Creating a wedding registry after already living together?

APDSS22

LadyMatsi said:

finallyhismrs said:

short+sassy said:

It is perfectly fine to create a wedding registry, regardless of how long you all have been together...living situation...or children.  I guarantee you, people will still want to give you gifts and a registry is helpful for that.

Of course, with that said, you would only tell people where you are registered IF/WHEN they ask.  If you have a wedding website, that information can also be listed there.

My DH and I had been living together for over 10 years when we got married.  Most of our guests gave us a card with cash inside, but a few gave us gifts of our registry.

So I shouldn't add it to the save the date/wedding invites?

We are just adding business type cards in with our invites/save the dates/RSVPs to say where we are registered. 

Please don't include your registry information in with your STDs or your invitations.  It is very rude and presumptuous.  You can spread that information by word of mouth if someone asks you or put it on a discreet page of your wedding website.  Including it with STDs or invitations basically tells your guests "BUY ME THINGS!!!!"

[Deleted User]

LadyMatsi said:

We are just adding small business cards in with the invites/rsvp/reception card that say where we are registered. 

Don't do this.  This is incredibly tacky and gift-grabby.  Just don't.

marybi

Absolutely you should register!! I think even more so because you live together... This way you can tell your guests what you need.  You already have the basics that most people give at a wedding, so by registering you can say, "Hey we really need new sheets for our queen sized bed" or whatever.  So register and don't feel bad about it for one second.

marie2785

misshart00 said:

I guess I see your point. I'm still a bit cranky after my cousins had Star Wars and batman sheets on their registry.

My FI wants to put star wars sheets and toys (sorry, "collectible action figures") on our registry if we register at Target. We have no kids. He just collects and displays the stuff--one of our guest rooms is completely star wars themed (ughhh). I told him only 2 star wars related items could be included. 

My mom, who is VERY etiquette conscious, laughed and told me NO ONE would buy that stuff since it's obviously for him to play with. I guarantee his friends will buy it for him though since they're all into that stuff. The star wars items will probably be the first things purchased off the registry. Arghhh

huskypuppy14

Knottie27273946 said:

I think only give out the registry if guests ask is a good idea (seems more social acceptable - etiquette??), but I also think it might be more of a hassle to give out the info to each individual as they ask if I end up having a big guest list. Also what if I have a lot of store I'm registering at??? 

If people want to give you a gift they will ask where you are registered. It is not ok to put those registry cards in your wedding invitation.

It's too much of hassle to give out your registry info to each individual...? Please don't make me laugh. You are not that important, your wedding isn't the most important event in your guests lives. If you can't be grateful for what you get you are not mature enough to get married. No one has to get you a gift.

You can put your registry on a registry tab on your wedding registry.  Most people know how to google, and can find your registry that way also, without you soliciting it.

indianaalum

LadyMatsi said:

We are just adding small business cards in with the invites/rsvp/reception card that say where we are registered. 

inserting registry info in wedding invites is against etiquette and perceived as rude

Viczaesar

Knottie27273946 said:

I think only give out the registry if guests ask is a good idea (seems more social acceptable - etiquette??), but I also think it might be more of a hassle to give out the info to each individual as they ask if I end up having a big guest list. Also what if I have a lot of store I'm registering at??? 

Have you heard of The Google?  Your guests have too.

sarahufl

Viczaesar said:

Knottie27273946 said:

I think only give out the registry if guests ask is a good idea (seems more social acceptable - etiquette??), but I also think it might be more of a hassle to give out the info to each individual as they ask if I end up having a big guest list. Also what if I have a lot of store I'm registering at??? 

Have you heard of The Google?  Your guests have too.

THIS. Even my most tech unsavvy relatives who can barely check their email managed to find our registry info without putting it on the STDs or in the invites.

Viczaesar

Knottie27273946 said:

sarahufl said:

Viczaesar said:

Knottie27273946 said:

I think only give out the registry if guests ask is a good idea (seems more social acceptable - etiquette??), but I also think it might be more of a hassle to give out the info to each individual as they ask if I end up having a big guest list. Also what if I have a lot of store I'm registering at??? 

Have you heard of The Google?  Your guests have too.

THIS. Even my most tech unsavvy relatives who can barely check their email managed to find our registry info without putting it on the STDs or in the invites.

