How much should be spent on an engagement ring?

theartistformerlyknownas

There's no amount of money that anyone "should" spend on anything. People can and do spend all different amounts across a huge range, and there's nothing wrong with any of those points as long as they have the disposable income to choose to spend that way. Everyone's expenses are different - you could make $100k per year but have really high expenses and not much spending money left, or you could make $30k and be really frugal with expenses and be able to splurge more on a ring. 

Except crab cakes. You "should" spend more to get real Maryland crab, not "Maryland style" because that's just fish. So there's that.

Knottie1463426215

I'm with @JennyColada. My ring is worth quite a bit more than what the average person can afford, and it's hurtful when people make comments about how it's unnecessary. It's also hurtful when people assume you stretched yourself thin or went into debt to get it. FWIW, FI didn't even come close to doing that. If he did, I wouldn't be marrying him. The truth of the matter is that the amount of money spent on a ring is really personal. It depends on your financial situation, how much you're comfortable spending, etc. There's no right or wrong answer, because a bigger ring doesn't mean a happier marriage. But by the same token, a smaller ring doesn't mean a happier marriage either.

MandyMost

JennyColada said:

@JCbride2015‌ , yep! It makes me seriously self conscious to discuss the price of my ring (on TK, I'm self conscious to discuss it irl for other reasons of course!), since it would be out of the realm of what many can afford, and it's really hurtful to hear that some think that Fi's idea of wanting to get me something lovely is "wasteful" or otherwise unnecessary.

But it IS totally and completely and entirely 100% unnecessary. Fact. Not debatable. It's great that you have an expensive ring. It's great that other people have expensive wedding dresses. Or expensive cars. Or expensive houses. They are ALL unnecessary. We all get to choose what we spend our money on, some people just choose differently. That's why there's no "should" involved here. Talking about what someone "should" spend on an engagement ring comes off very entitled because it is a gift...you don't tell people what they "should" spend on your birthday gifts, right?

And for the record, I agree that people come off patronizing when they brag about how inexpensive they were able to have their wedding, and how they were able to pay for it all out of pocket and didn't want any debt. Everyone's circumstances are different. Just because one person paid for a ring with cash, and another paid for it on credit, doesn't make one better than the other. (For instance, what if the latter was a recent law-school grad, about to start a 6-figure job, but currently without a lot of money? Does that make it "OK" that he financed the ring, if he can pay it off with a quarter of a paycheck a few months later? You don't know everyone's situation. Some people would prefer a little debt for a while, and never feel like they want to "upgrade"). 

JennyColada

MandyMost said:

JennyColada said:

@JCbride2015‌ , yep! It makes me seriously self conscious to discuss the price of my ring (on TK, I'm self conscious to discuss it irl for other reasons of course!), since it would be out of the realm of what many can afford, and it's really hurtful to hear that some think that Fi's idea of wanting to get me something lovely is "wasteful" or otherwise unnecessary.

But it IS totally and completely and entirely 100% unnecessary. Fact. Not debatable. It's great that you have an expensive ring. It's great that other people have expensive wedding dresses. Or expensive cars. Or expensive houses. They are ALL unnecessary. We all get to choose what we spend our money on, some people just choose differently. That's why there's no "should" involved here. Talking about what someone "should" spend on an engagement ring comes off very entitled because it is a gift...you don't tell people what they "should" spend on your birthday gifts, right?

Unnecessary, sure, yea, I'll give you that. But when people basically try to say that it was "wrong" for him to do that (assuming we went into debt or something) that stings. It's also not "wasteful" at all, because we aren't wasting anything. He bought me something that he wanted to buy me and I am very appreciative of that thing every single day. A waste would be if I didn't want the ring or didn't like it or if he forced it on me or if he spent more than I could appreciate. He didn't.

For other people, the ring (or car or house or what-have-you) could be a waste, but for me and for us it's not. And to basically be told that I don't appreciate what I have because THEY couldn't appreciate it in the same way is really insulting to both me and to Fi.

tammym1001

A PP posted a good article that had averages, but I'm curious why OP is asking. Do you already have an engagement ring? Are you getting ready to shop for one and wanted an idea? Or are you trying to see if your FI spent enough? You don't have to answer if you don't want because I'm kind of being nosy, but I was just curious.

finallyhismrs

tammym1001 said:

A PP posted a good article that had averages, but I'm curious why OP is asking. Do you already have an engagement ring? Are you getting ready to shop for one and wanted an idea? Or are you trying to see if your FI spent enough? You don't have to answer if you don't want because I'm kind of being nosy, but I was just curious.

