Attire & Accessories Forum

My new stance on dress regret.

Hey ladies. I know I've already posted a bunch of times on here about my dress saga. First, I posted about how I made the mistake of not inviting my mother to my first dress shopping appointment, decided the second dress I tried on was flattering enough and on a deep discount, and so purchased it. Of course, robbing my mother of the chance to go dress shopping with her only daughter - cue an insane amount of family drama. Then, several months later, I posted about how I was having major dress regret and fearing going into my first fitting only to realize I hated my dress. Everyone had lots of completely reasonable advice like "stop looking at dresses online" and relax and breathe and this is all normal, your dress will be awesome. I convinced myself this was totally rational (and it is! for most people!) and that my dress was fine. Maybe I also posted about a family member made a strange comment to me after seeing my dress about how great it will look when I'm done losing weight. (THANKS.) Then this past weekend was my first fitting and it was a nightmare. My fault for going to David's Bridal for my alterations, but it was a total shitshow. Arguments with a rando manager, a weird mom of the bride next to me offering to punch people in the face for me (not really necessary, lady, but thanks), my mom saying things like "This looks great on you" but doing so through a pained smile. I left giving DB $200 and secretly, deep down, hating my dress.

I have finally come to terms with the fact that I freaking want to throw this dress into a frothing tank of piranhas who will shred it into a million pieces. I swear this dress is cursed with a million terrible deeds worth of bad karma. So now, six weeks out from my wedding day, I am dedicating my weekend to finding a new dress that can somehow magically be ordered and altered before my mid-October wedding. Deep breaths. I know I can find it. And I will show it to no one, and tell no one, so that it can not be sullied by anyone's bad chi, drama, or weirdo comments.

I wanted to post just in case someone else is trying to convince themselves to ignore a deep, nagging, sense of foreboding whenever they see the dress bag hanging in their closet. Do not convince yourself that you just have cold feet. Have a come to Jesus talk with yourself. Find the room in your budget to correct your mistake. Ideally, earlier than 6 weeks before your wedding.

 

Re: My new stance on dress regret.

  • I'm sorry that you ended up hating your dress so much. I was really convinced that once you tried it on again, you'd realize what you liked about it. Do you have a photo or style name/number? We could definitely give you advice on how it might be made more interesting or more your style. If it's a complete wash, I wish you really good luck finding something soon. I'd hit up used wedding dress sites ASAP. Otherwise try places that sell sample dresses off the rack. Really, big hugs. I feel terrible for you. If we'd all told you earlier in this conversation that you have paid more attention to the negative feelings you were having towards your dress, you wouldn't be in this position. That said, it really does seem like the majority of women who have dress regret find that it goes away if they stop looking at other dresses, and try their original dress on again. I think your problem was that you didn't love the dress to begin with; merely thought it "flattering enough." Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
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  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2014

    It's fully my own fault - everyone here gave really good advice. But I think you nailed the problem! If you never had that "I LOVE THIS DRESS" moment when you bought it... dress regret might be more than just cold feet. You're not going to fall in love with it months down the line.

    I also realize now I should not have purchased my dress 1 week after getting engaged and 10 months before our wedding date. That's just too early. I didn't know my venue, I didn't know what season we would be getting married in. I had no idea I was going to be inspired enough to lose 20 pounds. I don't even have the same body I did when I purchased it. I didn't know our parents were going to be so generous and double our budget. I had NO CLUE what I was doing.

    But I'm feeling good! I have three dress appointments scheduled today and tomorrow and I explained my situation on the phone to each of them and they said it happens all the time and I will find something!

  • Also, if you like a dress just enough, and weren't really thinking about buying it until the consultant tells you, "You know this dress is discontinued, this is the last one on earth, I'll give you $300 if you buy it right now..." JUST SAY NO. That's all great stuff if you were ALREADY sold on the dress. Those should not be reasons to stupidly purchase a dress you were otherwise going to leave on the rack.

    Ugh.

    Me dress shopping --> AMATEUR HOUR.

  • So I found my dress! I made afterwork appointments during the week, and at the first one was a total mess. They sat me down and asked what I didn't like about my original dress and I totally just started crying like an insane person. Then we tried on five dresses and I liked all of them better than the dress I purchased, but none of them enough to buy. I left hopeful, but still a little down about this whole mess.

    The next night I did the same thing at a different store. And when I tried on the second dress the consultant pulled I finally had my dress 'moment'. I gasped at how great it looked and I didn't want to take it off. This was nothing like when I found my first dress back in January. I couldn't imagine myself looking better than I did in this dress. I tried on four more dresses and compared each of them to the second dress. And then in some kind of divine sign, the consultant and I realized that it fit me almost perfectly. I can get away with only having the dress hemmed and a bustle put in. So I'm not freaking out about getting alterations done in time.

    I didn't think the whole 'dress moment' was going to be a thing for me, but it really was. If your dress doesn't take your breath away, if you don't leave thinking "Dang I looked SO FREAKING GOOD in that dress!" then it just isn't your dress.

    I'm so excited, even if I blew several hundred on an extra gown. I'll be happy if I can sell it for a few hundred to someone who is as short as I am and for some reason needs an Old Hollywood glam dress. If not, c'est la vie. I'll find some weird use for it (is there a 1920s theme party in my future???). It's all worth it in the end.

  • Also, if you are in any way indecisive, or freaking out about finding a dress, I highly recommend shopping by yourself, on a weekday. It was just so much less hectic. At one appointment I was the only bride in the store. At the second, I was one of two. Everything was relaxed and I could hear my own thoughts and freakout without my friends flitting around me. It was really the best.
  • I did my shopping by myself. It was nice to not have to worry about other people's opinions. I'm so pleased you found something. What did you end up going with?
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  • I missed all the dress regret posts BUT I am SO happy that you found something you absolutely love & feel fabulous in :) And yes, show us the dress!! 
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  • I'm glad you found something you love! I recently went through something similar. I let my mom and my friend talk me into adding a belt that I really wasn't crazy about. And once I had my first fitting, I didn't like the dress. Everyone kept telling me how great it looked, but I just kept thinking about that stupid belt. I finally talked to the salon owner yesterday, and we're changing out the belt for something thicker that I love. And I'm so happy I insisted on changing it.
  • Just consider yourself fortunate to have the budget to buy a dress, have it altered, then go buy another dress now (and have it altered...)  Many brides on here probably want to do that but can't.
  • Thanks guys!!!!!!!!! It was haunting me for months.

    I feel so much more bridal and so much less costumey! It's also very dark champagne... almost a gold overlay which I looooooooove. Gold is our wedding color. Gah! I love it! I want to wear it every day.

  • Congratulations!  It's beautiful.  
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  • Beautiful!  I'm glad you're happy. Every bride should love their wedding gown.
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