MOH issues

decbridetobe12

I will try to keep this short, to start my wedding is 3 months away. My MOH has been more than willing to help plan the bachelorette party and bridal shower, to the point where she will not even let me help or know the details. I had a weekend getaway planned for my bachelorette party for a long time like 8 months and 2 days before we leave she just found out a friend of hers (who i am not also friends with but have met a few times) is going to be staying at the same hotel as us at the same time and she wanted to know if the girl could stop by which I told her was fine. Everything was going great that weekend until the night that was my bachelorette evening. My MOH's friend met us at the pool and we all started slowly heading up to get ready for the evening she was the last one that needed to come up and get ready, well she ended up spending an additional 3 hours at the pool (2 of my other BM had to go find her and bring her up stairs) she got completely wasted with her friend and didn't want to get out of the water even though everyone else was dressed and ready to go for the night. She told my 2 BM it was a really hard decision her her because that girl had been her best friend for a long time and then she had this bachelorette party. Once she finally got to the room and dressed( she didn't shower or anything just changed clothes) she was completely drunk and a handful to deal with while we were going out and she ended up getting back on the bus to the hotel without me at the end of the night. I did not say anything to her that night because I was trying not to ruin my evening. The next day she acted like nothing happened and then when I told her that her actions hurt my feelings she just made excuses for everything she did instead of really apologizing to me. This was 2 weeks ago and things have not been getting any better we barely talk now and when we do it is awkward. She sent me a rude text asking me if it was best if she didn't bring a date to my wedding and I told her she was more than welcome to bring a date but they might not be sitting at the bridal party table. She then replied by saying with her being so busy in the wedding she didn't want him to be ignored or have to sit alone. I have tried to meet up with her for lunch or something but she says she is busy and has to work even though I know she goes into work later in the day. My bridal shower is 3 weeks away she put my name down with hers to RSVP to and when I told her someone would be attending she told me I didn't need to tell her every time someone confirmed she was just going to plan on food for the number we invited (even though that number is double who is actually attending). She has yet to even ask me what kind of food I would like at my bridal shower and she is not including my mom in the planning and when my other BM ask how they can help she tells them she has it all planned and doesn't need anything. I don't know what to do but this whole situation is really stressing me out and I don't think I can deal with this for another 3 months. I am thinking of asking her to step down as MOH! Advice Please??

holyguacamole79

decbridetobe12 said:

I will try to keep this short, to start my wedding is 3 months away. My MOH has been more than willing to help plan the bachelorette party and bridal shower, to the point where she will not even let me help or know the details. I had a weekend getaway planned for my bachelorette party for a long time like 8 months and 2 days before we leave she just found out a friend of hers (who i am not also friends with but have met a few times) is going to be staying at the same hotel as us at the same time and she wanted to know if the girl could stop by which I told her was fine. Everything was going great that weekend until the night that was my bachelorette evening. My MOH's friend met us at the pool and we all started slowly heading up to get ready for the evening she was the last one that needed to come up and get ready, well she ended up spending an additional 3 hours at the pool (2 of my other BM had to go find her and bring her up stairs) she got completely wasted with her friend and didn't want to get out of the water even though everyone else was dressed and ready to go for the night. She told my 2 BM it was a really hard decision her her because that girl had been her best friend for a long time and then she had this bachelorette party. Once she finally got to the room and dressed( she didn't shower or anything just changed clothes) she was completely drunk and a handful to deal with while we were going out and she ended up getting back on the bus to the hotel without me at the end of the night. I did not say anything to her that night because I was trying not to ruin my evening. The next day she acted like nothing happened and then when I told her that her actions hurt my feelings she just made excuses for everything she did instead of really apologizing to me. This was 2 weeks ago and things have not been getting any better we barely talk now and when we do it is awkward. She sent me a rude text asking me if it was best if she didn't bring a date to my wedding and I told her she was more than welcome to bring a date but they might not be sitting at the bridal party table. She then replied by saying with her being so busy in the wedding she didn't want him to be ignored or have to sit alone. I have tried to meet up with her for lunch or something but she says she is busy and has to work even though I know she goes into work later in the day. My bridal shower is 3 weeks away she put my name down with hers to RSVP to and when I told her someone would be attending she told me I didn't need to tell her every time someone confirmed she was just going to plan on food for the number we invited (even though that number is double who is actually attending). She has yet to even ask me what kind of food I would like at my bridal shower and she is not including my mom in the planning and when my other BM ask how they can help she tells them she has it all planned and doesn't need anything. I don't know what to do but this whole situation is really stressing me out and I don't think I can deal with this for another 3 months. I am thinking of asking her to step down as MOH! Advice Please??

