It's TMI time (there is so much more than BC going on in here)

VulgarGirl

beethery said:

I can not get into anal. At all. I've tried it multiple times, and NONE WERE EVEN REMOTELY GOOD.

No matter how much lube I use, it always feels like pooping backwards, or like someone is making a valiant attempt at parking a coach bus in the opening of a coke can.

Am I alone in this?????

Full on anal penetration, no thank you. But a little anal play, I'm down with that. Like a finger, some rimming that kind of thing. 

cupcait927

CaitTDid23 said:

Dude, okay yall. This is weird. But halp. 

FI has a nice set of restraints. Not, like, expensive leather, high quality ones, but ones that are actual restraints made for... ........ well. They're not neckties and karate belts. The problem is that despite the fact that he has them, and despite the fact that he KNOWS I want to use them... he's never decided to use them. 

What, pray tell, might I do to... encourage... these particular items to make an entrance into our fun times? I've thought about just putting on my (one, crappy, red) corset thingy and tying myself up a few minutes before he gets home, but I can't quite get myself to do it. (I have straight-up asked for us to use it... but then we... forget....)

The one time I tied up my ex, I put on some sexy lingerie, got him in bed and blindfolded him. He didn't know I was going to use the restraints until I grabbed his hand and started tying him up. Maybe something like that could work?

VulgarGirl

loveislouder said:

I'm going to be completely honest with ya'll... FI was a virgin when we got together. He was very shy, and very scared of hurting me because hes... above average.  But dang was he good at what he does, even without having done it before.

He won't use his hands because he insists he will smell like "lady juice" and everyone will know, even after he washes his hands. 

And why don't we want people knowing we've had sex with a girl?

VulgarGirl

sarahbear31 said:

Mine is okay with hands, but won't do oral because of the smell.  I wonder if rubbing bacon down there would help ....?

I may or may not at one time google bacon flavor lube. I'm pretty sure it exists. I'm just saying.

Senecaf

MagicInk said:

loveislouder said:

I'm going to be completely honest with ya'll... FI was a virgin when we got together. He was very shy, and very scared of hurting me because hes... above average.  But dang was he good at what he does, even without having done it before.

He won't use his hands because he insists he will smell like "lady juice" and everyone will know, even after he washes his hands. 

And why don't we want people knowing we've had sex with a girl?

Did no one else have the "smell my fingers" dudes in school? It was so gross but they would be so proud. I made it a point to never be that girl because that seemed so humilistimg.

Senecaf

Catching up with this thread was an excellent way to spend the last half hour of my workday.

VulgarGirl

CaitTDid23 said:

Dude, okay yall. This is weird. But halp. 

FI has a nice set of restraints. Not, like, expensive leather, high quality ones, but ones that are actual restraints made for... ........ well. They're not neckties and karate belts. The problem is that despite the fact that he has them, and despite the fact that he KNOWS I want to use them... he's never decided to use them. 

What, pray tell, might I do to... encourage... these particular items to make an entrance into our fun times? I've thought about just putting on my (one, crappy, red) corset thingy and tying myself up a few minutes before he gets home, but I can't quite get myself to do it. (I have straight-up asked for us to use it... but then we... forget....)

Get them out and put them on the bed before sexy times. Like before he gets home or whatever. Then do your sexy come hither dance and lead him to the bedroom, then pick one up and start doing it up and tell him you want him to tie you up and have him be in total control. 

Now, for a PSA. Despite what dumbass 50 Shades of Fucking Stupid says, you need safewords. You need to let him know if it's getting too much or going to far. A lot of people think they're cool with being restrained then they actually do it and get freaked out. Using your safeword is fine, it doesn't mean it's done and you'll never try again, maybe you need to try something different, maybe you need to be in a different mind space, whatever it is. Also not a bad idea to bust them out when you're alone and see how you feel with them on, tie down one arm, see how you feel about it. 

I have panic attacks for almost no damn good reason. For this reason we have restraints that I can easily get out of in case I start having a panic attack. Locks and keys are never going to work for us. But I know how to slip out of the ones we have if I need to, and at the same time they keep me restrained when I want to be. It's always good to know your limits. 

Sugargirl1019

raissyrais said:

loveislouder said:

I'm going to be completely honest with ya'll... FI was a virgin when we got together. He was very shy, and very scared of hurting me because hes... above average.  But dang was he good at what he does, even without having done it before.

