How to keep emotions in check (i.e. avoiding the ugly cry)??????

jenijoyk

Does anyone have any advice for how to keep from bawling down the aisle and blubbering through the ceremony? I'm at Starbucks right now trying to work on our ceremony and I seriously cannot even get through the most mundane sample ceremony examples without sniffling into my latte. This also happens to me when I'm in my car listening to potential processional music. Canon in D? I am instantly a mess. 

I'm combating this by walking down the aisle to a cover of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Our first dance might be a New Kids on the Block song (FI might be calling my bluff, but he said he's down). I am seriously going out of my way to avoid anything sentimental or schlocky because I will immediately lose it. Not just a few tears, but full on ugly cry.

Unfortunately, there is no way around the weightiness of a wedding ceremony. What do I do??? Besides avoid wearing mascara? Facial muscle exercises? Just read my ceremony over and over and over until I'm so sick of it it won't make cry? How did you already-marrieds keep your composure???

STARMOON44

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun? Really? On your way to make the most serious commitment of your life? I'd seriously side eye that.

kns1988

I'm not an already married, but I say just bring on the tears! I've read multiple places that it's better to let it all out than to try to hold it back. For one, you're fully experiencing the emotions of the day, and that's a good thing. And two, photographers say it's much better for your pictures to cry than to scrunch up your face trying to hold it in. You'll be alright. 

holyguacamole79

Yeah, please don't choose a song for walking down the aisle / first dance just because you think it will keep you from crying...

I think it's beautiful when a bride (or groom) cries at their wedding.  Let yourself feel the emotions and wear waterproof mascara.  

jenijoyk

I'm fine with crying. I just not fine with completely losing my shit. 

And side-eye away. People side-eyeing my choice of processional song is the least of my worries.

MairePoppy

I'm a wedding crier. I didn't cry at my own wedding because I was so nervous.

My daughter's wedding was a whole other story. I had a few delicate tears as I saw her make her way down the aisle with my husband. I was able to avoid the ugly crying, until the FOG began sobbing, shoulders shaking and all. Then, I lost my resolve. I bring paper towels with me to weddings because those flimsy little tissues just don't cut it.

jenijoyk

MairePoppy said:

I'm a wedding crier. I didn't cry at my own wedding because I was so nervous.

My daughter's wedding was a whole other story. I had a few delicate tears as I saw her make her way down the aisle with my husband. I was able to avoid the ugly crying, until the FOG began sobbing, shoulders shaking and all. Then, I lost my resolve. I bring paper towels with me to weddings because those flimsy little tissues just don't cut it.

OMG this is so cute. Yes, it is the sobbing, shoulders shaking that I am determined to avoid. Plus my nose turns bright red when I cry. Ugh. 

Ok. I'm getting eyelash extensions so I don't have to wear any mascara. And I'll make sure my FI has a hanky in his pocket for the ceremony. And maybe I'll pin a second hanky to my bouquet. Ugh! Too much. 

MairePoppy

Forget the hankies, you need a Shamwow!

ElcaB

I am cracking up because you and I sound like two peas in a pod. About a month ago, FI & I were reading some ceremony wording samples and I couldn't EVEN. 

I think Hootie said it best when he said, "Let her cry." If you need to, just do it. Don't sweat the photos, because you'll look gorgeous --- even with tears rolling down your cheeks. 

slothiegal

I cry at everything. Walle-E, goodbyes, the Google commercial.  I KNEW I would be a mess for the wedding.  I carried my Noni's hankie with me for the ceremony, but was surprisingly pulled together for that--I was so nervous/happy/excited (holy shit I'm MARRIED!), there was no bawling, just misty eyes.

My father/daughter dance on the other hand? Full on ugly cry. Didn't bother trying to stop it.  Not one good picture. And you know what? No fucks given. Everybody told me afterwards how beautiful it was (and how they ended up crying as well).   

khristiana

I'm going to be as natural that day as I want to be. I'm marrying the love of my life, and I only care about what he thinks that day. He'll love me regardless.

