Closing a thread

Fran1985

hellokellybean said:

I am also backing up Lynda and the other mods on this one. 

I think we all felt that doeydo is very young and probably does not have a lot of life experience yet. She has made multiple threads and people have given her the same advice over and over. Continuously giving her the same advice, while adding in some serious accusations, is not really all that productive and it was bound to have some negative consequences for doey. OK

Ok so just to be clear, if someone posts about a honeymoon fund we are going to close it after a certain amount of responses? Is there a certain number? 10 or 20? I want to make sure I answer right away. And we are going to interview all OP to get some background information before you guys make this decision right. So if your 40 you get to hear it for 3 pages, but if your under 25 you only get 1 page of answers before it closes.

If you guys can't see that Doey is getting favorable treatment here there is a problem.

[Deleted User]

hellokellybean said:

I am also backing up Lynda and the other mods on this one. 

I think we all felt that doeydo is very young and probably does not have a lot of life experience yet. She has made multiple threads and people have given her the same advice over and over. Continuously giving her the same advice, while adding in some serious accusations, is not really all that productive and it was bound to have some negative consequences for doey. 

But... I'm not being biting or mean or accusatory about this, but she honestly DID ask for it! "Guys, my life is bad, what do I do?"

Well, you leave him! I don't know how else we're supposed to answer this?

theartistformerlyknownas

hellokellybean said:

I am also backing up Lynda and the other mods on this one. 

I think we all felt that doeydo is very young and probably does not have a lot of life experience yet. She has made multiple threads and people have given her the same advice over and over. Continuously giving her the same advice, while adding in some serious accusations, is not really all that productive and it was bound to have some negative consequences for doey. 

If this is the case though, and the problem is "Doey keeps asking for advice which causes these trainwreck threads," wouldn't that get Doey banned for trolling? With as vague as the TOS are, that could be justified. I'm not suggesting that be done, but do you see how that's a double standard? 

Another poster's husband got called an alcoholic, by me and several other people. We have no real proof of that beside her word, but it's still not something he would probably appreciate being called. Nobody got warned. But now people call another man a pedophile, with the same amount of proof, and the OP gets some stern words about constantly trolling for the same advice, and the thread gets closed to protect her? You have to admit that doesn't make a lot of sense.

SBmini

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

JCbride2015

SBmini said:

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

WHAT.  Seriously?

[Deleted User]

SBmini said:

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

Seriously? GIF threads are now something we need to be protected from?

Fran1985

SBmini said:

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

Did puppy gifs just become against TOS?

Also you've got 4 pages of people who seem to be mostly against closing threads, and the answer is... close even more threads.

mrsmagicgeek

SBmini said:

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

Oh, boy. Take away the puppy gifs and shits gonna get real.

Seriously, take a deep breath.

lyndausvi

Sorry guys. Work has been busy.  I will try and come back later with answers.  Just too many for me right now

 There were some warning and some TOS violations. You will not see them because I deleted them. 

.

I understand what you are saying and will take those comments into consideration in the future.    I do not consider myself warning or close a thread happy.  I get MANY reports a day from people who think they are being made fun of or being attack.  Most of the time the response is something like "suck it up".  I'm okay with people pushing the envelope.   In this case, there was a LOT of reporting going about this thread and not even by Doey herself.  To me that was the community telling me it's gone far enough.

 

emmaaa

Fran1985 said:

emmaaa said:

winchestered said:

emmaaa said:

I think all of the mods here understand that the community is not happy the thread was closed and know that that is not the particular way to handle it. But we honestly cannot be more specific about what posts violated TOS without violating TOP ourselves.

Nooooo, it's about WHY it was closed. Not the fact that that specific thread was closed. 

Do we all see how little sense the bolded makes? How are we determining if we violate TOS in the future if we don't know what specific TOS was violated?

I agree the TOS can be vague, no one disagrees with you there. But there are things in there that specifically say, do not do this. We are not the ones who wrote the TOS and aren't the ones who have the authority to change it (we could all try to bring it up though) so I'm not sure what you really want us to do.

Not close threads.

I am responding to wanting explanation of TOS and who and what specifically violated them. 

I actually said that we understand that y'all aren't happy with the handling of the situation and will now know better next time. I am not responding as to why the post was closed because I am not the mod of this board and did not close the thread. I stand by Lynda's decision because she did what she thought was best at the time. We all are trying to get the hang of this.