We are getting ready to shop for one.

theartistformerlyknownas

finallyhismrs said:

tammym1001 said:

A PP posted a good article that had averages, but I'm curious why OP is asking. Do you already have an engagement ring? Are you getting ready to shop for one and wanted an idea? Or are you trying to see if your FI spent enough? You don't have to answer if you don't want because I'm kind of being nosy, but I was just curious.

We are getting ready to shop for one.

Whoever's paying for it (him? both of you?) needs to look at their finances and see what they feel comfortable spending or saving for it, and over how long of a time. Nobody else can give you a cut and dry answer without knowing the full details of your income, expenditures, and debts. The 3 months salary thing is a giant load of crap.

sarahufl

H makes a lot of money. If he spent 3 months salary on a ring, I would be horrified because we could go on a nice vacation for that.

He didn't spend anywhere close to 3 months salary and the ring was still more expensive than a lot of friends spent. Don't fall victim to advertising, buy what you like and can comfortably afford.

slothiegal

sarahufl said:

H makes a lot of money. If he spent 3 months salary on a ring, I would be horrified because we could go on a nice vacation for that.

He didn't spend anywhere close to 3 months salary and the ring was still more expensive than a lot of friends spent. Don't fall victim to advertising, buy what you like and can comfortably afford.

Gah same here.  I'd be appalled if he spent 25% of his annual income for our ring...I'd rather be saving for a house or something. 

Or HOLY SHIT HE COULD'VE BOUGHT ME SLOTHS.  CLICKY.

beethery

I told FI if he was going to spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring, he might as well get me an engagement car. 25% of his annual income. Child please. Whoever came up with that was a fooooooooollllllll

tammym1001

finallyhismrs said:

tammym1001 said:

A PP posted a good article that had averages, but I'm curious why OP is asking. Do you already have an engagement ring? Are you getting ready to shop for one and wanted an idea? Or are you trying to see if your FI spent enough? You don't have to answer if you don't want because I'm kind of being nosy, but I was just curious.

We are getting ready to shop for one.

In that case, I would ignore what the industry says you should spend and I would try to find something that is in a comfortable price range for you. My DH bought my engagement ring on his own so I had no say in how much he spent. 

theartistformerlyknownas

slothiegal said:

sarahufl said:

H makes a lot of money. If he spent 3 months salary on a ring, I would be horrified because we could go on a nice vacation for that.

He didn't spend anywhere close to 3 months salary and the ring was still more expensive than a lot of friends spent. Don't fall victim to advertising, buy what you like and can comfortably afford.

Gah same here.  I'd be appalled if he spent 25% of his annual income for our ring...I'd rather be saving for a house or something. 

Or HOLY SHIT HE COULD'VE BOUGHT ME SLOTHS.  CLICKY.

OMG. We need to make sloths the new 1 year anniversary present. Fuck paper. SLOTHS. ETA or SHIT, his BM lives in Naples. Bring me one!

25% of his annual take-home would be a nice start to the sloth farm!

csaville

I requested that if my fi were to buy a ring that he only buy what is affordable. there's no sense in buying a ring to get engaged if said ring is going to end up causing problems because the fi cannot afford it. i also asked him to check the sales and clearance items first before making his decision. and i found our wedding bands on amazon but only through an amazon verified seller or from amazon itself so i didnt get ripped off.

bellefemme12

I knew the 3 month rule thing was way too much money based on his salary at the time.  Friends had let me know the general cost of their friends' (my acquaintances, lol) rings, those of which I liked, so I let him know.  We also went ring shopping briefly once while on vacay together for us to get an idea of size and cost and I went again later on by myself to determine what carat size looked best on me.  

I really like my ring.  Not sure where the first poster is from, but don't get caught up in size if you have to slack on the color and clarity.  In my city, some women seem fixated on having at least 2 carats and TBH some of these 2 carat rings you can see flaws and yellowing from just being side by side with them.  

wajohnson09

Like PP said we can't give you a specific answer, we don't know your financial situation.

I can tell you what you shouldn't spend- anything that puts you in debt or a number that both of you aren't comfortable with

When we looked FI told me the number he didn't want to go over for the setting. I picked a few I liked and he selected from there. He picked the diamond by himself.