1.). If your MOH brings a date to your wedding, you need to let them sit together. It is rude to separate a couple.

2).  If she says she is too busy for lunch, you need to take her at her word.  

3).  She is hosting your bridal shower; be thankful.  Nobody asked me what kind of food I wanted at mine, and it all turned out great.  The only "exception" would be if she was not taking into consideration any dietary restrictions you may have.  

4).  Your mom doesn't need to be involved in planning your shower.

5).  Asking her to "step down" as your MOH would be a friendship ending move.  Have a margarita, relax, and be thankful that she is hosting a shower for you.

decbridetobe12

Except I wanted my mom to be planning the bridal shower with her and my mom feels as though she is not being included and I have seen my MOH list of foods for the bridal shower and she is planning foods that she knows I will not eat. 

holyguacamole79

decbridetobe12 said:

Except I wanted my mom to be planning the bridal shower with her and my mom feels as though she is not being included and I have seen my MOH list of foods for the bridal shower and she is planning foods that she knows I will not eat. 

It's actually an etiquette faux pas for the mother of the bride to host / help with the shower. And that's frustrating that she is planning to include food that she knows you won't eat. But, that is not an appropriate reason to ask her to "step down."

Viczaesar

decbridetobe12 said:

I will try to keep this short, to start my wedding is 3 months away. My MOH has been more than willing to help plan the bachelorette party and bridal shower, to the point where she will not even let me help or know the details. I had a weekend getaway planned for my bachelorette party for a long time like 8 months and 2 days before we leave she just found out a friend of hers (who i am not also friends with but have met a few times) is going to be staying at the same hotel as us at the same time and she wanted to know if the girl could stop by which I told her was fine. Everything was going great that weekend until the night that was my bachelorette evening. My MOH's friend met us at the pool and we all started slowly heading up to get ready for the evening she was the last one that needed to come up and get ready, well she ended up spending an additional 3 hours at the pool (2 of my other BM had to go find her and bring her up stairs) she got completely wasted with her friend and didn't want to get out of the water even though everyone else was dressed and ready to go for the night. She told my 2 BM it was a really hard decision her her because that girl had been her best friend for a long time and then she had this bachelorette party. Once she finally got to the room and dressed( she didn't shower or anything just changed clothes) she was completely drunk and a handful to deal with while we were going out and she ended up getting back on the bus to the hotel without me at the end of the night. I did not say anything to her that night because I was trying not to ruin my evening. The next day she acted like nothing happened and then when I told her that her actions hurt my feelings she just made excuses for everything she did instead of really apologizing to me. Let it go.  Shit happens.  It's not a big deal.  Things sometimes don't go how you pictured in real life.  This was 2 weeks ago and things have not been getting any better we barely talk now and when we do it is awkward. She sent me a rude text asking me if it was best if she didn't bring a date to my wedding and I told her she was more than welcome to bring a date but they might not be sitting at the bridal party table. This is rude of you.  You need to seat your wedding party with their guests at the reception.  She is absolutely right in not being happy about this.  She then replied by saying with her being so busy in the wedding she didn't want him to be ignored or have to sit alone. I have tried to meet up with her for lunch or something but she says she is busy and has to work even though I know she goes into work later in the day. My bridal shower is 3 weeks away she put my name down with hers to RSVP to and when I told her someone would be attending she told me I didn't need to tell her every time someone confirmed she was just going to plan on food for the number we invited (even though that number is double who is actually attending). So?  If she wants to spend more money than she has to that's on her shoulders.  She has yet to even ask me what kind of food I would like at my bridal shower Doesn't matter, it's not for you to decide.  She is hosting the shower, she picks the menu  and she is not including my mom in the planning and when my other BM ask how they can help she tells them she has it all planned and doesn't need anything. That's fine.  She doesn't have to include anyone else in planning a wedding shower if she doesn't want to (as long as she isn't planning on trying to bill your other bridesmaids for part of the cost without their input)   I don't know what to do but this whole situation is really stressing me out and I don't think I can deal with this for another 3 months.What on earth is there to do?  Chill out and let her plan the party she is planning for you. I am thinking of asking her to step down as MOH! Advice Please?? Why would you even consider doing that?  She is not doing anything wrong.  Have a margarita and relax.  You can only control the things you are hosting.  You cannot control how someone else hosts an event.  All you can do is turn down the offer of a shower from her, though I don't know why you would do that.  Also, why are you having your bachelorette party and shower 3 months before your wedding?

