1 Maid and 1 Matron

[Deleted User]

I just picked my wedding party, one maid and one matron.

The reaction of my Maid (cousin) seems like she is offended that I have another. She said she's confused and that I'll have to tell her what I want her to do. 

Now my family is attacking me on making this decision and I feel very overwhelmed and annoyed. Is it rude? Is this a big deal? Should I only have one? In my perfect world they would both work together throughout this journey. I cant reverse asking them. 

Maggie0829

aschauer1188 said:

I just picked my wedding party, one maid and one matron.

The reaction of my Maid (cousin) seems like she is offended that I have another. She said she's confused and that I'll have to tell her what I want her to do. 

Now my family is attacking me on making this decision and I feel very overwhelmed and annoyed. Is it rude? Is this a big deal? Should I only have one? In my perfect world they would both work together throughout this journey. I cant reverse asking them. 

Ignore your family. 

It is not rude to have two MOHs.  And there is nothing that your cousin needs to do, but if she wants to throw you a party or whatever then all she needs to do is call up the other MOH and any one else that may want to help out and discuss it with them.  This shouldn't be that hard for her to figure out.

[Deleted User]

Thanks, Maggie. How are you delegating their roles in the ceremony? These are the things I'm being asked already.. my wedding isn't until next summer but again, I feel attacked with questions I need to have an answer to.

Maggie0829

aschauer1188 said:

Thanks, Maggie. How are you delegating their roles in the ceremony? These are the things I'm being asked already.. my wedding isn't until next summer but again, I feel attacked with questions I need to have an answer to.

Well there really isn't that much to do during the ceremony.  One can hold your bouquet and the other could hold the grooms ring.

But if I were you I would just giggle when they ask such questions and tell them that you haven't even thought that far in advance and that you are more concerned with what shade of pink you want for your flowers and which DJ will provide the best dance music.

holyguacamole79

OP, I can somewhat relate.  My sister was my MOH.  When she got married, she asked me + two other women to be her MOHs.  (yes, she had 3).  I was a bit disappointed, but got over it quickly.  It really was no big deal.

MairePoppy

You're not being rude. They are.

The Matron and Maid stand at your side during the ceremony. Their main job is witnessing your vows. There are incidental things they do: hold the rings during the ceremony, hold your flowers while you exchange rings, sign the marriage certificate if it's required in your state/county/province. If there are additional duties, dictated by your religion, your minister should be able to help. It seems silly to me that grown women would care much about how those 'duties' are divided. You could have one stand closest to you and hold the rings/flowers, the other could sign the paper.

For now, don't let anyone drag you into an argument about your decision. Just tell your family the decision has been made and is not up for discussion.

OliveOilsMom

For now, just use Maggie's language and laugh off any questions or concerns from your family.  They are being rude for inserting themselves into your WP, which is your business.

I did have 2 MOHs, my sister and BFF.  They worked together when planning my shower & b-party. As for delegating the "tasks", my sister stood closest to me during the ceremony and held my flowers.  My BFF came to the clerk's office with H & I when we applied for our license as we needed a 3rd party witness.  My sister signed the actual license after the ceremony.

southernbelle0915

It sounds like your cousin and your family might be confused and caught up in the "MOH duties" that the wedding industry tosses around. For example - MOH shall throw shower, shall throw bachelorette, shall hold bouquet, shall fix train, shall help with DIY, shall be a brideslave for all engagement eternity....

No. None of that is real. If she said she wants you to tell her what to do, tell her you want her to know her budget for a dress. Then you want her to show up in a dress you choose, sober and on time for the wedding. That is all. Anything else she decides to do or offer to do is up to her. Just be really clear with her that there's nothing complicated about this.

Fairyjen1

     I am having exactly what you are having, One maid of honor (my niece) and one matron of honor (My sister). You're fine, your wedding, your choice of party.

