Chit Chat

ID theft by parent!?!?

edited September 2014 in Chit Chat

I just am so disturbed by this and need to vent. Sorry, it's kind of long.

I hung out with a cousin over the weekend and got caught up on some family gossip. She is starting her 2nd year of college. She had gone away for school last year, didn't like it there, so came back to go to college locally this year. Her college application & financial aid were taking a long time, which was unusual since she has always been good student and there shouldn't be any issues. They told her there was an issue with the financial aid. She looks into it and is told there are unpaid loans in default from an online college that need to be paid back before she can get more financial aid. It turns out her mom signed her up for classes and did the coursework long enough to get the financial aid draw, then stopped doing the work. This also has now left a couple F's on cousins college transcripts. So, cousin looks further and pulls her credit history. Her mom also took out max. loans for the other college last year, in cousins name. They had told her GI Bill covered everything and not to worry about the expenses because it was all taken care of. She also found a couple credit cards on her report that were all maxed out. Some of it probably did go toward cousins college expenses, but not all of it. And even if it did, they should have kept cousin informed of these things! I'm sure she would have rather cut back on expenses or something instead of ruining her future. But, she thought it was all covered by GI and grants. So, now my cousin has horrible credit, can't get financial aid due to defaulted loans, and has F's on her transcript which may prevent her from getting accepted into the program she wants. Oh, and come tax time, all this money will be reported as income for the year, so she'll get screwed again and have to pay, probably $5-10k in taxes on it. How does a parent do this to their own child?!

 

It seems incredulous, that a parent would do this, but when she told me about this, I didn't doubt her story for a second. It's not the first time her mom has done this. A few years ago she took out multiple credit cards in her own mothers name and maxed them out, then would stop paying or just pay minimum payments. The credit companies went to college and her mom is on social security with bad health and no assets, so there's nothing she could do to pay them. But, she's ruined her own credit so bad, so now she's taking out credit in anyone's name she has info for. She's also screwed over her brother and stolen his disability money. He's currently in process of changing his social security number because she has all his information, so it's impossible to stop her. My cousin has put holds on all her credit and is debating changing her social security number also.

 

This woman is one of the biggest drama queens I've ever met. She exaggerates everything and is super manipulative. The whole family knows not to take anything she says at face value. I've already cut most all contact with her because she started telling people I said things I never said and creating drama in my life... and I try to stay as far away from drama as possible. It's easy to buy into her stories, she's your typical soccer mom type, seems responsible, but after you've seen too many stories turn into lies or heard too many stories like this from people, you see past the mask. Her husband seems to not know about any of it. But, how could he not know? They have more money spent than income. Either he's fully aware and just as bad as she is, or he's naïve and completely falling for her stories, in denial, and/or just plain stupid. Sadly, I think he really just has no clue and falls for everything she says. And now her mom is telling everyone that its my cousins fault and she was the one being irresponsible with the money. Some people probably believe her. But, any of our family members don't buy it for a second, because we know what her mom is like and see past her mask.

 

My cousin has consulted lawyer to figure out how to fix this mess. Option 1 is that somebody has to pay back all the debt. Either her or her parents. I think her parents are running out of people to steal money from, so it may be all on her. And it still leaves her with bad credit from the defaulting and bad grades on her record. She may be able to settle to reduce payments or whatever. Although, some of the companies won't even talk to her since she doesn't know the passwords and pin numbers on the accounts, since she didn't set them up, so they don't believe it's really her. Option 2 is file fraud charges against her mom. If she does that everything can get wiped clean (finances, credit history, loan, bad grades, everything) , but her mom will possibly do 10-15 years in prison. Lawyer said there were at least three class 1 felony charges with min. 6 years each to be served consecutively, so even with reduced charges or whatever she would almost definitely do some prison time. It's easy to say to just press charges, but it's her mom. How do you make that decision to send a parent to prison? And, if we give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she did do it to send cousin to the college she wanted and had good intentions, but just went about it the REALLY wrong way. On one hand, she needs something to happen to make her stop screwing over family. If it was lesser crime and sentence, with just probation or something, it probably wouldn't be a question about pressing charges, but real prison time complicates it. Nobody wants to do that to a parent, even if the parent screwed you over. On top of that, my cousin has a little brother to think about. Sending mom to prison would rip apart his world. But, I'm not sure mom is the best role model either. And part of me does wonder if she truly thought she was doing it for the right reasons, to help give my cousin the education she wanted, and is just so messed up that she just didn't realize how wrong and irresponsible it was. And didn't think about the long term consequences of it. If that's the case, major prison time doesn't seem appropriate. Even though it still doesn't change the fact that she did defraud both my cousin and the financial aid system. My brain really wants to think it was all done with the best intentions in mind, and I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But, given her history, I have serious doubts about her intentions.

