Need some help

Knottie5144734

I live (and have lived for 6+ years) - 5 hours from my hometown. My job is here. My fiancé is here. My church is here. My life is established here. So - I decided my roots are stronger here, my wedding will be here. It was a difficult decision for me. It's been "accepted" by my family. To compromise, I decided I'd have my shower back home. It's been decided it won't be in my hometown but 90 minutes (further) away at another family residence (almost a 6.5+ hour trip for me when I specifically asked for it not to be there) Additionally, there's limited space for guests to sit, it'll be end of winter (so no one can go outside) and I'm being turned into an awful/ungrateful person, this would be a different situation if it was warmer out and not crammed inside. Also, my one bridesmaid will have a newborn, understandably may not be able to make the trip, one bridesmaid is 2000mi away, and the MOH and another bridesmaid (sister and a good friend of mine) don't speak. Ultimately I've been told I have no say in my shower and the decision has been made. I'm not even sure what I can say. (Outside of what I really want to say)

Viczaesar

Knottie5144734 said:

I live (and have lived for 6+ years) - 5 hours from my hometown. My job is here. My fiancé is here. My church is here. My life is established here. So - I decided my roots are stronger here, my wedding will be here. It was a difficult decision for me. It's been "accepted" by my family. To compromise, I decided I'd have my shower back home. It's been decided it won't be in my hometown but 90 minutes (further) away at another family residence (almost a 6.5+ hour trip for me when I specifically asked for it not to be there) Additionally, there's limited space for guests to sit, it'll be end of winter (so no one can go outside) and I'm being turned into an awful/ungrateful person, this would be a different situation if it was warmer out and not crammed inside. Also, my one bridesmaid will have a newborn, understandably may not be able to make the trip, one bridesmaid is 2000mi away, and the MOH and another bridesmaid (sister and a good friend of mine) don't speak. Ultimately I've been told I have no say in my shower and the decision has been made. I'm not even sure what I can say. (Outside of what I really want to say)

Well, they're right in saying that you don't have a say in the shower aside from giving them a guest list (that fits the parameters of the number of guests they feel comfortable inviting).  You can, however, decline the shower if the logistics don't work for you.

*Barbie*

Viczaesar said:

Knottie5144734 said:

I live (and have lived for 6+ years) - 5 hours from my hometown. My job is here. My fiancé is here. My church is here. My life is established here. So - I decided my roots are stronger here, my wedding will be here. It was a difficult decision for me. It's been "accepted" by my family. To compromise, I decided I'd have my shower back home. It's been decided it won't be in my hometown but 90 minutes (further) away at another family residence (almost a 6.5+ hour trip for me when I specifically asked for it not to be there) Additionally, there's limited space for guests to sit, it'll be end of winter (so no one can go outside) and I'm being turned into an awful/ungrateful person, this would be a different situation if it was warmer out and not crammed inside. Also, my one bridesmaid will have a newborn, understandably may not be able to make the trip, one bridesmaid is 2000mi away, and the MOH and another bridesmaid (sister and a good friend of mine) don't speak. Ultimately I've been told I have no say in my shower and the decision has been made. I'm not even sure what I can say. (Outside of what I really want to say)

Well, they're right in saying that you don't have a say in the shower aside from giving them a guest list (that fits the parameters of the number of guests they feel comfortable inviting).  You can, however, decline the shower if the logistics don't work for you.

^^^ This. You can thank the people who offered to host the shower, and politely decline due to logistics issues/date issues/whatever. 

My MIL hosted both my wedding and baby showers. For the wedding shower, I was living locally, so it wasn't a hassle for me; however, my family and half of my bridal party lived 300+mi away - so they didn't come. (I also didn't expect them to attend, or give them any grief over their choice - if I was in their shoes, I would have skipped, too.) I move halfway across the country when I was pregnant, so I flew back to town for the baby shower. That was a hassle for me, but I ended up having more people travel for the event (some who missed the wedding shower) since they appreciated the fact that I was flying up for it, and figured we would not get to visit as often.

JCbride2015

Yeah, you don't have to have a shower at all.  If someone offers to host a shower, you may accept and give her a guest list within her hosting parameters, or decline if it doesn't work for you.  The bride should just be grateful, not dictate the way the shower is hosted or where it is.