Viczaesar

decbridetobe12 said:

Except I wanted my mom to be planning the bridal shower with her and my mom feels as though she is not being included and I have seen my MOH list of foods for the bridal shower and she is planning foods that she knows I will not eat. 

You don't get to decide that.  If your mom wants to host a shower she can host her own*, but you don't get to tell your MOH she has to include other hosts if she doesn't want to.  Her party, her prerogative.

*In some circles it's still considered a faux pas for the mother to host or co-host a shower, but it's fine in other circles, so this depends on which type of circle you run in.

vulpiepop

decbridetobe12 said:

Except I wanted my mom to be planning the bridal shower with her and my mom feels as though she is not being included and I have seen my MOH list of foods for the bridal shower and she is planning foods that she knows I will not eat. 

You can include your mom in some other way, it doesn't have to be the shower; maybe she can help plan your rehearsal dinner or you can ask for her opinion on flower arrangements or have her do a reading for your ceremony. There's ton's of way you can make her feel included.

It sucks that your MOH is planning foods you won't eat but surely there's 1 or 2 things that you can munch on during the event. Relax and try to enjoy yourself! Asking her to step down may very well end your friendship and I honestly don't think this is worth ending it over.

southernbelle0915

- Reschedule lunch when it's convenient for both of you. If y'all can't work it out, call/email/text if you need to talk about something.

- She offered to throw a shower for you. Stop complaining about the menu and who's involved in the planning. You could have declined her offer to host and you didn't. 

- Seat her with her date FFS. She's a guest of honor, not a decoration or a prop.

Maggie0829

scribe95 said:

Honestly this is much ado about nothing. I get being annoyed that she got drink with a different friend on your bachelorette. But that should have passed.

As far as the shower, most people would love and appreciate all she has done. She is planning something, taking on all the costs, seems very low maintenance about it and you are having a fit? I had no idea the food at any of my showers. It is odd that you are focusing on that. Frankly I think you are now nitpicking her to death because of the bachelorette moment. 

So to recap - she had one bad incident but otherwise has been a model MOH planning bachelorette, showers etc and you want to kick her out? Ridiculous.

This.  You you need to get over what happened at your bach party.  Shit happens and things don't always go the way you want them to.  She got drunk with her friend at the pool.  I honestly don't know why you and the rest of your bach party attendees even bothered trying to get her up to the room and get ready.  I would have told her once that we were getting ready and going to be going out at X time and then it would have been up to her to get her ass moving or stay with her friend.

As for your shower, she doesn't have to include your Mom in the planning.  She actually doesn't have to include anyone for that matter.  And most bridal showers I attend I doubt that the menu was discussed with the bride.  And sorry to say the shower is not just about you it is also about the guests she is hosting.

I am not sure what you found so rude about her asking whether or not she should bring a date. You not willing to sit her with said date at your wedding is the rude part.  I would feel the same as her and not want to bring a date knowing that I would have to spend most my time away from him and not even be able to sit with him at dinner.

And for the love of God do not ask her to step down.  Friends have arguments and disagreements and go through up and down periods all the time.  When this happens on a regular basis are you just ready to dump her?  Or do you work through it?  Just because she happens to be your MOH does not make the situation any different.  You work through it like you would any other time you may have issues.

climbingsingle

Yeah, she acted sort of like an ass during your bach weekend. But, things happen. I think you need to get over it. She planned the whole weekend for you, right? 

If she brings a date to your wedding, that person should absolutely be seated with her. 

