his aunt has a horrible drunken boyfriend

brenondc

His aunt has a boyfriend, who in the city we live in is well known for bad things, including being drunk and disorderly.  We invited her to the wedding as a single because we didn't want him there and she had talked to my fiancée's dad, in which he also explained that he was not invited.  She took it upon herself to RSVP with a guest. oh Boy! now everyone is fighting on what to do. Technically she is a close member of the family and probably should have a guest but her boyfriend is just so bad.  We have no idea how to handle this!! any suggestions...

melespi

I feel your pain! My bridesmaid/sister also has a horrible drunken boyfriend who is not invited to my wedding. I think the best thing to do is to call her yourself and explain that the invite is for 1 person only. You can even blame it on not having enough space or be direct that it's not appropriate if he is there. If she gets crazy and doesn't want to attend then it is her loss...there's only so much we can do sometimes. good luck!

holyguacamole79

brenondc said:

His aunt has a boyfriend, who in the city we live in is well known for bad things, including being drunk and disorderly.  We invited her to the wedding as a single because we didn't want him there and she had talked to my fiancée's dad, in which he also explained that he was not invited.  She took it upon herself to RSVP with a guest. oh Boy! now everyone is fighting on what to do. Technically she is a close member of the family and probably should have a guest but her boyfriend is just so bad.  We have no idea how to handle this!! any suggestions...

They are a social unit; you should have invited him as well.  If you are concerned about him being drunk and disorderly at your wedding, hire security and advise the bartender(s) to be on the lookout for him. 

MyNameIsNot

There's no good way to handle this.  

It's incredibly rude and a huge slap in the face to the aunt (not her boyfriend) for you to invite her without him.  If you didn't want him there, you should have excluded her too.  Sometimes dating a douche means you don't get invited to things.

At this point, I don't see what you can do other than accept that he will attend, notify your venue staff to keep and eye on him and be prepared to escort him out immediately before a scene starts.  You'll also want to remind your bartender not to over serve him.  

There's no way you can call her and tell her not to bring him without ruining your (and FI's) relationship with the aunt and starting insane family drama.  

southernbelle0915

What do you mean by disorderly?

AddieCake

You're in the wrong for not inviting him unless he poses some kind of threat to your guests.

MollyandD

That's tricky, but as others have said, people in a relationship should both be invited together or not at all. There is someone that my husband and I didn't invite, because my husband felt so strongly about not wanting this person's girlfriend around. We either had to invite both (which is what I pushed for) or invite neither. When we cut people to fit in our venue space from the original list of possible guests, we cut both of them out.

kmmssg

OK - before I start, do NOT mistake my post for saying that it is ok to invite her solo but I have a couple of questions:

1.  Define disorderly with this man

2.  Does he get violent?

I come from a family where alcoholism is rampant.  There are happy harmless drunks and there are mean violent drunks.  Where on the spectrum does he fall?

If I was super close with someone who was with a violent drunk I would have to take her out and have a long talk with her.  Tell her I love her but that I can't be around the drunk...and see where the discussion went from there.  It probably wouldn't go well, but after everything I have seen I don't enable drunks/addicts and I don't enable those around them.  I would tell her I love her but he isn't welcome in my life and see how things shook out.

Not everyone would take that route but I have walked a pretty bizaar road in my family and I would rather make things clear up front than let it fester quietly and awkwardly for  years.

If I wasn't close enough to the person I wanted to invite to have that conversation with them, I would leave them off the guest list and let the relationship run its course.

In the hard, real world of alcoholism that is what happens a lot - people just pull away from the non-drinking partner because of the issues with the drinking partner.

Since you have already issued the invitation as a single and no plus one you are going to have to talk to your aunt.  This will probably define your relationship going forward so choose wisely.  Do you want a relationship with her, knowing that will include the drunk boyfriend OR are you willing to lose your relationship with her to keep him away.  Keep future family gatherings and holidays in mind as you decide how to go forward.

From an etiquette perspective they are a couple and should have been invited as a social unit.  If he poses a danger to your guests or the property where you hold your reception that opens a whole new can of worms.  Please tell us more about him.