Like someone else said bigger isn't always better (IMHO). My coworker has and brags about her very large diamond, but it's cloudy and quite yellow.

lkristenj

My FI did not spend as much on my ring as he would have if he had needed to buy a diamond. You see, his mom had a loose diamond in her possession that was the result of an insurance claim when she lost the stone out of her original engagement ring to FI's father. They divorced when he was 2. The diamond fell out on the beach and the insurance bought a new one of the same size and cut and slightly better quality. She's been saving it for him all this time.

So, when he went shopping, he was only looking for a setting. He had it custom designed for me with a small family jeweler. I love it. I don't love it any less because he paid less than $800 for the gold and workmanship of the custom setting. Of course, with the diamond added, the ring is worth much more than that. I'm glad he didn't have to spend thousands to get me what he wanted to give. I would have been happy with anything or nothing. The important part is being with him. Plus, my ring has a pretty cool story, I think. 

climbingsingle

What does it matter what other people spent? Spend an amount of money that you (or FI, whatevs) are comfortable spending. THE END. 

amelisha

JennyColada said:

We refuse to go into debt for any part of our wedding.

I hate when people say this. Plenty of people are able to spend chunks of money on anything involved with a wedding without going into debt. Not going into debt has less to do with an actual price tag and much more about just spending what you can afford. Whether that's $5 or $50000.

Hey, spend whatever you want. I just said in my original post that we personally don't think that wedding-related expenses are something WE want to spend lots on. We're more into travel, housing, and saving for our retirement as priorities, so we chose not to spend a large percentage of his income on a ring (or a wedding) because it's not important to either of us.

It's not a judgement on other people's priorities, just a statement of where ours are. I'm honestly not trying to upset anyone with it, just saying that "chunks of money" are not something we want to use on this thing.

JennyColada

beethery said:

I told FI if he was going to spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring, he might as well get me an engagement car.

My un-assuming solitaire basically is a car on my finger.

It makes me really happy that he insured it before he told me that, otherwise I would have never worn it again for fear of scratching it or breaking it.

bwy

My FI paid for my ring, and he told me a price he was comfortable with, I picked one out a little under the price, and then when the lady at Jared's said he was approved for a card he said I could get a nicer ring if I wanted but I wanted the one I picked out, which I am glad we did because he has a very low monthly payment, and it builds his credit score. I love my ring and it's perfect. 

Knottie1463426215

@JennyColada‌ how many carats is your solitare?

JennyColada

Knottie01055312 said:

@JennyColada‌ how many carats is your solitare?

No idea. I know the diamond quality but never asked the size. I feel weird asking him for too many details. I think it's between 1-1.5 (which I know is a big range!). When we were trying some on he seemed to lean towards 1 (even though I though .5 or .75 was totally fine for my tiny fingers!). It's certainly pretty though! And garners many compliments! Gives me many opportunities to fawn over how awesome Fi is to strangers.

artbyallie

@JennyColada, if you can get a measurement of the diameter in mm, I can probably figure a closer estimate, if you even care to know. It is round, yes?

Not that it really matters. The quality has the bigger impact on per-carat pricing anyway. And I'm sure your diamond sparkles like crazy. I'm actual curious regarding color/clarity/cut grade since I spend all day looking at them at work.  

JennyColada

@artbyallie, It's a round cut DVVS1 I think (? - Does that sound like it could be right? Maybe it's "E". But I know that it's VVS1 for 100%). I imagine that it would have all the information on the paperwork for the insurance, but I've just never had a reason to ask Fi to take the paperwork out the the same, haha. Fi said that when he picked the diamond (he got to hand pick my specific one!) that he could really see a difference between the colors/qualities, so that's why he picked the one that he did. So really, quality was more important than price to him (I wouldn't have minded either way personally, but it is nice to have something so sparkly!).

But my ring size is 3.5, so like I said, everything just looks so HUGE on my finger (which is nice, actually, because I'm quite happy to go for something smaller anyway). Looking at "how big is one karat" on Google, it looks like the 1k picture? This is obviously super scientific.

Ok, I'm done being an AW with my ring. Thanks for giving me an excuse to brag.

artbyallie

Damn, that's a nice diamond, Jenny!  I'd love to see that one in a gemscope.

Thanks for bragging, I love talking jewelry/gemstones.

JennyColada

I would totally love to see my gem under a gemscope too. Haha. Seems like it'd be really cool to basically see the "insides" of it. /dork

Similar to how when I needed an ultrasound (non-pregnancy related) and I'm pointing at the screen saying "what's what? And what part is that there? Is that part the same size and shape in everyone? CAN I GET A COPY AND PUT IT ON MY FB?!"

finallyhismrs

Where is the picture of that ring? lol

JennyColada

(Not actual size.)