She doesn't need to involve your mom or anyone else in the shower. 

You can kick her out, however be prepared for that to end your friendship. Is it really worth it? All of this seems kind of petty. 

badbnagdway

OP, I'm sure she is a little embarrassed over her behavior a the bach weekend. The best way to handle it at this point is to move past it since you already aired your grievances. Aside from that, it doesn't seem like she did anything wrong. Don't cause a bigger rift between the two of you. You and your mom do not automatically get a say in the shower. If she asks your opinion, that's fine, but she is the hostess so she gets to pick stuff out. 

LittleWohlscheid

I'm on your side, OP. I don't know who made all of these stupid etiquette rules, but I personally think if you want her to sit at the head table and have her SO eat at a different table, that's fine. It's not "incredibly rude." It's 45 minutes of the entire night. She can be with him later that evening because it's your day. It's not about her SO and it's not like she won't be able to see him all day. One meal without him is not going to kill your relationship with her or her's with her SO.

As for the bachelorette party, you are justified in being hurt, but maybe she was embarrassed and that's why she hasn't talked about it. You're right to have been upset, but I wouldn't dwell on it.

With the bridal shower and her behavior in general, have a sincere conversation and ask her what's going on. She's the MOH and needs to have your back. If it turns out you're worried over nothing, move past it, but if she gets bitchy about it- I say ask her to step down. Recognizing it's your day and making simple requests ("please don't serve this food I don't like," "are you sure you're up for being my MOH?")  does not make you a bridezilla.

Don't ignore it if you think there's a real issue. Have an adult conversation. Maybe she's not feeling up to being a MOH after all, or maybe she feels you're putting a little too much pressure on her. You won't know till you talk.

artbyallie

LittleWohlscheid said: I'm on your side, OP. I don't know who made all of these stupid etiquette rules, but I personally think if you want her to sit at the head table and have her SO eat at a different table, that's fine. It's not "incredibly rude." It's 45 minutes of the entire night. She can be with him later that evening because it's your day. It's not about her SO and it's not like she won't be able to see him all day. One meal without him is not going to kill your relationship with her or her's with her SO.



ETA: Fuck TK's stupid boxes.
Whoa. No, no that's not okay. Just think for like, two seconds. It is in fact 'like she won't be able to see him all day.' The wedding party often winds up spending the entire day getting ready for and being in the wedding. By the time they get to the reception it's about damn time they get to be with their SO. And hey, it's an event to celebrate love, no? It's just plain mean to separate your friends from their loved ones when you're being all ooey-gooey with yours.

LittleWohlscheid

artbyallie said:

LittleWohlscheid said:

I'm on your side, OP. I don't know who made all of these stupid etiquette rules, but I personally think if you want her to sit at the head table and have her SO eat at a different table, that's fine. It's not "incredibly rude." It's 45 minutes of the entire night. She can be with him later that evening because it's your day. It's not about her SO and it's not like she won't be able to see him all day. One meal without him is not going to kill your relationship with her or her's with her SO.

ETA: Fuck TK's stupid boxes.

Whoa. No, no that's not okay. Just think for like, two seconds. It is in fact 'like she won't be able to see him all day.' The wedding party often winds up spending the entire day getting ready for and being in the wedding. By the time they get to the reception it's about damn time they get to be with their SO. And hey, it's an event to celebrate love, no? It's just plain mean to separate your friends from their loved ones when you're being all ooey-gooey with yours.

Yes, of course the day will be for getting ready and the ceremony and she will be busy, but she can dance the night away with her SO. The dinner should not be a big deal. I've been in two weddings where I sat at the head table and my SO sat at a different table and it was fine. He and I were both happy, neither of us felt like it was rude, and we danced after dinner because it was about the newly-weds and was what they wanted. It's just dinner. It's up to the bride, but the MOH shouldn't feel like it's an attack.

holyguacamole79

LittleWohlscheid said:

I'm on your side, OP. I don't know who made all of these stupid etiquette rules, but I personally think if you want her to sit at the head table and have her SO eat at a different table, that's fine. It's not "incredibly rude." It's 45 minutes of the entire night. She can be with him later that evening because it's your day. It's not about her SO and it's not like she won't be able to see him all day. One meal without him is not going to kill your relationship with her or her's with her SO.

