What's in a name?

G&Jim14

I have always thought I would change my name to my husband's name when I got married.  It is important to me have the same name as my future childen. I never really thought of it as losing my identity because the things that make up me are things like I'm a foodie, an avid reader, a sister, a weight lifter, an engineer etc...

Now I'm 9 days out and (per my request) they are changing my work email address to my new name. I am surprised that it's making me really sad. I'm really sad that I only have 9 more days with my name. 

I've gotten some suggestions like I should make my maiden name my middle name, but I actually really like my current middle name and think it fits really nicely with my first name.

So, ladies who changed/plan to change: did you mourn your maiden name? Did you do anything special to keep it with you?

JennyColada

My maiden name is a big part of my identity. It means "pineapple" in a foreign language, so I've brought that in to a ton of aspect of my life (including my username which is a take on piña colada, or pineapple drink). To lose it makes me feel like a huge part of my life and my identity is now invalid. I'm moving my maiden name to my middle name, but I do worry that it won't be enough and that I'll struggle with my identity for a period.

sarahufl

I have a very distinctive, uncommon last name. I hated to lose it.

But I am also very traditional and decided to take Hs name. I am keeping my maiden name as a middle name. I am also keeping my maiden name at work- I have a very visable job and tons of people know me here. It would cause confusion to change it.

Bubblegum5586

No, it didn't bother me at all. I am super close with my family, but my mom is remarried so her last name is different and some day so will my sister. To me, my family is my family and my name change will take nothing away from that.

hikebikebemerry

I'm going to change my name. It wasn't a hard decision for me. There are some things that I'm not going to change- my e-mail is first.lastname@email.com, and I'm not going to change that.

I just got a ridiculous image in my head of me shouting, "I may change my name, but I will never change my E-MAILLLLL."

Jells2dot0

When I married the first time, my X was not cool with me keeping my maiden name. So, I did the traditional thing and changed it. However, I did keep my e-mail address at work as my maiden name to maintain consistency. When we moved a year after our wedding, I did finally switch my e-mail address to my legal name. When I remarried, I still had my X's last name, so I absolutely wanted to change it again. This time, I chose to take my maiden name as my middle name and take on my DH's last name. It's what I should have done from the very start.

Senecaf

I feel weird about it. My name is "cool" all together. With our let last name it would r be so much. FIs last name is a common first name and is just eh. But I want the same name as my kids and it would mean a lot to them and H if I can get it. So I will. I debated for a while but I'm happy with it.

vulpiepop

I'm moving my maiden name to my middle name too. That's how my mom did it so that's how I'm doing it but I have no attachment to my current middle name. My parents just gave it to me because it sounded pretty, there's no significant reason to it. 

I guess you can hyphenate or keep both? Jane Mary Doe Smith (Jane Mary Doe being the full original name and Smith being the husband's name)

Sugargirl1019

I made my maiden a second middle. sugar girl maiden last.

cupcait927

I'll probably be a little sad to give up my maiden name, since it will end with my sister and I (my dad was the only boy, he only had girls). However, I have met far too girls with the same first AND last name as me throughout my life that I'll be happy to actually have a name that no one else I know has. I may move my last name to my middle name, but I haven't completely decided yet.

Pellegcm

I'm sad about changing my last name (I love it), but I'm planning on moving my maiden name to my middle name as well. I'm also planning on moving my original middle name to my first name - my mother did this, too. We both have short first names, so adding on another short name works.

sophhabobopha

I've never had a real connection to my last name. I think it's ugly and clunky and every time somebody butchers it I die a little. Can't wait to have FI's. (:

lyndausvi

hikebikebemerry said:

I'm going to change my name. It wasn't a hard decision for me. There are some things that I'm not going to change- my e-mail is first.lastname@email.com, and I'm not going to change that.

I just got a ridiculous image in my head of me shouting, "I may change my name, but I will never change my E-MAILLLLL."

I never changed my personal email which is firstmaiden@email.com.        Changing email seems way more complicated then changing my name.    And really it is  There are so many more people and businesses to update an email with than accounts.   It's crazy.

I added DH's name to mine.  I wish I had not done that.  I find 2 last names to be more of a hassle then it's worth.  I wish I had just kept my name or even just took his name.   

