My Dad may not be able to dance with me at my Wedding ?

stacey91580

I'm getting married on October 3rd.    My dad and I are extremely close.   This is why this is so very hard for me.    Back in July, my dad fell off a ladder and broke his neck.   I am so very thankful that he is alive & eventually will make a full recovery.  (most important thing!)   He is wearing a "Halo Brace"   There maybe a chance he will have this halo brace on for my wedding.   Which means, that he will be wheel chair bound.    I am just so grateful that my dad can be there & will be there to walk/wheel down the aisle.   If he is wheelchair bound, I was thinking of having my mom wheel him down, while I walk beside him, holding his hand as we walk/wheel down the aisle.   

I'm not sure what I should do about the Dad/Daughter Dance?   I have two brothers & a few people have mentioned about my brothers dancing with me, if my dad could not.   Honestly, I feel no one can replace my dad, and if he cannot dance, I want to omit it.   Or do I take my dad up in the wheel chair and hold hands and wheel around for a little while, doesn't even have to be the entire song. 

Anyone had a similar situation?  Advice? Suggestions? 

JCbride2015

Sending wishes for a fast recovery for your dad!  That sounds awful.

It sounds like the dance is really special to you.  I think think holding his hands and wheeling around would be a special moment for you both.  You definitely don't need to do a whole song, and in fact I think many people edit the songs down because spotlight dances can get boring for guests anyway.

Inkdancer

Ask your dad what he wants to do. My FSIL's mom is permanently wheelchair bound. At her wedding, her mom and dad danced just fine- her dad wheeled her mom in circles and danced next to her and it was really cute.

ssammii

I think you need to ask your dad what he would like to do. He may not be up for dancing even if his halo brace is removed. Same thing for walking down the aisle, he may prefer the wheelchair or maybe he can just give you away at the end of the aisle.

My dad lost the use of his legs for a long time due to tumors growing on his spine/spinal cord. He eventually regained the ability to walk. I know he is very conscious of how he walks and wonders if people notice. I'm not sure if he would be comfortable with a Dad/Daughter Dance, I plan to ask him and see what he would like to do.

JCbride2015

Inkdancer said:

Ask your dad what he wants to do. My FSIL's mom is permanently wheelchair bound. At her wedding, her mom and dad danced just fine- her dad wheeled her mom in circles and danced next to her and it was really cute.

True.  My advice assumed her dad is okay with these options, and OP is more worried about what other people will think.

Yeah OP, if you haven't talked to your dad about it, you should.

doeydo

You can still dance with him, if he wants to.  Example of two people dancing, one of whom is in a wheelchair:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4o0vozfqNY

southernbelle0915

Ditto PPs on asking you dad what he wants to do. Fortunately, this is something you could decide the day before the wedding if you want to do it or not. You don't need to know now.

If he doesn't want to do it, I would not replace him. I'd omit it all together. I don't know him, but I could see that breaking his heart to see you dancing with someone else at that moment knowing he wants to but can't.

stacey91580

Thank you everyone!  Every little bit of advice helps.   I am planning on talking with my dad about what he wants.   I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable esp. if he has the halo brace on. I  I know he is very self conscious about it. (Can't blame him)

 Every girl dreams of their wedding & I've always looked forward to this dance with my dad and its so sad it may not happen.  But I just keep telling myself, he is alive and I need to be grateful for that.  Things could have certainly been a whole lot worse! 

OliveOilsMom

I would probably have someone other than your mom wheel him down the aisle, if needed. If you would be walking next to your dad at the time, it could make your mom seem not as important since she isn't walking next to you. Perhaps a cousin or a brother could wheel your dad instead. ______________________________________________________________________________ I had a friend who dated a wheelchair bound fellow for a few years. They still would dance together during weddings. So it's not impossible to dance with your dad, if he is still wheelchair bound. So talk to him and see what he is comfortable with. _________________________________________________________________________________ If your dad isn't comfortable dancing with you at the reception, ask the DJ to play a special song. Don't have any annoucements made about the song, so that everyone may go up to dance to it. Then go find your dad, sit with him during the song and tell him this is your father/daughter dance. It wouldn't put a spotlight on him, but you would get your private moment with your dad while a song was playing.