Though I'd rather be laughing and smiling than crying....

JennyColada

I cry very easily and am thinking that I'll be a mess as well. Fi and I aren't super traditional and having a very intimate ceremony. Fi and I are going to get ready together and walk down the aisle together, so it'll be nice to have him by my side if I lose my shit. While I'd prefer not to cry, I figure it's just a part of the experience. I'm gonna feel what I feel and I'd rather not avoid my emotions (no matter how embarrassing they may be), because I think I'd regret that the more than making a fool of myself via tears.

mrsdee15

I TOTALLY understand. I'm a reeeeeally easy crier. I cried at the demise of CGI animals in movies (not even remotely real...), and at the ending of Warm Bodies, which is a ZOMBIE movie. I don't even want to talk about Wall-E, Toy Story 3, Dumbo, Bambi, and the first 10 minutes of UP (looking at you, Disney/Pixar). So I've been wondering about the crying myself. To your point, during the sweetest ceremony I've ever been to (the bride's father was the pastor), the bride got choked up during her vows and cried a little. A sudden tear dam broke and I was a human puddle (I just told everyone my eyeballs were sweating). It was the most touching thing I've ever seen at a wedding. I suspect your guests will find it very emotional and loving.

graciegra

I am *not* going to be able to handle my dad crying. He's walking me down the aisle and I really hope he'll make it all the way before he starts crying. (He will cry. He's a big softie inside.) 

Nymeru

I choked up every time I opened my mouth during the ceremony.  I purposely had a handkerchief (my something blue) that I wrapped around my bouquet so I could bust it out whenever I needed it.  Thank goodness I had it!  Aside from a couple, the pictures all turned out fine, even with me tearing up frequently.  Afterwards everyone told me that they cried the whole time because I was so obviously, stupidly happy.

vegasbride2015

This is something I have been wondering about too, because my fiance is emotional. When he proposed he cried, and that lead to me crying...aye yi yi! 

When my sister got married and was walking down the aisle I had the full on sobbing going on. It was ridiculous! LOL!

climbingsingle

I was super emotional the day of our wedding. I cried walking down the aisle with my dad, pretty much the entire way. I cried during the ceremony. And I cried during my MOH and dad's toast. I just went with it. And I made sure to keep tissues handy. 

klk111415

Everyone else will be crying when they see you walk down the aisle.  Just let it happen.  I have the same problem, I read a ceremony script and I start to cry- hear a song and start to cry.  Your nerves might be high that day and you might not cry as much as you think.  I also feel like I might just be crying because I'm so excited for that day and the song or script reminds me that this is really happening.  I cried at my sister-in-laws wedding and was the only bridesmaid standing up there wiping my eyes. She got the photos back and it was actually really sweet.  I don't think it will be possible to ugly cry- I only ugly cry when I'm sad about something.  You will be smiling and crying and it will be beautiful.  And most of the women will be crying right there with you.  Just think happy thoughts and remember to smile, even if you cry.  Maybe have a little champagne before you walk down the aisle.  That always takes the edge off for me and makes me a little giddy.  But embrace it!

PrincessOfHavoc

We're doing First Look, then First Look with DF for parents. So hopefully, that will help kill the ugly cry.

Otherwise, hello Ativan. Or alcohol. I will ignore the Eye of Horus suggestion to drink while taking Ativan. It's the alcohol may increase response type warning.

mrs4everhart

I never in a million years thought I'd cry. I'm just not a crier. But as soon as I saw H waiting for me and our perfect surroundings I started to cry. He was crying. He bear hugged me when I got to the alter, which made me cry more. Then he pulled out a flask of tequila from his back pocket and offered it to me "to take the edge off" and I started cracking up. We both regained our composure, until our vows. I ugly cried at his.

I wore waterproof mascara and someone handed me a tissue from somewhere. At some point during the ceremony my Mom jokingly told me to knock it off before I had to blow my nose!

I'd say let whatever's gonna happen, happen. There's no need to combat your emotions, just go enjoy yourself.

badbnagdway

Oh gawd, I am a crier. Reading this thread is making my eyes tingle. 

