It Feels Like Monday

phira

(Trigger warning for my post for sexual violence--sorry.)

Friday was really bad. As I whined about earlier, J was all, "Eh, I don't feel like picking up the rings today" even though 1) he had time to do it, and 2) he had been able to come home from work every night all week and relax. And now we have to wait for the jeweler to open at their new, farther-away location.

But it got worse. That night, we were celebrating birthdays with his family, and during a discussion about sexual violence, I ended up being really badly triggered. I don't talk about it a lot on the boards, but I was assaulted when I was fourteen, and since college, I've been really big on sexual violence education/prevention. J's family knows that I'm involved in education and prevention (it's not a secret--it's all over facebook and stuff), and so his dad brought up the new NFL rule because he thought it would interest me. Normally, I am FINE to talk about this sort of stuff, but the way the conversation turned ended up triggering me.

It's hard to describe what it feels like (besides "triggering"), but I kept trying to get J's attention by squeezing his leg, and he kept tapping away on his phone. I wasn't that upset with him because it's not like we thought this was gonna happen, and we didn't have a signal or anything. But when I finally had a moment alone with him, I told him I'd really needed him. And he got irritated with me! Like, "Oh, well I was TRYING to change the subject," and, "I felt awkward, too, but what was I supposed to do?" Having him react that way while I was still dealing with being triggered (as in, I hadn't recovered yet) was so upsetting.

We ended up fighting about it when he got home on Saturday, which really pissed me off because he hadn't even asked me if I was okay. By the end of the night, he'd apologized, but I'm tired of apologies taking so long. Fortunately, we DO have couple's therapy tonight, so that's going to be the first thing we talk about.

Partially because I wanted space from J, but mostly because my mom wanted a reason to stay home and not go on a weekend trip with her boyfriend's family, I went out to my mom's Sunday through Monday. I played with her dog, helped her with some school stuff, and went for a run with her. It was really nice, and I was so glad that I could spend time with her.

Today, I've got a bunch of lab work to get done. Campus is CRAWLING UGGGGH all the undergrads are back. Then tonight, therapy.

labro

@GoldenPenguin Do you have an image of the dress you're going to wear for e-pics???

Swazzle

GoldenPenguin said:

Sorry for my novel, @Swazzle. Hope you can make it through.

GoldenPenguin

@swazzle

eilis1228

@Blue & White OMG that's so unofficially exciting! Let us know when everything is official! Yay!

@buddysmom80 Ewww skunk! I lived with an aunt off and on while I was in college, and she has an old, cuddly pit bull that was seriously a magnet for skunks. It got to the point where he'd tango with skunks once a week. He loved him some skunk. Stunk up the whole house. So gross! I hope your skunk friend stays away for good.

@Swazzle what a fabulous weekend! Sorry you had to start off your week with dog shit... that's pretty bad. :-\ I hope your day improves!

@CocoBellaF WTF that is terrible! I think I would burn down the house if tons of baby spiders went everywhere. Ugh I have the heebie jeebies just thinking about it.

@KeptInStitches *hugs* You will probably love the new job just as much as the old one! Change is hard.

@TwoDimes Good luck on your last day of training! I hope you're able to straighten out the mess your predecessor left!

@peaseblossom55 Aw, I'm so sorry they wouldn't leave you alone about TTC. You guys have only been married for a few months! I can't believe people are already bugging you about it. I definitely agree with not sharing your timeline with people IRL. I guess they're just really excited about the prospect of you two having little ones and don't realize they're putting a lot of pressure on you. *hugs*

@lmcooper86 Aw man, I'm sorry you guys are having so many issues when it comes to choosing where to live.

I had a really nice, lazy, junk food-filled weekend. Friday I went and got my nails done with a friend. I asked her to be a BM, and she was really excited about it. Then afterwards we met my FI and her H for dinner and then played board games at our place. 

Saturday we went to Garden Ridge and Costco with those same friends, and I picked up some Halloween/fall decor and a painting for the bedroom. My next decor mission is to get decorations for above the kitchen cabinets, but I'll probably wait a couple of months to get my budget back under control. Afterwards, I took a nap while FI watched some weird space pirate anime-ish movie on Netflix, and then we ordered Chinese and started watching Death Note on Netflix.

