Chit Chat

Random stuff bothering me and T&P level stuff....VERY LONG

So, my darn work computer doesn't like the knot message boards anymore, resulting in my having minimal access during the workday via smart phone, and life chores interfere during the evenings. Weekends are my opportunity to really get on here these days. I've got a lot running around in my head, so I apologize for the really really long post.

Random, not so major stuff: 

1) I'm in a master's program that has weekly online quizzes. Didn't do great on the first one, but did abysmal on the second. Reviewing the answers for the second one, I see where I messed up on a few, HOWEVER, we're allowed open notes, and I have some stuff as direct quotes from lecture that they said were wrong. Everyone in this course is a working professional. I want to challenge some of the questions, but don't want to come across as the whiny brat who under performed. The four quizzes make up 25% of the grade, but the two papers are another 25% (I got a perfect score on the first one) and participation and the essay final are half the grade- I can make up for bad quizzes, but damnit, I want a top grade!

2) There's a gun show in my area today. (Full Disclosure- DH and I both own handguns. We are responsible gun owners, have concealed carry permits, emphasize gun safety, and have them for personal home defense purposes. I was raised around guns, and learned early on about safety and not touching what did not belong to me).I want to go down and check their prices on ammunition, and I've promised my Dad I'd try to find a particularly hard to find type of handgun ammo. The problem- the last time I went, last November, I had an undiagnosed bulged disc in my back. I exacerbated it walking over uneven ground with two very heavy bags full of ammo. I'm afraid I'll re injure myself.

Now for the much more important/T&P stuff.....

1) DH is having major problems sleeping. He's lucky to get 5 hours a night. Last night, after 3 nights where he got 4 hours or less, I made him lay down at 11 pm and gave him some prescription level medication to help knock him out. We try to avoid that stuff because the dirty secret they don't tell you about drugs like Ambien is that after 3 nights of serious, drug induced good sleep, you are WIDE AWAKE and can't sleep. Anyways, I gave him some, we laid down, and he put a show on to fall asleep to on the tv. I woke up a few minutes to 6 this morning, rolled over....and that's when he told me he didn't sleep at all last night.

He's been asleep for nearly 2 hours now, but I have to wake him up soon so he'll manage to sleep tonight. We've been juice cleansing/fasting, but I think today he needs to break the fasting portion with some sleep inducing food, like pasta and/or turkey. He will still drink the juice, and is arguing about how he feels he's doing something healthy for himself, but I'm very worried of the toll the lack of sleep is taking on his health.

Which leads into the next issue...

2) I think DH's inability to sleep is a physical manifestation of his stress and possible depression.  For those who don't know, in March we got married, and a month later in April, DH's little brother dropped dead of what appears to have been an accidental overdose. BIL was taking Ambien at the time, and we think he deliberately and recklessly took something else that he should not have, and it stopped his heart.  DH keeps saying he's doing ok, but I know a part of his method of dealing with his grief it to shove it away and allow only bits and pieces to come through bit by bit. Subconsciously, he's hurting over this loss, and feels like he should have known/done something to prevent his brother's death. 

It doesn't help that next weekend at this time, we would be getting ready for BIL and FSIL's wedding day. DH was going to be a groomsman. FSIL's family took her on a cruise to Alaska for this week and next, which should help keep her distracted. 

But we haven't spoken with FIL and SMIL since early August when DH had a fight with them over SMIL's poor handling of obtaining copies of the autopsy report and toxicology- the ME called it a suicide, we want that changed, SMIL is apparently leading the charge, but she hasn't gotten copies of the investigative report, the autopsy findings, or the tox screen to review and support her claims.  When DH questioned all this and the fact that they left him out of the loop, he was told by FIL" to stay out of it, it wasn't DH's business" and upon DH's comment that he felt it was terrible of them to leave him out of the loop, SMIL sent him this hateful, nasty text about how DH was a horrible person to say something like that to his dad, how FIL is grieving, DH should apologize, its not all about DH, etc....FIL lost a son, yes, but DH also lost a brother that same day.  SMIL has further turned her and FIL's house into a shrine to BIL (excluding anything with DH in it and making it appear BIL was FIL's only son) and has made multiple social media posts as to how much of a saint BIL was (he wasn't) and how much she misses him....to the point where the posts are starting to sound less about her grief and seem more a bid for attention. They haven't called us, and DH has no desire to call them, because he wants absolutely nothing to do with SMIL and recognizes that FIL/SMIL are a package deal.