 

It's a lose-lose situation no matter what my cousin does. I feel so bad for her. I want so badly to help, but there really isn't anything I can do. Plus, I really want to stay out of the drama. These people are the only family I have nearby, but I avoid them as much as possible because I hate the drama. I've told my cousin that I'm here for support or talk to, if she needs it. But, that's about all I can do. Luckily her boyfriend seems to be pretty responsible and reasonable and an awesome support system for her. But, the whole situation has been bugging me and my DH since yesterday... even ruining both our sleep last night. Mainly anger and, I don't know, disbelief (not sure that's the right word... maybe shock) that ANYONE would be able to do something like this. It's almost like we aren't shocked that she is capable of this, but still shocked that she would actually do it... if that makes any sense. And there is part of me that thinks I'm only hearing one side of the story, but I know the other side lies and exaggerates. So, even if I did get her mom's side of the story, I wouldn't believe it anyway. But, I just can't get this mess out of my mind, so hopefully this rant will help some.

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Re: ID theft by parent!?!?

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    That is crazy nutkin if I ever heard such a thing!

    That's horrible.  I hope your cousin can figure out something to do that restores her finances and that she is comfortable with.
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  • It is possible to get a social security number change in extreme circumstances. Seems like she would be a good candidate. She should look into it. Then she could start over on her credit.
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  • She should dispute all charges on her credit report that she did not authorize.  <CLICK to see how>

    She should also consult an attorney if the credit reporting companies refuse to remove the charges.  She may have a lawsuit against the companies under the Fair Credit Reporting Act (assuming she's in the U.S.).  Where does your cousin live?  I can get you the names of some reputable FCRA attorneys in the area.
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  • melbenso said:
    She should dispute all charges on her credit report that she did not authorize.  <CLICK to see how>

    She should also consult an attorney if the credit reporting companies refuse to remove the charges.  She may have a lawsuit against the companies under the Fair Credit Reporting Act (assuming she's in the U.S.).  Where does your cousin live?  I can get you the names of some reputable FCRA attorneys in the area.
    This is a good point that I realized you didn't bring up in your OP.  She can contact the credit reporting companies and report the charges as errors, in addition to fighting the credit card companies themselves.
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  • edited September 2014
    bekt14 said:
    It is possible to get a social security number change in extreme circumstances. Seems like she would be a good candidate. She should look into it. Then she could start over on her credit.

    Yeah, she's looking into it already. Mainly because her credit is not safe as long as her mom has all her ID info, so getting a new SSN gives her a private ID that her mom doesn't have, so she won't need to worry about having more cards or loans taken out in her name. Plus, right now she had to put a hold on all her credit. But, since her mom has all her identifying info they would ask for to prove identity, she has to have everything set up for any changes to be allowed in person only. And that's a big pain for her. And, changing SSN won't automatically detach or eliminate all her past credit. So the student loans and stuff, they would still stay with her, not get eliminated. You can't just change SSN and run away from the debt... the only way to get the debt written off is to file it as fraud. And she can't report it as fraud without them investigating and wanting to prosecute the person committing the fraud... AKA, getting mom in a lot of trouble.

    And she has a lawyer she has been working with. But, lawyer has told her it's difficult to do anything without causing an investigation. Even if she doesn't directly file criminal charges against mom, if she reports it as fraud or disputes the charges as fraud, the other agencies may do investigations, which would easily lead to mom, and file their own charges.  Credit card companies write those things off all the time, so she should be able to dispute that part easily.  But the federal student loan fraud gets more serious and will likely get investigated. 

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  • Oh, and my original post did have paragraphs, but TK ate them.  I hate reading long posts like that that don't have paragraphs.  I'll try to fix it if/when TK lets me.  Going to edit still shows it correctly paragraphed, so I'll try later.  