 Legal I use both name.  Which can be a pain.  Some people think my maiden is my middle name so I'm under just his.  Others don't.  Often I have to say "try this name, now that, what about this?"  

After about 4 years I just slowly dropped my last name and used his socially.  For example, when making dinner reservations and such I just use his name.  When introducing myself I tend to just use his last name.    It's just easier for me.

LittlePeachBlossom

I changed it in my first marriage and changed it to maiden name again after divorce. I didn't mourn or miss them. Each simply identified different chapters in my life. I will be changing my name once again and taking FI last name.

smalfrie19

I am happy to be rid of mine. There will be no mourning. I cannot wait til the day I am officially Smalfrie FiLastName! 

luckya23

I haven't really decided yet, although I have always said I will keep my last name.  SO's last name is very common and mine is not, and also French. 

I mourned when my sister changed her name, so I can't even imagine doing it myself! 

SO initially said he didn't care as long as I didn't make a big deal about correcting people... now he seems more invested in me changing it. 

VulgarGirl

I changed my last name when I turned 18. My mom had her last name, my dad took my step-mom's last name, and I was stuck with a last name that tied to me a large group of people who have not all been exactly nice to me over the years. 

I was really excited to change it. I'd done research on what I wanted by new last name to be, I picked something meaningful to me and with a history. But I still remember sitting in the courthouse the day I was changing it feel a bit of sadness. I had been this person for 18 years. It had been a name I shared with my dad. It had come over from Ireland. It was part of my history. 

10 years later, and I'm still happy I changed my last name. And now FI is going to take my name when we get married and our children will have our name. And have our history. It will be a name I share with FI and with our children. 

I think it's normal to be a little upset at a change, especially such a big change. It's not that you don't want to change, it's just missing what is changing.

chibiyui

I have no attachment to my maiden name. But you will pry chibiyuimaidenname@gmail.com from my cold dead hands.

FWIW, I would have had skipped the name change had I forsee the hassle it was. Is it really hard, no I'm just super lazy.

SmileDamnit

I actually didn't have any sort of sadness or mourning when I changed my name, which surprised me a bit because I both liked my maiden name and am super close to my family so I thought I'd feel a bit removed (for lack of a better word) by loosing it. I guess I look at it as I got to be Smile Damnit for 36 years and loved it, and now I get to be Smile Darnit for the next 36+ and will love that, too. 

lyndausvi

chibiyui said:

I have no attachment to my maiden name. But you will pry chibiyuimaidenname@gmail.com from my cold dead hands. FWIW, I would have had skipped the name change had I forsee the hassle it was. Is it really hard, no I'm just super lazy.

LOL - Again this is so me.   I've had this email for 20 years.   I am NOT changing it for anyone.    Never even considered changing it.         Funny how I'm more attached to an email address than my maiden name.   

SmileDamnit

lyndausvi said:

chibiyui said:

I have no attachment to my maiden name. But you will pry chibiyuimaidenname@gmail.com from my cold dead hands. FWIW, I would have had skipped the name change had I forsee the hassle it was. Is it really hard, no I'm just super lazy.

LOL - Again this is so me.   I've had this email for 20 years.   I am NOT changing it for anyone.    Never even considered changing it.         Funny how I'm more attached to an email address than my maiden name.   

Ha! So true. I lucked out because my personal email is FirstNameLastInitial and my maiden & married names have the same last initial

beharrington

I changed my name officially.  I have two middle names and both are special to me.  My first is the name of my Great Grandmother.  The second is my mom's maiden name which I share with my brother and first cousins.  My maiden name is 10 letters long.  DH's is 5.  I DO NOT miss the 10 letters.

However, I did not change my name at work.  After 10 years in the industry, it would have been too difficult and annoying to change it at work.  DH is Vietnamese and no one is South Louisiana  or Texas would have ever pronounced it right (I'm not even sure that I do).

As for e-mails, I continue to use my maiden name but also set up one with my married name as a second e-mail.

ETA:  There are days I miss being first maiden but since I get called that at work, it's not as much of a change.  But we went on a family vacation and I'm making a photobook and it's weird that it isn't just the "Maiden name Family Vacation".