As for the bachelorette party, you are justified in being hurt, but maybe she was embarrassed and that's why she hasn't talked about it. You're right to have been upset, but I wouldn't dwell on it.

With the bridal shower and her behavior in general, have a sincere conversation and ask her what's going on. She's the MOH and needs to have your back. If it turns out you're worried over nothing, move past it, but if she gets bitchy about it- I say ask her to step down. Recognizing it's your day and making simple requests ("please don't serve this food I don't like," "are you sure you're up for being my MOH?")  does not make you a bridezilla.

Don't ignore it if you think there's a real issue. Have an adult conversation. Maybe she's not feeling up to being a MOH after all, or maybe she feels you're putting a little too much pressure on her. You won't know till you talk.

What the fuck?  The last time I was a MOH (this past May), I left my husband around 11 to get in the limo to head to the church with the rest of the bridal party.  I didn't get time with him again until dinner.  The rest of the day was pictures, getting ready, the actual wedding, and being announced as the bridal party / entering with them.  I was relieved to finally be able to sit with my husband.

Why does the bride need anyone else at dinner with them?  My husband and I had a sweetheart table, and we did just fine,  

And why does she need to ask "are you sure you're up for being my MOH?"  What is there for her to be "up for"?  

Viczaesar

LittleWohlscheid said:

I'm on your side, OP. I don't know who made all of these stupid etiquette rules, but I personally think if you want her to sit at the head table and have her SO eat at a different table, that's fine. It's not "incredibly rude." It's 45 minutes of the entire night. She can be with him later that evening because it's your day. It's not about her SO and it's not like she won't be able to see him all day. One meal without him is not going to kill your relationship with her or her's with her SO.

As for the bachelorette party, you are justified in being hurt, but maybe she was embarrassed and that's why she hasn't talked about it. You're right to have been upset, but I wouldn't dwell on it.

With the bridal shower and her behavior in general, have a sincere conversation and ask her what's going on. She's the MOH and needs to have your back. If it turns out you're worried over nothing, move past it, but if she gets bitchy about it- I say ask her to step down. Recognizing it's your day and making simple requests ("please don't serve this food I don't like," "are you sure you're up for being my MOH?")  does not make you a bridezilla.

Don't ignore it if you think there's a real issue. Have an adult conversation. Maybe she's not feeling up to being a MOH after all, or maybe she feels you're putting a little too much pressure on her. You won't know till you talk.

Fuck that shit. 

Viczaesar

LittleWohlscheid said:

artbyallie said:

LittleWohlscheid said:

I'm on your side, OP. I don't know who made all of these stupid etiquette rules, but I personally think if you want her to sit at the head table and have her SO eat at a different table, that's fine. It's not "incredibly rude." It's 45 minutes of the entire night. She can be with him later that evening because it's your day. It's not about her SO and it's not like she won't be able to see him all day. One meal without him is not going to kill your relationship with her or her's with her SO.

ETA: Fuck TK's stupid boxes.

Whoa. No, no that's not okay. Just think for like, two seconds. It is in fact 'like she won't be able to see him all day.' The wedding party often winds up spending the entire day getting ready for and being in the wedding. By the time they get to the reception it's about damn time they get to be with their SO. And hey, it's an event to celebrate love, no? It's just plain mean to separate your friends from their loved ones when you're being all ooey-gooey with yours.

Yes, of course the day will be for getting ready and the ceremony and she will be busy, but she can dance the night away with her SO. The dinner should not be a big deal. I've been in two weddings where I sat at the head table and my SO sat at a different table and it was fine. He and I were both happy, neither of us felt like it was rude, and we danced after dinner because it was about the newly-weds and was what they wanted. It's just dinner. It's up to the bride, but the MOH shouldn't feel like it's an attack.
So because you didn't mind that somebody did something rude to you, you think you have the right to say that nobody else should be offended at, again, something rude?  No.

badbnagdway

LittleWohlscheid I'm not sure how we got on the topic of seating SO's of the WP separately. I don't see where the OP brought it up but I must be missing it. 