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  • I don't even know what to say. That is insane.
  • She did the exact same thing to her own mother, to a lesser degree. Those actions alone would make me not hesitate to contact the police about what was done. This is a repeat offender who just happened to not be caught by law enforcement yet. If this happened to my cousin, I would be telling her to go to the police.
  • Your cousin must be emotionally devastated.
    I can't imagine in a million years what kind of desperate circumstances could cause someone to betray their child like that. 
    I'm sorry, she needs to report this. If this is Mom's first arrest, it's very doubtful that she'd do hard time. And that woman needs a good hard reality slap in the face. She may be able to manipulate and BS her family, but judges don't care. She needs to face the music. 
    I want to kick her ass, for heaven's sake. Celebrity death match with moms. She's violated the mom law so badly that I can hardly stand it. 
    Report that sorry excuse for a woman. Actions have consequences, and that's how we all learn. 
  • Believe it or not, this has happened in my family, though not to the same extent. My brother is a "jr." and my dad used that to take out real estate loans to boost his real estate side business. My brother had no clue until he went to take out a mortgage for his first home. My dad kept everything current, thankfully, and he just had to refi his loans out of my brother's name. It was a total shit show and obviously caused a lot of problems between my brother and dad.

     







  • That's a really crappy situation. As harsh as it sounds, maybe prison would be the thing that would smack some sense into her mom.
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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited September 2014
    I have a friend whose mom did something similar (but not quite as bad)...  She opened up CC in her kids names and ran up a bunch of bills.  Friend decided to pay them off as to not ruin her credit and didn't press charges because it was her mother.  

    Tough situation for sure.

    ETA:  Friend now has to hide the mail and important papers when her mom visits so she doesn't end up doing the same thing to Friend's kids (her grandkids).
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  • Unfortunately this is a fairly common event. I see it alot at the bank I work for.

    My grandpa did this to my dad. He racked up huge credit card bills purchased a house and several carsalong with a mmultitude of tax evasion issues.
  • That is so cruel. Parents are supposed to do everything they can to help their children have the best future possible- not ruin their future.
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  • I used to work for a commonly known bank and saw this happen all the time. Family members would have access to their other family member's personal information and then steal SSNs and what not and open lines of credit or credit cards all the time. 

    Reporting it to the police and opening a formal investigation is the only way to stop them from doing it any further. It's a shitty situation overall but, if you don't stop someone from doing the wrong thing then what's to say they won't just keep repeating the same mistake?
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  • A lot of people keep telling her to press charges, with no hesitation.  I'm torn on that.  She doesn't want to tear her family apart, even if it is justified and her mom caused the situation. 

    But, I agree that her mom really needs something to smack some sense into her.  This is turning into a repeat offense.  And now that this avenue of cashflow is getting stopped, she's bound to find someone else to screw over.  If it were smaller charges, with probation or whatever, she would probably report her immediately.  Which, even that may be enough to stop her from doing it again. But, with the federal loan fraud there's a higher risk of her getting real time. But, I agree that something needs to stop her.

    And I also worry about the son. And do wonder if him being taken away would be better for him. He's currently 10 years old. And no doubt she would do the same thing to him when he's old enough.  Although, there are other issues there.  She's already got that kid so twisted that he would probably authorize her to take out credit in his name. She claims he has autism, but he is fully functioning and if he does I'd guess it's very minor.  But, it gives her an excuse for drama and get sympathy. There are other things going on there (possibly even criminal), but I won't get into those details. But, she's already twisting him, and life without her may not be the worst thing. Although, his dad (different dad than cousin), isn't parent of the year either.  He hasn't really be around most of his life and seems somewhat neglectful of his other kids.  And he will freely admit that he never wanted a kid. So, it's one bad scenario to another.  Is it better to be with a manipulative, but attentive, mom or neglectful dad?

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  • Yeah, doesn't matter if it's family, I would be pressing charges. Sometimes tough love is the best.
  • I'm so sorry your cousin is going through this. I'm furious on her behalf.

    If I were in your cousin's shoes, I'm sure I'd be torn as well, but if my mom's actions were going to seriously jeopardize everything I'd worked for, I don't think I could forgive that. Especially if my mom had a history of pulling shit like this.

    Even if I decided against pressing charges or disputing the claims as fraud, something like this would poison my relationship with my mom so much that I don't think I could ever speak to her again. The resentment that I would feel would be insurmountable. My assumption is that the resentment/estrangement plus the damage to my credit/academic history would outweigh my sense of loyalty to my parent.

    It IS a lose-lose situation, but for me, at least, there are more losses associated with one option than there are with the other. I hope your cousin is able to find peace regardless of the decision she makes.
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  • I'd press charges. But it's easy for me to say that because I have no experience with these things.

    She does need a good attorney though. Even if she thinks that she has straightened things out, she needs someone to do whatever is necessary for this not to have long-term consequences. I don't know her long-term goals but I would worry about how this will impact different professional options as well.
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  • Question for the lawyers out there: If the cousin doesn't report this, does that make her an accessory after the fact?
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  • "Option 2 is file fraud charges against her mom. If she does that everything can get wiped clean (finances, credit history, loan, bad grades, everything) , but her mom will possibly do 10-15 years in prison."