So on top of losing his brother, DH has effectively lost his Dad as well (his mom died 16 years ago in a car accident). DH is admitting he feels like I am his only family, and that my parents are acting like better parents to him than his own are. I've suggested we see a counselor together about this, but he won't go, and he won't call his dad and apologize for the part where he lost his temper. Contact with them has been limited to texting his dad when the phone bill is due since they are on our plan. I think he's pushing away his hurt over this, and in turn, he is angry and upset deep down, feeding the depression and leading to the insomnia.

DH's birthday is next Wednesday. I've the day off to spend with him. He wants a quiet day at home together. I've a feeling his Dad may call and want to see him for lunch, and we'll be back on the rollercoaster, especially when he finds out we will not be in town over what would have been the wedding weekend- we are visiting my folks for a joint DH/Mom Bday visit (10 days apart) and taking DH to an all you can eat awesome seafood place.  We will therefore be unavailable to FIL and SMIL if they wanted to get together at the last minute/their convenience. I foresee things hitting the fan over that. 

 I also foresee it hitting the fan on another matter- I made wedding albums via Shutterfly back in July, before the August blow up. FIL's album and album for DH's maternal grandparents were very DH/BIL heavy.  We were going to give FIL/SMIL theirs for FIL's bday, but it arrived late. We asked to come down with his last birthday "surprise" only to be told that coming down would not be convenient for them, and FIL demanded to know what it was before he'd deign to come by and pick it up. We wouldn't tell him, so he never came by, and a week later was the blow up and radio silence. We've still got the album (DH is of the opinion that should SMIL get her hands on it, she will cut out every photo of BIL to put up, and toss out the rest of the book). We sent DH's grandparents their book for Grandparents' Day. They LOVE IT. I've a feeling though that they will soon mention something to FIL in passing (they don't know about the estrangement) and we will get a screaming call as to how they should have an album too and what awful people we are....I've told DH to let me handle that one, since I made the albums myself.

3?4? (I don't know what number I'm on). Final issue (virtual wine and cookies to you if you've made it through this post thus far!)

I went to a dermatologists office two weeks ago due to a mole on my back bothering me if accidentally scratched. I never got to see the MD, just her PA. The PA performed several shave biopsies on suspicious looking moles on my skin (I'm Irish, with the very pale Celtic skin courtesy of my dad, and I've lived in FL my whole life- I have a lot of large freckles and moles) that were then sent off for testing.  Three have come back as mild atypia, but do not have clear margins. The PA didn't even tell me this- the tech who called told me. I've demanded and gotten a copy of the report.

This sounds innocuous, but here's the thing- my maternal grandmother died of a malignant melanoma on her back that metastasized to liver, lungs, and brain. Her doctor said he'd just watch it, and to not bother it until it bothered her. By the time it did, it was too late. I emphasized to the staff at this office of my fatal family history, and requested punch/excision biopsies of any  suspicious areas. They didn't do that, and the lack of clear margins says THEY DIDN'T GET ALL OF IT.  I know some ladies here are currently fighting cancer, and I might sound a little neurotic/hysterical over this, but I take the possibility of skin cancer very very seriously, even in a case with mild atypia, which basically means it has a potential to become malignant, but with my family history, it has a "likelihood" of becoming malignant.

I'm taking the report with me to show my dad when we visit next week, and have given him permission to examine my upper back where I can't see any possible problems (he's a clinical and forensic pathologist and while retired from conducting forensic private autopsies, he's maintaining his license to be able to legally practice medicine should the need arise in situations just like this), and notate their location for me so I can have them excised.  I think I've found another, better dermatology practice to go to, where they will get these little nasties out of my skin via an actual excision.  DH and I are in agreement on this- we'd rather I have a bunch of little scars on my back than just "wait, watch and see" and have me dead at 48 like my grandmother. In the meantime, I'm terrified that the other office missed something important, and these few weeks between appointments will result in something much nastier being found on my skin.


I apologize for the length of this post. (ALL THE MARGARITAS FOR YOU!) I apologize if I sound like I'm completely nuts and off my rocker. But I'd appreciate any thoughts and prayers you ladies could send me to help DH through the next few weeks. Any suggestions on ways to help him get to sleep without taking a prescription med would be awesome too. Jells, CMRagain, I'm thinking of you ladies especially. I'll be on and off throughout the weekend. Hope everyone is doing well.

