do I tell everyone that we're legally married?

MobKaz

Southerngrl08 said:

We are young and are living our lives. Yes we are having a WEDDING and are going to enjoy it. And no it won't be a lie. . Lol I mean who sits at the computer all day looking for the next person to bully. Lonely fat old ladies whom probably aren't even married themselves. Please go back to your miserable little lives.

Actually, we are married hags.  Calling us fat is probably against the TOS. 

Who sits at a computer all day trying to find justification for their unoriginal and wrong phoney re-enactment??  Pretty, pretty princesses who are already married.

emmaaa

@Southerngrl08 Please check your inbox.

Posts are being edited to remove usernames

kmmssg

Southerngrl08 said:

And a whole slew of other more "informed" commentors. Turns out this is actually very COMMON in the military community which I already knew from the beginning. Hence the reason me speaking to my mother about it (which was also very accepting she'd already assumed we were bc of his deployment) she said its simple.... GET AN OFFICIANT WHO DOES SYMBOLIC CEREMONIES. Which I found today. Lol isn't that the craziest idea? So for everyone with the rude comments....shove it . my husband wants this wedding just as much as I do! Boom

OK - I am a retired vet with 26 years of service behind me.  I have been on WB also and people post this same question and also get the same answers you got here.  You just posted the ones who validated your idea.

While this is NOT very common, it happens.

I am more open to this idea than most BUT (and I am talking a HUGE BUT) only if you are honest from the get go that you are already married.  When the war started people deployed in weeks and many did a rush JOP and had ceremonies when they got back.  I attended 4 of those with no problem.  They were open and honest and people appreciated that - and attended and had a great ime.

I also know at least 2 couples who did the secret marriage thing.  It caused shattering heartbreak in their families because the parents didn't even know they were married when the "wedding" took place....and then it came out.  Not only were they heartbroken that they were deceived about the wedding, they were incredibly embarrassed in front of their friends and families.

If you are going to do this - be honest and open about it.  Make sure everyone knows.  If you were old enough to get married  you are old enough to own what you chose to do.  I truly don't give a flying frogs fanny if  you have a wedding dress, a cake, and a first dance...as long as you are honest and up front with everyone.

beethery

I tried to be nice and promote honesty, and then this shit goes down. Dammit, this is what I get for hoping someone buys a ticket for a ride on the clue train.

Super.

emmaaa

Southerngrl08 said:

And a whole slew of other more "informed" commentors. Turns out this is actually very COMMON in the military community which I already knew from the beginning. Hence the reason me speaking to my mother about it (which was also very accepting she'd already assumed we were bc of his deployment) she said its simple.... GET AN OFFICIANT WHO DOES SYMBOLIC CEREMONIES. Which I found today. Lol isn't that the craziest idea? So for everyone with the rude comments....shove it . my husband wants this wedding just as much as I do! Boom

 

<screenshot edited to exclude poster's name from WB by moderator>

This is not common. Sure, it happens but that doesn't mean it is common. There is a board for military brides on TK that will inform you otherwise.

Also, my older brother was in the Army. Him and his wife had to get married very quickly if they wanted her to move with him when he got re-stationed. Did they get married and then lie about it to our entire family? Nope. They called us on Monday and said they were getting married on Saturday. We drove from NC to GA to and attended their very beautiful, very last minute wedding. They made it work because they wanted their families there.

There is nothing wrong with having a civil ceremony by the JOP. But there is something wrong when you lie about that ceremony and have a do-over because you want to "feel" like a bride. Military men and women have dealt with being deployed, re-stationed, and enlistments for years. What makes you think you are so special to get special treatment?

Maggie0829

Viczaesar said:

Persecute and shun you?  Get down off that crucifix; somebody needs the wood.  

This is fabulous! I need to remember this for future use.

And OP, if you want to take advice from a site known for their rude ideas and their "me, me, me, it is all about me" attitude then go right ahead.

climbingsingle

We're trying to prevent you from doing something rude and tacky. If you want to lie to your guests and pretend you're not married when you actually are, then go right ahead! We're not going to show up and stop you. You can have your tacky re-do fake wedding. 

southernbelle0915

Whoa. That went from 0 to 60 right quick.