Yes, I've heard of Google. I'm sorry if it offends you that I didn't know I could look up registries via Google. I suppose I have a lot to learn about weddings and internet. I guess that's why I started using "The Knot," so I could learn more. 

What makes you think we're offended?

slothiegal

Viczaesar said: Knottie27273946 said: sarahufl said: Viczaesar said: Knottie27273946 said: I think only give out the registry if guests ask is a good idea (seems more social acceptable - etiquette??), but I also think it might be more of a hassle to give out the info to each individual as they ask if I end up having a big guest list. Also what if I have a lot of store I'm registering at???  Have you heard of The Google?  Your guests have too. THIS. Even my most tech unsavvy relatives who can barely check their email managed to find our registry info without putting it on the STDs or in the invites.
Yes, I've heard of Google. I'm sorry if it offends you that I didn't know I could look up registries via Google. I suppose I have a lot to learn about weddings and internet. I guess that's why I started using "The Knot," so I could learn more. 
What makes you think we're offended?

---------------------------
Right?  Racism offends me.  Homophobia offends me.  When Chipotle forgets to put guac on my burrito bowl, that offends me.

Your registry issues, not so much.

Knottie04032614

I have a question--

We were recently invited to a wedding, and the couple had registered for a PS4.  Is this considered acceptable etiquette-wise?  I'm on the fence about it.  Thoughts?

levioosa

Knottie04032614 said:

I have a question--

We were recently invited to a wedding, and the couple had registered for a PS4.  Is this considered acceptable etiquette-wise?  I'm on the fence about it.  Thoughts?

I personally would side-eye that a little bit.  Now, if I knew that couple were huge gamers and went to conventions and stuff, then I would let it slide, because it would most likely be something they would enjoy together.  But if it was clearly just something for one person, then I judge.  

beethery

Knottie04032614 said:

I have a question--

We were recently invited to a wedding, and the couple had registered for a PS4.  Is this considered acceptable etiquette-wise?  I'm on the fence about it.  Thoughts?

I would side-eye and buy the PS4. For myself, from Amazon or something. I want a PS4. I would not register for it.

(also how hilarious would it be to buy a PS4 that was listed on someone's registry and then keep it? I am a bad person for finding mean humor in this)

perdonami

I'm starting to think we need to make a sticky about FAQ about wedding registries given all the questions we receive about them here on the etiquette forum. @slothiegal‌ think this is doable?

Viczaesar

No more stickies!

beethery

perdonami said:

I'm starting to think we need to make a sticky about FAQ about wedding registries given all the questions we receive about them here on the etiquette forum. @slothiegal‌ think this is doable?

If a registry sticky goes up at all, it ought to go up on the registry board.

mrsmagicgeek

My DH and I are serious gamers. I could see registering for something like that, although most in our circle know that's how we spend "together time" sometimes.

[Deleted User]

No more stickies!  Please no more stickies.  My entire first page (because I keep my browser small at work to hide some of the signature gifs) is covered in stickies!

slothiegal

I agree with @beethery; if a sticky is to be made (and it doesn't sound like most people are in favor of one), it would belong on the registry board.

FutureMrsToal

Its absolutely acceptable for you to create a registry! Guests are going to wonder what to get for your shower etc. and registries are helpful. Not to mention these days people register for everything from honeymoon activities to sporting goods! If you feel like you already have everything you need for your household maybe try a less traditional registry.

[Deleted User]

FutureMrsToal said:

Its absolutely acceptable for you to create a registry! Guests are going to wonder what to get for your shower etc. and registries are helpful. Not to mention these days people register for everything from honeymoon activities to sporting goods! If you feel like you already have everything you need for your household maybe try a less traditional registry.

Except that honeymoon registries are super rude.  

Go ahead and register for camping gear if that's something you enjoy doing together.  But if she likes camping and he's a homebody, I'm totally going to side-eye camping stuff.  If you both like board games, go ahead and register for some of those.

esstee33

FutureMrsToal said:

Its absolutely acceptable for you to create a registry! Guests are going to wonder what to get for your shower etc. and registries are helpful. Not to mention these days people register for everything from honeymoon activities to sporting goods! If you feel like you already have everything you need for your household maybe try a less traditional registry.

