Kind of upset....

jenajjthr

We can't read his mind on why he chose this ring instead of buying a "brand" new one. 

It could have been because it had a lot of sentimental value because it was his parents and he wanted to carry on the tradition with you. But because he's a guy and they don't "get" a lot of emotional things like this, didn't get it cleaned, didn't get it sized, and just gave it to you. 

It could have been because he's selfish and didn't want to spend the money on a new ring when he had one sitting in a box already, could spend that money on his toys, pulled out the ring, gave it to you, boom done and done. 

You don't know this either unless you talk to him. If you can't open up and talk to him, then you shouldn't be marrying him. This is not a big problem. This is a really really easy problem to take care of. But you want him to read your mind and know how important this is to you, and he can't do that either. 

So sit him down, let him know you love him, but you want to wear your ring, find a store to take it too, and then go. You might want to call a few stores on their resizing policies, just so you can find a price that fits your budget. 

aleighc3

no, he doesn't...I thought I could get over this feeling...but it does not seem to go away...

aleighc3

I don't want any fairytale...I just came on here because I really have no one to talk to...excuse me for having feelings...

misshart00

Ps - can you please quote who you're replying to? I'm getting a little confused.

aleighc3

@ misshart...I am clicking on the reply button but it is not going through as a reply...weird...

lyndausvi

aleighc3 said:

but I want him to bring it up on his own...i know that won't happen so i will do it myself.

just stop.  Really, you need to let this go.   Nothing good ever comes out of waiting for someone to bring something up that YOU feel they should.  Nothing.  Actually the opposite happens.  It stews and festers into a big argument over a something petty.

Sure it would be nice if he did, but he didn't.

misshart00

aleighc3 said:

@ misshart...I am clicking on the reply button but it is not going through as a reply...weird...

Click quote rather than reply

aleighc3

misshart00 said:

@ misshart...I am clicking on the reply button but it is not going through as a reply...weird...

Click quote rather than reply

oh, my bad

aleighc3

lyndausvi said:

aleighc3 said:

but I want him to bring it up on his own...i know that won't happen so i will do it myself.

just stop.  Really, you need to let this go.   Nothing good ever comes out of waiting for someone to bring something up that YOU feel they should.  Nothing.  Actually the opposite happens.  It stews and festers into a big argument over a something petty.

Sure it would be nice if he did, but he didn't.

ok, really I get it...

steph861

aleighc3 said:

but I want him to bring it up on his own...i know that won't happen so i will do it myself.

I totally understand this sentiment. I've been there myself. But nothing good ever comes of it. You're going to get more and more upset about it, and he's going to wonder why you keep saying you're fine when you're in a bad mood.

You say you don't want to come across as a nagging wife, but what you may not realize is that you're probably coming across as passive aggressive right now. Is that really any better than being the "nagging wife"?

aleighc3

steph11814 said:

but I want him to bring it up on his own...i know that won't happen so i will do it myself.

I totally understand this sentiment. I've been there myself. But nothing good ever comes of it. You're going to get more and more upset about it, and he's going to wonder why you keep saying you're fine when you're in a bad mood. You say you don't want to come across as a nagging wife, but what you may not realize is that you're probably coming across as passive aggressive right now. Is that really any better than being the "nagging wife"?

No, it's not. It really isn't...

steph861

aleighc3 said:

steph11814 said:

aleighc3 said:

but I want him to bring it up on his own...i know that won't happen so i will do it myself.

I totally understand this sentiment. I've been there myself. But nothing good ever comes of it. You're going to get more and more upset about it, and he's going to wonder why you keep saying you're fine when you're in a bad mood.

You say you don't want to come across as a nagging wife, but what you may not realize is that you're probably coming across as passive aggressive right now. Is that really any better than being the "nagging wife"?

No, it's not. It really isn't...