Sorry OP, you asked a question if you should tell people you're already married and you got good advice: Yes - you should be honest with your guests. 

There's nothing wrong with throwing a party in April 2015 to celebrate the fact that you got married. Everyone loves a good party! Get it catered, hire a DJ, rent out a venue, etc. But keep in mind the reality of things - it's a party, not a wedding. You're a wife, he's your husband. 

beethery

I need a 'lying is not cool' gif.

climbingsingle

Maggie0829

@beethery - will this work?

beethery

@Maggie0829 I wild ugly cackled at it, so yes!

birdybride2014

OP-Everyone was honestly so nice! You asked a question, which I'm pretty sure means you knew it was something to be concerned about......just because some believe something is common doesn't make it right.

mrsmagicgeek

I love these threads. I mean really, what sort of special snowflake do you have to be to honestly believe that you are the exception to the no-do-overs rule? I love the way we got married (waiting on pics before I recap), but I definitely wish my mom and dad had been there. However, never for one second did I think we should just do it over again. We're married! That's truly the best part, and a do-over would just make a mockery of that.

KatieinBkln

MUD. 

MUD from the start. Probably a troll from WW or the Hive who was sent here to get us worked up into a lather. She didn't actually get any lather, though, just a nice, restrained post from @Beethery. But, having committed to her shit-stirring mission, OP decided to declare herself "persecuted and shunned" and preemptively called out any future "rude" posters. Gag me with a spoon, girl. At least wait till someone gets salty with you before bringing out the "woe is me, you're all rude, it's MY DAY" guns. You aren't even believable.

beethery

KatieinBkln said:

MUD. 

MUD from the start. Probably a troll from WW or the Hive who was sent here to get us worked up into a lather. She didn't actually get any lather, though, just a nice, restrained post from @Beethery. But, having committed to her shit-stirring mission, OP decided to declare herself "persecuted and shunned" and preemptively called out any future "rude" posters. Gag me with a spoon, girl. At least wait till someone gets salty with you before bringing out the "woe is me, you're all rude, it's MY DAY" guns. You aren't even believable.

I'm still pressed that I wrote out detailed answers for her post, more pressed that I was NICE and still got a weh-weh no more rude comments shitbaby post. I don't like being nice, that's why I don't normally partake of the practice!!!

KatieinBkln

beethery said:

MUD. 

MUD from the start. Probably a troll from WW or the Hive who was sent here to get us worked up into a lather. She didn't actually get any lather, though, just a nice, restrained post from @Beethery. But, having committed to her shit-stirring mission, OP decided to declare herself "persecuted and shunned" and preemptively called out any future "rude" posters. Gag me with a spoon, girl. At least wait till someone gets salty with you before bringing out the "woe is me, you're all rude, it's MY DAY" guns. You aren't even believable.

I'm still pressed that I wrote out detailed answers for her post, more pressed that I was NICE and still got a weh-weh no more rude comments shitbaby post. I don't like being nice, that's why I don't normally partake of the practice!!!

I hear you, boo. The nicest, lengthiest, and most-"loved" post I ever wrote was a kindly "don't take things personally, and here is why reality is real" post that turned out to be from a troll. The entire thread was deleted.

And THAT'S why I am much more likely to give into my meaner instincts when it comes to wedding stuff. (I try to keep it compassionate about real-life issues).

holyguacamole79

Southerngrl08 said:

Hi folks! My fiance(technically husband) and I decided to have a civil ceremony before he left on deployment to Afghanistan. We are college students but paying for and planning a wedding for APRIL 2015 on our own. It just dawned on me that an officiant may have a problem with marrying us. Maybe I'm over thinking this.

Because technically aren't people already legally married before their ceremony anyway?
Um, I wasn't legally married before our ceremony.  I don't know of anybody who was.  That is the purpose of a wedding ceremony. 

Do I have to tell everyone that its a vowel renewal or can I just keep it at a wedding?
Yes, you have to tell people.  Lying is not cool.

Should I word my invitations differently?
Yes, you send an invitation to a vow renewal and celebration of marriage, which is what you are having.

Are people going to come?
If you're honest, sure.  My husband & I are actually attending a vow renewal / celebration of marriage next month.
 
