FMIL confronting people about "lousy" gifts

larrygaga

I just found out that FMIL likes to confront people for giving cheap gifts. She did that for her daughters. How nice of her, right?

She is a psychotic, manipulative bitch and this just takes the cake. I am so embarrassed to be associated with this woman. She has been nothing but terrible to me and verbally abusive to the point where FI and I have mostly cut contact with her. I love his family so much, they are kind and wonderful people. FI's sisters will all be my bridesmaids, and I have been their bridesmaid. We are like true sisters!

I will for sure be keeping gift information secret from her. I won't even tell her who gave me this crockpot when she eventually comes over. (for example) I would literally die if she confronted one of my guests about gifts. I'm not sure her daughters know she did that. Her daughters would also die of embarrassment. I found out from my mom. 

FMIL is super pissed that she doesn't get control of the wedding that FI and I are paying for, and my parents are contributing to. FMIL said she would pay for booze, but I think I might decline just to get her crazy ass out of the picture. If I didn't have to be around this woman and related to her, I would tell her to fuck right off. Every wedding she is "in charge of" (her daughters, and her nieces) she forces everyone to potluck and demands they help clean up and spend lots of money to stay for a whole weekend.

She is literally pissed that I want and FI wants our wedding to be just an evening, and not a 4 day holiday weekend shindig where everyone has to provide food and other types of bullshit. 

At this point I'm trying to be civil and save our relationship, but I can't keep getting 8 texts a day about how we should get married at this sportsplex and she will pay for the whole thing if we do. It's like I'm not allowed to have a classy wedding. The fucking sportsplex. I told her we put the deposit down on our beautiful venue, and that it's too late to change it. (It's not, lol) She hasn't talked to me since.

It's no wonder her children rarely talk to her. 

larrygaga

Not that I'm judgmental about having it at a sportsplex, but she sees me as a low class common peasant girl and that I don't deserve to have a wedding where we have a nice dinner and people dress up. That's how she sees it. I'm never good enough for her son. 

Everyone else in her family loves me. FI keeps saying to ignore her, and I think that's the best advice. 

larrygaga

I would also like to add that this low class common peasant piece of shit girl has more education than anyone in her family. I know you can tell by my sentance structure.

climbingsingle

Holy jeez. I would definitely decline her offer for money for booze. She sounds like a real piece of work. 

pinkcow13

That sounds horrible. Yes, decline her offer to pay for any aspect of the wedding. With some people, if you give hem an inch, they will take a mile. Keep her far, far way from the wedding, until the actual day. 

kmmssg

Again, I take  moment of silence for the 2 MILs I was so fortunate to have.  I hit the golden jackpot both times.  I try to treat my SILs the way they treated me.

Sounds like you and FI are on the same page.  Has he told her to back off?

I most definitely would NOT accept her money for the alcohol.  That would open a door for her to just kick things up a notch.

Kudos to you for keeping the gift list top secret - she sounds like a miserable human being.

chibiyui

Your sentence structure is hot.

I'm sorry your FMIL is batshit crazy.

hikebikebemerry

Aaaahhhh!!!

She sounds super obnoxious.  It's probably a good thing that you found out, even if it's one more thing to stress about- you at least know how little faith you should have in her.

Decline all help!  Drink lots of wine.

larrygaga

FI is of the opinion that to save the relationship, we should ignore her until we are married. I am very angry, but I should say that sometimes shes a very sweet lady, if there isn't a wedding happening. 

He also wants to let her pay for booze, even though I want to not let her. 

I think I should let him confront her with any fallout. He's not a confrontational person, he's very passive and I always figured it was because of her. 

I gotta have another talk with him.

Honestly, the only thing we ever fought about seriously  in 10 years was how she treats him, and how he just lets it happen. The best thing to do is distance ourselves, which is hard because we are close with everyone else in the family. It's not like we can up and leave. 

KatieinBkln

She sounds like the worst ever.

It also sounds like it's time for your FI to take the reins when it comes to communicating with her. Just because you'll be her DIL doesn't mean you have to field her texts.

larrygaga

KatieinBkln said:

She sounds like the worst ever.

It also sounds like it's time for your FI to take the reins when it comes to communicating with her. Just because you'll be her DIL doesn't mean you have to field her texts.

He ignores her and so she texts and calls me. I ignore her too, right?

Liatris2010

Excuse me while I look for my lower jaw, I think it's fallen below my desk.

Oh, there it is! She confronts people about the perceived cheapness of their gifts? I'm assuming no one has given her one in a long while, and she has forgotten how to be a gracious recipient. I wouldn't let her within 10 miles of wedding planning.

lyndausvi

She sounds super-duper fun.

southernbelle0915

How do people become this way? How? 

Decline her offer to "host" anything. If she "hosted" booze, it would probably mean soliciting everyone to bring a fifth and mix their their drinks. Please...

Tell her your text messaging is broken and you can't receive/send anything. Sorrrrryyyyyyyyy!!!

levioosa

Decline, decline, decline!  Don't let the BSC in!

And I would just ignore her too.  Your FI should be dealing with his mother.  If there is any reconciliation in the future between her and FI,and you have been "mean" to her, it could create problems between you and FI.  Not worth the risk.  