What I will say about that is to me it makes no sense, regardless of the rule on this, to seat SO's apart from one another just because they are in the WP. You would not do this (I presume) to any other couple at the reception. You would not seat Aunt Sally at a different table than her husband, so why would you do it to your wedding party, who are your most honored guests? 

And it's super simple to trouble shoot this, it's not an impossible fix. There are lots of table configurations that do not require you to separate SO's. Have a sweetheart table, have a head table with just bride, groom, MOH and SO, best man and his SO, or have one large head table with all WP and SO's. 

Bubblegum5586

LittleWohlscheid said:

I'm on your side, OP. I don't know who made all of these stupid etiquette rules, but I personally think if you want her to sit at the head table and have her SO eat at a different table, that's fine. It's not "incredibly rude." It's 45 minutes of the entire night. She can be with him later that evening because it's your day. It's not about her SO and it's not like she won't be able to see him all day. One meal without him is not going to kill your relationship with her or her's with her SO.

As for the bachelorette party, you are justified in being hurt, but maybe she was embarrassed and that's why she hasn't talked about it. You're right to have been upset, but I wouldn't dwell on it.

With the bridal shower and her behavior in general, have a sincere conversation and ask her what's going on. She's the MOH and needs to have your back. If it turns out you're worried over nothing, move past it, but if she gets bitchy about it- I say ask her to step down. Recognizing it's your day and making simple requests ("please don't serve this food I don't like," "are you sure you're up for being my MOH?")  does not make you a bridezilla.

Don't ignore it if you think there's a real issue. Have an adult conversation. Maybe she's not feeling up to being a MOH after all, or maybe she feels you're putting a little too much pressure on her. You won't know till you talk.

I couldn't even read this whole post, but I am pretty confident in saying IGNORE THIS ADVICE.

To the OP:

Your friend F'd up at your bachelorette and that sucks. I don't blame you for being mad, but it is time to move on. It doesn't sound like she tried to intentionally ruin your night. People make mistakes/don't make the best decisions but we have to just move on sometimes even when it sucks.

BUTTTT on the other hand you have made mistakes yourself;

-You DO NOT plan parties in your honor. You should have no role what so ever in planning your bachelorette or shower. If the hosts asks you questions or a preference you can give your input of course.

-It is so so so so rude to split couples up. Please don't do that!

-Don't "ask her to step down" aka kick her out. That is a friendship ending move.

Relax, enjoy your shower, and worry about the things you need to be planning (the actual wedding!).

I do want to add that I think it was good you came here to vent before you made a rash decision. I hope you had time to think it over and think of the big picture of your life and your friendships. Is it worth ending a friendship over a few months of stress/drama?

LittleWohlscheid

Okay, ladies. Hop off my back. Respond to the OP. Clearly I disagree and I still think it's a ridiculous petty manner and stand by what I said, but I didn't ask for any of your opinions. The bride did. No need to be so absurdly rude or to act like children.

@sarahbear31, go ahead and calm down, first. Second, she needs to have the bride's back and be supportive. That's part of the point of a wedding party. If she's being distant and rude, maybe she doesn't want to be the MOH. If she's feeling like it's too much pressure or work, she may not be up to the role.

I can't believe how immature you all act at a different opinion. Do you talk to people like this in real life? It's pretty shameful. Grow up.

holyguacamole79

LittleWohlscheid said:

Okay, ladies. Hop off my back. Respond to the OP. Clearly I disagree and I still think it's a ridiculous petty manner and stand by what I said, but I didn't ask for any of your opinions. The bride did. No need to be so absurdly rude or to act like children.

@sarahbear31, go ahead and calm down, first. Second, she needs to have the bride's back and be supportive. That's part of the point of a wedding party. If she's being distant and rude, maybe she doesn't want to be the MOH. If she's feeling like it's too much pressure or work, she may not be up to the role.

I can't believe how immature you all act at a different opinion. Do you talk to people like this in real life? It's pretty shameful. Grow up.

You may not have asked for opinions, but you're gonna get them.

What do you mean by "having the bride's back"?  Does she think she's going to get jumped by a rival gang at her reception?  As I said, my husband and I were completely self sufficient on our wedding day.  We didn't need our bridal party by our side as we ate. 

It's not a matter of being distant or rude.  It's a matter of respecting your friends and family's time.