No. Please read any of the billion threads on these forums about why honeymoon registries are inappropriate. "Less traditional" registries are typically thinly-veiled ways to ask your guests for cash gifts, which is never OK. 

cheapchicbride16

Sorry... But I don't think you should. Wedding gifts are for the couple to set up a house. Since you have already made your house, why would a registry be necessary??

[Deleted User]

cheapchicbride16 said:

Sorry... But I don't think you should. Wedding gifts are for the couple to set up a house. Since you have already made your house, why would a registry be necessary??

But a registry is for people who want to get the couple a gift out of the kindness of their heart to know the couple's taste.  Creating a registry doesn't mean they expect these gifts or any gifts (just like the fact that I have an amazon wish list doesn't mean I expect people to buy me shit).  But if they get a gift from the registry, it will be wanted and appreciated and not have to be exchanged or returned.

Knottie30291358

I'd say the stage on life you're at in no way ameliorates or exacerbates the level of effrontery inherant in presenting your guests with a list of demands.

AddieCake

cheapchicbride16 said:

Sorry... But I don't think you should. Wedding gifts are for the couple to set up a house. Since you have already made your house, why would a registry be necessary??

For upgrades, for things you don't have but want, maybe? How absurd to think that just because a couple already has home items they don't need or want or shouldn't be allowed to get gifts.

beethery

cheapchicbride16 said:

Sorry... But I don't think you should. Wedding gifts are for the couple to set up a house. Since you have already made your house, why would a registry be necessary??

Why bother getting married if they already live together? Why live together? Why anything? This is dumb advice. Upgrades are an option, plus there are some things that they might not have that some people might want to give them. 

Knottie30291358 said:

I'd say the stage on life you're at in no way ameliorates or exacerbates the level of effrontery inherant in presenting your guests with a list of demands.

I don't know you, but I love your vocabulary.

fwtx5815

erinemm said:

misshart00 said:

I guess I see your point. I'm still a bit cranky after my cousins had Star Wars and batman sheets on their registry.

My FI wants to put star wars sheets and toys (sorry, "collectible action figures") on our registry if we register at Target. We have no kids. He just collects and displays the stuff--one of our guest rooms is completely star wars themed (ughhh). I told him only 2 star wars related items could be included. 

My mom, who is VERY etiquette conscious, laughed and told me NO ONE would buy that stuff since it's obviously for him to play with. I guarantee his friends will buy it for him though since they're all into that stuff. The star wars items will probably be the first things purchased off the registry. Arghhh

I have to say, if I saw a friend's registry had toy collectibles on it, I'd side-eye the HELL out of that.  That in no way helps to establish a home and sounds like more of a birthday gift. I don't even really like the idea of registering for games or books, but honestly registering for toys (even if they're for the couple and not kids) is judge-worthy IMO. Knotties say all the time the couples with children need to leave kids' items off registries, and I think this is sort of (though not exactly) the same thing -- purely for personal entertainment.

I think it's sweet if a guest were to put together some type of date night gift with theatre gift cards and such, but to flat out ask for entertainment items is a bit on the tacky side. I know not everyone will agree with that. 

Really though, I could say that I collect designer purses/shoes/whatever, and I might even display them in my closet and call it decor, but I'm not going to register for a Chanel bag. Also, I really love baking and cooking and I do consider it a hobby, but that's also how I feed FI and myself, host guests,etc. --> registering for kitchen items is obviously okay.

Knottie30291358 said:

I'd say the stage on life you're at in no way ameliorates or exacerbates the level of effrontery inherant in presenting your guests with a list of demands.

It's spelled inherent*

Also, a registry is NOT a list of demands, hence the reason people on these boards are told that they should never be the ones to mention their registry and it should definitely not be included in the invitation or save the date in any way.

misshart00

Knottie30291358 said:

I'd say the stage on life you're at in no way ameliorates or exacerbates the level of effrontery inherant in presenting your guests with a list of demands.

I suddenly feel very stupid.

fwtx5815

misshart00 said:

Knottie30291358 said:

I'd say the stage on life you're at in no way ameliorates or exacerbates the level of effrontery inherant in presenting your guests with a list of demands.

I suddenly feel very stupid.

To me, the stupid thing is snarking on registries altogether, on the Etiquette board, which are etiquette-approved.

SORRY Y'ALL I'm obviously wearing my judgy pants tonights

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