    How is this a bad thing? This woman has been preying on her own family for years now and she has to face the consequences. Your cousin can not feel bad about this. It isn't her fault, it's her mom's. It seems to me that the only reason why your aunt isn't already in jail is because your family didn't want to report her to authorities. But they should. Because she obviously doesn't care about them, so no one should care about her. Your cousin needs to do what is right for her- which means pressing charges and starting the process to take those things off her record. She should not live with bad credit, debt and no degree on account of her mom.
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  • Your cousin should sign up for LifeLock. I know it costs a little each month but then if credit is applied for, she would get notification and would have to approve it first. This would keep her mom from racking up more debt against her. 

    She would also get free credit reporting each month. She should definitely dispute the charges as much as she can.

    I also fully support reporting her mom. I know it's her mom but like @SBmini said, she's preying on her family. Sounds as though it's just a matter of time if not already that your little brother's credit will be ruined. She needs to be stopped and it doesn't sound like talking to her is going to work.
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  • My DH's dad did this to him when he was a teen.  Took out a car loan, set up a phone, mortgage, the works, and my DH wasn't yet 16.

    They found out when caller ID started to get installed and his Dad called his mom's home and the ID read my DHs name.   His Dad was already a swindler so his mom knew immediately something wasn't right.   Checked DH's credit and sure enough there was stuff that no 16-year-old should have on there.

    Somehow it all got figured out and taken off his credit without DH's dad going to jail, but man even knowing about it after the fact I definitely want to punch the guy in the face.   Who does that to their own child?
  • mrstrevor3mrstrevor3 member
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    edited September 2014
    daria24 said:
    Yeah mother or not, I would contact the police. She's shown no regard for how these actions have ruined MULTIPLE lives around her. And quite frankly she should be removed from the younger brother's life-because as soon as that kid hits 18, she'll do the same thing to him. 


    The police can't do anything, it all has to go through the courts.

    edited to clarify...

    She can press charges but she won't be arrested on the spot. The cousin has to prove that it was in fact her mom who did it. People accuse others of stuff all the time...
  • I second the Lifelock idea. The cost is certainly worth it. Or she can also contact the credit reporting agencies and have them block the pulling of any of her credit information without her calling them directly to give her express consent. It can be a small pain sometimes, but it definitely is worth it when you have evil family members ruining your credit.
  • I know it seems like a hard choice, but I really would urge your cousin to press charges.  The student loans alone will haunt her for the rest of her life.  This is some of what she can expect as a result of those defaulted loans if they aren't taken care of somehow:
    • Tax refunds withheld every year until repaid
    • Huge penalties and interest, plus collection fees of 25% or more of the original balance added to the amounts due
    • Possible revocation or refusal to issue professional licenses
    • Possible administrative wage garnishment of up to 25% of income without any judgement necessary
    • Possible judgements, resulting in liens and seizure of personal property including bank accounts
    • No statute of limitations on student loans, meaning collection action can continue indefinitely until repaid (she will not be able to "wait it out" until they become non-collectible)
    • Student loans are typically non-dischargeable, so bankruptcy will not help
    • She may not be able to obtain official transcripts with defaulted loans on her record

    Particularly if the loans were signed with an e-signature, which is highly likely, there is no way except through a fraud investigation to prove she did not take these out. It's really probably the only way to clear her name and not be on the hook for this.  I don't buy that mom was "trying to help pay for college".  If that was the case, mom could have taken out Parent PLUS loans in her own name and not completely ruined cousin's credit in the process.

    I know it is hard to take action against your own family, but it is likely the only way your cousin will get any semblance of a normal financial life back.

    Aside from that, student aid fraud is already a huge problem.  Misuse by one person prevents legitimate use by others.  Student loans are funded by you and I as taxpayers.  Mom isn't just ruining daughter's credit - she's stealing from you and I as well.

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  • Considering her history legal action is necessary.   Easier said then done because it's her own mom, but you have to do what you have to do.


    DH's father has been out of the picture since he was 7 years old. They share a name.  His third or 4th wife only found out that DH and his brother  existed when she did some forensic accounting. Right before the divorced she was gathering paperwork ready and found DH's SSN.  She tracked down MIL to find out who DH was.   

    Now his dad never did anything like this, but he is an extensive criminal record, shares a name and the knows the correct info to answer basic questions.  Because of that we monitor DH's credit just in case.  DH also changed the answers to some of the standard verification questions on accounts.  For example, he uses his grandma's maiden name instead of his own mom's.    






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