette and ignore the desire for change. That is precisely how the rules of etiquette changed for second marriages.
Etiquette doesn't change. Traditions and social norms change. Etiquette is a set of guidelines that show you how to properly host. Etiquette is supposed to make all guests of the host feel comfortable because they have been hosted properly with food, drinks, and seating.
Tradition and social norms change. For example, it is becoming more socially acceptable to have a big 2nd wedding. 2nd weddings were often seen as something quietly done because people were not supposed to get divorced. As divorce rates began to rise, so did the acceptance of larger 2nd weddings. As for tradition, it was often tradition for a woman to wear whatever was considered her Sunday best - regardless of the color, to her wedding. It wasn't until Queen Victoria wore a white wedding gown, that tradition changed to a bride wearing a white gown (it has nothing to do with virginity.)
This is why it is not possible to have a "wedding" when you are already married. Vow renewals are OK, but they are not weddings, and their customs are different. Pretending that they are weddings is just silly.
Celebrations of a marriage are fine. They are usually called "anniversary parties". Pretending that they are weddings is equally silly.
Currently, an adult woman wears a white pouffy wedding dress on her wedding day, if she want to. It is odd to see a woman wearing a white wedding dress walking through the aisles at the grocery store. You can do it, but you will look like a fool. The same applies to a married woman who dresses up in the white bridal gown and pretends that it is her "real wedding". The real wedding is when her legal status changed, and she was legally wed to her partner.