September 2014 Weddings

on the verge of a break down

Someone please give me some advice on this issue!
My FI and I decided from the very beginning of our wedding planning that we wanted to have an adult reception due to the fact that if we invited everyones kids that would add 150 kids to the already huge guest list. His mother has not liked the idea from the beginning..but it was what we wanted so we stuck to it.
Now our wedding is only 9 days away and there has been a huge blow up over one comment that I unfortunately made on FB about extra people on RSVPs and not knowing if we will be able to sit next to eachother on one of our flights to Aruba.
One person started attacking us saying its not right that her kid is not welcome because they are LIKE family (but are not blood related). It has turned into one enormous argument between my FI and his mother and now his sister as well. They are saying that we are in the wrong for not allowing guest C not bring their child. Guest Cs sister and brother have now said that they will not be attending as well as guest C.
In the meantime, my FI has tried to explain to his mother that this was our wishes and people should respect it. She is taking Guest Cs side in the whole issue and has even implied that she may not attend the wedding at all now. I think it is absolutely crazy that this has become such a big issue all because guest C started this huge argument.
What are we to do? I feel like these people are ruining our wedding by creating so much drama.
Please help!!!!!!!

Re: on the verge of a break down

  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm really sorry you are dealing with the drama. You need to lay down the law and not take shit from people. Be proud in your decision that it's what you guys want and you don't owe anyone an apology. FMIL was super butthurt that we weren't inviting any of her nieces/ nephews and we said fucking get over it because it's not changing. If those people don't want to come to your wedding because they are too rude to respect your wishes, then good for them, no loss on your part! Sorry that it's stressful though.



  • Super shitty and immature of people!!!! You need to stick to your original decision and it is NO CHILDREN. We are also having an adult only wedding/reception. I only had 1 issue with people not understanding that when the STD and the invitation arrived addressed to just Mr. & Mrs., it means just Mr. & Mrs. FI's uncle had called FI's parents to inquire if his daughter could attend. FFIL sorta beat around the bush, gave him (it is his brother) our phone number and told him to call us and ask, when he (FFIL) knew it was no children. FMIL was more direct when she was contacted and said there are no children invited, it is our decision because we are paying (with help from my parents and my parents support the decision of no children). Well, when the response card showed up in the mailbox, it was Mr.,Mrs. & child's name. I immediately contacted FMIL to address the situation, and she did. She said FI's uncle was not happy.... but oh well. So I said, should I expect them to show up with her that day any way or for them to not show up at all? She said she doubted they'd completely skip, but it could be possible they show up with daughter along. At that point, there will be nothing I can do... but I will think it is completely rude.
  • Couggal12Couggal12 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    Wow, that is really messed up that someone would jump on you like that 9 days before your wedding. If someone really had an issue like that with you they should have addressed it to you privately and in a respectful manner a long time ago where you could have told them "This is what we want and and we are very sorry we cannot accommodate everyone. We hope you can understand and we will miss you if you choose not to attend."  How stressful :( I am sorry and hopefully your FI can talk his mother down and get her to understand. Stand by your word though and don't take shit from people. You won't please everyone. As long as you're not being rude and breaking etiquette rules (which you're not, you don't have to invite kids) then you're not doing anything wrong. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

  • You are the hosts, they are the guests. Guests don't get to dictate what they want. They have an option: don't come. Simple. You are not obligated to feed and watch their children, especially if you already stated that children aren't welcome. If that means they choose not to come, oh well; more room for guests that actually care about what the day is really about (i.e. NOT THEM).

    My advice? Don't argue. Just state that you're sorry they will not be attending. BUH Bye.
  • We encountered similar pushback and rudeness about our "no kids" policy. Don't budge. The people who love and care for you will attend your wedding. It is YOUR wedding, YOUR day, and more importantly YOUR money. As the prior posts say, simply tell them you are sorry they cannot attend as you were hoping to celebrate with them and call it a day. You'll be more upset that you didn't have the wedding you wanted than if you cave to them. And if they don't come? Extra money you can use for your honeymoon or something else wedding related. Enjoy your wedding! :)
  • Agree with all the PPs! One of the consequences of having a child-free wedding is that people may decline. They have that right. But it is TOTALLY rude to make a public fuss about it. Keep your head up and don't give in, if you don't want to.
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