PrettyGirlLost

Maggie0829 said:

winchestered said:

Maggie0829 said:

I find it funny that we all bitched when mods were taken away and then kept pleading to get them back and now that they are back we are bitching about the mods and how they handle certain situations. I can only give props to those users who have graciously volunteered to be mods of chit-chat, etiquette, wedding party and any other super popular board, because you really couldn't pay me enough to do it. As for the closed thread. Okay so it was closed. If posters really wanted to continue their conversations then start another thread and continue the discussion. I really doubt Lynda is going to let her mod power go to her head and start closing threads and banning people right, left and center. She made a decision and she explained why she made that decision. You all then expressed why you didn't like the decision that was made. That doesn't mean that she has to re-open the thread. I am sure Lynda is reading everything that you are suggesting and will use those suggestions (if she wants) in the future. But why not give her the benefit of the doubt and realize that she and all the other mods are still trying to get settled in their positions rather then jumping down her throat because of one closed thread.

No one is asking her to re-open the thread. We're discussing other alternatives. I mean, should we just take the mods word and not question things? It's been stated multiple times that no one is blaming the mods.How does shit get straightened out without criticisim?

I guess I just feel that this is going to happen every. single. time. a mod makes a decision to close a thread or deletes a post or bans a member. Why do we always have to question every little thing they do? Why can't we give them just a little trust that they are going to make the best decisions possible in any given circumstance to better our community? The point of mods is to take care of the boards and make hard decisions. Think of them as a manager. Are you going to question every little thing your manager does or are you going to trust your manager (to a point) to make the best decisions for you and for the masses? Why don't we just give them a chance to figure things? It is always easier to say "oh she should of done this" or "she should of done that" when you aren't the one having to make the hard choices knowing full well that you will most likely piss a lot of your peers off. I guess I am just tired of all the side line moding. Let them do their jobs and then maybe after 3 months or so since they have been active then we could have a discussion about things that we have seen that we don't agree with or ideas that we may have or changes that could be made (this is something the mods themselves could start).

I agree because of this:

emmaaa said:

I think all of the mods here understand that the community is not happy the thread was closed and know that that is not the particular way to handle it. But we honestly cannot be more specific about what posts violated TOS without violating TOP ourselves.

This seems ridiculous to me- I'm sure there is a way to let the public know why the thread is getting sketchy w/o calling out a user directly. . . and I don't understand why mods can't call out a user publicly- "Hey PGL< you are swearing too much and kinda acting like an ass.  DO you need a snickers bar?"

We do it to each other all of the time. Makes sense they of all ppl should be able to in order to calm a thread down and avoid the discussion from devolving to a point where the whole thing needs to be closed.  But I digress.

If the ruleset we are dealing with is a vague and subjective TOS, and that mods can't really publically explicitly state their rational behind doing certain things, then we need to work with them as best we can, trust they will warn us in PMS if our posts are crossing a line, and we just have to try not to get out of hand. . . whatever that means to us ><

TheGrimReaper

Wait, someone seriously latched onto my joking of "But puppy gif threads serve no purpose" with a response of "Fine, we'll close those, too!"??

ashley8918

SBmini said:

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

Um, what? For what reason, exactly?

PrettyGirlLost

SBmini said:

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

Oh FFS, this is truly absurd and Nannying at it's finest!  No really, does TK not understand how a discussion forum works?  Discussions naturally wax and wane, veer off on tangents, and run their courses on their own.

When the community is "done" with a topic we will all just stop posting in it, and it will die.

I don't see any value or logic behind closing threads just because people are posting puppy gif after puppy gif.  Yeah, that's discriminatory against the kittens, but I don't report those posts because of it!  I ignore them or I post my own kitten gifs.

I will fucking roll my eyes so hard at you guys for closing gif threads, sorry.  I really like and respect most of the new Mods.  But  the Gif threads is how I find new, stupid gifs, lol!  They are harmless and amusing.

theartistformerlyknownas

Because reasons, guys.

There will be mutiny if puppy gif threads go away.

mrsmagicgeek

And, this thread has jumped the shark, so here:

afox007

So things got off topic and possibly outside of TOS. JC's nuva ring thread turned into 12 pages of "obscene and vulgar" language and I'm pretty sure understanding the fine details of pegging and oral sex was not going to help with her BC problem. Yet, somehow we had so much fun in that thread even if it was WAY off topic.

JCbride2015

This puppy gif is a sincere expression of my frustration with the unilateral decision to close puppy threads.

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

Sorry guys. Work has been busy.  I will try and come back later with answers.  Just too many for me right now

 There were some warning and some TOS violations. You will not see them because I deleted them. 

.

I understand what you are saying and will take those comments into consideration in the future.    I do not consider myself warning or close a thread happy.  I get MANY reports a day from people who think they are being made fun of or being attack.  Most of the time the response is something like "suck it up".  I'm okay with people pushing the envelope.   In this case, there was a LOT of reporting going about this thread and not even by Doey herself.  To me that was the community telling me it's gone far enough.