I do think a lot of times during the ceremony you are so swept up in making sure you do the things you're supposed to that might help. 

Another idea would be to just try to bawl it out in the morning?

BlueBirdMB

I'm not a crier, but I was super emotional during our ceremony, which caught me off guard.  I was like "I don't need a hanky".  Thank god my mom brought one and passed it to me during the ceremony.  Unfortunately instead of pretty crying, my nose was running terribly!  There is no delicate way of blowing your nose.

We reread our vows to each other on our anniversary and I still cry.  

JennyColada

I'm here to report back that I didn't cry!

I tested up often, but no sobbing!

DH on the other hand...

During our pre-ceremony cocktail hour he was getting teary eyed, and while we were talking he just burst out in tears! It was incredibly sweet and emotional. I just held him and let him have his moment. That's probably one of my absolutely favorite memories from that day.

jenijoyk

Hey @jennycolada, I love your DH crying story! My day went much the same... I was so worried about sobbing down the aisle, but I was fine! I couldn't stop smiling like a crazy person! Throughout the ceremony, DH was trying so hard to hold it together and all I could think about was keeping eye contact with him and holding his hands super tight to help him keep it together. At one point during the exchanging of the rings I made the mistake of looking out into the crowd and happened to lock eyes with one of DH's super manly friends... who was full on crying... in my head I was like, "HOLY SHIT! WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!?" and I got a little shaky for a moment, but I pulled it back together. No tears!

tpwkalyn

I'm honestly tearing up a little just reading this thread. *sniff sniff*

I am DEFINITELY a crier. I've been to a few weddings where I didn't even personally know the couple and still ended up bawling. I love weddings & everything they represent.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to at least shed a few tears when I walk down the aisle. Even now, if I hear any of the songs we plan on using for the ceremony I'm a wreck. Music kills me every time. I am almost certain that I'm going to lose it when I dance with my dad. We are really close & the song we've chosen to dance to means a lot to both of us. 

I'm just gonna let the tears flow. I think showing your raw emotion is beautiful (cheesy, I know). Although, I am planning on using waterproof mascara as well.

MollyandD

I almost cried a few times. I smiled to keep myself from losing it. I think it's my normal nervous smile reaction. I do think it's beautiful when couples cry, but whatever. It was my choice to not want to cry in front of people. I didn't choose music to keep myself from crying before the fact. 

It wasn't until the actual ceremony that I realized how bad I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. Being the center of attention is hard enough for me. I would have feel really uncomfortable if I had cried on top of that. It was still very emotional, especially when I saw my now husband, who never ever cries, start to have his lips quiver. I almost lost it, so I smiled to keep myself from crying. It wasn't planned, just happened when the situation occurred. 

rcher912

jenijoyk said:

Does anyone have any advice for how to keep from bawling down the aisle and blubbering through the ceremony? I'm at Starbucks right now trying to work on our ceremony and I seriously cannot even get through the most mundane sample ceremony examples without sniffling into my latte. This also happens to me when I'm in my car listening to potential processional music. Canon in D? I am instantly a mess. 

I'm combating this by walking down the aisle to a cover of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Our first dance might be a New Kids on the Block song (FI might be calling my bluff, but he said he's down). I am seriously going out of my way to avoid anything sentimental or schlocky because I will immediately lose it. Not just a few tears, but full on ugly cry.

Unfortunately, there is no way around the weightiness of a wedding ceremony. What do I do??? Besides avoid wearing mascara? Facial muscle exercises? Just read my ceremony over and over and over until I'm so sick of it it won't make cry? How did you already-marrieds keep your composure???

OP you're cracking me up. Which is awesome, because the rest of this thread is making me emotional.

I just can't wait!!! 

I expect to be pretty jumpy and nervous, and absolutely lose it when I see the first guy lose it. (bets are out on whether it'll be dad, bro, or FI - they're all softies!)

Maybe it's sexism, maybe it's societal expectations, maybe it's just me, but I just cannot see a man cry without absolutely losing my shit.