He won't use his hands because he insists he will smell like "lady juice" and everyone will know, even after he washes his hands. 

Lady Juice smells like Lady Juice...he will need to get used to that because he will have to use his hands at some point. Variety is the spice of life! What does he think, Cock Juice is odourless and tasteless? Hihi....

@sarahbear31: Jeez what is it with these guys and smells? Are they 5? Of course there are smells, but it's only natural. Try to ask him if he's ready to try oral on you right after you've showered with daisy and roses shower gel?

Do oral IN the shower.

wandajune6

sarahbear31 said:

Thanks, @wandajune6.  He's getting better with hands, but he can't / won't use tongue.  He claims to have a bad gag reflex.  He is definitely eager to please, though!

That seems like a bullshit response to me. Not acceptable. Unless you've got a medical issue, you smell great. It's not like guys smell like roses either- unless he's taken a thorough shower before funtime, he's got stinky bits. And god forbid he be uncut and unshowered. *shudder*

I don't get guys who want to have sex but are scared of women. I also lack patience for it.

This is one of those times where he needs to suck it up and go down. If he doesn't love it, he should make a good faith effort to try to-- not because he wants it but because it matters to, you. I'm just guessing that you've done things for him that you don't love either.

Sugargirl1019

I want to do restraints SO bad

holyguacamole79

@wandajune6, can I PM you his phone # and you can coach him?

Kidding.

I'm disappointed, but not to the point where I'm pouting all the time.  He doesn't expect too much from me orally because of his aversions. 

ShesSoCold

wandajune6 said:

sarahbear31 said:

Thanks, @wandajune6.  He's getting better with hands, but he can't / won't use tongue.  He claims to have a bad gag reflex.  He is definitely eager to please, though!

That seems like a bullshit response to me. Not acceptable. Unless you've got a medical issue, you smell great. It's not like guys smell like roses either- unless he's taken a thorough shower before funtime, he's got stinky bits. And god forbid he be uncut and unshowered. *shudder*

I don't get guys who want to have sex but are scared of women. I also lack patience for it.

This is one of those times where he needs to suck it up and go down. If he doesn't love it, he should make a good faith effort to try to-- not because he wants it but because it matters to, you. I'm just guessing that you've done things for him that you don't love either.

I agree 100%. First he has a gag reflex and then he "doesn't like the smell". Well, I smell bullshit and that does not smell nice. Get over it dude. Also, do you have a penis? If not, how would oral sex trigger his gag reflex?

FWIW, My H has a penis and I have a gag reflex. Obviously I do my best not to hork on his schlong, but he likes the feeling of the gag. 

raissyrais

sarahbear31 said:

@wandajune6, can I PM you his phone # and you can coach him?

Kidding.

I'm disappointed, but not to the point where I'm pouting all the time.  He doesn't expect too much from me orally because of his aversions. 

Aww that's kinda too bad though...try to do the oral right in the shower like SugarGirl suggested! But seriously though, what DO you smell like down there? Is anything funky going on or is he just scared of regular vagina smell?

wandajune6

sarahbear31 said:

@wandajune6, can I PM you his phone # and you can coach him?

Kidding.

I'm disappointed, but not to the point where I'm pouting all the time.  He doesn't expect too much from me orally because of his aversions. 

Hahaha I used to work as a phone domme. It was great money before web cams became very popular. I'm long-retired but it was a lot of fun bossing guys around!

Sugargirl1019

DHs favorite thing I think is anything in the shower. I can get him to do ANYTHING in there. He gets excited if we get to take one together. Which is why I told him he's taking a shower when he gets home (he's been outside at work all day!) And I'm joining him. He's pretty excited. he loves loves loves to do oral in the shower. Idk if its the water or seeing water run down my body when he's on his knees but.

Oh hi. I forgot y'all were there.

holyguacamole79

raissyrais said:

sarahbear31 said:

@wandajune6, can I PM you his phone # and you can coach him?

Kidding.

I'm disappointed, but not to the point where I'm pouting all the time.  He doesn't expect too much from me orally because of his aversions. 

Aww that's kinda too bad though...try to do the oral right in the shower like SugarGirl suggested! But seriously though, what DO you smell like down there? Is anything funky going on or is he just scared of regular vagina smell?

I like the shower idea!  Both of us need to lose weight, though, and the shower isn't that big, so I don't know how that would work.  I don't think I have anything funky going on down there; none of my past boyfriends seemed to have an issue. 

