NWR: Back to School Night Vent: Teacher Perspective

ohmrs2014

I don't think I've ever been so aggravated before. I've never been grilled and semi-attacked by parents like that before. 25 definitions for spelling is too much in one night, I should have eased them into it. Are they always going to have homework on the weekends. So while I'm out "having fun on the weekends" the kids have to do homework. Like seriously? And I even tried to joke around with them, yea, this set of parents aren't of the joking kind. I'm so angry and upset I'm actually on the verge of tears.  And I need to add that some of the parents looked appalled that these questions were even concerns, but then again, looks can be deceiving.

Just a background, I teach 4th grade and I explained many times that not only do I need to get them knowledgeable in all things 4th grade, but I also need to get them ready for middle school next year.

LittlePeachBlossom

Your students start middle school with 5th grade? That seems a bit young poor things.

Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with the parents today. I see many fb parents complain but I don't know if it's truly justified. Seems like they don't want to invest too much of their time. I remember taking 1-2 hours doing hwk growing up. Idk why it's shocking now. But then again, I'm not a parent so I may just not be able to relate. 

Hope things lighten up as the year progresses.

ohmrs2014

Yea. They switch in grades 5-8 at my school. The kids are fantastic, opposite of last year. Funny how this works, last year, wanted to kill my students, but loved their parents. This year love the kids, parents make me want to vomit.

hellosweetie1015

Homework on the weekends? THE HORROR! (Kidding.)

I'm sorry your teacher night didn't go nicely. Have a glass of your favorite potion, kick back, and relish in the fact that you like your kids this year, since you have to put up with them day in, day out, for the most part. Parents will loosen up as the year goes on, or either they'll at least see their kids loving you and be okay with the weekend homework.

If it helps, I'm gonna be that parent that has my kids learning when they don't have homework, and they'll come in on Monday telling you what we learned about fungus or bugs or some other gross fascinating thing that gives me creepy crawlies. And I'm not gonna be the parent that bitches about too much homework unless it's a legitimately large amount. 25 vocab definitions = not a legitimately large amount*.

(*25 vocab definitions is still kind of a lot to me though, especially having worked pretty extensively with that age group. I understand you need to get them ready for middle school, but even in senior year "vocab" [SAT prep crap] we only did 20 words a week. Please note that I put my unhelpful, stinky opinion in really small letters to not bother you with it too much though, because I know it's unhelpful and stinky since it's probably a learning requirement or something. Now go get that class of potion.)

ohmrs2014

I was nice about it at first, explaining that I can totally understand where he was coming from.  I even acknowledged that each class and each child is different and explained that the new spelling books we just received and will begin using next week, have the definitions in them so they won't have to worry about that aspect, but it will be supplemented with something else.

What really bothered me was when he said the whole "well, so while your having fun on the weekends visiting your parents (i explained that on the weekends I am with family because I don't live near them so responding to emails on the weekends might take up to 24 hours) my daughters have homework."  I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or joking around, but it really rubbed me the wrong way.  

Sugargirl1019

What does he think you do in your free time? Sit around and eat bon bons? You have to grade and prepare your lesson plans. I promise as a parent I will try to not be psychotic like these parents.

Weesh

ohmrs2014 said:

I was nice about it at first, explaining that I can totally understand where he was coming from.  I even acknowledged that each class and each child is different and explained that the new spelling books we just received and will begin using next week, have the definitions in them so they won't have to worry about that aspect, but it will be supplemented with something else.

What really bothered me was when he said the whole "well, so while your having fun on the weekends visiting your parents (i explained that on the weekends I am with family because I don't live near them so responding to emails on the weekends might take up to 24 hours) my daughters have homework."  I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or joking around, but it really rubbed me the wrong way.  

The fact that you gave this response should be enough for them--as per my contract, I'm technically given 24 hours on school days, and on weekends, I don't have to respond until I see it on Monday..meaning they might not get a response until Tuesday, even if they wrote the e-mail on Friday afternoon.  I usually tell students to e-mail me if there are issues or questions and I get back to them quickly, but I'll wait if it's a particularly sensitive e-mail.  Sometimes, I need time to compose my thoughts or figure out if I need to call instead.

It seems like by trying to be proactive and give them information, he might have taken it the wrong way.  You're entitled to do what you please on a weekend, and last time I checked, no teacher ever leaves at the scheduled time during the week with nothing to do in the evenings or on the weekend.  If he mentions it again in an e-mail or in a conversation, I'd address it.  "Mr. Jones, your child has homework on the weekend because it's related to the curriculum and important to the skill development of (insert skill here).  My personal life outside of school has no relation to your daughter's homework assignment, and I'd appreciate if you refrained from making statements about it." 

And have a glass of wine.  Back to school nights are hard, especially on a Tuesday!

hellosweetie1015

ohmrs2014 said:

I was nice about it at first, explaining that I can totally understand where he was coming from.  I even acknowledged that each class and each child is different and explained that the new spelling books we just received and will begin using next week, have the definitions in them so they won't have to worry about that aspect, but it will be supplemented with something else.