JCbride2015

lyndausvi said:

chibiyui said:

I have no attachment to my maiden name. But you will pry chibiyuimaidenname@gmail.com from my cold dead hands. FWIW, I would have had skipped the name change had I forsee the hassle it was. Is it really hard, no I'm just super lazy.

LOL - Again this is so me.   I've had this email for 20 years.   I am NOT changing it for anyone.    Never even considered changing it.         Funny how I'm more attached to an email address than my maiden name.   

Too funny! I am just the opposite. My name change story involves email, and it just wouldn't feel fully changed if I kept my old email address. 

So, I was very undecided. I made MyfirstFilast@gmail.com just to try it out. Then I deleted it bc I didn't want Fi to find it and get his hopes up when I wasn't sure. So last month I went to play around with the emails again, and apparently once you delete a gmail username, that same name can't ever be used again. It's gone. I even called Google to rescue it-- nope. 

I bawled after I hung up the phone with Google. For like a straight five minutes. And I realized that yep, Myfirst Hislast is supposed to be my name. So I made MyfirstMIHislast@gmail.com and did not delete it this time. 

holyguacamole79

I was surprisingly okay to change my email.  It had gotten cluttered with mailing lists and other crap.  So my new email felt like a fresh start.  In college, I was always addressed by my maiden name (even the Dean of Students just addressed my by my last name).  So, I did not want to let that go.  Growing up, I had always gone by my middle name.  So, I filed a court order to change my name to [birthmiddlename][maiden name][Dh's last name].

photokitty

13 months later I still haven't changed my name. I might change it when we have kids, but I would hyphenate it. I have been my name for what I expect to be at least a third of my life and I hated the idea that I would cease to exist just bc I got married. But that JMHO.

I would never hyphenate my kids' name. But I have mentioned the idea of giving them all my maiden last name as their middle names. Then if I don't hyphenate, I would still have a name in common with them.

My husband is very understanding, even though I know he wishes I wanted to take his name. My exH was a total jackass about it. After 4 months of his whining I finally change fit hoping it would help our relationship, it didn't - 4 months later I left him and 2 after that I had my old name back and felt like myself again.

sarahufl

yeah, no way am I changing my email address.

Not happening.

hellosweetie1015

I might feel different when we're a few days out from the wedding and I'm having All The Feels About Everything, but right now I am so excited to be Cait FIsLastName. I know what I'm going to be doing: I'll drop my current middle and take my maiden as my middle, but I likely won't ever use it except with documents that require my full legal name. I don't use my middle now. I don't have any attachment to it. I dunno, I kind of feel like the only reason last names came into existence was to differentiate John Baker from John Smith from John from the baker's field. I don't see my last name as something that gave me any of my personal identity. 

afox007

I hate the idea of changing my last name. My uncle, his 2 girls, and I are the last four XXX's left. He's not having more kids and my cousins both plan to change their last name when they get married so the name dies with my uncle.

Unfortunately FI won't change his because him and FSS should have the same last name, I want to have the same name as our kids and my middle name is after my awesome ass grandma so don't want to change that either so I'm just shit out of luck unless I hyphenate and get 2 lines on my drivers license for my 30 letter full name. 

jenna8984

I'm also going the route of maiden to middle. Not because I love/ am attached to my maiden name that much, moreso because my mom, grandma, and great grandma did it so I feel like it's tradition. And I don't have a middle name so it's kind of neat replacing "nothing" with maiden and having 3 names for the first time in my life!

abbyj700

I'm going the route of maiden to middle. Honestly...I am sad about losing my last name. My last name, while common and simple fits so wonderfully with my first. People often comment on it being a power name, it just rolling off the tongue and other such awesomeness. 

But I'm excited to start anew as a family with my FI. We have already started referring to "our little family" and our new traditions. It will be a step in that direction.

I also hate my middle name - so it's a good way to get rid of it by moving my maiden name there. :-)

AND our home is named after my last name. (yes, our home has a name, and a sign, and people check in there on facebook like it's a bar). THAT will not be changing! 

mrsmagicgeek

I've really been on the fence about this. I'm not changing until after the honeymoon just to make life simpler, but I'm leaning towards moving my maiden name to be my middle name and then taking his. I'll still use maiden name dealing with DD's school and maybe at work. That's what my mom did, and her mom, and dad's mom. .. so tradition I guess.