Wedding Etiquette Forum

Catholic Wedding on Rosh Hashanah

My fiance and I have already booked our church and venue space for 2015, but just realized that it lies on the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah. About 10 people out of the 300 people we are inviting to the wedding are Jewish. I feel like it is rude to those guests for us to get married on Rosh Hashanah, but it is honestly the most convenient weekend for my fiance and I in 2015. I don't want to change the wedding date, but I will try to if it is horribly offensive. So, my questions are as follows: How offensive is it to someone who practices Judaism to get a wedding invitation for a Catholic wedding absent-mindedly scheduled for the same date as Rosh Hashanah? Is there something we can do to mitigate the rudeness of having our wedding on Rosh Hashanah (other than having the ceremony after sun-down because the church won't do that)? Thanks in advance for any input.

Re: Catholic Wedding on Rosh Hashanah

  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    I'm not Jewish and don't know the traditions, so I don't really have a huge stance on that. However, in the general stance, I'm going to say that you can not plan your wedding around everyone else's schedules. As long as you have cleared it with your VIPs, I say move forward. 

    Will you be heartbroken if these people don't attend? If yes, find a new date. If no, move forward. 
  • With a 300 person guest list you are going to have a hard time finding a date that suits everyone. Unless the 10 people you anticipate having a conflict are VIPs (immediate family, WP members, etc.) I wouldn't change it.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2014
    I am non religious, and Jewish. I wouldn't be offended if I was invited to a wedding on a Jewish holiday. Whether or not my family was planning something to celebrate Rosh Hashanah would determine if I could attend your wedding or not. 

    I wouldn't be surprised that a Catholic or any non-Jewish person would unthinkingly pick a date that coincided with a Jewish holiday. I barely know when they are myself. 

    And other than Christmas, I can never remember/ have never kept in mind when Christian holidays take place. I wanted a spring wedding, and I could have easily picked Easter without knowing it. Well, not that easily. I probably would have checked for major holidays. Minorities are used to accommodating the majority. But, had I picked Easter for my wedding, I would hope that  my Christian guests wouldn't be offended by the invite, even if they could not attend. 

    My wedding date is on a Jewish holiday as well. I had never heard of this holiday-- it is not one of the majors. Whoops. An uncle pulled out his phone to look up the date when we told him and he was all scandalized "but that's the first night of XXX." Eh. We found a Rabbi anyway. If a member of the family is so upset they won't attend, then so be it. Go with the date that works best for you, your fiance, and your VIPs.

    ETA: paragraphs and clarity
  • As a fellow Jew I would attend a friend's wedding on Rosh Hashana. I don't expect the world to stop for me and my religion. My mom even attended a wedding on Yom Kippur once, because she cared for the friend and wanted to go.

    Although OP- When is your wedding in 2015? I googled it and it is saying Rosh Hashana falls from Sunday night to Tuesday.
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    Anniversary
  • My wedding was around Rosh Hashana.    We had 2 Jewish guests who declined because of the holiday.   We had 2 more come.     The 2 that declined were not offended.  No need to to be, we are not Jewish and picked a date that work for us.  It happens that they do have big family celebrations for and declined because of that.

    I personally think you are over-thinking this.  If your family was Jewish, then there might be an issue.  Not in your case.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    Rosh Hashana goes for ten days, so you're bound to overlap somewhere. Since the ten days are focused on counting the blessings of the past year, it is a joyful time. First and last days of a multiday feast are usually most important. You're good. Good for you to think of those things. ETA: my apologies. Seems I was going off old notes from a college class. I remember being taken with the idea of ten days of reflecting on God's goodness before looking to make an inventory of wrongdoing in preparation for Yom Kippur.
  • Actually, Rosh Hashana is TWO days, not 10. Together with Yom Kippur, it's the high holy days. And the various synagogues I've attended over the years (conservative and orthodox) did NOT have "different services to choose from" like Catholic mass. Services were for two days, from morning to evening, with a lunch break, and the prayers varied throughout the day, it wasn't repetition of the same service. We attended from morning to evening both days, as is proper.

    That said, we would not at all be offended at a wedding invitation on Rosh Hashana. Back then, I likely would not have gone to your wedding. Now that I'm not observant, I would go.

    So they shouldn't be offended, but whether they attend depends on how religious they are.
  • I'm also a non-religious Jew and I would TOTALLY go to a wedding on Rosh Hashanah.  You cannot accommodate every single person.  They can go to a service at a different time of day than your wedding or choose to not come, but you're not being rude.
  • I'm Jewish (reform) and go to synagogue primarily on the High Holy Days (Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur) though I celebrate other major holidays as well. 

    When you say second day, what do you mean? For example, this year, Rosh Hashannah starts at sundown on Wednesday, goes through all day Thursday, and ends at sundown on Friday. In this instance are you talking about Thursday or Friday? 