Sunday we went and had breakfast for lunch at Denny's, and then we lounged around the apartment the rest of the day. We ordered pizza that night and watched more of Death Note on Netflix. I did some online shopping since Loft and Ann Taylor had a ton of stuff on sale. I really didn't need to spend the money, but I mean... 70% off at Loft and 50% off at Ann Taylor doesn't happen every day. I also ordered a couple of dresses from Modcloth for engagement photos. I'm going to schedule the photo shoots in November, but I figured since Modcloth was having a (modest) sale, I'd go ahead and order, see which dress I liked, see how much I exercise I need to do between now and November, and also see if alterations are needed... I'm soooo short, so there's a very real possibility I'll need to hem whichever dress I choose. 

Monday was fun, but also a little weird. We went to our friends' house for a pool party, and it was so much fun. There was tons of food, the weather was perfect, and the pool felt great. We seriously had so much fun. One of our friends, we'll call her N1, was there with her girlfriend, N2. Both are in our wedding party--N1 is FI's good friend, so she's a GM, and N2 and I get along really well, so she's a BM. Anyway, N1 is a little...unstable? I dunno. She's very dramatic about everything... one of those people who always has some major issue in her life. She's also very socially awkward at times... to the point of making me (and many others) VERY uncomfortable. She always sexualizes the conversation, will make REALLY racist comments, etc. She even touched my taint once "as a joke." I was NOT amused. She can't handle her liquor well either but refuses to acknowledge her limits. She's a military veteran and has a lot of issues as a result of her time in the service, and she blames a lot of her social issues on that. Anyway, she got really drunk last night and cornered FI in the pool and kept asking him why we hated her. He kept insisting that we didn't, but she wouldn't drop it and was crying to him about it. N2 saw all of this happen and pulled me aside to explain that N1 was going through some issues but thought that we hated her because I get obviously uncomfortable when she says crazy things. N2 said that I shouldn't because that's just how N1 is and she doesn't mean it, yadda yadda yadda. I told N2 that I do get really uncomfortable when she makes racist comments or when she TOUCHES MY TAINT. N2 was horrified about the taint thing (I guess she and FI didn't see it, but another friend did and was trying to block N1 from doing it... it was all so weird) and emphasized again that N1 has social anxiety issues that stem from her time in the military. I told her that was all fine and dandy, but outlandish behavior makes me uncomfortable--period. We obviously don't dislike them since they're in our wedding, but yeah, I get uncomfortable from time to time around her. Anyway, N2 texted me late last night asking to talk to me one on one on Friday about N1. Apparently she can verbalize N1's issues better or something. Anyway, now I feel like I'm in trouble? FI told me that I'm by no means at fault here and that N1 is making a mountain out of a mole hill (which is her normal approach to life), but I feel like since she's a vet with obvious health and emotional issues I'll be made to feel at fault for being uncomfortable by her actions... does that make sense? 

*sigh* 

Also, today will be interesting at work. One of our chief officers quit very suddenly Friday afternoon, so it will be interesting to see what happens today...

/novel.

lmcooper86

@severmilli12 - YAY 4 DAYS!!!

@GoldenPenguin - Yeah, I am not impressed with FFIL, and am really not looking forward to having dinner with the family tonight. What it boiled down to was there was an offer put in yesterday (before we went for a second look), but the owner had already signed it back, it hadn't come back from the buyer by the specified time, so we could've put in an offer last night; if we'd offered $X (under list) and agreed to a 30 days closing, they would have accepted (according to their agent). When we called FFIL about it, he started bringing up all kinds of stuff that he didn't like...and FI just agreed with him, and spent like an hour talking me out of a house that we had both liked less than 2 hours earlier. I would like to ask FFIL what exactly he thinks we can find that meets HIS criteria for location/size/lot/etc within our budget. He isn't buying our house, he won't be living at our house, so why the fuck does he get a say in what house we buy?!?! Clearly I am still very annoyed about this. UGH.

Edited to clarify.

GoldenPenguin

@LaPeanut1018 - this is the only pic I have of the dress, because I wore it this once, and then lost it in my closet until yesterday. 

I'm planning on wearing it with these wedges: 

GoldenPenguin

lmcooper86 said:

@severmilli12 - YAY 4 DAYS!!!