 

This is good to know, and I agree with you.  Thank you for talking to us about it.

[Deleted User]

Good moderating: "Hi guys, sorry about the wait, I did this because X which I felt totally fit into TOS violation Y and multiple reports from the community alerted me that there might be a problem. I will try my best to do Z in the future."

Bad moderating:" I did it because! I can't tell you why, just go with it. Also, I don't know what sarcasm is, so let's just close more stuff and kind of wig out. "

Some of you might want to go take a walk, get a drink, and come on back when you're a little less strained. It's really showing.

beethery

JCbride2015 said:

SBmini said:

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

WHAT.  Seriously?

I am not going to close a gif thread. You do whatever you want, but that is not my deal.

lyndausvi

pinkrevenge said:

Good moderating: "Hi guys, sorry about the wait, I did this because X which I felt totally fit into TOS violation Y and multiple reports from the community alerted me that there might be a problem. I will try my best to do Z in the future."

Bad moderating:" I did it because! I can't tell you why, just go with it. Also, I don't know what sarcasm is, so let's just close more stuff and kind of wig out. "

Some of you might want to go take a walk, get a drink, and come on back when you're a little less strained. It's really showing.

duly noted.

emmaaa

PrettyGirlLost said:

Maggie0829 said:

winchestered said:

Maggie0829 said:

I find it funny that we all bitched when mods were taken away and then kept pleading to get them back and now that they are back we are bitching about the mods and how they handle certain situations. I can only give props to those users who have graciously volunteered to be mods of chit-chat, etiquette, wedding party and any other super popular board, because you really couldn't pay me enough to do it. As for the closed thread. Okay so it was closed. If posters really wanted to continue their conversations then start another thread and continue the discussion. I really doubt Lynda is going to let her mod power go to her head and start closing threads and banning people right, left and center. She made a decision and she explained why she made that decision. You all then expressed why you didn't like the decision that was made. That doesn't mean that she has to re-open the thread. I am sure Lynda is reading everything that you are suggesting and will use those suggestions (if she wants) in the future. But why not give her the benefit of the doubt and realize that she and all the other mods are still trying to get settled in their positions rather then jumping down her throat because of one closed thread.

No one is asking her to re-open the thread. We're discussing other alternatives. I mean, should we just take the mods word and not question things? It's been stated multiple times that no one is blaming the mods.How does shit get straightened out without criticisim?

I guess I just feel that this is going to happen every. single. time. a mod makes a decision to close a thread or deletes a post or bans a member. Why do we always have to question every little thing they do? Why can't we give them just a little trust that they are going to make the best decisions possible in any given circumstance to better our community? The point of mods is to take care of the boards and make hard decisions. Think of them as a manager. Are you going to question every little thing your manager does or are you going to trust your manager (to a point) to make the best decisions for you and for the masses? Why don't we just give them a chance to figure things? It is always easier to say "oh she should of done this" or "she should of done that" when you aren't the one having to make the hard choices knowing full well that you will most likely piss a lot of your peers off. I guess I am just tired of all the side line moding. Let them do their jobs and then maybe after 3 months or so since they have been active then we could have a discussion about things that we have seen that we don't agree with or ideas that we may have or changes that could be made (this is something the mods themselves could start).

I agree because of this:

emmaaa said:

I think all of the mods here understand that the community is not happy the thread was closed and know that that is not the particular way to handle it. But we honestly cannot be more specific about what posts violated TOS without violating TOP ourselves.

This seems ridiculous to me- I'm sure there is a way to let the public know why the thread is getting sketchy w/o calling out a user directly. . . and I don't understand why mods can't call out a user publicly- "Hey PGL< you are swearing too much and kinda acting like an ass.  DO you need a snickers bar?"

We do it to each other all of the time. Makes sense they of all ppl should be able to in order to calm a thread down and avoid the discussion from devolving to a point where the whole thing needs to be closed.  But I digress.

If the ruleset we are dealing with is a vague and subjective TOS, and that mods can't really publically explicitly state their rational behind doing certain things, then we need to work with them as best we can, trust they will warn us in PMS if our posts are crossing a line, and we just have to try not to get out of hand. . . whatever that means to us ><

It is in the TOS that no user (including mods) can call out another user to bash them.

"Personal attacks include, but are not limited to: starting a thread with a user’s name as the topic/title to “bash” them, linking to a thread to call out a user on their post, thoughts or beliefs (not a topic), calling a username out maliciously, starting a malicious or derogatory poll/question about a user, using images (memes, gifs, etc.) in a direct attack/vicious manner, etc."

