Family etiquette fail

luvskittles55

Long time lurker that needs to vent before my husband divorces me haha. Hello everyone!

So my cousin is getting married in the next few months. Yay for him! However, it's been one annoying ride for me!!

The fiance is definitely a special snowflake when it comes to the wedding planning, and really everything else. She has no problem sharing how much per head it's costing and how little she makes per year (strange since the wedding is costing a fortune why would you admit that?)

She's clearly b-listing because invites are due 5 weeks before the wedding. One cousin rooms with another cousin and they are sharing an invitation. You have to be 21 to be invited, even if a first cousin (families are being split up - even if they are from out of state), you can only have a plus 1 if you have been dating or living together 2+ years. But if you are a coworker no date at all! Ahhh I want to say something so bad but that's just as rude. 

Sigh. Thanks for listening ladies. I love the forums!!

huskypuppy14

Knottie50399137 said:

Long time lurker that needs to vent before my husband divorces me haha. Hello everyone!

So my cousin is getting married in the next few months. Yay for him! However, it's been one annoying ride for me!!

The fiance is definitely a special snowflake when it comes to the wedding planning, and really everything else. She has no problem sharing how much per head it's costing and how little she makes per year (strange since the wedding is costing a fortune why would you admit that?)

She's clearly b-listing because invites are due 5 weeks before the wedding. One cousin rooms with another cousin and they are sharing an invitation. You have to be 21 to be invited, even if a first cousin (families are being split up - even if they are from out of state), you can only have a plus 1 if you have been dating or living together 2+ years. But if you are a coworker no date at all! Ahhh I want to say something so bad but that's just as rude. 

Sigh. Thanks for listening ladies. I love the forums!!

The not inviting significant others is not cool. Definitely rude, and probably going to lead to other etiquette mishaps. 

Cousin's should have received their own invitations. 

 However, what do you mean by "splitting up families"? If the guests are adults, there is no rule that says you have to invite the adult sibling of another guest. You can invite your aunt and uncle, and not invite their children (adults or not).

It's perfectly acceptable to only invite people over 21. Those are legally able to drink adults.  

Though it sounds like this wedding may have b listing written all over it, not all people who have an RSVP date 5 weeks before the wedding are b listing. I have seen 4-6 weeks before a lot, and there was no b listing.

luvskittles55

Yeah I suppose you are right about the people over 21, but my cousins who are 19 and 20 are pretty upset about not being invited, when their older siblings are. Is that ok? I don't know. Maybe I am being dramatic on that one!

I have other strong suspions towards the b-listings based on some offhanded comments she's made. Paraphrasing but something about 'we have 190 people on the guest list and 20 more if people say no.

huskypuppy14

Knottie50399137 said:

Yeah I suppose you are right about the people over 21, but my cousins who are 19 and 20 are pretty upset about not being invited, when their older siblings are. Is that ok? I don't know. Maybe I am being dramatic on that one!

I have other strong suspions towards the b-listings based on some offhanded comments she's made. Paraphrasing but something about 'we have 190 people on the guest list and 20 more if people say no.

I wouldn't do it, but it's not against etiquette. Technically, you can invite whoever you want as long as you don't split up couples.

But yeah, she is clearly b listing. 

Let us know what happens at the wedding!

luvskittles55

Thanks @huskypuppy14! I will. She already yelled at me for not responding yet. I actually did. Was lost in the mail. And we still have 2 weeks left!

RebeccaFlower

I'm with you, OP. I don't think it's cool at all to split up families like that, etiquette or not, it's just douche-y at 19 and 21.

JellyBean52513

The co-worker rule re: SOs is terrible. This is what my boss did, and I didn't attend her wedding. So fucking what if we're all friends? I spend 40+ hours a week with these people. Why are you forcing me to spend even more time with them, on a Saturday night, when I usually spend that night doing something with my SO? No thanks.

wrigleyville

That 2+ years rule is absolutely insane. I know plenty of people who were talking about marriage when they'd been together for one year. (Not that I'm saying having a rule at all is okay. I just think this particular guideline for the stupid rule is particularly ludicrous.)

princessleia22

wrigleyville said:

That 2+ years rule is absolutely insane. I know plenty of people who were talking about marriage when they'd been together for one year. (Not that I'm saying having a rule at all is okay. I just think this particular guideline for the stupid rule is particularly ludicrous.)

My sister got married a few weeks ago... she met her husband April 2013.  So she hasn't even known her husband 2 years yet, since they got married just 16 months after they first met.  Does that 2-year rule mean that her husband wouldn't be invited with her?  Timeframes doesn't always determine the seriousness of a relationship.

luvskittles55

JellyBean52513 said:

The co-worker rule re: SOs is terrible. This is what my boss did, and I didn't attend her wedding. So fucking what if we're all friends? I spend 40+ hours a week with these people. Why are you forcing me to spend even more time with them, on a Saturday night, when I usually spend that night doing something with my SO? No thanks.

Exactly! They had mentioned that 'rule' to me and I (somewhat nicely) said expect them to not even come. They shrugged and said "well I dont know the wives/husands". Oy.

nicoann said:

wrigleyville said:

That 2+ years rule is absolutely insane. I know plenty of people who were talking about marriage when they'd been together for one year. (Not that I'm saying having a rule at all is okay. I just think this particular guideline for the stupid rule is particularly ludicrous.)

My sister got married a few weeks ago... she met her husband April 2013.  So she hasn't even known her husband 2 years yet, since they got married just 16 months after they first met.  Does that 2-year rule mean that her husband wouldn't be invited with her?  Timeframes doesn't always determine the seriousness of a relationship.

My husband and I also were very serious after a few months! 

SP29

It's definitely not against etiquette to invite one adult in the family, but not the other (ie. invite one of *your* mom's sisters and her husband but not *your* mom's other sister).  However, it is recommended to invite in circles as people do get offended. 

I mean, if my cousin didn't invite me because we aren't close, I'd be just fine with that. If my cousin didn't invite me because I couldn't drink, that would offend me, as obviously I'm not that important to him/her (hey, that person should be cheaper- no bar cost!). 

The other stuff makes me say- good grief! Why do people like to spew out their personal financial woes? If someone said to me, "I only make this much and the wedding is sooooo expensive!" I think I'd stare at them point blank and tell them to plan a smaller, cheaper wedding. 

Feel free to vent away