@GoldenPenguin - Yeah, I am not impressed with FFIL, and am really not looking forward to having dinner with the family tonight. What it boiled down to was there was an offer put in yesterday (before we went for a second look), but the owner had already signed it back, it hadn't come back from the buyer by the specified time, so we could've put in an offer last night; if we'd offered $X (under list) and agreed to a 30 days closing, they would have accepted (according to their agent). When we called FFIL about it, he started bringing up all kinds of stuff that he didn't like...and FI just agreed with him, and spent like an hour talking me out of a house that we had both liked less than 2 hours earlier. I would like to ask FFIL what exactly he thinks we can find that meets HIS criteria for location/size/lot/etc within our budget. He isn't buying our house, he won't be living at our house, so why the fuck does he get a say in what house we buy?!?! Clearly I am still very annoyed about this. UGH.

Edited to clarify.

OMG SO MUCH OF THAT. FI & I wrote out our "Must Have" and "Wants" list - and I pointed out to him that the one house we already found has EVERYTHING on both lists. His answer to me? "Yea, but that closet in the bathroom is weird." SERIOUSLY!?!? Stop it, right now. Today he's calling another mortgage company and a realtor that we met & really like, so we'll see what happens!  

eilis1228

@phira Wow, that's really tough. I'm a little shocked that J isn't more sensitive to that. I mean, like you said, it's not like either of you knew it would happen and a signal had never been created, but I agree with you--he should at least have been more supportive. I was molested when I was 13, and even though I've dealt with it and don't feel triggered or anything anymore, FI is more sensitive about it than I am. If I even joke about it, FI gets offended and overprotective. I'm not sure why J is acting like it's no big deal... I'm really sorry. I hope couples counseling will help him recognize how serious of an issue that is for you. 

labro

@GoldenPenguin ! Iove it!!! You are going to look so gorgeous in your photos!! Just a couple more weeks!!!

lmcooper86

GoldenPenguin said:

lmcooper86 said:

@severmilli12 - YAY 4 DAYS!!!

@GoldenPenguin - Yeah, I am not impressed with FFIL, and am really not looking forward to having dinner with the family tonight. What it boiled down to was there was an offer put in yesterday (before we went for a second look), but the owner had already signed it back, it hadn't come back from the buyer by the specified time, so we could've put in an offer last night; if we'd offered $X (under list) and agreed to a 30 days closing, they would have accepted (according to their agent). When we called FFIL about it, he started bringing up all kinds of stuff that he didn't like...and FI just agreed with him, and spent like an hour talking me out of a house that we had both liked less than 2 hours earlier. I would like to ask FFIL what exactly he thinks we can find that meets HIS criteria for location/size/lot/etc within our budget. He isn't buying our house, he won't be living at our house, so why the fuck does he get a say in what house we buy?!?! Clearly I am still very annoyed about this. UGH.

Edited to clarify.

OMG SO MUCH OF THAT. FI & I wrote out our "Must Have" and "Wants" list - and I pointed out to him that the one house we already found has EVERYTHING on both lists. His answer to me? "Yea, but that closet in the bathroom is weird." SERIOUSLY!?!? Stop it, right now. Today he's calling another mortgage company and a realtor that we met & really like, so we'll see what happens!  

What? WHAT?!

 

phira

eilis1228 said:

@phira Wow, that's really tough. I'm a little shocked that J isn't more sensitive to that. I mean, like you said, it's not like either of you knew it would happen and a signal had never been created, but I agree with you--he should at least have been more supportive. I was molested when I was 13, and even though I've dealt with it and don't feel triggered or anything anymore, FI is more sensitive about it than I am. If I even joke about it, FI gets offended and overprotective. I'm not sure why J is acting like it's no big deal... I'm really sorry. I hope couples counseling will help him recognize how serious of an issue that is for you. 

Yeah, I was shocked because J is usually very sensitive about that subject, and when I've been triggered in the past, he's been unbelievably sweet and supportive. The way the fight got resolved was basically:

Me: I'm not upset with you because you couldn't end the conversation. I'm not even upset with you for not realizing that the leg-squeeze meant, "I'm being triggered." I'm upset because I told you I'd been triggered and your response was to get irritated with me.

J: Oh. Geez. I'm sorry. I didn't realize that. But what should I have done at dinner?

Me: Anything--squeezed my knee in return, glanced knowingly at me, I dunno. Like I said, I was upset about how you handled me telling you I'd been triggered.

J: *spews forth apologies*

ashleybunny8

Our weekend was a fun, mostly lazy, blur. We watched a lot of Walking Dead (we're on season three now), helped some friends move, went to dinner at my mom's, and I did a lot of baking.

