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Snarky Brides

Am I being totally selfish?

My fiancee have been engaged and planning a wedding since January (so 8 months now).  His sister has been dating her current s/o for about the same length of time that my fiancee and I have been dating.  Everyone is on good terms and speaking to each other, and everything, so obviously they are well aware of our wedding, the date we picked back in February, etc.  Now, less than 3 weeks before our wedding, she sends me a text message reading "Please don't hate us but we're getting married in Vegas next week."  Now every single one of his family members is going to be talking about HER WEDDING on OUR wedding day.  

She has been married four times previously, I don't blame her for running to Vegas and having a wedding, but seriously, why now?  This is my first (my fiancee's second) wedding, and I will never ever have another one.  I feel like Monica in Friends running around and accusing her of "stealing my thunder" but if all they are doing is going to Vegas and having a quickie wedding, WHY NOW?  Half of the party that we are spending thousands of dollars on is going to be focused on her, her brand new marraige and her one-year-old.  I know I'm overreacting, but I feel like everyone in her family will sort of pat us on the back, thank us for the great party, and then go talk to her about getting married for the FIFTH TIME, and coo over the baby.  

Yes, I'm jealous, Yes, I'm petty, I just don't know how to look at this in a way that this isn't going to draw attention away from my fiancee and me.  Of course, I can't say this to her, and I responded to her text that I don't hate her and Congratulations, so outwardly (other than this post) I'm behaving myself, but that tiny little part of me deep down inside is throwing myself on the ground kicking and screaming like a two-year-old whose had her lollipop taken away.  How do I get over feeling like this so I don't ruin my wedding for myself?
bnwright0721

Re: Am I being totally selfish?

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Who gives a shit if his family members are talking about her wedding on your wedding day (which they probably won't be - they will probably be focused on what's happening right in front of them)? You'll still be married to your FI, yes? You'll still get to celebrate with all your friends and family, yes? Okay then just let it go. It really doesn't matter at all.


    kikstizzyashley8918
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited September 2014
    <"> said:
    My fiancee have been engaged and planning a wedding since January (so 8 months now).  His sister has been dating her current s/o for about the same length of time that my fiancee and I have been dating.  Everyone is on good terms and speaking to each other, and everything, so obviously they are well aware of our wedding, the date we picked back in February, etc.  Now, less than 3 weeks before our wedding, she sends me a text message reading "Please don't hate us but we're getting married in Vegas next week."  Now every single one of his family members is going to be talking about HER WEDDING on OUR wedding day.  

    She has been married four times previously, I don't blame her for running to Vegas and having a wedding, but seriously, why now?  This is my first (my fiancee's second) wedding, and I will never ever have another one.  I feel like Monica in Friends running around and accusing her of "stealing my thunder" but if all they are doing is going to Vegas and having a quickie wedding, WHY NOW?  Half of the party that we are spending thousands of dollars on is going to be focused on her, her brand new marraige and her one-year-old.  I know I'm overreacting, but I feel like everyone in her family will sort of pat us on the back, thank us for the great party, and then go talk to her about getting married for the FIFTH TIME, and coo over the baby.  

    Yes, I'm jealous, Yes, I'm petty, I just don't know how to look at this in a way that this isn't going to draw attention away from my fiancee and me.  Of course, I can't say this to her, and I responded to her text that I don't hate her and Congratulations, so outwardly (other than this post) I'm behaving myself, but that tiny little part of me deep down inside is throwing myself on the ground kicking and screaming like a two-year-old whose had her lollipop taken away.  How do I get over feeling like this so I don't ruin my wedding for myself?
    My mom has the following expression:  Build a bridge and get over it.

    You get a day.  She gets a day.  Will people congratulate her at your wedding?  Probably.  Will it cease to be your day?  No. 

    Stop judging her for getting married five times.  Scream into a pillow and focus on your wedding. 

    Also, I suggest password protecting your wedding website.  I found it super easily.



    Anniversary
    kikstizzy
  • If this is marriage #5 for her (and she's still young enough to have kids!), sure they'll talk about her, but I'm not sure it will be in a good way.

    Even if they are saying nice things to her face, they're probably judging her behind her back. Or maybe that's just me, since I'm a snarky, judgy bitch. :P
    image



    bnwright0721
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    My fiancee have been engaged and planning a wedding since January (so 8 months now).  His sister has been dating her current s/o for about the same length of time that my fiancee and I have been dating.  Everyone is on good terms and speaking to each other, and everything, so obviously they are well aware of our wedding, the date we picked back in February, etc.  Now, less than 3 weeks before our wedding, she sends me a text message reading "Please don't hate us but we're getting married in Vegas next week."  Now every single one of his family members is going to be talking about HER WEDDING on OUR wedding day.  

