4 brothers- can't ask that they all be groomsmen?

jaimemorrow

I have 3 brothers, and my fiance does not want more than 3 groomsmen. He has his 3 friends picked out, but I feel like my bro's should be a part of this since we are so close. I have 1 sister, as does he. I also have a cousin who is like a sister.
SO, I have 4 girls, he has his 3 guys, and then there are my 3 brothers. What can I do to have them included? It would be silly for me to have that many people on "my side" and him only have 3!
Any help would be appreciated, as I don't want to argue about family members.

slothiegal

Your sides don't have to be even.  Lots of couples have mismatched sides.

When is your wedding?  Have you already asked the bridesmaids?

holyguacamole79

My brother wasn't in our wedding party. We are still close. They can always be included in family pictures and be an honored guest.

jaimemorrow

I wouldn't mind having 1 or 2 more people than him, but 3 or 4? Wedding isn't until June, haven't officially asked bridesmaids yet.

jaimemorrow

Sarah, are you very close with him? Our parents have pretty much been absent in our lives, so I am very close with him.

holyguacamole79

Yep, we are quite close. DH asked him if he wanted to be an usher and he declined because he wanted to be able to just show up and socialize at the wedding. He was also going through some personal stuff during the time leading up to our wedding, so he was preoccupied.

jaimemorrow

Thanks, Sarah! I think I'll just have a chat with my brothers and ask them what they are comfortable with!

Lauderdale Pink

They can be ushers and escort guests to their seats or hand out programs, they can do readings at the ceremony or reception.  

mgephar

You could always have them be ushers? Or you could mention them as honored guests in your ceremony programs.

jenna8984

Same as @sarahbear31 - My brother is one year older than me so we've always been super close and now he lives a mile from me with his family which is awesome. I didn't ask him to be in it or be an usher or anything. He's got 2 toddlers and I know it would be easier on him financially and logistically to just show up as a guest. Even though they are also my only neice and nephew, they are not in it either. He isn't mad or offended at all, I'm pretty sure he loves not being in it lol

abbyj700

I wouldn't worry about even sides or keeping genders split up. My brother had my sister and I on his side, their sides were mismatched, and no one cared. It's the people you want to honor as those you love the most - you don't pick that based on good looking pictures. 

Maggie0829

jaimemorrow said:

I wouldn't mind having 1 or 2 more people than him, but 3 or 4? Wedding isn't until June, haven't officially asked bridesmaids yet.

I'm sorry, I just don't get this.  What would be so terrible about having 3 or 4 more people then your FI?  No one is going to talk smack because your side is bigger then his.  In all honesty most guests will either not notice nor care about the size difference.  The only thing that they will notice are your smiling faces.

[Deleted User]

You need to ask the people you are closest to regardless of gender or of how many people your fiance is asking. If your attendants are your siblings and his attendants are his, it's fine that the sides have mixed genders. This idea that all of my best friends must be women because I'm a woman is ridiculous. And I wouldn't talk to your brothers about what they want to do because what if what they want to do is be groomsmen, but that isn't an option because your fiance has already chosen his groomsmen? You either ask them to be Bridesmen, or Readers. I'm hesitant on the Usher thing because that's more like work than an honor, and I'm completely against assigning them to pass out programs because a table can do that job, it's not an honor.

Lauderdale Pink

@adk I agree with everything you say.  Love the humor.

jaimemorrow

@jenna8984, i freaking LOVE your wedding planning philosophy!

jaimemorrow

@maggie0829, i know, it's just my OCD! I like things to be even. petty, right?!

larrygaga

You gotta pick what is more important

even sides

brother in wedding party

Please don't pick even sides.

clarke10

Ask them to be ushers?

[Deleted User]

jaimemorrow said:

@maggie0829, i know, it's just my OCD! I like things to be even. petty, right?!

Actually even numbers are not pretty, artistically.  If you hang photos on a wall, you're supposed to have an odd number so it looks right.  Odd numbers, different genders, different outfits, would all be prettier to me than the ugly-ass 1980s look of matchy-matchy weddings.

Maggie0829

adk19 said:

jaimemorrow said:

@maggie0829, i know, it's just my OCD! I like things to be even. petty, right?!

Actually even numbers are not pretty, artistically.  If you hang photos on a wall, you're supposed to have an odd number so it looks right.  Odd numbers, different genders, different outfits, would all be prettier to me than the ugly-ass 1980s look of matchy-matchy weddings.

I second this.  I used to be a floral designer and absolutely hated working with even numbers (a dozen or half dozen roses arranged in a vase.  It was much easier and appealing to the eye to work with odd numbers.  Maybe for valentines day people should be buying a bakers dozen instead!

jaimemorrow

@maggie0289 and @adk19, I meant petty, not pretty. I hope the wedding would be pretty regardless of where the brothers are!

You are right- the even, everything-has-to-match-perfectly is sooo 80s/early 90s. All I can picture now is poofy lace shoulders and teased bangs......haha

Thank you for your help!

MandyMost

I think you should have your sister, cousin, and 3 brothers on your side. He should have his 3 friends and his sister on his side. That's 5 vs. 4. That way you both have the most important people in your life standing up for you at your wedding. Gender doesn't matter. Even sides don't matter. 

Also, you can drop a lot of the pointless traditions...if the girls all want to get ready together the morning of, then do that. If his sister would rather spend time with him before the wedding, let her do that instead. Maybe even drop the "bridesmaids" terminology and just say "wedding party". Let everyone participate in what they feel comfortable in. 

jaimemorrow

I should also mention that his sister is one of my BFFs, and we even moved in together after a month of knowing each other! I've considered her my "sister" for 5 years.