Chipmunk


Re: Random stuff bothering me and T&P level stuff....VERY LONG

  • I think if you have direct quotes, you should challenge the quiz results. Your husband needs to see a doctor. And that's as far as I've gotten but will try to finish later. Haha!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • 1. Challenge your grades!  I encountered this exact scenario in undergrad.  I presented it as wanting an explanation like, "This was the question and the answer, but I have XYZ in my notes, which contradicts that answer.  I want to make sure I have all the correct information.  Please advise"  (Better worded than that :)  I got my results changed every time!

    2. .22?  That stuff's a bitch to find.

    The big stuff...I am not one who thinks that every problem in life requires therapy.  But this is one of those problems where I really do think it's necessary.  I know he said he wouldn't go, but I would try to work on him.  Maybe you can start going alone and get some tips for helping him, and if he sees you benefiting from it, maybe he would be more open?  I don't know.  It's really tough.

    Good on you for investigating your health further. 

    Sending lots of hugs and t&p to you and DH and his family.




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  • At the show, as much as wheely bags are nerdtastic, bring a dang-on wheely bag if you find what you need. just don't pack anything in it to start with so it's completely empty before you go in. They have ones that convert to backpacks, so you could carry it around that way with minimal weight before you fill it.

    Also, talk to your pops about getting a reloader setup. My dad has one and he loves it.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • I'm sorry about your BIL. Add the issues with the ILS to that  and I can totally see how that would compound and create stress and sleeping issues for your H. If he wont go to counseling you can't make him of course but I would continue to encourage it. Hopefully he can enjoy his birthday and following weekend relaxing and not dealing with family drama.

    I hope you find a dermatologist you feel takes you more seriously and that nothing is wrong.

    Basically lots of good vibes coming your way.
  • I made this long post, and then realized that all I was doing is saying I'm sorry, this sucks, thoughts/prayers/vibes, so I just ditched it. 

    Thoughts/prayers/vibes. And hugs. And wine. Lots of wine.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • I probably have no useful advice, just lots of thoughts and prayers and good vibes.  I'm so sorry you and H are going through this.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Margaritas for everybody!
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    I agree with what others have posted already. Challenge the results super professional like, wheely cart things are the best for outdoor hauling, you should try to get your DH to the doctor, and definitely follow up on your own skin stuff. 

    Best of luck to you. Hope everything works out.

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    Anniversary
  • Challenge your grades.  Bring in your notes as back up and stay super calm and professional and you won't come across as whiny.  

    I don't have much to add about your BIL or your DH, as I have little to no experience, but I hope things work out well for you.  

    Get a new Derm.  I had a mark on my back, had it checked by a Derm.  He said is was pre-cancerous cells, but nothing to worry about.  He treated it with liquid nitrogen and told me to come back if it got rough again.  It did a month later so I went back.  He treated it again and told me I was being vain for wanting it treated and that he didn't want to see me again for it (I'm a pale red head with freckles).  It got rough again a few years later and I finally brought it up again with my GP.  I requested a new Derm for a consult.  The second both him and his nurse saw it, they both said cancer.  The biopsy showed a basal cell carcinoma with positive averages.  He removed it a few week later.  I had this spot for years, close to 10.  

    I'm glad you already mentioned you've requested a new appt.   Your health is not worth the worry, so get a second opinion.  Mine was a form of cancer that rarely if ever spreads, and is rarely fatal, and I was still freaked out by it.  I'm so happy you're bring instant with the testing, results and second opinions.  

  • Thanks for the support ladies!

    DH managed to sleep a good 10 hours last night. He's up and about doing stuff today. The sleeplessness seems to be his only manifestation of his depression/anger/anxiety. Keeping my fingers crossed that he sleeps well tonight.

    Lurker, I managed to get 525 HP 22 rounds for 60 bucks. That's still pricey, but I'll take what I can find these days. Most target rounds were going 70 bucks for 500.

    I'm still nervous about my skin thing, and worried about DH. But I'm organizing things so we can spend his bday completely focused on doing whatever makes him happy (may take a trip down to the beach).

    I've got my email to my profs almost completely written, and I'm politely saying "you're saying A is the correct answer, but B was explicitly named in the lecture" as well as a few "I concede that this option, option A is the general concern, but given the specific issue is X, and choices B and C are specific components of A that handle X, this needs clarification, and my choice is technically valid"

    Even if I don't get full points, I think I may manage to get partial credit on those, especially as I'm trying to be polite and professional in the message and backing up my issues, instead of whiney "but it's not faaaair. I waaaant it to be thiiiiss ooonnnneeee"

    Hope everyone's having a good weekend! 
  • Hugs for you, darling! You've got this.
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