October 2014 Weddings

Mom's dress is in...Mom's family RSVP's are not

My mom is super excited that her dress is in. The shop we bought it at came highly recommended as they sold my MOH her wedding dress. They have just been weird with my mom. And me, when I have called. Still, tomorrow we get to see the dress on her and go for alterations this weekend!

On another note, my mom has a big family, my dad is an only child. My mom's side is the only extended family I actually have and we live across the country from them. I invited my aunts and uncles and a few cousins, but no one is coming. It all ties into one aunt passing away earlier this year and another dying of cancer probably by the end of this year. My whole family is grieving, and my mom too, as this is her youngest and oldest sisters being affected. It boils down to her being angry that this is a big day for our family and they have never (and I do mean never) come to visit us here. We always flew to see them as kids and even when I was working part time, at minimum wage, I managed to visit multiple times as a young adult. I am hurt, but trying to be mature, amid my frustration that the "bride's side" will be quite a bit smaller than I ever envisioned. I'm not sure what to say when my family calls or contacts me to say "don't be mad". I kind of want to say, "how can I not be? I lost/ am losing an aunt too. It's my freaking wedding!" Anyone have any advice on this, I would so appreciate some carefully crafted words to not get myself in trouble.

I hope no one commences to calling me a selfish B, as I am just disappointed in life this year (besides my wedding). Am so, so glad to be marrying a man who holds me through my sad times this year though. 

Re: Mom's dress is in...Mom's family RSVP's are not

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    This is a hard one - I have close family that is not coming (to the tune of my mom and my dad).  I even went to a councilor to ask their advice and basically the only advice that could be given was:
    All in all it is their decision.  This reflects poorly on them, not on you.  There is nothing that you can do in your power to get them to come or change their mind.  The only people that really matter on that day are you and your future spouse (and the officiant, 'cause he needs to sign off on it).

    In your case, it's also hard to tell their financial situation and even if they're able to take time off work. 

    I know in my case it brought up A LOT of hurt and old feelings.  I am going to give my parents 1 more chance to let them know they have an open invite and I paid for them to come regardless if they do or not so they can make last minute changes.  In the ways that my situation is different, if my parents do not come, I do not foresee being able to include them in my life for some time because I will need to deal with a ton of emotions.

    On your day - focus on what's important - your groom; your family that did make it and your 'new' family; and your friends that came to celebrate with you.  No matter who shows up outside you and your groom - it's your day, it'll be beautiful and you'll have fun!

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