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Possibly a Dumb Question or Two..

Ok, so my shower is next weekend (eeek!) and I realize now that I have only been to a few showers in my life.  Showers around here are typically done like this-- the bride to be or mother to be opens presents, and someone (usually the MOH or BFF or someone) sits close by and writes down each gift and the name of the giver in a notebook for thank-you cards later.  I have seen this at literally every single shower, so I'm guessing it is ok to do - yes?  There is nothing "against etiquette" about that, right?

Thank you cards - hopefully there won't be any of the "write your address on an envelope" nonsense, but if there is... what do I do?  Ignore it?  I can't make a scene and throw all of the cards/envelopes away, so what do you ladies suggest IF this ends up happening?  

How early should I arrive?  Right on time?  A little early?  I'm one of those "5-minutes-late-to-everything" kind of people, but obviously I will be on my best behavior for this.  I don't want to show up super early if that is awkward.  

Am I bad at being a girl??  Sometimes it feels like I am.  :(




In other news, we are going to get our marriage license today!!

Re: Possibly a Dumb Question or Two..

  • I've only been to two showers in my life (one bridal and one baby) and they both had someone writing down the gifts that the bride or mother to be received. I don't see how anything would be wrong with that. I have no bridal party so I'm hoping that my mom takes note so I can remember who gave what!

    My shower is tonight and I asked my mom, who's hosting, what time she would like me there. She said it didn't really matter, since she has everything under control. I would say 15 minutes early wouldn't be bad.

    And no worries, I'm really bad at being a girl too. This whole planning a wedding thing REALLY brought that to light for me.

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  • @cupcait927  for realz.  I mean, the whole "dress up like a tea party and go to a shower" thing is so... not me.  It COULD be me, and I enjoy it, but I never experienced it, if that made any sense.  I have a bunch of random friends, 1 or 2 girls here and there, not big groups of girlfriends that all know eachother (like a sorority, for example) so I never experienced the "27 Weddings" thing.  
    cupcait927
  • 27 Dresses?  whatever.
    KatieinBklnNYCMercedescupcait927
  • @cupcait927  for realz.  I mean, the whole "dress up like a tea party and go to a shower" thing is so... not me.  It COULD be me, and I enjoy it, but I never experienced it, if that made any sense.  I have a bunch of random friends, 1 or 2 girls here and there, not big groups of girlfriends that all know eachother (like a sorority, for example) so I never experienced the "27 Weddings" thing.  
    It's like we're the same person! The only reason I'm even having a shower is because my mom was so excited to throw me one. It's a big deal for her to do something for my wedding so I let her run with it. I'm girly to an extent, but most of it does not come naturally.
  • Arrive early if you are the guest of honor.

    Make sure someone writes down all the items and who gave them to you. MIL had a shower for me and there were tons of people there, lots of whom I did not know. SIL sat next to me and kind of whispered who aunt so-and-so was. She kept the list running for me. I also suggest putting the card into the box the gift came in to keep better track.

    It is a bit uncomfortable, but at least in my circle, all the guests want to oooh and aaah over the gifts. "oh, a coffee maker! Thanks, aunt Sally. My old one just isn't cutting it anymore, this one is great!". Awkward, for sure- but people want to see stuff.

    If you arrive early, you should be able to shut down any potential writing on the envelope stuff. That is tacky.

    Have fun! I had 2 showers. They are kind of a lot to handle, especially if you aren't one for being the center of attention.
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    holyguacamole79doeydo
  • Writing down the gifts is totally fine, otherwise you risk a card and gift getting separated and thank you notes messed up.

    If someone does the "write your own envelope" I would probably just go ahead and use them, no sense in wasting paper or the matching cards that fit the envelope.

    As for your arrival time, check with the host.  My Mom and sister (MOH) threw my shower and they told me when it was okay to arrive since they didn't want me to see everything before it was set up.
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  • @sarahufl  The crazy thing is, if you asked anyone who knows me, they would tell you that I LOVE to be the center of attention.  And I do, but I'm also a classic Gemini, so there is a part of me that is soo socially awkward (maybe on the inside, i hope?!) so I'm anxious about this for some reason!!
  • AprilH81 said:
    Writing down the gifts is totally fine, otherwise you risk a card and gift getting separated and thank you notes messed up.

    If someone does the "write your own envelope" I would probably just go ahead and use them, no sense in wasting paper or the matching cards that fit the envelope.

