Officiant etiquette

jm465

My FI uncle is officiating our wedding and we're wondering if we should give him a donation to his church or a personal gift of some sort (suggestions welcome) ? We're not really sure which is best. He will be staying for the entire wedding and celebrating with us, but he's flying in for the wedding and is not charging us for the service.

Thanks in advance!

holyguacamole79

Tell us more about your uncle.  Is he a baseball fan?  Loves motorcycles?  Listens to Barry Manilow?  That should dictate what kind off gift you purchase.

blabla89

I think either would be appropriate - either a very nice personal gift or gift card, or a donation to his church. Depending on how his church handles donations, he might not hear about it right away, so that's something to consider.

Since he's flying in and not charging for his services, it would also be nice to at least pick up the tab for his hotel room.

photokitty

Our friend married us. We straight up asked him what his fee was and tried to insist on letting us pay him. When he refused we covered his hotel room (we booked and paid for it in advance so he couldn't refuse the money) for the weekend and gave him a gift that we knew he would like - we selected it as we would have selected a birthday or Christmas gift for him, but spent more than we would for those holidays

AprilH81

Since he is family I would get him a nice gift and card (shop like it is his birthday or Christmas).

NYCMercedes

Pick up his hotel tab and his airplane ticket.

[Deleted User]

I officiated my sister's wedding.  Since I would have attended her DW regardless of officiating it, she didn't pick up my hotel room or flight.  But she did work with my boyfriend to figure out what B&B to purchase a giftcard from.  She ended up sending me a $300 gift card to a place in a nearby tourist town.  

Is uncle married?  Maybe talk to his wife.  Ask about a restaurant they've wanted to try or tickets to something (sporting event, musical venue).

jm465

Thanks! He's coming (with his family) from Georgia and they will be staying with FI's mom here in town. They would be coming to the wedding regardless of officiating, and I would feel weird paying for his flight and not his wife and kids. We did offer to pay his regular fee, but he absolutely refused.

I'm definitely going to contact FI's Aunt and see about tickets to something local, thanks for the idea adk!

Thanks!!

Jen4948

Maybe a gift card to a store or restaurant he likes?

dramamonkey

My cousin (well, my mom's cousin, technically) is a rabbi and he officiated my wedding. He flat out refused to accept anything from us. I did, however, give him a thank you note with a check to his synagogue in his honor.

ETA - he would have been invited anyway as well.

pensgirl10

Just don't give him cash. I did this for the relative that officiated my daughter's wedding, and he gave it to the new couple via the card box. While they appreciated it, I would have liked him to have something for himself.