Is it my place to try to reel in an insane bride?

Liatris2010

Being a destination wedding makes it 1000x worse.

lotsosandwiches

There are so many things that make it so much worse that I haven't even shared. Ugh. I want to just lie down on the floor of my office and moan. Why do people do this? At least this thread has made me feel like I'm not being an overcritical a-hole BM.

jdluvr06

I don't know the dynamics of your friendship with her. My friends and I are really blunt with each other so if she were my friend I would flat out tell her "if you do half the shit you're talking about you're going to come out looking like a bitch.'

lotsosandwiches

Haha. Yeah. No. My group of friends is not like that at all. We've known each other since we were little kids, but we are pretty polite to each other. Usually we all pick up on each other's subtle hints, but she's just not. At all. Or she really believes that weddings give you a free pass.

AprilH81

If this is a destination wedding, how are guests supposed to bring flowers?!?!?!

Liatris2010

How is she informing guests of all the stuff they have to do? In the invitations? I would surely decline an invitation to spend my vacation time and money to travel to a wedding to then spend more money on food and centerpieces.

PrettyGirlLost

lotsosandwiches said:

My SO is totally invited. (Lucky him!) And this is a destination wedding, so there's no hiding. We will be captive audience for the entire weekend. Sigh..... I feel so bad talking so much crap. I'm just so frustrated, especially after having asked nothing of my BMs (including her) this past year. Zero things have been asked except (1) purchase this dress; (2) show up at my place at 11am the day of my ceremony to get your hair and makeup done, on me; (3) hang out with me, enjoying booze and food, also on me, until the ceremony starts; (4) walk down the aisle ahead of me and fix my train when I get to the altar; (5) enjoy the party to follow. That is the extent of all obligations.

That's not true though.  You have your own, private hotel room, right?  You aren't staying with the Bride, right?

Just because this is a DW doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call.  And the fact that this is a DW makes it all the worse that the bride is trying to rope her guests into set up and tear down.

I think you need to have a come to Jesus talk with her and explain that it is not only unfair and unreasonable for her to expect her guests to travel in from OOT and then set up and tear down her wedding reception, but that it is not feasible.  Tell her she really needs to hire people to do this.

Worst Best case scenario is that she gets pissy and kicks you out of this shitshow!

PrettyGirlLost

lotsosandwiches said:

There are so many things that make it so much worse that I haven't even shared. Ugh. I want to just lie down on the floor of my office and moan. Why do people do this? At least this thread has made me feel like I'm not being an overcritical a-hole BM.

Before you nuke this thread, please tell us!

Better yet, don't nuke the thread, change some of the details in your posts, then email her this thread and tell her that another bride is considering doing some of the things she is planning and it is not going over well.

short+sassy

lotsosandwiches said:

The best part is that she keeps asking me what I'm doing for my wedding. Such as, "What are you doing about flowers?" Answer: I HIRED A FLORIST. "What are you doing about chairs?" Answer: I BOOKED A VENUE THAT SETS UP THE CHAIRS. "What are you doing about cake?" Answer: I HIRED A WOMAN TO BAKE A WEDDING CAKE.

WHAT?!?! Isn't there a sweet old lady at church or one of your mom's friends you could ask to bake your wedding cake for you? Of course, she would be so honored to be asked and help contribute to your special day. Sarcasm, of course . I do agree with the other PPs some gentle pointing out of the things that will really put her guests out need to be reconsidered. Maybe even come ready with some good, budget friendly ideas of what she can do instead? I mean, especially centerpieces. There are so many cute and pretty cheap ways to have a centerpiece...or just not have one at all. You could also maybe appeal to her "greed" side. For example, if I actually went to a wedding where I was expected to bring some flowers...and it would have to be a REALLY close friend or family member, otherwise that would be a big decline...I would consider that my wedding gift and not give them anything else. Something for her to ponder .

AprilH81

@lotsosandwiches This is a destination wedding and she is asking guests to bring flowers AND food?!?! This would be bad enough if it were a local wedding, but how are people supposed to do this ?

lotsosandwiches

AprilH81 said:

@lotsosandwiches This is a destination wedding and she is asking guests to bring flowers AND food?!?! This would be bad enough if it were a local wedding, but how are people supposed to do this ?

 

SITB

 

I know. It makes no sense. I'm assuming she wants us to go to the store? Its in a touristy town and so it's near civilization. It's just not near anyone's home. So about 90% of the guests will be hotel bound. Maybe more, since the closest people are still a few hours away and probably won't be driving. I don't understand it. It's all very strange.