What really bothered me was when he said the whole "well, so while your having fun on the weekends visiting your parents (i explained that on the weekends I am with family because I don't live near them so responding to emails on the weekends might take up to 24 hours) my daughters have homework."  I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or joking around, but it really rubbed me the wrong way.  

Yeah no. He was a total shit about it. I understand him asking why so many, but I don't understand why he decided to just be a jerkface doodoohead about everything. 

Also - homework on the weekends? Yes. It happens. Sometimes - God FORBID - grown up people even have to work on the weekends. I had homework every weekend I was in (traditional) school. Some teachers do it in elementary, some don't. Your special princesses WILL have it eventually - get used to it. That guy is just an eensy bit out of line. 

Now go get your potion! 

ohmrs2014

Thanks ladies!  And my potion tonight is buffalo chicken pizza.  Totally cheating on my clean eating diet right now LOL.

AddieCake

Oh, that would have pissed me right the fuck off.

jenajjthr

Bad Parent Story 1: I have a student with a 504 for her ADD. She has extended time on all assignments. I discussed with mom what her idea of that means and what I think that means. I also discussed with counselor what that means. It means 2-3 extra school days, not forever, depending on the assignment. Mom thinks it means whenever daughter decides to turn it in. When I said that no, turning in the syllabus (I teach high school) 5 class days (10 days late) would be considered late because it took no thought process, take home, sign, return, mom went off on me. I had no idea what it meant to have ADD, I thought her daughter was being malicious in her forgetfulness, etc. Ummm, no. Even with extended time, she went way beyond acceptable. Also pretty sure my 40 years of ADD trumps her 15 years. Guess what, it doesn't give you a pass to ignore verbal and written instructions. To get on your laptop, put on your headphones and ignore the teacher, then say well I didn't know to turn it in because I have ADD. 

Bad Parent Story 2: I had a student send me an electronic version of an assignment. Except it wasn't his. He saved the version so the document file was in his name, but the actual document still had all the original info, including the original students name on top of the page. I emailed his parents, let them know, and they practically defended what he did. I said he could get help from friends, they lost power so he originally copied the answers onto his hard copy, he left it that at home, only then did he send me the electronic version that he had airdropped to him, he didn't mean to cheat! 

I feel your pain. I just wish most parents were our allies, not our frenemies. 

WinstonsGirl

Ugh.  How dare you try to educate their child.  We have our Meet the Teacher night tomorrow.  I teach PE.  Why oh why do you need to talk to me??  Grade 7 parents are the worst, since they're still in elementary mode.  At least by Grade 8 they just say hello and leave.  

Our parents have a horrible habit of asking how little Johnny is doing.  Um, I've taught your kid for 2 weeks now, at 3 classes per week, that's 6 45min classes.  Who is little Johnny again??  We only just finished review!!

JennyColada

So really it sounds like that parent was pissy that while you're not working...you're not working? I'm sure that he does plenty of work when he's off from work too I bet! You're not a fucking slave, what an asshole.

larrygaga

SO I'm all about teachers having the say in how the education goes, but what really is the point of homework? I copied all mine from other people all through school and I am working on my Master's now.

I obviously don't copy in college.

ohmrs2014

larrygaga said:

SO I'm all about teachers having the say in how the education goes, but what really is the point of homework? I copied all mine from other people all through school and I am working on my Master's now.

I obviously don't copy in college.

I can't answer for all teachers, but for me, the homework I give them reinforces what we did in class.  If I don't have anything that reinforces the lesson for homework, then in that subject they don't have homework.

lurkergirl

ohmrs2014 said:

larrygaga said:

SO I'm all about teachers having the say in how the education goes, but what really is the point of homework? I copied all mine from other people all through school and I am working on my Master's now.

I obviously don't copy in college.

I can't answer for all teachers, but for me, the homework I give them reinforces what we did in class.  If I don't have anything that reinforces the lesson for homework, then in that subject they don't have homework.

I would even take it a step further and say that, in a perfect world, homework is also an opportunity for parents to get involved in their child's learning.  (I realize this isn't always possible, which is why I included the "in a perfect world" disclaimer.)

Horror stories: When I was student teaching, I had this kid who was lying to me about something in class.  I never yelled at my kids, so I just calmly asked, "Student name, are you lying to me?" 

He insisted he wasn't, I rectified the situation and he sat back down.  Didn't think about it again. 

The next day, the kid's mom calls my mentor teacher and apparently just completely tears me a new one for "calling her kid a liar."  Of course, I was pissed that she was twisting my words but also scared because I didn't want to get in trouble.  Mentor teacher tells me that we cannot ever use the word "lie" in public school.  The most you can ever say to a kid who is lying to your face is, "I hope you're being honest with me."  Yeah, that's reason 2848474 why I'm not teaching this year.