You could always try to bean dip her too.  

"I want to talk to you about who's giving you presents.  What are they giving you?"

"We have been so blessed by people's generosity.  Have you ever read White Oleander?" 

jynxiie

Definitely keep your gifts a secret, she has no reason to know. She sounds like an awful person to be around - it's great that you get along with FI's sisters though!

lc07

I pray she doesn't throw you a surprise shower.

And crap. Will you invite her to a shower if someone throws you one? She'll see all the gifts!

wandajune6

Feeling very lucky about FMIL once again...

Tell her nothing about anything. It's the only way you'll survive!

MairePoppy

It sounds like you know the right way to go. Don't answer her texts, darn that dead phone battery. And never, ever tell her what anyone has given you. We used to give my teat drinking MIL a glass of wine, for medicinal purposes, at family events. That usually made her too sleepy to cause trouble.

Don't let her stress you out. NO one should judge you, by her behavior.

larrygaga

lc07 said:

I pray she doesn't throw you a surprise shower.

And crap. Will you invite her to a shower if someone throws you one? She'll see all the gifts!

She's somewhat best friends with my mom, although they have been fighting a lot recently. Her daughters are my bridesmaids. Kind of have to invite her, if I want to have everyone continue to like me.

She's really not that bad outside of weddings. I suppose I will just ignore her and not tell her anything until I'm married and she can go back to being less of a psycho. 

lc07

larrygaga said:

lc07 said:

I pray she doesn't throw you a surprise shower.

And crap. Will you invite her to a shower if someone throws you one? She'll see all the gifts!

She's somewhat best friends with my mom, although they have been fighting a lot recently. Her daughters are my bridesmaids. Kind of have to invite her, if I want to have everyone continue to like me.

She's really not that bad outside of weddings. I suppose I will just ignore her and not tell her anything until I'm married and she can go back to being less of a psycho. 

I know! And she'll see all the gifts! Gahhhhh

steph861

Oh, dear lord. Does she routinely confront people about gifts (e.g., birthday, Christmas, etc)? Or is it just wedding gifts that bring out the crazy?

larrygaga

steph11814 said:

Oh, dear lord. Does she routinely confront people about gifts (e.g., birthday, Christmas, etc)? Or is it just wedding gifts that bring out the crazy?

Just wedding gifts. Except the one christmas a few years ago when I wasn't for shopping for FI yet, and he gave his mother a toilet plunger. I also called him out on that. And now I shop for him. 

He gives me the sweetest gifts, but when it comes to other people he gives the worst gifts. IDK

steph861

larrygaga said: steph11814 said: Oh, dear lord. Does she routinely confront people about gifts (e.g., birthday, Christmas, etc)? Or is it just wedding gifts that bring out the crazy? Just wedding gifts. Except the one christmas a few years ago when I wasn't for shopping for FI yet, and he gave his mother a toilet plunger. I also called him out on that. And now I shop for him. 
He gives me the sweetest gifts, but when it comes to other people he gives the worst gifts. IDK ----------------------------------------------------------------------------Ahahahahahahahahaha! What thought process leads to the decision to buy a toilet plunger as a gift?! 

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KatieinBkln

larrygaga said:

KatieinBkln said:

She sounds like the worst ever.

It also sounds like it's time for your FI to take the reins when it comes to communicating with her. Just because you'll be her DIL doesn't mean you have to field her texts.

He ignores her and so she texts and calls me. I ignore her too, right?

Yep yep yep yep! You can call HER or text HER on your own timeline. Intermittently. Never reply directly to her. You initiate contact always; she gets screened. In this way she "learns" to stop bothering you (not super likely) or at least is only "reinforced" when you feel like it.

larrygaga

steph11814 said:

larrygaga said:

steph11814 said:

Oh, dear lord. Does she routinely confront people about gifts (e.g., birthday, Christmas, etc)? Or is it just wedding gifts that bring out the crazy?

Just wedding gifts. Except the one christmas a few years ago when I wasn't for shopping for FI yet, and he gave his mother a toilet plunger. I also called him out on that. And now I shop for him. 

He gives me the sweetest gifts, but when it comes to other people he gives the worst gifts. IDK

----------------------------------------------------------------------------Ahahahahahahahahaha! What thought process leads to the decision to buy a toilet plunger as a gift?! 

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IDK. That same Christmas he got me roses and a ruby necklace. 

steph861

larrygaga said:

steph11814 said:

larrygaga said:

steph11814 said:

Oh, dear lord. Does she routinely confront people about gifts (e.g., birthday, Christmas, etc)? Or is it just wedding gifts that bring out the crazy?

Just wedding gifts. Except the one christmas a few years ago when I wasn't for shopping for FI yet, and he gave his mother a toilet plunger. I also called him out on that. And now I shop for him. 

He gives me the sweetest gifts, but when it comes to other people he gives the worst gifts. IDK

----------------------------------------------------------------------------Ahahahahahahahahaha! What thought process leads to the decision to buy a toilet plunger as a gift?! 

ETF Paragraphs

IDK. That same Christmas he got me roses and a ruby necklace. 

One time my dad got my mom a stereo for Christmas and she was disappointed that it wasn't actually jewelry inside a giant box.