When I was my sister's MOH, I spent plenty of time away from my husband with the bachelorette party and showers.  I spent the day with her at the wedding.  There is no reason why she needed me to sit with her while they ate. 

plainjane0415

rival gang! hahahaha!

MyNameIsNot

LittleWohlscheid said:

Okay, ladies. Hop off my back. Respond to the OP. Clearly I disagree and I still think it's a ridiculous petty manner and stand by what I said, but I didn't ask for any of your opinions. The bride did. No need to be so absurdly rude or to act like children.

@sarahbear31, go ahead and calm down, first. Second, she needs to have the bride's back and be supportive. That's part of the point of a wedding party. If she's being distant and rude, maybe she doesn't want to be the MOH. If she's feeling like it's too much pressure or work, she may not be up to the role.

I can't believe how immature you all act at a different opinion. Do you talk to people like this in real life? It's pretty shameful. Grow up.

You're not giving a dissenting opinion.  You're going around telling people to treat their friends like dirt.  

Everyone needs to point out how absurd and awful your advice is.  Coming on here and trying to get unsuspecting OP to act like a total bitch and ruin her friendships for your amusement or to make you feel better for your own similar behavior is not ok.  

You should be shamed for doing this.  

zitiqueen

If a bride needs support, she should be getting it from her FI. Or her therapist.

beethery

LittleWohlscheid said:

I'm on your side, OP. I don't know who made all of these stupid etiquette rules, but I personally think if you want her to sit at the head table and have her SO eat at a different table, that's fine. It's not "incredibly rude." It's 45 minutes of the entire night. She can be with him later that evening because it's your day. It's not about her SO and it's not like she won't be able to see him all day. One meal without him is not going to kill your relationship with her or her's with her SO.

As for the bachelorette party, you are justified in being hurt, but maybe she was embarrassed and that's why she hasn't talked about it. You're right to have been upset, but I wouldn't dwell on it.

With the bridal shower and her behavior in general, have a sincere conversation and ask her what's going on. She's the MOH and needs to have your back. If it turns out you're worried over nothing, move past it, but if she gets bitchy about it- I say ask her to step down. Recognizing it's your day and making simple requests ("please don't serve this food I don't like," "are you sure you're up for being my MOH?")  does not make you a bridezilla.

Don't ignore it if you think there's a real issue. Have an adult conversation. Maybe she's not feeling up to being a MOH after all, or maybe she feels you're putting a little too much pressure on her. You won't know till you talk.

This is ridiculous. The B&G don't need the WP's help or company eating.

If you can't handle EATING by yourself, you have a fucking problem.

NYCMercedes

LittleWohlscheid said:

Okay, ladies. Hop off my back. Respond to the OP. Clearly I disagree and I still think it's a ridiculous petty manner and stand by what I said, but I didn't ask for any of your opinions. The bride did. No need to be so absurdly rude or to act like children.

@sarahbear31, go ahead and calm down, first. Second, she needs to have the bride's back and be supportive. That's part of the point of a wedding party. If she's being distant and rude, maybe she doesn't want to be the MOH. If she's feeling like it's too much pressure or work, she may not be up to the role.

I can't believe how immature you all act at a different opinion. Do you talk to people like this in real life? It's pretty shameful. Grow up.

No. Just no. Bad advice. Absurdly bad idea. Do not be rude to your friends and do not tell others to be rude to their friends. This may be a totally new idea for you, but the MOH can make her own decision as to whether she can stand at the ceremony for 30 minutes. That's all she needs to do in her role. Grow up and treat people with respect.

LittleWohlscheid

MyNameIsNot said:

LittleWohlscheid said:

Okay, ladies. Hop off my back. Respond to the OP. Clearly I disagree and I still think it's a ridiculous petty manner and stand by what I said, but I didn't ask for any of your opinions. The bride did. No need to be so absurdly rude or to act like children.

@sarahbear31, go ahead and calm down, first. Second, she needs to have the bride's back and be supportive. That's part of the point of a wedding party. If she's being distant and rude, maybe she doesn't want to be the MOH. If she's feeling like it's too much pressure or work, she may not be up to the role.

I can't believe how immature you all act at a different opinion. Do you talk to people like this in real life? It's pretty shameful. Grow up.