holyguacamole79

I'm glad your dad is doing better, and I agree with PPs that you'll want to run any ideas by him first. I think dancing with him in the wheelchair would be beautiful.

simcal18

I'll echo the comments of the posters above--talk to your dad and see what he wants to do.  I'm sure the two of you will be able to work together to find something that allows you to have a special moment together and makes both of you comfortable.  And keep trying to look on the bright side as much as possible.  I have a friend who's getting married on the same weekend as you who lost her dad to cancer a few years back.  She'd give anything to have him with her that day, even if they couldn't dance together normally.

missdelilah

Just sending my hopes and prayers for your father's speedy recovery.  I'm so pleased that he's going to be fine, but it sounds like a really difficult journey.

You've had some wonderful suggestions from PPs.  Just do whatever makes you most happy.

Sugargirl1019

That video is neat! Unfortunately a halo makes you unable to turn your head side to side, and may restrict the use and strength of his arms. So Idk if dad would be up for that.

I thought about what if you sat on his lap in the chair, but it's not a situation where you would be swaying or moving, and look weird.

I just have prayers for your fathers quick recovery and I hope he gets out of the halo before your wedding! What a scary time you guys have been through.

thisismynickname2

Ugh. I'm so sorry.

Don't be afraid to omit it. Maybe you can thank him in a personal toast instead.  I recently attended a wedding where the bride's father has been critically ill for a few years.  He didn't walk her down the aisle, but her mom did.  When her brother gave a toast, he mentioned their father and which table he was at so people could say hi.

We didn't even miss the F&D dance. They omitted quite a few of the "usual" traditions, in fact, and it was a fabulous party. 

Chipmunk415

My father is a fully disabled Marine Corps vet. Most days, he can barely walk from the bed to his bathroom. I knew full well I wouldn't be able to dance with him, but that was ok. It was more important to me that he be able to physically attend and enjoy my wedding overall than to have one dance (besides, neither he nor my husband can dance anyway).

Dad made an effort to rest and take care of himself leading up to my wedding. He still wore a wrap around back brace- visible in the photos, but I don't notice unless I'm looking for it. He was able to walk me down the aisle, and that was one of the happiest walks with my Dad I've ever taken.

To be honest, I bulged a disc in my back four months before I got married, and it wasn't properly diagnosed for two months. I almost rented to rascal scooters for us to race up the aisle, but it didn't come to that.

It's ok not to have the dance. It would not be ok if you forced your Dad to dance if it caused him severe pain and discomfort because "its your daaay." You do not seem to be that type, by the way :-) I hope your dad does recover well enough that you two can have some sort of dance, even if its for a few moments. :-D

CMGragain

I am so sorry that your Dad had such a bad accident.  I am not one bit sorry for YOU, though.

I would have given anything to have had my father present at my wedding.  He died when I was 15.  Your father-daughter dance is not important.  This is about your father's feelings - not yours.  Ask HIM what he wants to do.

lc07

I've seen people dance in wheelchairs before but they were mobile from the waist up. I LOVE LOVE LOVE OliveOils suggestion of playing a special song and sitting and chatting with your dad and having a personal moment then while other couples dance. I am so glad for you and him and the rest of your family that one day he will be well again. I'm not a big fan of the re-do but when he is well you can always just ask him to dance with you in the living room and have a father daughter dance. Best wishes to him on his recovery. ETA: TK hates me. I swear I always type paragraphs.

lc07

CMGragain said:

I am so sorry that your Dad had such a bad accident.  I am not one bit sorry for YOU, though.

I would have given anything to have had my father present at my wedding.  He died when I was 15.  Your father-daughter dance is not important.  This is about your father's feelings - not yours.  Ask HIM what he wants to do.

CMG, I love you and I think you often give awesome advice. But I don't understand your post. She can feel sorry for her dad and herself. I feel sorry for both of them. It's a sad and scary experience when a loved one is injured so badly. She is allowed to have feelings about how this affects her vision of her wedding, too. OP didn't sound like a drama llama at all to me.