What do you do for girls/boys night out?

jackannlu

Me and FI have different ideas of girls night out and boys night out. I go out for dinner, happy hour, a few glasses of wine or some cocktails. I'm home by 11 or 12.... and at the latest 1am. When FI goes out it's usually to a club and gets in at 3 or 4am. I know everyone is entitled to what they like to do, and I will say I don't like going to clubs myself, but for some reason it just seems weird that he goes to a club with a group of guys. If it were a bar, a billiard club, a casino, anywhere else basically, I'd have zero issues with it. Some of my friends and FSIL say that I have issue with it because we're Hispanic and for us, dancing can be a very personal thing. Don't get me wrong, I trust FI 100%... and I know I don't have the right to dictate what he can and cannot do. But when we go out, we never really go to clubs except for special occasions, such as birthdays. I don't know why it makes me feel weird but it does, so I wanted to get your opinions and see what you guys do for girls night and boys night out. Just a confusing feeling I had.

JCbride2015

jackannlu said:

Me and FI have different ideas of girls night out and boys night out. I go out for dinner, happy hour, a few glasses of wine or some cocktails. I'm home by 11 or 12.... and at the latest 1am. When FI goes out it's usually to a club and gets in at 3 or 4am. I know everyone is entitled to what they like to do, and I will say I don't like going to clubs myself, but for some reason it just seems weird that he goes to a club with a group of guys. If it were a bar, a billiard club, a casino, anywhere else basically, I'd have zero issues with it. Some of my friends and FSIL say that I have issue with it because we're Hispanic and for us, dancing can be a very personal thing. Don't get me wrong, I trust FI 100%... and I know I don't have the right to dictate what he can and cannot do. But when we go out, we never really go to clubs except for special occasions, such as birthdays. I don't know why it makes me feel weird but it does, so I wanted to get your opinions and see what you guys do for girls night and boys night out. Just a confusing feeling I had.

What we do isn't really relevant for you.  If you're uncomfortable with your Fi's behavior, you should talk to him about it.  Honestly it sounds like you have a trust issue-- you say you trust him, but you say his behavior makes you feel weird.

You need to either be okay with what he's doing and trust him.  Or you need to talk to him about how you feel.

To answer your original question, both of us have pretty similar ideas of girls/guys night out.  Dinner, drinks, just hang out.  Mostly we hang out in mixed-gender groups anyway, and usually we are together.  But I would trust him 100% if he chose to go out to a club (even a strip club) without me.

ETA:  I guess I wouldn't like it if Fi danced with a random person while out at a club, but for some reason the thought bothers me less if it's one of our friends I already know.  Depends on the type of dancing, of course.  Friends can dance in a platonic way and just have fun.  I do that with my girlfriends all the time.  What do you mean by "personal" dancing?

Jells2dot0

My DH is in his 50s, so a night out at the club would get a chuckle from me. If he hangs out with the guys, it's usually at someone's house for football, pizza, and beer. My girl's GTGs are usually a dinner/happy hour type event. DH and I don't see each other that much right now, so our night's apart aren't very often, as we'd rather spend that time together.

afox007

I second everything JC said. This seems more like a trust issue that you and FI need to work out.

As far as out nights out thanks to having a kiddo around we've basically been an old married couple since our second week together. We barely get out as a couple much less by ourselves. Usually girls night for me is greys anatomy on the couch with my BFF and wine or its girls day out and we do brunch with all you can drink mimosas. FI either ends up at his friends house with a 12 pack or has a band practice/jam session.

God I just realized how boring we are!

WinstonsGirl

All of our friends have kids, so a night out is usually all couples and maybe the kids sitting around for a BBQ/fire pit, games night, etc.  That said, I would have no problem with DH going out to a club and he would feel the same about me.   He also has an annual poker game (work organized) where he rolls in about 3-4am absolutely toasted.  

What bugs you so much about him being at the club and coming home late if you trust him 100%??  

jackannlu

JCbride2015 said:

jackannlu said:

Me and FI have different ideas of girls night out and boys night out. I go out for dinner, happy hour, a few glasses of wine or some cocktails. I'm home by 11 or 12.... and at the latest 1am. When FI goes out it's usually to a club and gets in at 3 or 4am. I know everyone is entitled to what they like to do, and I will say I don't like going to clubs myself, but for some reason it just seems weird that he goes to a club with a group of guys. If it were a bar, a billiard club, a casino, anywhere else basically, I'd have zero issues with it. Some of my friends and FSIL say that I have issue with it because we're Hispanic and for us, dancing can be a very personal thing. Don't get me wrong, I trust FI 100%... and I know I don't have the right to dictate what he can and cannot do. But when we go out, we never really go to clubs except for special occasions, such as birthdays. I don't know why it makes me feel weird but it does, so I wanted to get your opinions and see what you guys do for girls night and boys night out. Just a confusing feeling I had.

What we do isn't really relevant for you.  If you're uncomfortable with your Fi's behavior, you should talk to him about it.  Honestly it sounds like you have a trust issue-- you say you trust him, but you say his behavior makes you feel weird.

You need to either be okay with what he's doing and trust him.  Or you need to talk to him about how you feel.