Unfortunately, I think we are raising a society full of speshul snowflakes.  These are the kids whose parents are going to write their resumes and call job prospects. 

edit spelling

JennyColada

larrygaga said:

SO I'm all about teachers having the say in how the education goes, but what really is the point of homework? I copied all mine from other people all through school and I am working on my Master's now.

I obviously don't copy in college.

If you didn't copy in college then wouldn't you understand the point in homework? It's practice, it's to reinforce an idea, it's to help commit something to memory through repetition.

Lots of people (myself included) didn't slack on the homework.

loveislouder

I don't understand how the world changed from parents getting upset with their kids for bad grades, to getting mad at the teachers. It's bullshit.

ohmrs2014

scribe95 said:

Perspective, not prospective. Sorry that was bugging me.

HAHA.  I'm an English major and I didn't even realize my mistake.  LOL

VulgarGirl

I remember in school parents coming in to argue with teachers that their kid had gotten a C but deserved an A for reasons. Those were never my parents. They might ask why I got a C or how I could get an A next time, but never demand my grade me upped on the basis that I deserved an A because I am me. 

My dad taught me that if you do exactly what is expected and nothing more, you deserve a C. A C is average, it's doing the minimum needed. If you want a higher grade, you need to do more then then minimum. Don't bitch when you do the minimum needed to pass and get a grade that reflects that.

And I grew up to be not an asshole and a hard worker.

KatieinBkln

Parents are crazy, huh?

I agree in a general sense that sometimes young kids have too much homework. But I disagree that 25 spelling words is too many for a 9-year-old (this is just SPELLING them, not learning their definitions, ffs). 

I also disagree with ANY person publicly calling out a teacher in a room full of parents. That's ganging up, and it's not fucking cool. If you have an issue, email the teacher. Call her up. Don't bring shit up at the meet-and-greet. Bro, do you even socialize? There's a time and a place for this shit. If you really have a concern, you'd ask about it in a way that is more likely to result in a positive change. When you attack someone publicly, all you're really saying is that you want to yell at them, not actually change anything. Suck a D, parent!

HaileyDancingbear

Well screw those people.  There is a difference between voicing concerns and being an ass.

I wouldn't let them bother you too much.  It doesn't matter what you do, some people are just nasty.  If they're not picking on you for too much work, they're picking on you for too little work (Is my kid even going to be LEARNING anything?) because really, they just need to be picking on someone for something or else they have no idea what to even do with themselves.

chibiyui

That dad is a douche, I hope you don't have to deal with him often. 

Also, yeah, homework happens. He could teach his kids that if they finish their homework Friday evening, they have all day Saturday and Sunday without having to worry about their homework

sassyfrass2014

First Year Teacher Here! This post came along right at the same time… The worst thing is that I even get it from my students (9th graders). "Why are we taking NOTES again?" "This is NOT HOW WE LEARN."

We have at least 3 "non-traditional" activities a week and I have to bend over backwards, work 4-5 extra hours on each activity, and often pay for supplemental things for the activity on my own dime. I still have parents coming into my classroom uninvited for applying discipline rules to their child and demanding to know why I'm picking on their son or daughter. 

Parent Night is tomorrow. SUPER EXCITED. </snark>

falsara

Wow, Parents suck sometimes.  I know that when I was growing up, if I got a bad grade it was on me.  And I also know that I got a good grade if I DID THE HOMEWORK.

 I don't know why parents assume that they know more about how to educate people than the people who went to school and got a degree to educate people.

When I transferred to my 4 year university I considedered getting my certificate for secondary education.  I signed up and took the first of two courses required to be in the education program and after learning 1) that my certificate doesn't count in other states and 2) that I have to work with obnoxious parents, and constatnly changing state standards and standardized testing, I decided that i would take my English degree and do something else with it. 

I give teachers all the props in the world for doing something I will never do.  

 

afox007

I would love for you to be FSS's teacher. I'm more annoyed at the major lack of homework. He just started middle school and I was expecting him to get the hours of homework I used to.

Nope instead he does like 10 math problems and is done, this week his English teacher added half an hour of reading.

ohmrs2014

Thanks for the support!  It is rough being a teacher.  I spend countless hours trying to come up with different activities so we aren't doing the same things over and over again.  

I decided that this year, I was going to make it my best year and have fun with the kids (while still learning of course) so that they can go home to their parents and brag about how much fun they are having.

ShellD13

Sorry that happened!  I have a lot of friends who teach and I know it is not an easy job.  I agree with PP's somewhere along the way a lot of parents have gone from supporting the teachers to expecting them to cater to their kids.

I get very frustrated because I have two step kids whose mom is completely not helpful with homework.  My stepdaughter had a book report due and instead of pushing her to finish the book by the deadline Mom told her, "Ehhh just stop there and read the last chapter - you'll get enough to write the report from that."  WTH?!?!  Great work ethic that you are instilling in your kid, thanks!