Attire & Accessories Forum

Bridesmaid Drama

So, my bridesmaids haven't been the easiest.  For dresses, I allowed everyone to pick their own dress, long and eggplant were the criteria.  Now we are two months away and my bridesmaids just informed me that cant find anything (but they just started looking). Hmmm, and if we are going to order dresses such as Dessy etc. - we need to order them asap in order to ensure we getting them in time.  the Sister In Law picked up her dress four days ago, and after seeing it, I decided to pick a dress for everyone. The dress she picked was backless sheer netting with all this sequins on it and definitely more Pageant like than Bridesmaid like.  I guess I should have been more clear.  The reason I was letting everyone pick their own dress was because I want all my girls to feel good on my wedding day and realize there may be financial limits, but everyone waited to the last minute to look.

I finally just picked a bridesmaid dress, not one that I love, but one that will pass. One of my girls has a problem with expense for the dress, and well three others don't like the dress I picked.  I have been looking and sending them pictures for months now and ALL bridesmaids are strongly opinionated.  I have really had it and am tired.  It would be much more prefer not have bridesmaids at this point, it will save them the $275 for a dress they will never wear again and it will save me $600 for flowers/gifts.  While I love them all, I just hate asking them to spend this money.  But, then there is the issue of groomsmen, we have five of them and so this would affect my fiancé :(

 

ugh, this wedding planning is hard stuff (who knew) it was so much work, and I plan events for a living!!! 

Re: Bridesmaid Drama

  • buttercup1958buttercup1958 Blue Smokey Mountains
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    So, my bridesmaids haven't been the easiest.  For dresses, I allowed everyone to pick their own dress, long and eggplant were the criteria.  Now we are two months away and my bridesmaids just informed me that cant find anything (but they just started looking). Hmmm, and if we are going to order dresses such as Dessy etc. - we need to order them asap in order to ensure we getting them in time.  the Sister In Law picked up her dress four days ago, and after seeing it, I decided to pick a dress for everyone. The dress she picked was backless sheer netting with all this sequins on it and definitely more Pageant like than Bridesmaid like.  I guess I should have been more clear.  The reason I was letting everyone pick their own dress was because I want all my girls to feel good on my wedding day and realize there may be financial limits, but everyone waited to the last minute to look.

    I finally just picked a bridesmaid dress, not one that I love, but one that will pass. One of my girls has a problem with expense for the dress, and well three others don't like the dress I picked.  I have been looking and sending them pictures for months now and ALL bridesmaids are strongly opinionated.  I have really had it and am tired.  It would be much more prefer not have bridesmaids at this point, it will save them the $275 for a dress they will never wear again and it will save me $600 for flowers/gifts.  While I love them all, I just hate asking them to spend this money.  But, then there is the issue of groomsmen, we have five of them and so this would affect my fiancé :(

     

    ugh, this wedding planning is hard stuff (who knew) it was so much work, and I plan events for a living!!! 

    Well you did say they can pick their own dresses. Two months may be cutting it close with some places but you can easily pick non bridesmaid places that will have quicker shipping. I advise you not to kick anyone out because that is kinda a jerk move.

    Also I think you should still allow them to pick their dresses, I would be annoyed if you changed your mind on me because you didn't like what one person picked out. Particularity if you chose a dress that I didn't like and/or was over my budget. 275 is a lot for a dress. I think you need to calm down and let your bridesmaids be.
    image
  • Thanks for the advice.  I understand what you are saying, but I gave them plenty of time to get dresses and they waited to the last minute, I was tying to be too nice with leaving it up to them and it kinda blew up in my face.  Three of the girls still don't have dresses, one is not appropriate for church period, it will totally overpower the wedding dress, and one is the MOH and she can wear what she wants.  There is no way to make all the girls happy and I am already throwing in some money to bring the cost down.

    I really don't have the patience for drama at this point, two months from the wedding and a million one things to do.  My mother recently passed so dealing with that and trying to have patience for people not helping or really being involved is really testing me.  So disinviting wouldn't really be a "jerk" move just a "one less thing to worry about move" and they wouldn't have to shell out the money.

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2014

    Thanks for the advice.  I understand what you are saying, but I gave them plenty of time to get dresses and they waited to the last minute, I was tying to be too nice with leaving it up to them and it kinda blew up in my face.  Three of the girls still don't have dresses, one is not appropriate for church period, it will totally overpower the wedding dress, and one is the MOH and she can wear what she wants.  There is no way to make all the girls happy and I am already throwing in some money to bring the cost down.

    I really don't have the patience for drama at this point, two months from the wedding and a million one things to do.  My mother recently passed so dealing with that and trying to have patience for people not helping or really being involved is really testing me.  So disinviting wouldn't really be a "jerk" move just a "one less thing to worry about move" and they wouldn't have to shell out the money.


    Let go of the past and concentrate on the task at hand: finding an affordable dress. You should be able to find a suitable dress at David's Bridal, Macy's, Target bridesmaids, J. Crew bridesmaids, or Modcloth. Think suitable, not your vision. 