If a user is volating TOS or in a gray area, it is up to the mod to PM them to let them know that they have violated TOS for x,y,z.

doeydo

No, I did not ask for my thread to be closed.  I did, however, flag two posts that someone made on it, and then I "ignored" him or her.  

pinkrevenge said:

SBmini said:

I stand by Lynda's decision to close that thread. The OP wasn't listening to what people had to say and even posted that she wasn't going to post about personal issues any more and that she disagreed with all of our opinions.

When the OP bows out of a very volatile thread/topic it no longer becomes useful to the person who was seeking help. All future posts are just for us, not for the OP. For that reason, it was a good idea to close it. Just a waste of bandwidth and energy on all of our parts. 

1. I want to point out that lots of people come on here, tell us there bad ideas, say they're going to go through with them no matter what we say, and we keep those open.

2. To the bolded, she says that every time anyone says anything other than love, support, and affection and praise of her. The last thread she made one person started with "I guess I don't understand why you're still there after the last four threads?" and she immediately started with "Oh, I'm sorry, I'll never bother you again..."

And I can't tell if she means to set off alarms in my head that she's doing it all for attention, but when she immediately says something like that and all the posters trip over themselves to backpeddle and give her more praise, that's what happens. Which, given her shitty shit relationship, I wouldn't be very surprised if she tells us all about it because for once in her goddamn life someone is giving her the affection she's supposed to be getting from her loved ones.

I am overly sensitive, depressed, have huge issues with rejection and feeling like I am hated/laughed at/never good enough, and have no one that I'm able to be totally open and honest with, except for here and my therapist (who I only see once or twice a month because she is so busy).  I am on medication and in therapy, but I guess I am still a work in progress.  I admit I do kind of break down when people say things that hurt my feelings, both here and IRL, but it has zero to do with wanting more attention/praise and everything to do with feeling like I am a worhtless piece of shit that no one will ever like, let alone love.

grumbledore

lolo883 said:

I could certainly see how flat-out calling someone's FI a pedophile could be construed as a personal attack. Along the lines of "that's a bitchy thing to do" being ok while "you're a giant bitch" is not. I don't recall and don't feel like checking if anyone actually said that straight up though, or "this sounds a lot like XYZ to me."

Except in this case, a man who has sexual interest in an underage girl and acts on it is a pedophile.  He isn't just "acting like" a pedophile.

VulgarGirl

Your gonna take away puppy gifs?

loveislouder

beethery said:

JCbride2015 said:

SBmini said:

Someone brought up threads with gifs and what not and why those aren't closed. For a time, The Knot was completely unmoderated. There weren't even reported posts. As such, there was no way for these threads to be closed. In the future, when threads like that happen, they will be closed. 

WHAT.  Seriously?

I am not going to close a gif thread. You do whatever you want, but that is not my deal.

SIB

I took that to mean a DD that turned into puppies that had been around for a long time.

[Deleted User]

Seriously, you guys don't get paid for this. It's okay to go "woah, getting kind of frazzled, I'm going to take ten so that I make the best decisions from a calm perspective".

We're mostly adults, we get it.

Lynda, I thought your answer was a good start. You should go get a drink to reward yourself for not taking it out on puppies.

slothiegal

MagicInk said:

Your gonna take away puppy gifs?

Only sloth gifs will be allowed from this point on.

[Deleted User]

Hi Everyone,

In response to @winchestered's listed questions: 

-Let us know what changes are going to happen, what situations would work, what won't work
The mods and I are currently in discussion about what is going to happen. Because this is not their full time job it will take a little bit longer for everyone to be able to discuss all of this, but please know we are working things and will try to come up with examples of things that members are frequently warned for.  

-If changes have not been decided on, let us know they're being discussed and give us an estimate on when a decision will be handled
As above, they're being discussed. I would like to have a decision made and rules laid out about closing threads by this Friday.

-Figure out if mods are policing for young posters or here just for DIRECT TOS violations and spam issues, like they were intended to be
If any of you have an issue of the way mods are handling their position, PM them or myself. They are trying their best right now and still trying to get a handle on their responsibilities. 

-Clarify exactly what is a TOS violation so we all know what NOT to do 
You can see exactly what a TOS violation is by going here --> CLICK
The reason we have a 5 warnings policy is because sometimes mistakes happen, violations are not always understood and generally when the first warning happens it never happens again. If you have issues with the TOS, PM me. I'm happy to discuss any of it with you.

-Don't take away the puppy threads because someone gets pissy about their shit idea
Puppy gif threads will live on