Wedding Etiquette Forum

Am I wrong?!

Hey ladies! So I used to frequent this site years ago when I was planning my own wedding, but I haven't been on since.....I'm posting only bc I'm kinda offended and annoyed about my cousins upcoming wedding and wondered if you ladies agreed. 

So basically (long story kinda short) her and her FI were secretly married over a year ago (I only found out bc my sister lives with her sister and slipped up one day, but made it known it was a secret and no one else knew they were already married). So to start off, this is a PPD. 

Next, the "real wedding" is in a different state this weekend, and the reception is the following weekend here in town. She didn't invite any real family to the ceremony, she said it is "immediate family only", however I found out from the same sister noted above (clearly she can't keep secrets) that there are 45 people invited to this "immediate family only' ceremony!! Come to find out, she did not invite any cousins, uncles, grandparents etc, but has invited all of her friends. Ok, its her day, so I guess she can invite whoever she wants.....BUT of course all her family was invited to the wedding shower. So I am not good enough to invite to the ceremony (to see her basically renew her vows bc she is already married) but I AM good enough to buy her a shower gift.....which to make it even worse, she specified on the shower invite she wanted gift cards only. 

So the reception here is the week following the "real ceremony" and will start with a "renewing of vows" (yet again!) for her family and then a reception following that. I personally think renewing of vows a week after you said them is the dumbest thing I've ever heard (especially knowing it will be a SECOND renewing of vows since she was already married over a year ago!) AND if you wanted your family to see you say your vows, then invite them to the real ceremony in the first place!! Right??

Am I the only one who thinks this whole "wedding" is going against EVERY rule of etiquette ever?! Am I wrong to be annoyed? 

Re: Am I wrong?!

  • daaaaaaaang.  Yeah, I'd decline the shower fo sho.
  • Too bad the shower was a couple weeks ago and I kinda HAD to go. I'm mostly offended about the 45 guests invited to a supposed immediate family only ceremony. Clearly her friends are more important than her family. 
  • daaaaaaaang.  Yeah, I'd decline the shower fo sho.
    Thats the funniest part! She is the farthest thing from a bridezilla! She didn't want a huge deal....yet now she has made it the biggest deal. Annoying!
  • jeng507 said:
    daaaaaaaang.  Yeah, I'd decline the shower fo sho.
    Thats the funniest part! She is the farthest thing from a bridezilla! She didn't want a huge deal....yet now she has made it the biggest deal. Annoying!
    Well, weddings can bring out the crazy in the most sane women.
    beharrington
  • Sounds like a big ass mess.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • Decline anything else related to the event. If asked, say why.
    ________________________________


  • Yeah I would decline based on the fact that it's a PPD alone. 


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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  • Decline the reception.
  • I'd be busy that (those) days.  Although if it was going to cause a huge family rift I would probably attend the PPD AHR.  


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  • Nope, you are not wrong. 
  • Go and get waaaaasted. 

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    Kauris
  • Seriously don't bother with a gift at this point, and if it just so happens that you've had a drink or two at the reception (NOT from a cash bar, I hope) to help loosen your tongue and the fact that they've been married twice now slips out...oh shucks!  What's a girl to do?
    jeng507
  • You had to go. Why? So are you not invited to the reception?

    Please tell me you didn't get her a gift. Sorry lady, you don't get a shower gift because you are already a wife. 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Go get wasted and let it slip it is a PPD
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    larrygagaslothiegalPrettyGirlLostrajahmd
  • I have 40 people between FI and I's immediate family. Maybe her FI has a huge family like we do?

    Anyway, it's a PPD so it's still rude. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • She sounds like a gross person.

    Don't go to any of the remaining events in this dog and pony show.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • Blech.  This whole thing is repulsive.

    I'd totally let it slip that this is a PPD.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • beethery said:



    I would accidentally (but not really accidentally) let it slip they've been married for a year at the reception.  I would attend the reception to see my family, but not give any kind of gift, except for maybe a giant metal chicken.

    Do the bolded, and then do this:

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    Wish I could blame it on the alcohol, but I'm pregnant
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Then blame it on the hormones. "I don't know what happened! Apparently the baby doesn't react well with chocolate cake! I ate hummus and carrots, chocolate cake, and some club soda, and all of a sudden I was shooting off my mouth about everyone's secrets! I think I may have even told your mother about about the tattoo on my husband's ass! How embarrassing!"
    bumbletiger88PrettyGirlLostjeng507Blue_Bird
  • jeng507 said:

    beethery said:



    I would accidentally (but not really accidentally) let it slip they've been married for a year at the reception.  I would attend the reception to see my family, but not give any kind of gift, except for maybe a giant metal chicken.

    Do the bolded, and then do this:

    image
    Wish I could blame it on the alcohol, but I'm pregnant

    Um, pregnancy brain. It's awful and fabulous at the same time.
    rajahmdKaurisjeng507
  • jeng507 said:
    Too bad the shower was a couple weeks ago and I kinda HAD to go. I'm mostly offended about the 45 guests invited to a supposed immediate family only ceremony. Clearly her friends are more important than her family. 

    I think you are right that fake wedding ceremony (to hide a secret marriage) followed by a week later "vow renewal"/do over is weird and rather inconsiderate of the guests. That said, I don't think you should be very offended that she invited her friends rather than more distant relatives. Every family is different, but I know I am significantly closer to my dear friends than I am to my cousins, aunts, or uncles. Now 45 people seems a little high, but I tend to have a fairly small circle of close friends rather than a larger circle of friends.
    Blue_Bird
  • jeng507 said:
    Too bad the shower was a couple weeks ago and I kinda HAD to go. I'm mostly offended about the 45 guests invited to a supposed immediate family only ceremony. Clearly her friends are more important than her family. 

    I think you are right that fake wedding ceremony (to hide a secret marriage) followed by a week later "vow renewal"/do over is weird and rather inconsiderate of the guests. That said, I don't think you should be very offended that she invited her friends rather than more distant relatives. Every family is different, but I know I am significantly closer to my dear friends than I am to my cousins, aunts, or uncles. Now 45 people seems a little high, but I tend to have a fairly small circle of close friends rather than a larger circle of friends.
    This.  I have over 30 first cousins.  
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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