I Need Some Good Feels and Gifs Over Here :(

doeydo

Sugargirl1019 said:

I don't remember.. Its the crossover with only one back row of seats - mk some crazy numbers.. Sorry.. Hes being slightly annoying because I tried to compromise with him and say, okay, you need a new car because your truck might crap out? Let's find another similar car for less" - NO its doesn't have cooled seats or headlight washers or this cool color leather or this kind of touchscreen head display or a giant sun roof... Cooled seats are the bane of my existence. He turns down every car BECAUSE it doesn't have cooled seats. Wtf

Then I guess he is going to have to keep on driving his truck that's going to crap out because clearly you two can't afford a luxury car with all the bells and whistles right now.  Maybe down the road, after the debts and house is paid off and whatever other financial goals you two have are done.

doeydo

Sugargirl1019 said:

Aw! I love all these animals. @KatieinBkln‌ you got it.. We have spent absolutely nothing since June. Gas is the only thing we have bought... He eats ramen at work very frequently. We never see each other because he works both jobs on my days off. I didn't see him at all thus labor day weekend. I know he's stressed too Im sad because I have to be the bad guy. I wish I could say Yes my love go buy this awesome car so we can live happily ever after! I want him to be happy. . This is a used car, and he said he has looked all over the nation online and this exterior color with this interior leather and all of these specific options is the only one. So he wants it before it disappears. I just want to be supportive and nice but he frustrates me so much because he can't see that I am not comfortable with that car payment. I want savings - he says yea we need to save but then he goes and spends the savings. Frustration.

Maybe you two could get a two to sign account for savings or something.  You put any extra cash into it whenever you want, but in order to remove money from the savings account you both need to be there and sign on it.

flyingfoxes

Oh - my coworker's Kia has cooled seats, just sayin'. 

beethery

"The fuck you need a $50,000.00 car for? You work at _____ and you don't need to impress no-damn-body but me. By the way, acting like you direct all the funds in this relationship ain't fucking impressing me in a good way. You can afford this:'

'That is a sweet-ass Cozy Coupe. I bet you could pay it off in a year or two. Now quit playing with money you don't have, and cut this shit out."

KatieinBkln

beethery said:

"The fuck you need a $50,000.00 car for? You work at _____ and you don't need to impress no-damn-body but me. By the way, acting like you direct all the funds in this relationship ain't fucking impressing me in a good way. You can afford this:'

'That is a sweet-ass Cozy Coupe. I bet you could pay it off in a year or two. Now quit playing with money you don't have, and cut this shit out."

@beethery I know you're already engaged (as are most of us) but...will you marry me?

Sugargirl1019

doeydo said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

Aw! I love all these animals.

@KatieinBkln‌ you got it.. We have spent absolutely nothing since June. Gas is the only thing we have bought... He eats ramen at work very frequently. We never see each other because he works both jobs on my days off. I didn't see him at all thus labor day weekend. I know he's stressed too

Im sad because I have to be the bad guy. I wish I could say Yes my love go buy this awesome car so we can live happily ever after! I want him to be happy. .

This is a used car, and he said he has looked all over the nation online and this exterior color with this interior leather and all of these specific options is the only one. So he wants it before it disappears.

I just want to be supportive and nice but he frustrates me so much because he can't see that I am not comfortable with that car payment. I want savings - he says yea we need to save but then he goes and spends the savings.

Frustration.

Maybe you two could get a two to sign account for savings or something.  You put any extra cash into it whenever you want, but in order to remove money from the savings account you both need to be there and sign on it.

That's an idea. He has never spent any savings though, let me clarify that. He just puts it in the budget as using our savings for something down the line. For instance this budget he made... He included our down payment savings account (not easily accessible at all!) In the "spending money" section... So we had 10s of thousands shown for spending... And I'd notice that it would drop every so often below the amount of our down payment amount - which means we are dipping into our down payment to pay for this Mercedes each month = we can't afford this car. He fails to see that.