    Also, and this is most important, they need not help nor be involved. Let go of that idea, too, and you won't be testing your patience anymore. These are your friends who you are honoring by asking them to stand with you. I'm sorry you recently lost your mom. That must really be sad that she cannot be there with you. Your bff's are just there to love you. 
    Eta: no dress will over power the bride's dress.
    holyguacamole79
  • i had a similar issue i had 7 maids in my wedding 4 were out of state i told them months before we were going to look that we would be getting dresses picked out around this time i sent them plenty of photos from the designers i was looking at asked the budget and everything. even told them when my apointment was and if they would like to check out this place where they lived because they had all the designers i was looking at.

    not one of them went to the store i suggested. me and my maids back home picked out the dress i then told the out of state maids what the dress was and the cost and they needed to be ordered soon i got all kinds of responses from one maid who was being difficult so i finaly said no hard feelings if you want out let me know. 

    finaly they all came together and got the dresses ordered 

    good luck can you make a shopping day with all of them go to like macys or nordstroms or your local department store and go looking for dresses with them 
  • Honestly, two months might not be enough time for DB. The wonderful people there lost one girl's dress for about 3 weeks. And literally as I am typing this my MOH is bitching at me because her dress wasn't fitting right and she just got it back from the tailor today and the tailor asked why her dress was altered so much. FYI she has never had it altered, David's just gave her a used, altered dress apparently. 

    If all of your girls live in relatively the same area, I would take them to mall and hit up J Crew, H&M, Forever 21, ect ect. You would be surprised at how many dresses could pass for elegant, long BM dresses.  Fall is almost here so eggplant should be in a lot of stores. Just let the girls go looking and be done with it.

    Orrrr... I'm not sure what eggplant shade you are looking into but what about these options for $70-80 and they are guaranteed to be here in 2 months.. Your girls can get two sizes as well in case they are unsure.

    https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/nicolemiller_dresses/forgetmenotgown
    https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/pamellaroland_dresses/deepseastarfishgown
    https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/trinaturk_dresses/pantheongown
    https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/nicolemiller_dresses/whatyouseegown 
    https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/dianevonfurstenberg_dresses/sexybackgown
    jenijoyk
  • I totally sympathize.  My bridesmaids went through a period of giving me hell, but fortunately I got them on to the dress issue seven or eight months out, because I was once given  three weeks to order and fit a BM dress, and it was very stressful for me.  I really wanted a uniform look, and my thought was that BMs are usually expected to buy their own dresses, and they're generally expected to buy whichever dress the bride chooses.  I made the mistake of suggesting three dresses I loved (but so many body shapes to take in to consideration) and it just lead to an all out fight.

    I'm sorry that your ladies have left things so late.  I went with the, "sigh! Just buy whatever you want within these parameters," thing too, and I'm still waiting to hear back from three of them about what they're getting.  I'm not too fussed at this point, being so far out, but I told them that it will take two months to order a dress if they go that route, and to leave time for fitting.
    image
  • I think the error was being to vague in the beginning. For example, my bridesmaid get to choose their own dress, however they know it needs to be pewter, chiffon, and from David's bridal. That offers some consistency and avoids anyone going way to avant grade with their design choice.

    Personally I would get them all to David's bridal asap, and still let them chose. Even if they have to pay to expedite it will be cheaper than the $275 alternative. 

    I absolutely understand how it's frustrating for you, but it would also be frustrating for them for you to change the format, choice and budget so close to the wedding. As an aside it's crazy they all waited so long to look! Best of luck! I hope it pans out.
  • They still have two months to find dresses! That is plenty of time.
    image
  • If you have any David's Bridal in your area I would recommend trying there. They have lots of different options in a variety of colors so you can just go this shade of purple, whatever you like. They should be able to find something they like that fits the budget you listed. And depending on the dress, they can have the dress in stock for you in 2-3 weeks.
  • Dessy has some bridesmaid dresses that are ready to ship so you could definitely get them in time. I would give that a shot.
  • You need to ask each of the girls their budget, then pick a dress at the lowest price point. Target, Nordstrom, and Macys can get you a dress in a few days. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • thanks girls...we have tried Davids and another shop that sell Dessy and we are out of time so we have to look at Macys.  My girls are a strict budget and cant really afford more that $120 so its hard to find options within that price point.  I do appreciate the time you took to reply to my post.  The whole bridesmaid dress shopping is frustrating. I should have just picked and told them what they are wearing.  I was being too nice.  

    Again thanks for the comments
  • I'm sorry to hear about your mom. :( It sounds like you've had a tough run of it as of late. I think the first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and let go of your frustration. At this point, if you're still trying to achieve the mismatched look, I'd find 2 to 3 dresses that your BMs can choose from. I agree with PPs that $275 is too high, even if they did procrastinate. I'd try to stick as close to $150 as possible (although that might be a little tough given you want long dresses). Even $200 would be better than $275. Rent the Runway is also a great option! Good luck!
  • Seriously consider Rent the Runway, like the PP said. I use it ALL THE TIME. My bridesmaids will be in RTR gold sequin gowns at my wedding. There are a ton of rentals in the $120 or less price range, and the dresses are super fancy, designer, perfecly made, gorgeous, flattering, uber-expensive dresses. Thus they are really fun to wear. Your maids are not going to ever wear a floorlength eggplant color dress again. So you might as well rent them. If you are worried about the risk, each girl gets a backup size (so they will each have 2 to pick from). If you have the dresses arrive two days before your wedding, and someone absolutely hates everything, you just call them and the overnight you another option. It is seriously risk free. I am such an RTR shill. But once you start using them you become an addict.
  • I picked my girls dress. No nonsense. We chose a day, went to david's bridal, and left the same day with the dresses. The initial dress I wanted they kept insisting on shortening it to an unacceptable length so I found a different dress. The only alterations that will be made will be to fit it.  
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