You're not giving a dissenting opinion.  You're going around telling people to treat their friends like dirt.  

Everyone needs to point out how absurd and awful your advice is.  Coming on here and trying to get unsuspecting OP to act like a total bitch and ruin her friendships for your amusement or to make you feel better for your own similar behavior is not ok.  

You should be shamed for doing this.  What a beautiful view you must have from your high horse.

Well gee. I'm so glad you caught my true motive. I sincerely said what I thought was best and what I would do. I think everyone responding to me is not only overreacting, but also just bandwagon bitching, because the several who feel riled up and compelled to respond are just echoing each other. I get it. You don't like it. Suck it up. I feel no guilt; I don't think it would be wrong. So you can be a bitch and attach me, I really don't care. To the OP: I still stand by what I said, but you can see there's a clear majority who would like to overuse the word "tacky" and call it bad. I was speaking to that specific point from my own experience, where none of us felt it was rude because it's such a tiny matter. It was 40 more minutes where we sat at the head table, celebrated, and then spent the next several hours of the reception with our SOs.

Hardly a single person who has decided to attack my own opinion which was directed to the OP (not to them) has addressed any of the OP's issues specifically to her. So really, you're just looking to be bitchy and tell me I have "fucking problems." What a warm, sane community. So glad I joined. What a judgmental and rude community. If you're hoping to make me change my stance or feel bad, it's just not gonna work. Go find someone else to bitch at.

and @NYCMeredes, I was being respectful before a dozen people decided to be assholes because they disagreed. You want to tell everyone attacking a different opinion to do the same? Maybe, instead of assuming I'm a bad person, try thinking that I've had different experiences. Don't tell me to grow up- I'm not the one ignoring the original issue and hopping on the bandwagon.

holyguacamole79

@LittleWohlscheid, you never answered my question. What do you mean by "having the brides back???" Can she not cut her food for herself? Is she afraid that someone might attack her during dinner??

LittleWohlscheid

@sarahbear31, don't be ridiculous. "Having her back" is supporting the bride emotionally. Clearly OP was feeling insecure and like the MOH was being distant and rude. Maybe she was being rude. We never heard her story. If she was, it could be that she doesn't feel up to any pressure she feels (hosting the shower, etc. Maybe OP was putting pressure on her for other things.) Of course it's not fighting a rival gang- which was a joke that may have been funny if it weren't part of dozens of people being down right obnoxious and rude.

And at a head table like this the WP sits with the bride and groom during dinner. This is what I'm referring to, have been a part of, and why I don't think it's a big deal. Such a huge thing over dinner. Geeze. https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTiq7XM-k0TNW9kQfYQM3guIAIMD84Prck72U0BAJXqaoZ5sR0

holyguacamole79

LittleWohlscheid said:

@sarahbear31, don't be ridiculous. "Having her back" is supporting the bride emotionally. Clearly OP was feeling insecure and like the MOH was being distant and rude. Maybe she was being rude. We never heard her story. If she was, it could be that she doesn't feel up to any pressure she feels (hosting the shower, etc. Maybe OP was putting pressure on her for other things.) Of course it's not fighting a rival gang- which was a joke that may have been funny if it weren't part of dozens of people being down right obnoxious and rude.

By that point, she needs no further emotional support. She is married. Life is good. Let the MOH enjoy the company of her S/O.

If a bride needs emotional support at her reception, she shouldn't be getting married.  

holyguacamole79

LittleWohlscheid said:

@sarahbear31, don't be ridiculous. "Having her back" is supporting the bride emotionally. Clearly OP was feeling insecure and like the MOH was being distant and rude. Maybe she was being rude. We never heard her story. If she was, it could be that she doesn't feel up to any pressure she feels (hosting the shower, etc. Maybe OP was putting pressure on her for other things.) Of course it's not fighting a rival gang- which was a joke that may have been funny if it weren't part of dozens of people being down right obnoxious and rude.

By that point, she needs no further emotional support. She is married. Life is good. Let the MOH enjoy the company of her S/O.

If the OP is feeling insecure, she needs to work on that herself.
 

If a bride needs emotional support at her reception, she shouldn't be getting married.