Also, yesterday we decided to officially give up fast food! So far, so good, except I really want Arby's!!

eilis1228

@phira I think you handled that really well! At least he was eventually able to see why you were upset. I guess maybe he was too caught up in the idea that you were upset with him about not recognizing you were being triggered to see that you were just upset with him being so blase about you being triggered at all. I guess this is a good time for you guys to develop signals in case it happens again in the future though. I'm sorry you had such a rough weekend with him.  

Blue & White

@GoldenPenguin Um, we have a closet in BOTH our bathrooms - what the hell? lol...we have a louvered (sp?) door on our guest bathroom - so like...if someone poops in it, they have NO privacy.  We obviously will change that, but AWKWARD.  So just tell your H at least the door isn't louvered and go buy the damn house.

TO EVERYONE: I HAVE OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED THE JOB OFFER!!  I'm not waiting for the secretary to call so we can set up a time for me to sign a GAZILLION papers.  Cannot wait.  But really, she should call.  I'm getting anxious

Swazzle

eilis1228 said:

@Blue & White OMG that's so unofficially exciting! Let us know when everything is official! Yay!

@buddysmom80 Ewww skunk! I lived with an aunt off and on while I was in college, and she has an old, cuddly pit bull that was seriously a magnet for skunks. It got to the point where he'd tango with skunks once a week. He loved him some skunk. Stunk up the whole house. So gross! I hope your skunk friend stays away for good.

@Swazzle what a fabulous weekend! Sorry you had to start off your week with dog shit... that's pretty bad. :-\ I hope your day improves!

@CocoBellaF WTF that is terrible! I think I would burn down the house if tons of baby spiders went everywhere. Ugh I have the heebie jeebies just thinking about it.

@KeptInStitches *hugs* You will probably love the new job just as much as the old one! Change is hard.

@TwoDimes Good luck on your last day of training! I hope you're able to straighten out the mess your predecessor left!

@peaseblossom55 Aw, I'm so sorry they wouldn't leave you alone about TTC. You guys have only been married for a few months! I can't believe people are already bugging you about it. I definitely agree with not sharing your timeline with people IRL. I guess they're just really excited about the prospect of you two having little ones and don't realize they're putting a lot of pressure on you. *hugs*

@lmcooper86 Aw man, I'm sorry you guys are having so many issues when it comes to choosing where to live.

I had a really nice, lazy, junk food-filled weekend. Friday I went and got my nails done with a friend. I asked her to be a BM, and she was really excited about it. Then afterwards we met my FI and her H for dinner and then played board games at our place. 

Saturday we went to Garden Ridge and Costco with those same friends, and I picked up some Halloween/fall decor and a painting for the bedroom. My next decor mission is to get decorations for above the kitchen cabinets, but I'll probably wait a couple of months to get my budget back under control. Afterwards, I took a nap while FI watched some weird space pirate anime-ish movie on Netflix, and then we ordered Chinese and started watching Death Note on Netflix.

Sunday we went and had breakfast for lunch at Denny's, and then we lounged around the apartment the rest of the day. We ordered pizza that night and watched more of Death Note on Netflix. I did some online shopping since Loft and Ann Taylor had a ton of stuff on sale. I really didn't need to spend the money, but I mean... 70% off at Loft and 50% off at Ann Taylor doesn't happen every day. I also ordered a couple of dresses from Modcloth for engagement photos. I'm going to schedule the photo shoots in November, but I figured since Modcloth was having a (modest) sale, I'd go ahead and order, see which dress I liked, see how much I exercise I need to do between now and November, and also see if alterations are needed... I'm soooo short, so there's a very real possibility I'll need to hem whichever dress I choose. 

