Wedding Woes

Help!!!! My bridesmaid and i booked the same venue!!! (XP)

msbangor03msbangor03 member
Second Anniversary First Comment
edited September 2014 in Wedding Woes
So here I am horribly torn. I have been engaged since may of 2014.I have been spending all this time looking for venues that fit my idea and our budget. I have looked at 3 different venues in the area we want our wedding but still did not book one due to them not being what I wanted I was coming down to the wire too because things are booking up fast. One of my bridesmaids got engaged 2 weeks ago. She is also planning a barn wedding like me. She told me that she is already looking at venues and one of them was in the area I was searching, that for whatever reasons I did not come across. I went and looked at the venue too and absolutely fell in love with it. I called and spoke with her about looking at it and loving it and that they still had open dates so we had to change from august 8th 2015 to September 19th 2015. She informed me that they had just booked it that day!!!!. I asked her if she would be upset if I booked it too. (I had 2 days left to turn in my deposit) She told me she would not because we share no mutual friends or family that would attend our weddings. I am supposed to take the deposit today and she has now just sent me a message that her and her fiancée spoke last night and they feel that they want their day to be special and they think that being at ours 2 weeks before that will take away from their special day! She wont return my calls, and im supposed to take the deposit today to save the date!!!!! Am I wrong for booking the same place? Should I let her have her day and search somewhere else? I just don't know what I should do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Help!!!! My bridesmaid and i booked the same venue!!! (XP)

  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
  • Book what fits in with your budget and your needs.  If that means she steps down, inform her you'd love to see her as a guest and still send an invite.  You can't control her feelings but you need to do what's best for you and your FI's day. 
  • I'll preface this with I think she's being absolutely crazy, but you did kind of leave the door open to this by asking if she would mind. She's being totally cowardly by refusing to take your phone calls. If you think she's just having a crazy moment and would get over it, I would go ahead and book it. Hopefully she'll get over it and by the time the weddings come round you'll both laugh. If you think she's likely to hold a grudge and even pull out of your wedding (and kick you out of hers) then you have to decide if the venue would remind you of those unpleasant memories on the day and if you care.
  • I agree with littlemonkey.  You kind of created this problem for yourself when you asked for her permission to use the same venue.  It's not really her venue any more than it's yours; it's a place that hosts events and has probably hosted many other weddings.

    It sounds, though, like you have three options:
    1.  Keep the venue and do some damage to your friendship.  Hopefully this is short-lived, once she realizes that you will have different decorating styles, colors, etc.
    2.  Pass on the venue; you risk not being able to find something that meets your aesthetic and financial needs.
    3.  Try to compromise with your friend; what I saw in her message was a "me first!" implication; she found the venue but would be second because your date is currently ahead of hers.  Not saying this is very grown-up or right of her, but would she be okay with you using the venue if your wedding was second?  Instead of September 15, would it be possible for your date to shift again to October 17 or 24?  Again, I don't think this right of her to ask, nor is it something you would necessarily need to consider, but if it's possible, might it be a way to resolve things?  You can both use the venue but in your friend's bridal-shaded eyes, she gets it first.  And, bonus, you might get to see a wedding in action and know more about the venue for your own.

  • Well I definetly wanted to ask to avoid this problem. When I had talked to her on saturday she was looking at a completely different venue 40 miles from this one. When I called the next day to see how the tour went, she said it went horrible at venue 2 so they decided to book the same place. I felt a little put on the spot and I thought asking would have headed this problem off in the beginning seeing that my deposit wasn't due until today. guess I was wrong
  • This is dumb.

    Their day will be special b/c they're marrying each other, not the damn venue.  If she can't grow up enough to figure that out, it's not really your problem.

    Do what is best for your and your FI's needs/wants.  If she throws a hissy fit, so be it.  "This is the best for me and my FI's needs and wants for our wedding.  I'm sorry you feel that way.  I hope you'll still be a BM, or a guest.  Thanks."
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I feel like I've seen this same stupid post 3 times today already. 

