Bachelorette

longislandpony

I'm toying with a few ideas for my bachelorette party. I'm trying to be respectful of all my bridesmaid's budgets. I have a few that are already from out of town. At what point would you say it is too much money? (Keeping in mind I'm in NY and it's already not cheap.)

MGP

Are you hosting your own bachelorette? If so, cancel that right now that is very inappropriate.

If someone has offered to host one for you we can give much better advice.

biggrouch

I think you should just keep it simple - drinks at a divey place where you can have fun and use a silly tiara to get free drinks. Go to Brooklyn or Queens or something. Another idea - if you have a big place, let people know they can crash with you. I realize you may be asking because someone else is throwing your bachelorette party and asked for ideas, but in any case, I don't agree that it's so wildly inappropriate to organize your own bachelorette, especially if that's the norm in your circle or if your bridesmaids expect you to. But, I do think it's a bit obnoxious if you organize your own party and it involves a club in Meatpacking where a weak vodka coke is $14, ya know?

JoanE2012

longislandpony said:

I'm toying with a few ideas for my bachelorette party. I'm trying to be respectful of all my bridesmaid's budgets. I have a few that are already from out of town. At what point would you say it is too much money? (Keeping in mind I'm in NY and it's already not cheap.)

You cannot host a party for yourself.  This is rude.  One (or more) of your bridesmaids should offer to host it.  If they don't do it, you don't have a party.  Plain and simple.

Lauderdale Pink

Ladies, she did not ask permission to host a party.  That is part of the trouble with these boards.  Somebody asks a simple question and the judgmental garbage starts to fly. @biggrouch-EVERYTHING you said.

@longislandpony: the events don't have to include gallons of booze and expensive meals. Sometimes I feel like even the air in NY is more expensive.  If they are from out of town, just walking through the city, Times Square, Rockefeller Center,picnic lunch in Central Park are very entertaining.  I still love to do those things.  You did not say when the party is being held.  Winter? Add on ice skating in Central Park or Rockefeller Center.  What does Groupon have in terms of meal deals or mani-pedi deals? For this one, think outside of your box and look at NY through the eyes of a tourist.

MGP

Lauderdale Pink said:

Ladies, she did not ask permission to host a party.  That is part of the trouble with these boards.  Somebody asks a simple question and the judgmental garbage starts to fly.

I wasn't being judgmental. I asked because I didn't want to waste my time giving advice if the OP was self hosting, which given the fact that she hasn't responded makes me think that she is. Which at that time, I WILL judge because hosting a gift giving event for yourself is beyond tacky.

biggrouch

Bachelorettes really shouldn't be gift-giving events no matter who throws them. Some people do lingerie showers but honestly I hope that "tradition" dies a fast death. (Obviously though if someone plans their own they should plan to pay their own way in terms of drinks/food.)

MGP

biggrouch said:

Bachelorettes really shouldn't be gift-giving events no matter who throws them. Some people do lingerie showers but honestly I hope that "tradition" dies a fast death. (Obviously though if someone plans their own they should plan to pay their own way in terms of drinks/food.)

Agreed.  I should clarify my opinion that it's tacky for someone to host ANY event in their own honor (gift giving or not).

longislandpony

I am NOT hosting!! I never said that. My bridesmaids have been asking me what I want to do! I didn't respond right away because I was doing other things and not on the internet.

longislandpony

The judgmental comments are not necessary. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't bother saying it. Thank you to those who answered my question!!

MGP

longislandpony said:

I am NOT hosting!! I never said that. My bridesmaids have been asking me what I want to do! I didn't respond right away because I was doing other things and not on the internet.

Chill out. Please. Good for you for not hosting.  All I wanted was some clarification so thank you. 

The best advice is to stay respectful of people's budgets which you said you are.  I would say try and stay close to what your group usually spends for a typical night out so it is not a financial burden for people who are likely spending additional money for your shower and actual wedding.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to do something special just don't go over the top. 

Two absolute musts:

Anyone invited to any pre wedding event MUST be invited to the wedding.

Your hosts need to be up front about ALL costs involved - food, drink, cover charges, hotel, cake, cabs, limos, decorations, strippers, whatever it may be.  Once this amount is determined it may not increase, and no "invoicing" for hidden costs after the fact.  If someone drops out the hosts need to be prepared to cover the loss and not expect the remaining guests to pick up the slack.

Other than that it's up to you. Have fun!