But I do trust him completely. Its just annoying to make him upset and see him mopey. God help me when I have whiney children.

RebeccaFlower

This isn't relevant to the car, but I'm curious, you say pay down wedding debts? Is is common to take out a loan for a wedding? 

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

I don't get why people buy nice cars.  Sure, they are nice, but there's always some yahoo that hits you in a parking lot three months before the thing is entirely paid off

Sugargirl1019

RebeccaFlower said:

This isn't relevant to the car, but I'm curious, you say pay down wedding debts? Is is common to take out a loan for a wedding? 

Its not a loan. Payment plans for videographer and photographer. Really we only have one payment left for this month and we are done with the wedding. But we do have to pay my Mom back for her assistance during this time (living with her until our house is built) and we are very serious about paying her back before the year is finished instead of buying a luxury car..

I posted back in June about our financial bootcamp we went through - we got rid of all of his outstanding payments on credit cards. We did a lot of good.

He's just had a slip of the mind thinking we can afford a luxury car now that most everything (except my mom) is paid off. Silly boy.

beethery

@goldchocobo when I got my current car in '07, 5 days later I got sideswiped by some dickhead who wasn't sure which exit to take, and he blamed me. (got that swapped over after arguing with the trooper for 2 hours)

Brand new car. No joke, a month out of the factory. Took FOREVER to get parts in for repairs because it was so new, and then 3 weeks after I FINALLY got it back, I hit a deer going 15 mph. Deer tucked and rolled, shook it out and scampered off. Broke my headlight and cracked my bumper. It was super cold and snowing, so the plastic was especially brittle.

I'm getting another new car after the wedding. It's going to be nice, but not OOT fancy or wildly expensive. The deductible is going to be low as hell too, thank friggin god.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

beethery said:

@goldchocobo when I got my current car in '07, 5 days later I got sideswiped by some dickhead who wasn't sure which exit to take, and he blamed me. (got that swapped over after arguing with the trooper for 2 hours)

Brand new car. No joke, a month out of the factory. Took FOREVER to get parts in for repairs because it was so new, and then 3 weeks after I FINALLY got it back, I hit a deer going 15 mph. Deer tucked and rolled, shook it out and scampered off. Broke my headlight and cracked my bumper. It was super cold and snowing, so the plastic was especially brittle.

I'm getting another new car after the wedding. It's going to be nice, but not OOT fancy or wildly expensive. The deductible is going to be low as hell too, thank friggin god.

I hit a deer too and it lived.  Those suckers are made of titanium!  I'm getting a new car after the wedding too.  The first six months of car ownership make me very paranoid.....

Sugargirl1019

beethery said:

@goldchocobo when I got my current car in '07, 5 days later I got sideswiped by some dickhead who wasn't sure which exit to take, and he blamed me. (got that swapped over after arguing with the trooper for 2 hours)

Brand new car. No joke, a month out of the factory. Took FOREVER to get parts in for repairs because it was so new, and then 3 weeks after I FINALLY got it back, I hit a deer going 15 mph. Deer tucked and rolled, shook it out and scampered off. Broke my headlight and cracked my bumper. It was super cold and snowing, so the plastic was especially brittle.

I'm getting another new car after the wedding. It's going to be nice, but not OOT fancy or wildly expensive. The deductible is going to be low as hell too, thank friggin god.

AH! I bought a new car two years ago. One year later, I parked at 6 am at my work parking lot, and got side swiped by another car turning Into the spot next to me or something. They ran off and when I left work at 8 pm I was furious. My door is still crunched and scraped to this day because I don't want to put it through insurance. And no we never found out who, there were no cameras in the lot.

beethery

KatieinBkln said:

beethery said:

"The fuck you need a $50,000.00 car for? You work at _____ and you don't need to impress no-damn-body but me. By the way, acting like you direct all the funds in this relationship ain't fucking impressing me in a good way. You can afford this:'

'That is a sweet-ass Cozy Coupe. I bet you could pay it off in a year or two. Now quit playing with money you don't have, and cut this shit out."