You know what to do. You've taken some time to vent, and that's totally fine. Now it's time to let go of that resentment and do what's best for both of you: communicate.

bride2b71614

Well, you kind of came into a forum that you haven't posted in and sounded entitled and ungrateful as soon as you mentioned "you shouldn't have to pay for it." I always assume that I need to spell things out for my FI in order to have my needs met. I also know that my FI doesn't always read my body language/social cues correctly, so I will tell him how I'm feeling. Even though you've been together four years, it doesn't mean that you know how to communicate effectively.

Fix the ring. Then start addressing your concerns with him.

aleighc3

steph11814 said:

steph11814 said:

but I want him to bring it up on his own...i know that won't happen so i will do it myself.

I totally understand this sentiment. I've been there myself. But nothing good ever comes of it. You're going to get more and more upset about it, and he's going to wonder why you keep saying you're fine when you're in a bad mood. You say you don't want to come across as a nagging wife, but what you may not realize is that you're probably coming across as passive aggressive right now. Is that really any better than being the "nagging wife"?

No, it's not. It really isn't...

You know what to do. You've taken some time to vent, and that's totally fine. Now it's time to let go of that resentment and do what's best for both of you: communicate.

I agree! I really do...I just had to tell someone what I was feeling and I felt it was best to get it out to people who are not an immediate part of our lives...thank you

aleighc3

bride2b71614 said:

Well, you kind of came into a forum that you haven't posted in and sounded entitled and ungrateful as soon as you mentioned "you shouldn't have to pay for it." I always assume that I need to spell things out for my FI in order to have my needs met. I also know that my FI doesn't always read my body language/social cues correctly, so I will tell him how I'm feeling. Even though you've been together four years, it doesn't mean that you know how to communicate effectively. Fix the ring. Then start addressing your concerns with him.

I have posted in here before...I am not entitled because I feel I should not have to ay for my ering to get sized....

jenajjthr

I didn't know how to communicate in my previous marriage, not that it would have mattered anyway. I did the same thing you are doing, hoping that the power of "want" and mind reading would work. That fantasy would trump reality. 

My H is helping me learn what real communication is all about. Without it you grow apart, small problems become huge problems that may not be overcome. Hurt feelings grow and fester. I'm glad you came here to vent and get it out. Better than a fight with him, correct?  

Good luck in the talk with him, be calm and carry on!

beethery

aleighc3 said:

bride2b71614 said:

Well, you kind of came into a forum that you haven't posted in and sounded entitled and ungrateful as soon as you mentioned "you shouldn't have to pay for it." I always assume that I need to spell things out for my FI in order to have my needs met. I also know that my FI doesn't always read my body language/social cues correctly, so I will tell him how I'm feeling. Even though you've been together four years, it doesn't mean that you know how to communicate effectively. Fix the ring. Then start addressing your concerns with him.

I have posted in here before...I am not entitled because I feel I should not have to ay for my ering to get sized....

It's $30 to get it resized. It's going to stay on your finger, which makes it your priority to deal with. Deal with it like an adult and move on. You sound entitled because you want a big to-do about it when this is not a big deal.

[Deleted User]

aleighc3 said:

but how would you feel if your got purposed to with a dusty ring? Honestly. I love my babe and he loves me I know...it just kind of makes me sad and I wanted to talk to "someone: about it...

Considering it's a family heirloom?

I would have washed it myself. Yay, I get a ring! Now to go buy ring cleaner because I got a ring! An incredibly meaningful one, no less!

daria24

My H proposed and had his grandmother's ring. At one point she had it cut off because she was going in for surgery. It hadn't been cleaned in years. So he handed me a ring that had a chunk cut out and it wasn't clean. It wasn't because he didn't care. He had no idea how to get it fixed, or even if I would like the ring. I took it the next day to get cleaned and fixed. I paid for it with our joint card. I didn't think anything of it. I focused on the fact that he wanted to marry me.

Take a cue from Elsa and Let It Go. Take it a jewelry store, and ask him to go with you to pick it up. And if you end up having to pay for it yourself, don't hold it over him. It will only poison your relationship.

