My officiant broke up with me a week before the wedding!

emily&ward

So our wedding is exactly a week away. Over the past few months I've spent hours and hours perfecting the ceremony. I know in a lot of wedding's today, we focus on the reception but my fiancé and I were so so focused on the ceremony. I'm a writer and an english major so the words had to be exactly spot on. After months of meetings, tons of emails flying back and forth, we finally finished it! So I send the totally complete ceremony script back to my officiant with a sweet little note that thanked her for her time and patience working with me. A few days pass and I think nothing of it. Then I get this email saying she just can't do our wedding!! Like she didn't have a reason at all, she's not sick or injured. There hasn't been a death in the family. She just "feels" she's not right for us. OHHHHHH. So somehow she was right for us up until the week before the wedding?

So of course I call my best friend and bitch to her. And then I call my fiancé who immediately asks for her phone number to "politely discuss the issue". And then my mother in law calls me because she was expecting me over for some family time (I'm really close to my in laws even though my fiancé is never home). I tell her everything and tell her I just can't come over because I need to sort this out. This sweet woman tells me to come right over because my step father in law is ordering pizza and she's got two bottles of wine. God, I love her. It takes me 5 minutes to get there since they live up the road and by the time I pull into the drive way she is on a website that lists every JOP in southeastern ct and already on the phone with one of them. 

Long story short, we found someone to do the wedding within an hour of the whole situation taking place and I'm not even stressed really. I just needed to get real snarky with this story. Have you other brides out there or someone you've known faced a similair situation?

artbyallie

Wow, go FMIL! I think you owe her at the very least a sweet thank you note and I'd offer to take them out to dinner.

It sucks your officiant quit on you like that, but that's some fast problem solving!

emily&ward

Yeah I definitely owe my FMIL! If we weren't so broke, I'd do something real nice for her but maybe after the wedding haha. 

The officiant didn't even say why either, all she said was that she knew from the very beginning she wasn't the right person but because she is friends with my boss (which is how I met her) she agreed to do it. Then she tried to say something like "I give you the script as a gift towards your future goal" BUT I WROTE THE ENTIRE SCRIPT. Like thanks that "gift" that already belongs to me totally makes up for the undue stress and disappointment you caused.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

Way to keep a level head and solve the problem!  Great job, In-Laws!  I'm glad it got fixed.  It's a shame it had to happen in the first place but you nailed it!

syoun1nj

I'm so sorry but glad it worked out! My sister's friend hired a JOP and he decided not to do the wedding...but wasn't planning on telling her! I think she found out 3 days before the wedding when she was desperately trying to contact him to confirm everything. 

RebeccaFlower

If I were you OP, I would let everyone you know that she ditched you. That is complete and utter bullshit. 

Your FILs are fabulous. I would just send a nice thank you note, sounds like they will be thrilled. 

emily&ward

I did in a classy kinda way on facebook, like I just said our officiant decided she didn't want to partake in our wedding anymore which is ya know in a week. Then I gave my MIL a shout out and thanked her for the support, and pizza, and most importantly the wine.

But that lady is crazy. Basically the way I met her was through my boss Noreen. She had married Noreen and her husband just three years ago and they were friends. I called and met with her at Noreen's, then when my finacé was in town we went to her house, then I went to her house once more. The whole time talking about it with Noreen. So finally when she decides she doesn't want to do our wedding she says to me "I'm not the right person for you and knew it from the start but I agreed because of my friendship with Noreen" but what doesn't make any sense at all is that I'M FRIENDS WITH NOREEN TOO. Like I'm a nanny so basically I'm part of the family and over the past year we've bonded and talked about everythinggggg. So did she think this wouldn't get back to Noreen? Or like isn't this more awkward between you and Noreen than rejecting me at the beginning would have been?

I just watched the babies last night and talked to her about it, Noreen told me that it was because I kept "tweaking" the ceremony script and the officiant's ego was a little hurt. But like hellooooo she knew from the start that I'm a writer and it's just what I do so we were trying to find someone who would let us 100% personalize the ceremony.

Anyway thanks for all the support girls! I'm still fuming but the wedding's in just 6 days and we meet our new officiant on wednesday so I'm just hoping it all goes well.

emily&ward

syoun1nj: that's terrible!!! Oh my god, at least she told me. What did your sister's friend end up doing? If we couldn't find anyone we were just going to have a friend read the script and do everything as if it were legal then legalize it after. 

syoun1nj

SHe was luckily able to find someone last minute so it all worked out! But it was definitely stressful!

stef42188

Wow… this is an officiant in CT? Would you share the name? I am getting married in southeastern CT and intrigued that someone could be this unprofessional. 

Glad that you have a good relationship with your FILs. That's awesome.

emily&ward

syoun1nj: so stressful last minute changes!! but so glad it worked out for her! I think everyone was expecting me to be more stressed and break down more than I did because I'm 19 and I've been so calm about this entire process. Although obviously it's just cause I really only have been talking to my fiancé about the stresses, but they were all kinda like wow this is gonna be the thing that turns her into bridezilla but nope not really. Just called the bff, then my MIL called and literally took care of it. It feels good to conquer wedding stress haha

stef42188: Her name is Colleen Clabby, she's like a "spiritual sound healer" so her first job is for something called mystic gathering center or something like that. Definitely not an officiant you'd hear about from like theknot or something. Where in southeastern ct are you? We're getting married in Griswold but we're both from Stonington. And yeah I absolutely adore one set of my in laws, the other set ehhhhhh I'm learning to like them I suppose. It helped that my fiancé left for boot camp just 6 months into our relationship and it's been long distance ever since so it forced me to create my own relationship with his family. And when I was a senior in high school, his little sister was a freshman so I showed her the ropes and we bonded a lot which of course won his mom over lol. 

stef42188

@emily&ward: we are actually from Fairfield county but getting married at Jonathan Edwards in North Stonington - we are using Mary Coburn for a non-religious ceremony, and she's been amazing. It's quite the hike from western to eastern CT but we felt that vineyard is totally worth it.

It sounds like everything is all working out for the better! Good luck with everything next weekend!

melbenso

OP, if I were you, I would seriously be publishing a bad review of that officiant anywhere that someone likely to hire her in the future would find it.  How completely unprofessional of her, and frankly just down right rude.

ETA - make sure to post this to your local board, including her name and her business name, so other Knotties whose FMILs aren't so awesome, won't get totally screwed over.

KatieinBkln

I agree with others that you could get WAYYY snarkier about this, publicly. Facebook is really not a wide enough venue for this. I don't know if woowoo spiritual healer/binders are on Yelp, but if she's ANYWHERE on the internet where you can leave a review, I would leave a sharply-worded (but not angry) review wherever I could. 

The people must know that the woowoo is also a flake.

abbyj700

I'm going to be 100% honest here. I feel like there are two different sides to this story. If I were say a musician-like say I teach elementary school music, and I hire a pianist to play at my wedding. It is one thing for me to use my training and say things like "Hey, I'd like this song I walk down the aisle to be slower" or "here's a list of songs I'd like performed at the cocktail hour" - but for me to sit and critique everything the person does and demand they change may be a little much - and we wouldn't be a fit - as I'd be hounding someone I hired as a professional. Getting my drift? Perhaps you being super involved just wasn't her style (nor would it fit in some people's price range to keep making changes). That being said - it is terribly unprofessional for her to wait until the week before your wedding to cancel. That is absolutely terrible. I agree that you should let it be known on any public sites that she dropped out terribly close to your wedding. What did your contract say about cancellation form either end?