@beethery I know you're already engaged (as are most of us) but...will you marry me?

YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

abbyj700

Honestly, it sounds like maybe he has an addiction issue. You've stated before that you've worked with him to go through a full overhaul of his finances, he's stuck working two jobs - and STILL he wants to spend lavish amounts of money on a want rather than a need. While it's not as obvious and as well known as other addictions - over spending is something that can quite obviously be a huge detriment to your life. Perhaps he needs to talk to a professional - not money guy - but someone who can help him figure out WHY he needs to purchase so much.

theartistformerlyknownas

OK I just have to say that cooled seats are gross. Have you ever sat on them? It feels like peeing yourself in a cold bathing suit.

Sugargirl1019

lolo883 said:

OK I just have to say that cooled seats are gross. Have you ever sat on them? It feels like peeing yourself in a cold bathing suit.

I hate them too. Idk why he likes them so much, other than that we live in Texas and it is hot and sticky here..

Now heated seats, that's where its at. We both have heated seats at the moment, and its glorious on my sore muscles!

Jells2dot0

lolo883 said:

OK I just have to say that cooled seats are gross. Have you ever sat on them? It feels like peeing yourself in a cold bathing suit.

Is it weird that I live in AZ and have heated seats instead of cooled seats?

Sugargirl1019

Jells2dot0 said:

lolo883 said:

OK I just have to say that cooled seats are gross. Have you ever sat on them? It feels like peeing yourself in a cold bathing suit.

Is it weird that I live in AZ and have heated seats instead of cooled seats?

No, because cooled seats are pointless heated seats are good for therapy

cupcait927

Adding to the cooled seats discussion - had no idea that was even a thing. WNYer here and we've had MAYBE two 90 degree days all year. Now heated seats, those are the best.

luckya23

Scrolling facebook this morning, I saw Dave Ramsey posted this today and I thought it was relevant!

And I found these while looking for a link I could use

I've been listening to Dave Ramsey so long though that your dilemma is kind of outside my comprehension! 

My SO isn't into budgeting or anything either (he doesn't live with me and we're not combined), but this reminds me to be thankful that he is naturally a bit cheap ;-)

Sugargirl1019

We love Dave Ramsey! DH LOVES to budget (to try to prove he can afford a sailboat, a fish tank, a Mercedes lol) but he just doesn't view the monthly budget the same way I do.

I'm the wife. My way is right. I love him for trying and caring, but he does have a fascination with nice things (because of his childhood living situation). His parents are in deep doodoo financially because they would try to buy "nice things" and not be able to afford it really.

The difference is that DH thinks we are actually financially well off (we make a good combined salary) and thinks he can have the luxury items that match how he feels.

levioosa

lolo883 said:

OK I just have to say that cooled seats are gross. Have you ever sat on them? It feels like peeing yourself in a cold bathing suit.

OMG YES, This. ^

I had to drive my boss's Range Rover and I seriously thought something had gone terribly biologically wrong with me.  And just throwing it out there, a Range Rover is totally not worth the $2000 car payment.  It doesn't even drive all that nice.  It does look pretty sick though.   

jenna8984

Sugargirl1019 said:

 

His parents are in deep doodoo financially because they would try to buy "nice things" and not be able to afford it really.

The difference is that DH thinks we are actually financially well off (we make a good combined salary) and thinks he can have the luxury items that match how he feels.

I'm not seeing the difference? His parents thught they were well off and could afford these things, and now your husband thinks he is well off and can afford these things......

Sugargirl1019

Okay so practically the same thing, except his parents are unemployed most of the time, and only have minimum wage jobs. DH and I make over 100k together. So he thinks were financially well.

arrippa

Sugargirl1019 said:

@goldchocobo when I got my current car in '07, 5 days later I got sideswiped by some dickhead who wasn't sure which exit to take, and he blamed me. (got that swapped over after arguing with the trooper for 2 hours)

Brand new car. No joke, a month out of the factory. Took FOREVER to get parts in for repairs because it was so new, and then 3 weeks after I FINALLY got it back, I hit a deer going 15 mph. Deer tucked and rolled, shook it out and scampered off. Broke my headlight and cracked my bumper. It was super cold and snowing, so the plastic was especially brittle.