RebeccaB88

Seriously, I'd go do it myself just to make sure it gets done the way I want it done. Jeebus, just do it.

theartistformerlyknownas

aleighc3 said:

 @lolo also wanted to apologize to you. I know that we have not exactly gotten along on here, but I am happy that you maybe saw behind my craziness...and if you haven't that is ok too...sorry for what I said to you...it wasn't right.

Well I appreciate that.

mrsfrusci

Take it to a jeweler to see how much it would be to get sized. Often they will clean it up as part of the sizing cost, depending on the jeweler. Men are incapable of reading between the lines. It's the fact that he won't do it as something special/ your proposal that he wont do that is bothering you, Im guessing. Just taking it will ease your frustrations. Waiting for him to do it will only annoy you more.

VulgarGirl

So I'm little drunk lemme make sure I got this right; you're with a guy for 4 years, you're raising a child together so he pops the question you say yes but the ring don't fit. You know of where to go to make the ring for and how much it will cost. But the problem is FI's drone hasn't given him psychic powers and he didn't think to run a swiffer cloth over the ring before giving it to you. Did I get all that?

Girl. He wants to build a LIFE with you. Who the fuck cares about his lacking psychic abilities? Get the ring sized and figure out what the real issues are.

When I proposed to FI the ring had pocket lint on it and it didn't fit. That crazy bitch is still gonna marry me.

aleighc3

This was more of a vent. I ensure you all that I am in no way

MagicInk said:

So I'm little drunk lemme make sure I got this right; you're with a guy for 4 years, you're raising a child together so he pops the question you say yes but the ring don't fit. You know of where to go to make the ring for and how much it will cost. But the problem is FI's drone hasn't given him psychic powers and he didn't think to run a swiffer cloth over the ring before giving it to you. Did I get all that? Girl. He wants to build a LIFE with you. Who the fuck cares about his lacking psychic abilities? Get the ring sized and figure out what the real issues are. When I proposed to FI the ring had pocket lint on it and it didn't fit. That crazy bitch is still gonna marry me.

I know you are right! He does love me and I know that, I have nothing to worry about.

theartistformerlyknownas

@MagicInk‌ you , me and @beethery need to get smashed together. Then we can give drunk advice. Ooh like a call-in radio show, but with margaritas!

rajahmd

Can we please stop with the "men can't read between lines" and other shit? Anyone who lacks mind reading capabilities would have trouble figuring out that she's upset over the ring not being cleaned. He probably just figured it was worth the sentimental value and didn't think to clean it. This has nothing to do with his sex and everything to do with her inability to communicate with him.

JCbride2015

lolo883 said:

@MagicInk‌ you , me and @beethery need to get smashed together. Then we can give drunk advice. Ooh like a call-in radio show, but with margaritas!

Can I join? 

Fi just told me to have a "nightcap" his words because I'm sick and he thinks it will help me sleep better.

VulgarGirl

lolo883 said:

@MagicInk‌ you , me and @beethery need to get smashed together. Then we can give drunk advice. Ooh like a call-in radio show, but with margaritas!

Yes. I want this to be my job now. We all get drunk and give listeners advice! We'd be the best morning show! No games, pranks, funny sound effects, just three drunk chicks doling out advice!

VulgarGirl

RajahBMFD said:

Can we please stop with the "men can't read between lines" and other shit? Anyone who lacks mind reading capabilities would have trouble figuring out that she's upset over the ring not being cleaned. He probably just figured it was worth the sentimental value and didn't think to clean it. This has nothing to do with his sex and everything to do with her inability to communicate with him.

Truth! Honestly I might not have thought to clean the ring first either. And I trusted FI to go get it fitted for her finger. I got mine fixed for my finger.

Side note: auto correct made honestly "hoes fly", I almost left it cause it made me laugh so hard.

aleighc3

RajahBMFD said:

Can we please stop with the "men can't read between lines" and other shit? Anyone who lacks mind reading capabilities would have trouble figuring out that she's upset over the ring not being cleaned. He probably just figured it was worth the sentimental value and didn't think to clean it. This has nothing to do with his sex and everything to do with her inability to communicate with him.

So  was I supposed to say " thank you for the ring but it's too dusty and not my size..."?