Monday was fun, but also a little weird. We went to our friends' house for a pool party, and it was so much fun. There was tons of food, the weather was perfect, and the pool felt great. We seriously had so much fun. One of our friends, we'll call her N1, was there with her girlfriend, N2. Both are in our wedding party--N1 is FI's good friend, so she's a GM, and N2 and I get along really well, so she's a BM. Anyway, N1 is a little...unstable? I dunno. She's very dramatic about everything... one of those people who always has some major issue in her life. She's also very socially awkward at times... to the point of making me (and many others) VERY uncomfortable. She always sexualizes the conversation, will make REALLY racist comments, etc. She even touched my taint once "as a joke." I was NOT amused. She can't handle her liquor well either but refuses to acknowledge her limits. She's a military veteran and has a lot of issues as a result of her time in the service, and she blames a lot of her social issues on that. Anyway, she got really drunk last night and cornered FI in the pool and kept asking him why we hated her. He kept insisting that we didn't, but she wouldn't drop it and was crying to him about it. N2 saw all of this happen and pulled me aside to explain that N1 was going through some issues but thought that we hated her because I get obviously uncomfortable when she says crazy things. N2 said that I shouldn't because that's just how N1 is and she doesn't mean it, yadda yadda yadda. I told N2 that I do get really uncomfortable when she makes racist comments or when she TOUCHES MY TAINT. N2 was horrified about the taint thing (I guess she and FI didn't see it, but another friend did and was trying to block N1 from doing it... it was all so weird) and emphasized again that N1 has social anxiety issues that stem from her time in the military. I told her that was all fine and dandy, but outlandish behavior makes me uncomfortable--period. We obviously don't dislike them since they're in our wedding, but yeah, I get uncomfortable from time to time around her. Anyway, N2 texted me late last night asking to talk to me one on one on Friday about N1. Apparently she can verbalize N1's issues better or something. Anyway, now I feel like I'm in trouble? FI told me that I'm by no means at fault here and that N1 is making a mountain out of a mole hill (which is her normal approach to life), but I feel like since she's a vet with obvious health and emotional issues I'll be made to feel at fault for being uncomfortable by her actions... does that make sense? 

*sigh* 

Also, today will be interesting at work. One of our chief officers quit very suddenly Friday afternoon, so it will be interesting to see what happens today...

/novel.

That was a lot of taint.

eilis1228

FoxandBunny

Blue & White - Yay! Congrats! Hopefully they call soon!

@severmilli12 - Oh my gosh! 4 days!

@goldenpenguin - I love the dress! It's going to look great in pictures! Also, I thought bathrooms were supposed to have closets?

_________

My weekend was pretty fun. It was very relaxing.

Friday I had class, and then BF and I went and ran a bunch of errands. Whole Foods had a wine tasting going on, so we did that. We actually found one that we liked, which was a surprise since neither of us like wine all that much. That night we just hung out together and snuggled and watched internet videos together.

Saturday I worked and then hung out with BF some more. I slept over at his house, which is something that I haven't been able to do much because of his mom. Now that she's moved to Florida though, I'll be able to stay over more often. I slept well, but BF didn't because I apparently am a bed hog and cover thief.

Sunday I went and had lunch with my family and then went shopping with my roommate. We went to Victoria's Secret because she had no pretty underwear and she just got engaged so she wanted some for her new FI. I didn't find anything, but she did, so that was good. 

After that we went to Petco and I bought a new betta fish! My old betta past away last weekend (I had him since freshman year, so almost 3 years) and I really wanted a new one. I feel in love with the one I got the moment I saw him. He's so pretty and has a sassy attitude. My roommate and I named him Nimbus because he is a silvery color and looks like a storm cloud. I'm obsessed with the little guy. I seriously sat and watched him swim around for an hour yesterday. It's insane.

GoldenPenguin

Re: the bathroom closet.

It's not the fact that there's a closet IN the bathroom. There are actually TWO closets in the bathroom. He thinks one of the closets is "weird." 

The entire second floor is a master suite. Get to the top of the stairs & go right, and there's a bedroom. Go left & it's a giant bathroom. So there is a regular clothes-type closet in the bathroom, so he thinks it's weird to have your clothes closet in there. But I don't know that we would have to use that for clothes like the current owner is. 

WildMagelet

Today felt worse than a normal Monday.  More than half our office was super crabby today.  I just tried to keep to myself and not let their negative vibes put me in a shitty mood.

500days

I can't believe it's Tuesday soon to be Wednesday. Totally missing the weekend right now. I'm finally done with all of my school files, planning, paperwork, etc. for the day. So many 12 hour days in my future! 

@blue & white- Awesome news on the job! Which age group? 

@swazzle- sorry to hear about the dog poop. Yucky. Hope your day got better

My weekend was pretty relaxing. I spent about half of the time in a t-shirt and underwear, watching tv and reading school files. I wish I went out and did something, but I'm still feeling pretty crappy about losing my cat. It's so lonely being at home alone without Pauly to hang out with. I'm starting to feel the itch to find another cat at the rescue or from a family. I'm going to see what FI says and maybe we can get one in a month or so. I just feel like a cat makes a place a home (but I might just bea crazy cat lady or something).