Anyone have any advice ?
Tell the truth.  You and your husband are happily married and are now planning to celebrate with your friends and family.

chibiyui

Oh the lols.

Can we please make it possible to post gifs from mobile? I need gifs to fully communicate on the knot.

holyguacamole79

chibiyui said:

Oh the lols. Can we please make it possible to post gifs from mobile? I need gifs to fully communicate on the knot.

Whatcha want?  I can be your gif bitch. 

Here's one to start -

NYCMercedes

OP, take the party money and use it for education.

chibiyui

sarahbear31 said:

chibiyui said:

Oh the lols.

Can we please make it possible to post gifs from mobile? I need gifs to fully communicate on the knot.

Whatcha want?  I can be your gif bitch. 

Here's one to start -



I'm thinking Veruca from Willy Wonka.

holyguacamole79

boom.

sarawifenow

I really do miss all the best threads. =(

JMS62415

Personally, I don't think it's good to keep a secret like that from your friends and family. There's no shame in having a JOP wedding and having a big vow renewal. I've known tons of Military significant others who have done this. I would be upfront about it though. If you still want to wear a big white dress, do it. Who says you can't wear a white dress at a vow renewal? It's YOUR celebration. However, these ladies are right about it not being a wedding. You're already married. You can't get married twice but that doesn't mean you can't have a big vow renewal and reception when your husband comes home. Congrats!

CMGragain

Southerngrl08 said:

Hi folks! My fiance(technically husband) and I decided to have a civil ceremony before he left on deployment to Afghanistan. We are college students but paying for and planning a wedding for APRIL 2015 on our own. It just dawned on me that an officiant may have a problem with marrying us. Maybe I'm over thinking this. Because technically aren't people already legally married before their ceremony anyway? Do I have to tell everyone that its a vowel renewal or can I just keep it at a wedding? Should I word my invitations differently? Are people going to come? Anyone have any advice ?

I am going to ignore your special snowflake bullshit, and try to help you.  Once you are married in the civil ceremony, that is it!  You cannot be married again without first getting divorced.
You can have a fabulous celebration of your marriage.  Here is a good wording for your invitations.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
were united in marriage
Date of courthouse ceremony
City, State

The pleasure of your company is requested
to celebrate their marriage
Day, date
two thousand fifteen
Venue
Address
Hometown, State

There need be no ceremony, since your legal status has already been changed, and nothing legal will be taking place.  Since it is not your wedding day, you would look foolish in a wedding dress.  No bridesmaids.  Everything else about this reception/party can be the same.  If you really want to have a ceremony, you can simply reaffirm your vows to each other in front of friends and family.
Here is a very good website that will help you plan a super celebration:  http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/?q=vow_renewal_etiquette.html

If you insist on having a super tacky, fake re-do "wedding", you will be criticized by many of your guests, though they won't tell you to your face because they are embarrassed for you.  Your officiant will know because of the paperwork.  This kind of ceremony is called a "P.P.D."  (Pretty Princess Day)   Why not just have a great celebration, and dance the night away with your husband, friends and family?

CMGragain

Southerngrl08 said:

We are young and are living our lives. Yes we are having a WEDDING and are going to enjoy it. And no it won't be a lie. . Lol I mean who sits at the computer all day looking for the next person to bully. Lonely fat old ladies whom probably aren't even married themselves. Please go back to your miserable little lives.

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!

manateehugger

Sigh. Why the hell is it always the military brides (WIVES) that seem the most entitled about this whole PPD deal? I promise we're not all like this!!!! Oh, and I had a close friend (military) conceal the fact that she was "on paper" married (in order to get her butt shipped overseas on taxpayer dime) from me when I was a BRIDESMAID and H was a GROOMSMAN in the "wedding." You better believe we were pissed that our friends didn't think we were worthy of their honesty.

mrsmagicgeek

Doesn't the military frown on this sort of thing? Honest question, because I just can't see them encouraging the lying.

CMGragain

mrsmagicgeek said:

Doesn't the military frown on this sort of thing? Honest question, because I just can't see them encouraging the lying.

Not only do they frown on it, but they have been known to investigate marriages when one of the partners denies that they are "really married".