    I'd not be offended if the wedding was during Rosh Hashannah, but I probably wouldn't attend (using this example) on Wednesday, I may or may not attend on Thursday (depending on time of wedding), and would certainly attend on the Friday, especially if it were an evening wedding. 

    Most of the Jewish folks I know tend to go to services on the evening and the first day (Wednesday/Thursday in my example), with a significantly smaller number going to services the second day (Friday in my example). 

    Hope that helps. 
  • I'm an observant Jew and wouldn't go to a wedding on RH.  If you were a good friend, I'd be a bit miffed that you planned it for that day.  If you were a distant friend I wouldn't care.  I did, once, go to catholic mass on a Sunday morning and Yom Kippur services on Sunday night for a good friend's baby's baptism.  But that was not DURING Yom Kippur.

    Also, are your Jewish friends ones who need to travel to your wedding? That makes it more complicated. Because if they want to go to RH services, they will have to find a synagogue in your community. Tickets to those services can be very expensive (hundreds of dollars per person).
  • A Jewish person might not travel out of town to a wedding on Rosh Hashanah and might not attend if the wedding is during the day, because that's when services take place.

    But none would accuse of you of being offensive by inviting them to attend a wedding that just happens to take place on Rosh Hashanah.
  • As a Christian, I would not be offended if a Jewish friend invited me to a wedding on Easter. Whatever date you pick, you'll have some people who can't come. I avoided Yom Kippur because one of my BMs is Jewish and would have been fasting. If the 10 people are your VIPs, ask them if a Rosh Hashanah date would be a problem for them. If they're not, go ahead with your date.

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  • I'm an observant Jew and wouldn't go to a wedding on RH.  If you were a good friend, I'd be a bit miffed that you planned it for that day.  If you were a distant friend I wouldn't care.  I did, once, go to catholic mass on a Sunday morning and Yom Kippur services on Sunday night for a good friend's baby's baptism.  But that was not DURING Yom Kippur.

    Also, are your Jewish friends ones who need to travel to your wedding? That makes it more complicated. Because if they want to go to RH services, they will have to find a synagogue in your community. Tickets to those services can be very expensive (hundreds of dollars per person).
    And you'd be wrong to be miffed.  They can't plan their life around you.
  • I'm an observant Jew and wouldn't go to a wedding on RH.  If you were a good friend, I'd be a bit miffed that you planned it for that day.  If you were a distant friend I wouldn't care.  I did, once, go to catholic mass on a Sunday morning and Yom Kippur services on Sunday night for a good friend's baby's baptism.  But that was not DURING Yom Kippur.

    Also, are your Jewish friends ones who need to travel to your wedding? That makes it more complicated. Because if they want to go to RH services, they will have to find a synagogue in your community. Tickets to those services can be very expensive (hundreds of dollars per person).
    And you'd be wrong to be miffed.  They can't plan their life around you.
    I think that is a bit harsh. I know you only get "one day", but you can still be annoyed about it.
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  • My wedding falls the day after Rosh Hashanah this year and of the six Jewish people I've invited, four are coming and two are not. However the two that are not coming it has nothing to do with the holiday, but the fact they will just be getting back from a cruise. Oh and, two of those that are coming are going to be at the rehearsal dinner the night before. They are not miffed or upset at me at all.
  • I'm Jewish, and my family regularly celebrates holidays. There is nothing wrong with having your wedding on Rosh Hashanah, as others have stated. Those friends will figure out what to do. They have likely been in a similar position before with regards to Jewish holidays and non-Jewish friends/events. You need to plan for the date that works best for you and your VIPs (family, WP, etc)

    As to being miffed about weddings and holidays colliding - if you observe many of the Jewish holidays (and there are a lot), your Jewish life observance will often overlap with events in the secular (generally Christian) world. This isn't as big of a deal when it's minor events with minor choices, but it's hard when you have to choose between two big deal events, a friend's wedding and a major holiday. I would be miffed and annoyed at the situation, not my friend, because sometimes stuff like this just happens. Ideally, I want to attend all the weddings to which I'm invited and every holiday event with my family, but it just doesn't always happen. 
  • Well, it seems like my Catholic wedding will fall the weekend in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur next year.  Shrugs.  It was difficult enough picking a date and to then have to factor in the Jewish holidays was not really at the forefront of my mind.  This may only affect 3 guests though...
  • Well, it seems like my Catholic wedding will fall the weekend in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur next year.  Shrugs.  It was difficult enough picking a date and to then have to factor in the Jewish holidays was not really at the forefront of my mind.  This may only affect 3 guests though...
    As far as I know... in between two holidays makes no difference whatsoever to anyone. 
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