November 2014 Weddings

My Future Mother in Law.... being a total diva.  She is the sole reason for wedding stress.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my latest visit with my future mother in law.  

We visited today and she corners me and proceeds to drag me all over the house and shows me her shoes, purse, dress, and necklace, then swears me to secrecy because she "wants it all to be a surprise for other guests."  May I ask why?  You are not the bride, lady.  I found this bid for attention VERY odd.  Fine, whatever.  

She says "Oh, your wedding has been SOOOO stressful on me."  I narrow my eyes and say "Why?"  She says "Oh, you know, the dress, the dinner, everything."  BITCH, YOU ARE KIDDING RIGHT???  I'm trying to keep things as simple as possible for her, but she just finds new things to worry about.  Let US worry about it, girl!  We got it!

Then she corners me about the rehearsal dinner, which is at their house, and goes through the menu step by step.  Just so you guys know: This is a 'build your own cold cuts lunch" meet and greet before hotel check in from 1-3 (check in is at 3) the day before the wedding.  She does not need my input on lunch meats.  I assure her that my friends and family are not picky, no one has allergies, and if there was somewhere they can park is fine.  What did that take?  2 minutes to type that?  She went on for 2 hours.  FFIL tells her to back off and the tension between them increases significantly to the point I am uncomfortable and so is FI.

Somehow we got to talking about our DJ and our music choices and FMIL says she loves 70's music and everything else SUCKS.  We tease each other back and forth and FI says "Oh, come on, it isn't all about you!"  

She says "Whatever!  It's my day too!!"  Hand to heart, she was dead serious.

Before I can think twice, I blurt out "EXCUSE ME?!?" and she glares at me.  I held her gaze because she already had 2 weddings to do whatever the hell she wanted.  This is not her wedding.  This is our turn, not hers.  

As the Bride, I was like:


I'm being dramatic, but I was annoyed.

The tension rises when FI is accused to telling them to come early for photos (In 2013) at 1pm.  FMIL starts yelling "I only have one makeup artist in town!  I can't lose her!!!"  Um....what does that have to do with getting photos done?  Bitch, chill.  She accuses others of doing "Whore Makeup" and only this person will do.  I said "I want you there at 2pm.  The photos can get done by 3pm.  I do not want the guests crossing paths with us before the ceremony so everyone can see us all at the same time and no guests feel like they are intruding on family shots."  No one heard me though, so I guess poor FI is getting a call later.  I wasn't going to yell.  I'm a lady.  She's been wanting my direction and input but won't listen when I give it (?)

FI knows I am doing my own makeup.  He knows I am practicing highlighting and contouring for photography.  "You need to be slightly more heavy handed for photos," he explains "because the flash tends to drown out day-to-day makeup...."  He found the term "whore makeup" VERY offensive.  FMIL kept using the term and FI told her to stop.  She said "Whatever, that is your opinion."

I was so upset today that she made FI's birthday gathering some sort of field of battle for wedding talk.  It went light-hearted to serious in a heartbeat!  Guys, I am not a bridezilla. The ceremony is at 4.  2-3pm for family photos and an hour to relax and do that too much to ask?  I really wanted 3-3:45 to gather my girls around and spend time with them.  I wanted to spend a bit of time with my mother and brother and FI could spend some time with his friends and family before the ceremony too.  She makes it sound like we want the moon and the stars.....  I just want a small breather before the final plunge.

49 more days and we are on to the next battle (grandchildren).......
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Re: My Future Mother in Law....

  • Oh, dear.  She sounds lovely.  We aren't inviting FMIL to our wedding so at least I have that much going for me. 

    Deep breaths and let your FI handle it is the best advice I can give.  You're not being bride-zilla.  I'm confused about her makeup situation.  If she had to be ready for 1 p.m. originally how is it so difficult to be ready for 2 p.m. instead?

    I'm in the same boat picture-wise. We're going to lose daylight and I want pictures done by around 5-5:30 p.m. for our 6 p.m. ceremony. I'd like to be in the suite where we get ready and I'd like to take that time to say a few words of thanks to our wedding party (we aren't having a rehearsal dinner so pre-ceremony would be the best opportunity). My mother looks at me like I have 3 heads that I won't just be standing in the lobby having pictures taken as everyone arrives. 
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  • FI ducks and weaves like Mohammad Ali in conversations with her.  He can hold his own.  If it wasn't for her, this planning would be an absolute breeze.  

    This is some of the finest guilt and insecurity projection I have ever seen on her behalf.  It'd be fascinating to watch if it wasn't happening to this wedding specifically.  

    I emailed my photog and told him I wanted the photos done at 2pm.  IT HAS BEEN DECREED.

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  • That is brutal!  Sorry that she is being so difficult! :(
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  • I'm sorry she's being difficult. I say talk to her via text message or email - you won't have to talk to her an everything's in writing for her to refer back to it if she has any questions.

    My FMIL is being much better about the wedding than I anticipated but we (an is everyone) doesn't talk to her much to begin with. I'll send her text updates or talk to her for about an hour on the phone every other weekend. She was invited to her grandson's birthday lunch and decided to tag along to the "party" (it was a place with mini-golf, bumper boats, video games, etc.) so she could talk wedding with me - I made sure to make that day about the kids and not about me. When we were all leaving she was like I'm sorry we didn't get to talk at all about the wedding...but she made sure to annoy/harass FI about what he was going to wear, right after I told her that we hadn't figured that out yet. She wasn't getting onto him about needing to get it done, she was asking him "Are you wearing a tux or a suit? What color? What kind of shoes? What kind of pants?" etc....things that he would only be able to answer if he already picked it out. The best piss us off moment of the party was when she when on and on that her "radar" went off because there was a middle-aged man on a motorcycle at the Sonic next door to this place who was eating lunch - he's a bit too old to be sitting there alone right next to a place with all of these kids and someone should tell him he needs to leave.

    @goldchocobo - Once you get past the wedding and post wedding drama (as I'm sure you'll have with her) for your next battle, of grandkids, you two should tell her that you both got "fixed" so that way there is practically ZERO chance that you'll be having babies - ever! - and what's done is done, there's no changing it. And when you do have kids, you can tell her that there was always a small chance that it could happen, but you are very happy with the addition to your family (and then move far away)!

  • LOL thanks for the advice, April ;)  She's still horrible but her battles are fruitless and I have decided I do not care about her opinions.  As time runs out, I know she'll step up her game and I am ready!

    Children will be the next battle for sure!  When I am pregnant, I'll tell her it is gas, then act surprised when a baby pops out.

    I'm sorry your FMIL is getting under your skin.  We're all here to support each other and vent the stress away.  Your FI will look fabulous no matter what he wears!
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    Children will be the next battle for sure!  When I am pregnant, I'll tell her it is gas, then act surprised when a baby pops out.
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