Secret engament

Knottie81642829

Has anyone have to keep their engagement a secret for any period of time? A close family member got engaged and married right away at the court house, then had a little celebration while we were in the process of talking marriage. Then we received an invite to another wedding from a close family member. So when he proposed I chose to keep the news our secret until after this wedding because she is really close to us and we don't want to take away from her special celebration. The wedding is coming up so I can't wait to be able to wear my ring and announce it to our family. Is a week after the wedding too soon to announce our engagement? (I anticipate some of you may think that we should have just announced it right away but I really wanted to let the bride to be have all the spotlight, specially since we will be seeing many family members that live far away and they will be wanting to hear all about the proposal and see the ring. I would be mortified if that happened during her wedding).

beethery

Knottie81642829 said:

Has anyone have to keep their engagement a secret for any period of time? A close family member got engaged and married right away at the court house, then had a little celebration while we were in the process of talking marriage. Then we received an invite to another wedding from a close family member. So when he proposed I chose to keep the news our secret until after this wedding because she is really close to us and we don't want to take away from her special celebration. The wedding is coming up so I can't wait to be able to wear my ring and announce it to our family. Is a week after the wedding too soon to announce our engagement? (I anticipate some of you may think that we should have just announced it right away but I really wanted to let the bride to be have all the spotlight, specially since we will be seeing many family members that live far away and they will be wanting to hear all about the proposal and see the ring. I would be mortified if that happened during her wedding).

That's kind of... ridiculous. As long as announcing your engagement doesn't entail cartwheeling onto a stage and screaming, "I'M ENGAGED. LOOK AT MY RING! I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT!" Then you're not stealing anyone's spotlight/thunder/attention/etc. 

There's no reason to keep it a secret.

Knottie81642829

He just proposed and her wedding is in less than a week so I rather wait till after but thank you for your reply

beethery

Still not a good reason. No one's going to stand up in the middle of her ceremony and ask to see your ring.

JennyColada

It seems a little silly to wait. She's still getting her wedding. Weddings last a day, not a week. Just as you won't get the "spotlight" for a whole week when you get married, she doesn't need to either.

I'd feel a little disrespected if Fi wanted to keep our engagement a secret. I was happy and excited to share my news. It would have lost some luster to announce it weeks later.

Why would you be embarrassed to discuss it at her wedding? I mean, it's not like people will be shushing her during the ceremony to ask you questions, but there's plenty of downtime during the reception. It's not like everyone is sitting there in silence and ONLY discussing the couple.

AddieCake

The world does not stop turning because someone is getting married. Other people's relationships are not on pause while they wait for a couple to complete the relationship cycle, so to speak. No way in hell would I keep my engagement a secret just b/c it fell close to someone else's engagement news or wedding.

manateehugger

Yeah, sorry, you're being ridiculous. H and I are at that age where it seems like all of our friends are strolling down the aisle. We were one of maybe 12 weddings in our social circle this past summer. If I had your attitude, H and I would STILL be sitting in the background hemming and hawing about whether to announce our engagement. 

Not to mention, we got engaged about two weeks after close friends of ours got engaged. There's no way in hell I wouldn't wear my ring around once H gave it to me. 

Anyone who gets upset because someone announces their engagement shortly before or after their wedding needs a clue and a giant ass glass of wine. There were a few of my engaged friends at our wedding, and I was the one doing the asking about their upcoming weddings. Because weddings are fun!

Knottie81642829

Oh wow! thanks for your opinion! So maybe we should go ahead and announce it? I will tell him about it. He didn't ask me not to say anything, I just didn't want to offend or hurt anybody's feelings. She doesn't seem like that kind of person but you never know. I'll keep you updated on my decision

beethery

I really don't think it's going to upset anyone, and if it does, it is on them.

banana468

As long as you don't turn it into an announcement at someone's event you're fine. We got engaged the night before a friend's engagement party. We didn't turn it into a big deal but when friends asked what's new I certainly held up my hand.

Knottie81642829

So we both decided to announce it to our siblings, (parents already know) and tell them to keep the news off social media until we make the big announcement during our son's first birthday party in two weeks (one week after the wedding). So it will work perfectly! We will have everyone there so we can tell them in person which is what we wanted. After that I'll probably announce on social media for my cousins and family in other states and another country. I'm soo excited!

CMGragain

Many years ago, a ridiculously handsome man got down on one knee and proposed to me.  I accepted.   The next day he telephoned me and said, "Let's keep it secret for a while.  Don't tell my parents."  Huh?  I went along with it for a while, but he clearly demonstrated that many other things in his life were more important than I was.  He was sweet and gorgeous, but dumb as a post.

When DH proposed, the first thing he did was to call the parents, tell all his friends, and set the date - ASAP!  What a difference!

NowIamMrsKlein

FI and I have been engaged for 6 months, we told everyone right away, but as we live far away from both sets of family there was no 'showing off the ring' until months later. The first time seeing both sides of the family after the engagement happened to be at 2 weddings. My side of the family it was my little sisters wedding. There was no stealing of spotlight. Its a happy occasion and everyones all lovey and throughout the night people would come and ask to see my ring. The bride was probably too wrapped up in her bliss to notice. She wouldnt have cared anyways because she was happy for me. At the other wedding we went to that was on the FI side of the family, during the receiving line the bride herself actually grabbed my hand and said 'lets freaking see this thing! Gave me a hug and told me how excited SHE was for ME' Engagements are an exciting and happy time and everyone is going to be excited and happy. No spotlights stolen. Just announce it and be happy!

flyingfoxes

We kept it secret for exactly 12 hours (he proposed in the evening). That way we could savor it between ourselves before we started calling friends and family the next morning. You're not stealing anybody's spotlight.

southernbelle0915

We got engaged in a place where we didn't have any cell service. And we were there for several days afterwards. So if that counts as keeping it a secret, then I guess we did.

Maggie0829

There was no way to keep our engagement a secret since H had told anyone and everyone that he was going to propose to me the weekend he did.  So pretty much all of our friends and family knew we were getting engaged before he even popped the question.

kaos16

Knottie81642829 said:

So we both decided to announce it to our siblings, (parents already know) and tell them to keep the news off social media until we make the big announcement during our son's first birthday party in two weeks (one week after the wedding). So it will work perfectly! We will have everyone there so we can tell them in person which is what we wanted. After that I'll probably announce on social media for my cousins and family in other states and another country. I'm soo excited!

Please don't take this the wrong way. . . . but I hope you aren't setting youself up for a letdown.  All of this fanciful talk of being enough hoopla to distract from the bride at a wedding and making a big announcement at your child's birthday party sounds dreamy, but may not be reality.  As many knotties have said, nobody will be as excited about your wedding planning as you and your fiance.  I don't see anything wrong with wearing your ring, telling your VIPs and going on with your life.  If someone asks what's new, you tell them and show them.  If someone sees the ring, you gush for a moment.  If, and only if, someone asks the proposal story you can tell them if you wish.  I am just afraid you are making this into more of a production than reality is.

Knottie81642829

I have been wearing my ring since the moment he gave it to me. We have already told our parents and siblings. I'm not going to get up and make an announcement in the middle of the party, I just want to wait till people notice or till I tell them in person before announcing on social media. I see nothing wrong with waiting. Many people already know, like our coworkers because he had told some that he would do it that day or because they saw the ring and asked. And luckily everyone is excited and already asking how he did it and when is the wedding. Everyone is very happy for us. I'm the shy type so I rather no discuss anything about it but if they ask I just tell them where it happened  like "he proposed Friday at the...." and that's usually enough.