And his penis isn't exactly a bed of roses.....

Sugargirl1019

We shave each other in the shower too TMI sorry not sorry. He LOVES paying such close attention and making it exactly how he wants.

VulgarGirl

Sugargirl1019 said:

DHs favorite thing I think is anything in the shower. I can get him to do ANYTHING in there. He gets excited if we get to take one together. Which is why I told him he's taking a shower when he gets home (he's been outside at work all day!) And I'm joining him. He's pretty excited. he loves loves loves to do oral in the shower. Idk if its the water or seeing water run down my body when he's on his knees but. Oh hi. I forgot y'all were there.

We usually shower together every morning. Which means shower sex most mornings. 

beethery

loveislouder said:

I'm going to be completely honest with ya'll... FI was a virgin when we got together. He was very shy, and very scared of hurting me because hes... above average.  But dang was he good at what he does, even without having done it before.

He won't use his hands because he insists he will smell like "lady juice" and everyone will know, even after he washes his hands. 

He needs to get past that. FI has earned his red wings with me, and blood don't always smell so great.

My god, tell him to use dish soap and hot water if he's so worried about it.

Sugargirl1019

Senecaf said:

MagicInk said:

loveislouder said:

I'm going to be completely honest with ya'll... FI was a virgin when we got together. He was very shy, and very scared of hurting me because hes... above average.  But dang was he good at what he does, even without having done it before.

He won't use his hands because he insists he will smell like "lady juice" and everyone will know, even after he washes his hands. 

And why don't we want people knowing we've had sex with a girl?

Did no one else have the "smell my fingers" dudes in school? It was so gross but they would be so proud. I made it a point to never be that girl because that seemed so humilistimg.

SITB-----------------

I never knew that's why guys did that.. I thought it was because they stuck it in something gross, like their butt, but I never knew it was because they stuck it in a girl..

God like 6th graders pull that stunt!! AHHH!

VulgarGirl

Sugargirl1019 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm going to be completely honest with ya'll... FI was a virgin when we got together. He was very shy, and very scared of hurting me because hes... above average.  But dang was he good at what he does, even without having done it before.

He won't use his hands because he insists he will smell like "lady juice" and everyone will know, even after he washes his hands. 

And why don't we want people knowing we've had sex with a girl?

Did no one else have the "smell my fingers" dudes in school? It was so gross but they would be so proud. I made it a point to never be that girl because that seemed so humilistimg.

SITB----------------- I never knew that's why guys did that.. I thought it was because they stuck it in something gross, like their butt, but I never knew it was because they stuck it in a girl.. God like 6th graders pull that stunt!! AHHH!

Honestly I think it could either way. I stuck it in something gross, I stuck in a girl, I picked up something gross, dude smell my finger is just a way to say "It doesn't smell normal now guess what I did with it!", I have never once asked anyone to smell my finger after using them on a girl. 

chkmeowt

this entire thread makes me

Sugargirl1019

debmonn said:

this entire thread makes me

OMG THAT GIF!!

ETA: seriously, that cat is cracking me up. Good lord. Am I the only one cackling hysterically at that cats butt?

Senecaf

MagicInk said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm going to be completely honest with ya'll... FI was a virgin when we got together. He was very shy, and very scared of hurting me because hes... above average.  But dang was he good at what he does, even without having done it before.

He won't use his hands because he insists he will smell like "lady juice" and everyone will know, even after he washes his hands. 

And why don't we want people knowing we've had sex with a girl?

Did no one else have the "smell my fingers" dudes in school? It was so gross but they would be so proud. I made it a point to never be that girl because that seemed so humilistimg.

SITB----------------- I never knew that's why guys did that.. I thought it was because they stuck it in something gross, like their butt, but I never knew it was because they stuck it in a girl.. God like 6th graders pull that stunt!! AHHH!

Honestly I think it could either way. I stuck it in something gross, I stuck in a girl, I picked up something gross, dude smell my finger is just a way to say "It doesn't smell normal now guess what I did with it!", I have never once asked anyone to smell my finger after using them on a girl. 

Oh it for sure goes the other way too. I was thinking of the 9th grade boys that would congregate outside of the theater after their movie dates with girls. Or any other time. Maybe this wasn't a thing everywhere. If so good. it was gross.

mrsmorales2be

OMG, how did I almost miss this thread, too! 