     My attendants don't have any duties except show up and stand next to me. I bought whatever dress they wanted. 

princessleia22

I had a maid (sister) & matron (BFF/SIL). I had trouble choosing, so I just went with both. I really didn't have any expectation of duties, besides buy a dress and get there. It also helped that sister & SIL get along well, so neither was offended and they worked well on anything that did come up. We all live in different states, so that complicated things. But, they worked together & coordinated well for dresses and stuff like that. For signing license, we decided to have our mothers do that, instead of MOH/BM, so I didn't even have to choose on that one. They lined up by height during ceremony and one held the ring, other held my bouquet. For my sister's wedding, she did same thing and had her BFF as maid and me as matron. Actually, she had just asked me to be a BM and I didn't know I was matron until she showed me the sample of her programs. She actually had one of her cousins, not even a BM, offer to host her bachelorette party, so neither of us did that. I let maid take more of the lead roll when/if needed (she stood closest to bride & held bouquet during ceremony), because I didn't feel the need to be the "OMG, I'm the MOH!" type... and I think my sister would have chosen her over me anyway. For either case, there really weren't any duties for MOH/MOH, besides get a dress, got to wedding, and say a toast. Yes, there could be hurt feelings if one of your MOH's is jealous and thought they were your favorite. But, wedding party selection is your choice and they either need to get over it or decline the WP invite. If they are concerned about duties, let them know that you don't expect them to be responsible for parties or whatever, unless they volunteer to throw one. Then whoever offers to host is the one who does it. For actual wedding duties (holding rings, signing license, etc.), those are fairly easy to split up or share.

TeddiD34

nicoann said:

I had a maid (sister) & matron (BFF/SIL). I had trouble choosing, so I just went with both. I really didn't have any expectation of duties, besides buy a dress and get there. It also helped that sister & SIL get along well, so neither was offended and they worked well on anything that did come up. We all live in different states, so that complicated things. But, they worked together & coordinated well for dresses and stuff like that. For signing license, we decided to have our mothers do that, instead of MOH/BM, so I didn't even have to choose on that one. They lined up by height during ceremony and one held the ring, other held my bouquet. For my sister's wedding, she did same thing and had her BFF as maid and me as matron. Actually, she had just asked me to be a BM and I didn't know I was matron until she showed me the sample of her programs. She actually had one of her cousins, not even a BM, offer to host her bachelorette party, so neither of us did that. I let maid take more of the lead roll when/if needed (she stood closest to bride & held bouquet during ceremony), because I didn't feel the need to be the "OMG, I'm the MOH!" type... and I think my sister would have chosen her over me anyway. For either case, there really weren't any duties for MOH/MOH, besides get a dress, got to wedding, and say a toast. Yes, there could be hurt feelings if one of your MOH's is jealous and thought they were your favorite. But, wedding party selection is your choice and they either need to get over it or decline the WP invite. If they are concerned about duties, let them know that you don't expect them to be responsible for parties or whatever, unless they volunteer to throw one. Then whoever offers to host is the one who does it. For actual wedding duties (holding rings, signing license, etc.), those are fairly easy to split up or share.

"Matron" just refers to you being a married woman, as opposed to being an unmarried "maid".. Nothing more to it.

princessleia22

TeddiD34 said:

nicoann said:

I had a maid (sister) & matron (BFF/SIL). I had trouble choosing, so I just went with both. I really didn't have any expectation of duties, besides buy a dress and get there. It also helped that sister & SIL get along well, so neither was offended and they worked well on anything that did come up. We all live in different states, so that complicated things. But, they worked together & coordinated well for dresses and stuff like that. For signing license, we decided to have our mothers do that, instead of MOH/BM, so I didn't even have to choose on that one. They lined up by height during ceremony and one held the ring, other held my bouquet. For my sister's wedding, she did same thing and had her BFF as maid and me as matron. Actually, she had just asked me to be a BM and I didn't know I was matron until she showed me the sample of her programs. She actually had one of her cousins, not even a BM, offer to host her bachelorette party, so neither of us did that. I let maid take more of the lead roll when/if needed (she stood closest to bride & held bouquet during ceremony), because I didn't feel the need to be the "OMG, I'm the MOH!" type... and I think my sister would have chosen her over me anyway. For either case, there really weren't any duties for MOH/MOH, besides get a dress, got to wedding, and say a toast. Yes, there could be hurt feelings if one of your MOH's is jealous and thought they were your favorite. But, wedding party selection is your choice and they either need to get over it or decline the WP invite. If they are concerned about duties, let them know that you don't expect them to be responsible for parties or whatever, unless they volunteer to throw one. Then whoever offers to host is the one who does it. For actual wedding duties (holding rings, signing license, etc.), those are fairly easy to split up or share.

"Matron" just refers to you being a married woman, as opposed to being an unmarried "maid".. Nothing more to it.

Sorry... I meant "I didn't know I was Matron of Honor...".