    As for your arrival time, check with the host.  My Mom and sister (MOH) threw my shower and they told me when it was okay to arrive since they didn't want me to see everything before it was set up.
    Oh, good idea.  I didn't think about that.  
  • I'd like to point out that you should do your best to be on time. If the invite says 2pm, show up at 2pm.  The last shower I attended the bride showed up over an hour after the start time and so hung over she could barely socialize, much less thank her bridesmaids for all the work they put in to host the event


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  • I'd like to point out that you should do your best to be on time. If the invite says 2pm, show up at 2pm.  The last shower I attended the bride showed up over an hour after the start time and so hung over she could barely socialize, much less thank her bridesmaids for all the work they put in to host the event


    Oh my gosh.  How awful!  I will DEFINITELY be on time, probably early!  I just didn't know how early was appropriate.  Who shows up an hour late AND hungover to their own shower?!
    thisismynickname2
  • edited August 2014
    I helped throw my little sisters wedding shower this summer and there really is no problem with the writing down of names and gifts. Just don't make a big production of it. I sat beside the bride and she would open the card and be like 'This ones from so-and-so' so everyone knew who the gift was from and I could jot down the name. And then I would jot down the present beside. Super simple, fairly discreet (I doubt people even noticed me doing it) and really helpful to the bride. As for time to show up, I would recommend showing up as close to the time as possible. We had told my sister 2pm, and the guest 145 as we wanted to mention to them how the arrangements we had made for a limo to dinner afterwards were going to work without letting my sister in on the surprise. However my sister showed up 15 minutes early, before any of the guests. So there was a bit of hurried, whispered instructions throughout the event. So I would recommend asking the host what time they want you there and to try sticking to it as close as possible, as sometimes a surprise may be in the works! and really, just enjoy yourself! ETA: Damn paragraphs.
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  • My FMIL is throwing me a shower next year (I think anyway, she keeps talking about it) with a bunch of her friends and stuff that I don't know. I'm kind of dreading it - since I don't know a lot of these people I won't know who is who, or remember who is who later on!

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
  • @megen1  will you have a SIL or someone that can help you with names??
  • MegEn1 said:
    My FMIL is throwing me a shower next year (I think anyway, she keeps talking about it) with a bunch of her friends and stuff that I don't know. I'm kind of dreading it - since I don't know a lot of these people I won't know who is who, or remember who is who later on!
    This was REALLY hard for me. The room was full of people I either didn't know at all or I had met once or twice and was expected to know.

    I played it off as trying to find them in the group "oh, this is from Aunt Susan, where did you go?" and she would wave or something. It can back fire if Aunt Susan happens to be sitting right next to you, but it usually works!

    I also sent my mom as a scout- she had not met any of the aunts yet, so I would say "oh, this is my mom" and she would say her name. The aunt in question would then reply. Also backfired a few times when they would say something like "I am Michael's aunt! We love Sarah". Grrr...tell me your name!!!!
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  • Ok, so my shower is next weekend (eeek!) and I realize now that I have only been to a few showers in my life.  Showers around here are typically done like this-- the bride to be or mother to be opens presents, and someone (usually the MOH or BFF or someone) sits close by and writes down each gift and the name of the giver in a notebook for thank-you cards later.  I have seen this at literally every single shower, so I'm guessing it is ok to do - yes?  There is nothing "against etiquette" about that, right? Nope! It really helped me get my thankyou cards out!

    Thank you cards - hopefully there won't be any of the "write your address on an envelope" nonsense, but if there is... what do I do?  Ignore it?  I can't make a scene and throw all of the cards/envelopes away, so what do you ladies suggest IF this ends up happening?  I've never understood this because invites are going out for both showers I'm attending so I had to give the hosts everyone's addresses beforehand to send the invites. Anyway, I don't think it'd bother me too much as a guest so I wouldn't stress over it if I was you.

    How early should I arrive?  Right on time?  A little early?  I'm one of those "5-minutes-late-to-everything" kind of people, but obviously I will be on my best behavior for this.  I don't want to show up super early if that is awkward.  I'd ask your mom or the host. I was told to arrive "right on time" for mine.

    Am I bad at being a girl??  Sometimes it feels like I am.  :(

    Enjoy your shower! I'm sure it will be lots of fun!


    In other news, we are going to get our marriage license today!!



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  • I disagree with the "arrive early". Most of the showers I have been to (and my own) the bride arrives about 15 minutes after the start time. This makes it so she can make an entrance, and everyone is already there.

    I arrived about 20 minutes after the start time, and I was picked up by my MOH, because the location was a surprise. 
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  • I was asked by the hostesses of both of my showers to arrive a bit early so they could show me everything. I would ask your hostess what she would prefer. But definitely be on time.
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