    She has been married four times previously, I don't blame her for running to Vegas and having a wedding, but seriously, why now?  This is my first (my fiancee's second) wedding, and I will never ever have another one.  I feel like Monica in Friends running around and accusing her of "stealing my thunder" but if all they are doing is going to Vegas and having a quickie wedding, WHY NOW?  Half of the party that we are spending thousands of dollars on is going to be focused on her, her brand new marraige and her one-year-old.  I know I'm overreacting, but I feel like everyone in her family will sort of pat us on the back, thank us for the great party, and then go talk to her about getting married for the FIFTH TIME, and coo over the baby.  

    Yes, I'm jealous, Yes, I'm petty, I just don't know how to look at this in a way that this isn't going to draw attention away from my fiancee and me.  Of course, I can't say this to her, and I responded to her text that I don't hate her and Congratulations, so outwardly (other than this post) I'm behaving myself, but that tiny little part of me deep down inside is throwing myself on the ground kicking and screaming like a two-year-old whose had her lollipop taken away.  How do I get over feeling like this so I don't ruin my wedding for myself?
    First bolded - I seriously doubt that.

    Second bolded - Never say never.  I doubt your sister thought she would be married 4 different times when she first got married.  And I doubt your FI thought he would be getting married a second time.  So not to poop on your parade but crap happens, just something to think about before you come off sounding super judgey about your sister and her 4 marriages.

    Third bolded - because they are adults and can make a choice to get married whenever the hell they want.  They aren't getting married on your wedding day or even the day before your wedding so chill the hell out.

    Look, you have every right to feel how you want and you are doing a good thing by venting here instead of screaming at your sister.  But like PP said, you get one day and your sister gets one day.  On your wedding day the focus will be on you and your SO I promise.  Maybe some people who are mutual friends with her may tell her "congrats" at your wedding but they aren't going to stand up in the middle of your ceremony and ask her how her wedding went and then ask to hold her kid.

    You seriously need to take a day to be frustrated then crack open a beer or a bottle of wine and get over it.

    doeydo
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    psssst, OP.  Change your screenname.  Your name is uniquely spelled and it was super easy to find your wedding website and registries.  People could just as easily find your posts here on TK.  I know you came here for anonymous venting, and we want you to keep it that way! 



    Anniversary
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's ok to be really bummed---for a day or three. Throw things, rant, post here, have a temper tantrum, and then let it go. What's important is your relationship, not hers.
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    image

    This baby is speaking to you. 

    His sister is going to get text message, facebook, and phone call congratulations. She's not even going to be at your reception. She can go out and do what the hell ever, it is going to affect you in zero ways, unless you let this insignificant nonsense get under your skin. Pry that shit out from under your dermis and free it into the wind.

    You know who else is probably getting married the same day as you? A whole ass-ton of people even beyond your sister. It's a worldwide phenomenon. Are you upset by this? I hope not.

    It is not that big of a deal, and it sure the hell isn't something to get jealous about. She sure could have picked a different day. She probably should have. BUT, the ship has sailed and you need to reign in the upset feelings on this.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image

  • I would be pissed too! especially since she told you via text about it.  

    But like PPs said, vent here, don't take it out on her personally.  You can tell her you are confused about the rush, and why it can't wait, but you can't stop it from happening.
  • She sounds like she kinda likes drama, especially since it sounds like she knew she did something in that gray area-- "don't hate me but..." is the red flag there.

    But like everyone else has posted, you did the right thing by posting here, and you have every right to feel miffed right now.  On the day of your wedding, you won't notice anything except you and your husband and how happy you are :)
  • So wait - she gets her own special day? And it's not on the same day as yours?

    Ohhhh the horror!

    Breath in, breath out - and enjoy your day! You're getting married!!!!
  • I think you  have already come to terms with overreacting so that's a good thing.

    I do agree that she may have had an idea of walking in gray area when she said "don't hate us" but you need to just rise above this.

    And, I am sorry but the only person I know who has been married 5 times gets a serious freaking eye-roll from me because he can't commit to a long term marriage.  Neither could his brother (my-ex) who is on his 4th marriage.  People should congratulate her and wish her well, but I think people will be far more preoccupied with your weddng than with spending their time gushing over her and groom #5.

    beetherysteph861
  • I'm going to suggest something a little offbeat here, so just toss out the suggestion if you don't like it.....

    If it wouldn't make you have a nervous breakdown this close to the wedding, I would ask her if you can throw a small, impromptu party for her and her FI/husband. Nothing formal, not a shower (no gifts)... just invite whoever is local to come and hang out, open house style for a couple hours at your place. Provide some beer, wine and appetizers. You could even do this on a week night if it fits most people's schedules. Think of it as no more fancy than inviting people over to watch a game.

    That way, family will have an opportunity to swoon over her, you'll be a selfless hero and you will have your wedding day all to yourself. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    allisonelizafox007Knottie88678870
  • egirl2015egirl2015 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    If she is actually getting married for the fifth time it's unlikely they are going to focus on her marriage instead of yours. They're probably sick of it by now.
    MommyKristin88
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