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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2014
    This makes me think of the episode of Friends where Monica meets the chick at the bridal shop, who tells her about the sale event and then they end up wanting the same dress.  Monica takes the dress and the chick books the band Chandler wants.  I guess because that drama was just as ridiculous. 

    Soooo...moral?  Book her band/DJ/photog/planner/etc. away from her for the day of her wedding if she continues to cause a stink about the venue stuff.  Or not. 

    Also, do what you want in regard to the venue.  She'll get over it.  
  • I don't really see why it's "weird" to attend a wedding at your venue beforehand.  There's not just a ton of venues in most places in the first place and this is a specialty venue on top of that (barn). That's why I've been to the same venue 3-4 times b/c it's a specific garden venue with a covered bridge/barn setup for weddings.  People love it.  We nearly considered it, but it has some transportation issues that I didn't want to deal with.

    And feeling weird still doesn't equal, "Have your wedding at a different spot".
  • meh. 

    my parents went to a wedding at "my" venue a few months before my wedding. they just collected notes on what they would and would not do when it was my turn, and asked the mog and fog for advice about the venue and coordinator.
  • OP you posted this in three different places.  Were you hoping to get a different answer each time?

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  • Book the venue you want. Back home there are three total wedding venues in 45+ miles, so most everyone uses the same venue. The venue doesn't matter as much as what you bring to the venue. Pay the deposit and be done with it, plan your day and just plan not to discuss details of how the other plans to do things at the venue so you both show up having fairy dust at your respective days. That said - Just because you have the same venue doesn't mean your days are going to be any less special. It's not about the venue, it's about the commitment being made and becoming one. If she can't bridge that gap, it's on her, not you. As you said, you don't have the same family or social circle, if anything it gives her two weeks to work out any issues you had at the venue thus working to HER advantage!!! (i.e. things you didn't think to bring that she can pack ahead of time like scissors, tape, 3M hooks, etc.)..
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  • Thank you ladies! @ goldchocobo I did cross post this and I also put that in the title. I put it on three boards because I wasn't sure which subject it fell under and I needed a lot of advice! I definetly got it! thanks so much, and I have booked the venue!!!
  • goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 I'm Canadian, eh! member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    That's great news.  Let us know if your bridesmaid is still your bridesmaid after this.  I curious about the forthcoming reaction.  

    (Sorry I snarked.  I was starting to get serious Deja-Vu from seeing this post)

    Edited for clarity
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  • @ goldchocobo It's okay. I know that I put it on three boards (which I see now can be annoying) but I also wanted to get as many unbiased opinions that I could. And No she is not a bridesmaid! she has pulled herself out of the wedding and our FRIENDSHIP! She pretty much told me that I knew she was looking at it so I should have backed off. She informed me how horrible of a friend I am, and yes I can admit that I was not always good at following thru with our plans, but I have made a very conscious effort the past few years because our friendship was important to me. She informed me its no loss to her, that she doesn't feel bad and to never contact her again. Way harsh!!!!
  • hmonkey I am dying laughing at my desk right now!!!
  • A friend who reacts that way, isn't a friend and never was.  Be sure to tell the venue so they know they're dealing with a Bridezilla a couple weeks after your wedding!!  Really - if she's going to dump a friendship because you booked the same vendor (is she possessive about other vendors as well?!?!)..    <going snark here> Now, be sure to book the same florist, caterer, baker, and such before she can so she can realize how ridiculous she's being!! 
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  • That is the craziest thing I have ever heard.....she sounds like an awful person. Anyone with a brain in their head would not be psychotic like that..........enough said. I could understand if it was on the SAME DATE but, its not...... Watch Bride Wars with Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway and realize how dumb this is.......or maybe send a copy to her with a nice thank you letter for showing what an idiot she is....She sounds like a brat.....not someone I would want standing up for me when I get it perhaps worked out in your favor my dear!
  • Wow, I was just kinda hoping it would blow over in a month or two and she would realize it wasn't a hill worth dying on....but nope...went bat shit crazy.  Sorry to hear about that.  But yeah, at the same time, a fake friend was discovered in all of this and that tie has been cut.  

    Enjoy the HELL out of that venue!!  


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