To answer your original question, both of us have pretty similar ideas of girls/guys night out.  Dinner, drinks, just hang out.  Mostly we hang out in mixed-gender groups anyway, and usually we are together.  But I would trust him 100% if he chose to go out to a club (even a strip club) without me.

ETA:  I guess I wouldn't like it if Fi danced with a random person while out at a club, but for some reason the thought bothers me less if it's one of our friends I already know.  Depends on the type of dancing, of course.  Friends can dance in a platonic way and just have fun.  I do that with my girlfriends all the time.  What do you mean by "personal" dancing?

I mean that dancing salsa, merengue, bachata, etc tends to be a much more romantic then just dancing with friends. I'm not saying you can't do it in a platonic way, it's just the dances themselves tend to be more sensual. Maybe this is what bothers me, I don't know. But the thing is, he's been to strip clubs before, with and without me, and I'm fine with it! Again, it could be a deeper trust issue that we have but I just don't see it. We've never had any cheating/lying issues or anything like that so I wouldn't even know where to pinpoint where it comes from.

jackannlu

WinstonsGirl said:

All of our friends have kids, so a night out is usually all couples and maybe the kids sitting around for a BBQ/fire pit, games night, etc.  That said, I would have no problem with DH going out to a club and he would feel the same about me.   He also has an annual poker game (work organized) where he rolls in about 3-4am absolutely toasted.  

What bugs you so much about him being at the club and coming home late if you trust him 100%??  

Again, don't know. It's not the coming home late part, it's just the club thing. Maybe I just don't like the idea of him dancing with total strangers, which again may lead back to being hispanic and how big dancing is to us and how sensual it tends to be. I'm not talking about grinding on each other kind of dancing, but ...I just don't know how to describe it.

WinstonsGirl

jackannlu said:

Again, don't know. It's not the coming home late part, it's just the club thing. Maybe I just don't like the idea of him dancing with total strangers, which again may lead back to being hispanic and how big dancing is to us and how sensual it tends to be. I'm not talking about grinding on each other kind of dancing, but ...I just don't know how to describe it.

I can get being not comfortable with the more partner style of dancing (salsa, merengue, etc.), though I've never seen that at a club here, unless you go to the 1-2 that specifically do salsa night.  Usually it's more club dancing on a speaker style.  I suppose it depends on the clubs in your area too though.  

Talk it through with him.  Maybe hashing it out will help you figure out what you're not comfortable with so that he has some guidelines too for when he does go out.  

AddieCake

I guess I don't understand why he would want to go out dancing with other women. IS he going to clubs with partner dancing like that? If so, I am curious why. That doesn't sound like guys hanging out to me.

Ndelible

Girls night usually involves nice dinner and bar and drinking.  Or staying home, watching Bridget Jones's Diary, drinking, eating and smoking.

Guys' night out usually involves football or pool.  Dive bar.  

I'm a firm believer in trusting your instincts.  If you're sensing something, you're probably picking up on something that you can't put your finger on.

pinkshorts27

So my night out last night (co-ed night, I have guy friends) involved dancing with my friends and getting trashed. Not a typical night out, but my FI trusts me. I'm also very huggy/touchy when I drink and he knows that and he is okay with that because my friends are all like brothers to me. They look out for me and take care of me when FI can't be there.

FI also goes dancing with his girl friends on co-ed night out or drinking or to the movies or whatever. I don't get jealous or upset either. Sometimes bummed that I can't join them, but we are long distance so I understand. 

holyguacamole79

@jackannlu, I would definitely feel uncomfortable if DH went out salsa dancing without me. My family is Mexican, too, so I get it. I encourage you to talk with him about it. I've seen DH dance with another woman once, and it was my mom. We were at a wedding with my mom and sister (dad didn't come), and he asked my mom to dance. I think it was a swing or something - nothing like a salsa. And, it was my mom.

doeydo

I guess I don't get it, are all his friends single and looking for "hot babes" to take home from the club?  Because, unless your FI and his friends would like to dance at a club exclusively with each other for some reason, I kind of think that clubs are either for "having a good time" dancing with your friends and for meeting one night stands.  *Hides*

wrigleyville

Do you know if your FI is dancing with women? 

I ask only because H has been going to the club with his friends since before we were dating, and he mostly just went as a "wingman". Once we started dating, he still went with them but didn't dance with other women and just hung out to keep the guys company, give them a ride if they were drunk, etc. He doesn't go as much now, but that's because he just turned 40 and isn't up to staying out that late anymore. :-P

I would recommend talking to him and just kind of feel out the situation. You might want to work on the trust issue too. Just tell him how you're feeling without accusing him of anything and see how it goes from there.

jackannlu

@sarahbear31 Its nice to hear that someone understands how I'm feeling.... its just an uncomfortable feeling. 

@wrigleyville I don't know if he does, but I'm going to talk to him about it today. Yes, his friends are single, so I can imagine he'd take on the wingman role and he usually drives as well. 

Thanks for all the advice ladies! I'm going to talk to him this evening. I think my main issue is him dancing with other random women, which maybe he doesn't even do and I'm feeling all uncomfortable for no reason! Either way, I'm sure hashing out will benefit our relationship. Wish me luck!