FI enjoys giving as much (maybe even more?) as he enjoys receiving....that's a great arrangement for us.   He made it a point to tell me that he would never, ever, ask for anal.  He's not into it, and I'm totally ok with that!  He's also not too interested in toys, but I definitely don't feel deprived. 

raissyrais

sarahbear31 said:

raissyrais said:

sarahbear31 said:

@wandajune6, can I PM you his phone # and you can coach him?

Kidding.

I'm disappointed, but not to the point where I'm pouting all the time.  He doesn't expect too much from me orally because of his aversions. 

Aww that's kinda too bad though...try to do the oral right in the shower like SugarGirl suggested! But seriously though, what DO you smell like down there? Is anything funky going on or is he just scared of regular vagina smell?

I like the shower idea!  Both of us need to lose weight, though, and the shower isn't that big, so I don't know how that would work.  I don't think I have anything funky going on down there; none of my past boyfriends seemed to have an issue. 

And his penis isn't exactly a bed of roses.....

Well maybe you guys can start talking about how the penis has its smells as well but you still give him BJs. You don't wanna resent this SarahBear! It'll have to start somewhere!

holyguacamole79

raissyrais said:

sarahbear31 said:

raissyrais said:

sarahbear31 said:

@wandajune6, can I PM you his phone # and you can coach him?

Kidding.

I'm disappointed, but not to the point where I'm pouting all the time.  He doesn't expect too much from me orally because of his aversions. 

Aww that's kinda too bad though...try to do the oral right in the shower like SugarGirl suggested! But seriously though, what DO you smell like down there? Is anything funky going on or is he just scared of regular vagina smell?

I like the shower idea!  Both of us need to lose weight, though, and the shower isn't that big, so I don't know how that would work.  I don't think I have anything funky going on down there; none of my past boyfriends seemed to have an issue. 

And his penis isn't exactly a bed of roses.....

Well maybe you guys can start talking about how the penis has its smells as well but you still give him BJs. You don't wanna resent this SarahBear! It'll have to start somewhere!

Actually, I don't do oral that often.  Very rarely, to be honest.  He said that he doesn't want me to feel obligated to do oral since he doesn't.  At least there isn't a double standard!!

Chipmunk415

Regarding toys/restraints etc....DH and I have talked in jest about getting a vibrator, just for some pre-fun, warming me up purposes, but I think he is still kinda threatened by the idea of it. Gotta ease him into that one, have a full discussion.

Now for a laugh for you all at my expense....

We've used a blind fold exactly once. (back when DH was BF). We had a pitcher or 3 of DH's soon to be famous margaritas, I'd put on a sexy nightie and heels, and well, we were getting into it. I decided it'd be fun to blindfold DH. He was tipsy, and very amenable to suggestions, so on it went after his clothes were off.

While I was teasing/touching him, I ran my hand from his ribs to just below his belly button. What I hadn't counted on was DH being ticklish there, and having heightened reactions due to a) booze and b) blindfold.

Unfortunately for me, DH's reaction was to swing his arm up to try and protect his ribs/tummy. Yes ladies, I got clocked in the face while trying to spice up the sexy times. Despite being right handed, DH has a decent left hook when you're not expecting it and he's a little drunk.

(Cue the laughter and wine spurting out of noses).

DH was highly apologetic, immediately took off blindfold and ran for ice for me. I still had a lovely shiner on my cheekbone the next day at work- no makeup would properly cover that puppy. I told people I'd run into the freezer door when DH was opening it while we were making dinner the night before. Really, what was I supposed to say happened? :-D

Sugargirl1019

@Chipmunk415‌

We have an embarrassing story... One year in then BFs dorm room, he took a picture of my ass while I was bent over, with my thong neon in the black light. He made this picture the background on his phone. (If you stared hard enough, you could tell it was a thong and my butt).

Fast forward a few years, he gets a new iPhone and gives his mother the old one. Except it didn't delete pictures like he thought. She's holding it up to him, Son? What is this a picture of? That's such a weird shape.

He replied that it was a neon light moving in the dark and he liked how it looked and then deleted the picture.

I think she knew it was my butt.

I was horrified to think that she might know I bent over in that position in a dark room with a black light on in my neon thong and that her son thoroughly enjoyed that night.

I think that was the night we had excellent porn star quality anal...

levioosa

The title of this thread is so innocuous compared to what is happening within it.