I'm getting another new car after the wedding. It's going to be nice, but not OOT fancy or wildly expensive. The deductible is going to be low as hell too, thank friggin god.

AH! I bought a new car two years ago. One year later, I parked at 6 am at my work parking lot, and got side swiped by another car turning Into the spot next to me or something. They ran off and when I left work at 8 pm I was furious. My door is still crunched and scraped to this day because I don't want to put it through insurance. And no we never found out who, there were no cameras in the lot.

I just bought a new car last weekend. Now I am going to be paranoid for the next few years.

luckya23

Sugargirl1019 said:

Okay so practically the same thing, except his parents are unemployed most of the time, and only have minimum wage jobs. DH and I make over 100k together. So he thinks were financially well.

A lot over?  Because we will make that together and I don't have any illusions about being well off!  It feels VERY middle class (or less) to me!!  (But I also live in NY)

And holy crap, owning a house is so much more expensive than I bargained for!  Just this month my refrigerator went out and there's another $2000+ I have to spend.  The basement is only half finished, house AC is dying, my car AC is dying, we will need a new roof in maybe 5 years, I want to add a bathroom and get the yard fenced, the kitchen needs to be updated.... it never ends.  SO and I will even have a roommate at least until the wedding in June to help with costs.

It sounds like you guys have variable income though?  I have a salary and no chance for overtime or anything, so it doesn't feel like we can "stretch" just by working more... Not that I would want to!

 ETA: I forgot that my #1 want come fall/winter is a hot tub!!

theartistformerlyknownas

Sugargirl1019 said:

Okay so practically the same thing, except his parents are unemployed most of the time, and only have minimum wage jobs. DH and I make over 100k together. So he thinks were financially well.

Yeah I agree there's a big difference between having the INCOME but just not the DISPOSABLE income to afford these things, versus not having the income at all and still thinking you can buy shit.

Although I still wouldn't spend 50% of my yearly household income on a car. That's crazy talk. 

Rather than looking at it in terms of fitting into a monthly budget, could you set some kind of benchmark with him like "once x, y and z bill are paid off in full, that will open up $xxx in disposable income for a new vehicle" or something? Especially since you can't realistically expect to ALWAYS (or ever) get overtime shifts to cover splurges, other things need to be paid off FIRST. For us, once the wedding is paid for (all cash) I'm diverting what I was saving for the wedding to paying off a credit card and a loan, then once those are done I'll divert everything to saving for a house.

raissyrais

You could starts a gofundme...NO NO NO I'm joking. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope your H will realise soon that you can't exactly afford this right now. Is there a calmer way of telling him that he's been wrong? (Even though you're right and I would storm around too but sometimes men can be children. Specially around cars.)

Sugargirl1019

Hahaha!

Please donate money to us so we can buy this ridiculously expensive luxury vehicle because we have so much debt and not enough disposable income to afford it but we REALLY NEED it.

Just kidding! I would puke if I ever saw this haha

wandajune6

Sugargirl1019 said:

He works two jobs already because we have to pay off wedding debts and have our down payment ready for our house. I fell asleep before he came to bed last night, but he kissed me before he left for work. So we're fine, but I'm still not okay with the car payment and insurance increase. It's a used 2011, and diesel. (What is it with boys and diesel). He's trying to play to my mommy side by saying hrs thinking of our family future and this can hold lots of babies and suitcases and puppy dogs (its some crossover model). Beautiful car, but the numbers just aren't feasible right now... But he won't back down. Little boy wants his toy NOW.

WTF? Why would someone choose to work 2 jobs to pay off debts while creating new debt over a car?

Wouldn't he rather have a cheaper car and more time with you?