Love/hate relationship with friend... should she be a bridesmaid?

snicks26

I am finishing my last semester of college, and planning my wedding in August at the same time. One of my best friends here at school wants to be a bridesmaid. Our relationship is weird, some days I love her and some days I don't want to be around her. Lately she has been constantly complaining about many things I do, and is not understanding of any of my choices. My fiance doesn't like how she treats me. Then again, she is my closest girl friend at school, and I don't know if I should include her or not. The other problem is, she and my other close college friend are attached at the hip, and I feel if I ask one I have to ask both. My other bridesmaids are my sister (MOH), SIL, and three long time best friends. Its obvious comparing my relationship with them to my relationship with my college friends that they are much closer to me. What should I do?

My other option for my last bridesmaids spot is my cousin. We are really close and have a lot in common, and I would rather have her than my college friend. However, my mom is insisting that if I ask one, I HAVE to ask all four cousins. I am so much closer to the one then to the others, (I even have a slight rivalry with one) but I don't want to hurt feelings. Are cousins all or none? Or should I ask just her?

Thanks everyone!

holyguacamole79

snicks26 said:

I am finishing my last semester of college, and planning my wedding in August at the same time. One of my best friends here at school wants to be a bridesmaid. Our relationship is weird, some days I love her and some days I don't want to be around her. Lately she has been constantly complaining about many things I do, and is not understanding of any of my choices. My fiance doesn't like how she treats me. Then again, she is my closest girl friend at school, and I don't know if I should include her or not. The other problem is, she and my other close college friend are attached at the hip, and I feel if I ask one I have to ask both. My other bridesmaids are my sister (MOH), SIL, and three long time best friends. Its obvious comparing my relationship with them to my relationship with my college friends that they are much closer to me. What should I do?

My other option for my last bridesmaids spot is my cousin. We are really close and have a lot in common, and I would rather have her than my college friend. However, my mom is insisting that if I ask one, I HAVE to ask all four cousins. I am so much closer to the one then to the others, (I even have a slight rivalry with one) but I don't want to hurt feelings. Are cousins all or none? Or should I ask just her?

Thanks everyone!

Why do you need another bridesmaid? Personally, I would leave things as-is.

plainjane0415

I'm with sarahbear, I would probably just leave things as is, but if you are deadset on having another bridesmaid, I would pick your cousin who you are close to and enjoy being around. Your mom, or anyone else in the matter really shouldn't be able to dictate who you ask to be YOUR bridesmaids.

plainjane0415

Here is another recent thread from a recent bride, that may help you make your decision:

 

 

plainjane0415

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1040096/best-advice-i-didn-t-take#latest

 

JCbride2015

Why do you have to fill a bridesmaid "spot?"

lbuet348

Ha I was just about to reply then I saw my recent post on here. Leave as is! You don't need a certain number- just who you want by your side!

novella1186

If you really feel like your cousin and you are so close, I would pick the cousin. BUT if you're only picking the cousin just to "fill a spot," then leave it how it is. Sides don't have to be even. You should only choose bridesmaids who are important to you, and true friends. If that means 2 people then you have 2, if it means 11 people then have 11. Whatever. But don't pick someone just out of a necessity (especially because the necessity doesn't really exist). 

DO NOT pick the off-and-on friend. Please. I chose my sister to be my MOH and I am hugely regretting that because she treated me like garbage my whole life, then for a few years we were close but she would sometimes still be a huge bitch. Then she went psycho (AKA showed her true colors) and ruined my engagement party. Now we're not speaking at all and I don't even know if she'll show up to my wedding. Trust me, you do not want to risk dealing with this kind of BS. It's totally stressful. And just because your wedding is important and special to you absolutely does not mean your friends will behave and act like a human. If anything, it will just give her more reasons to misbehave and make you feel like crap. Don't do it. 

novella1186

P.S. tell your mom you absolutely have every right to just pick the ONE cousin you're closest to. Your wedding, your choice. There is no rule at all that you have to pick the whole group of them. I have like 80 cousins and ONE of my cousins is a BM. My wedding, my choice. Tell your mom she can pick whoever she wants when it's HER wedding. 

MyNameIsNot

If you would describe your relationship with someone as "hate," they do not have a place in your wedding.  Frankly, I don't understand why grown women continue with this frienemy thing.  It's very immature and high school.

You don't pick a number of spots and fill them.  You ask the people who you couldn't imagine having by your side. If you can't imagine getting married without your cousin by your side, ask her.  If you aren't sure, don't ask her.

jacques27

1.  Bridesmaids are people you love and honor, not props.  There is no such thing as "bridesmaid spots". 

2.  If you have to ask the internet whether or not it's a good idea, it's probably not a good idea.

lurkergirl

Bridesmaid spots? 

mrsmagicgeek

lurkergirl said:

Bridesmaid spots? 

Sounds like a disease. Like chicken pox.

badbnagdway

OP you still have a fair amount of time ahead of you to choose. If you get asked, tell them you haven't thought about it yet. Especially if you are graduating from college prior to the wedding you don't know how those college relationships will further change. People get jobs and move and sometimes the bonds you thought were lifelong are really just bonds for a season of your life. 

My wedding is next May and I haven't picked a WP yet. I have already noticed that friends have acted very differently than I expected. The friend who I thought would be jealous is actually incredibly helpful and supportive. The friend who moved recently who I thought would gush and scream about me getting engaged has not seemed to care at all. I know that one particular sister will be MOH and that won't change, but I'm just kind of letting the decision of whether to even have additional BM's aside from her simmer.