Is it rude not to have a cocktail hour?

hanjoy

We are doing a first look and all our photos before the ceremony. As soon as the ceremony is over guests will drive 3min to the reception space where they will be able to go to the bar and eat hor dourves until our arrival. Since we will have already done all the pictures we will arrive at the reception venue soon after guests. Is it rude to only have half an hour of hor dourves until the reception actually "starts" and dinner is served after and our introduction and first dance? 

Also my shower was two weeks ago. I finished all the thank you cards the next day and put them in the mail the day after that. If you can find the time I found it was really helpful to write my thank you notes so quickly after since the emotions were still fresh from the day before! 

AprilH81

hanjoy said:

We are doing a first look and all our photos before the ceremony. As soon as the ceremony is over guests will drive 3min to the reception space where they will be able to go to the bar and eat hor dourves until our arrival. Since we will have already done all the pictures we will arrive at the reception venue soon after guests. Is it rude to only have half an hour of hor dourves until the reception actually "starts" and dinner is served after and our introduction and first dance? 

Also my shower was two weeks ago. I finished all the thank you cards the next day and put them in the mail the day after that. If you can find the time I found it was really helpful to write my thank you notes so quickly after since the emotions were still fresh from the day before! 

As long as there is not an unhosted gap (which doesn't sound like is an issue) then a cocktail hour is not required.

manateehugger

Nope. If you don't need to do pictures in between the ceremony and reception, there's no real reason to host a cocktail hour (unless you just want to). 

Granted, it sounds like you're having a cocktail half hour - which is fine too. 

lyndausvi

What you have planned is fine.

That said, I would keep it an hour.  People like mingle before sitting down.  It gives you and your WP time to refreshen up, grab something to eat and mingle yourselves. 

The day goes so FAST, you might enjoy that extra 30 minutes.

RebeccaFlower

lyndausvi said:

What you have planned is fine.

That said, I would keep it an hour.  People like mingle before sitting down.  It gives you and your WP time to refreshen up, grab something to eat and mingle yourselves. 

The day goes so FAST, you might enjoy that extra 30 minutes.

Even 45 minutes, I suggest it too. We didn't do a first look, so we did 45 mins of pictures, but we did have a couple minutes to pop a bottle of champagne and just breathe together and that was a highlight of the day and we got some really gorgeous pictures.

Liatris2010

lyndausvi said:

What you have planned is fine.

That said, I would keep it an hour.  People like mingle before sitting down.  It gives you and your WP time to refreshen up, grab something to eat and mingle yourselves. 

The day goes so FAST, you might enjoy that extra 30 minutes.

I agree with this. Cocktail hour is my favorite part of a wedding, and we made it to our own cocktail hour because we had done most of the pictures before the ceremony.

peachy13

lyndausvi said:

What you have planned is fine.

That said, I would keep it an hour.  People like mingle before sitting down.  It gives you and your WP time to refreshen up, grab something to eat and mingle yourselves. 

The day goes so FAST, you might enjoy that extra 30 minutes.

stuck in the box, help!

I just wanted to also agree with PPs. A lot of couples I know do the first look... I'm doing it as well for my wedding next year. You don't technically need to take more photos during cocktail hour, but you might want to. You might also want to take a huge deep breath somewhere away from the crowd with your WP and/or now-husband. You may need to freshen up and relax somewhere before the reception gets going. In my case, the cocktail hour is included in the package so we are just going to use it for photos if needed and time to relax. I'm sure it will go by fast and I'm sure I'll be happy to have the hour to compose myself.

Cookie Pusher

lyndausvi said:

What you have planned is fine.

That said, I would keep it an hour.  People like mingle before sitting down.  It gives you and your WP time to refreshen up, grab something to eat and mingle yourselves. 

The day goes so FAST, you might enjoy that extra 30 minutes.

I agree with lynda on this one. We only did about 20 minutes of posed photos after our ceremony. The caterer gave us an hour and 15 minutes for the cocktail hour (our ceremony ended earlier than we had planned), so we took the extra time to breathe and take in the moment together. Since our cocktail hour and dinner were all served in the same space, we also took a half hour and did table visits. That allowed us to actually sit down and eat our dinners when they were served!

MandyMost

It's also fine for you to join in on the cocktail hour before the reception. There's no rule that says you can't be seen there!

As a guest, I always really enjoy the cocktail hour. It's fun to mingle with everyone before getting seated for dinner, and after dinner often the music is louder and I'm up dancing or only hanging out with certain groups of friends, whereas during cocktail hour you really mingle and talk to everyone. 

We're planning to do a first look, then some pictures after the ceremony as well. I figure I'll have to then bustle my dress, and maybe freshen up a bit (just lipstick or whatever), and then we'll join the cocktail hour. I'm hoping to be there halfway through, but I assume I'll miss most of the cocktail hour just for that stuff. 

short+sassy

My DH and I didn't do a first look, but it was a small wedding with a small WP.  The ceremony/reception were the same place and we did our pictures across the street in a park.  Our pictures only took about 30 minutes and many of our guests walked over during some of that time to take their own pics.

We did have drinks/cocktails/fruit-veggie trays available for our guests during that time.  Our food was buffet style and was available for our guests about the same time we walked back over to the reception.  If I remember correctly, we walked through the reception area greeting everyone..another 15-20 minutes...and then he and I got our plates to "open", so to speak, the buffet.  

ejpentecost

As a guest, I would much appreciate a shortened cocktail hour. Thirty minutes is plenty of time for me to have a drink and an hors d'oeuvre, and for the bride and groom to catch their breaths. Maybe I don't have much of an attention span but anything longer than that and I start getting bored waiting for the next thing.

jacques27

Is it rude?  Nope.

I actually like cocktail hour.  But that's mostly because I really love apps (and drinking) and it gives me a chance to catch up with people at other tables without dance music blaring overhead.  However, I certainly wouldn't pout if it was only a half hour.  The only thing that would get my goat is if you had a schedule listed out on a program and then you don't follow that schedule because you've already set my expectations (usually, this happens when people take too long with their pictures and cocktail hour becomes cocktail two hours though). 

The only thing that might make me hesitate on the shorter cocktail hour (besides are you sure you don't want a little breather?) is what time all of this takes place.  If the minimal cocktail hour means I'm actually eating dinner at 4:30, then maybe not.  Otherwise, I think it's perfectly fine.

jenijoyk

I love cocktail hours too! I love the chance to mingle before getting stuck at my table. It's easier and more comfortable to meet new people during cocktail hour than after dinner when the dancing has started.

abbyj700

OP - is there a certain reason you *don't* want a full cocktail hour? It's fine not to have one - especially if there is a good reason not to.

I love cocktail hours. BUT we are going to a wedding with a ceremony that starts at 7:30PM on Saturday. Say the ceremony is an easy 20 minutes, and 5-10 minutes to get over to the other space for the reception - it would still be 8 by then. If you have a cocktail hour and then dances, cake cutting, etc before dinner - you're not eating until after 9 absolute earliest - and I find that pretty damn rude. So I'm actually hoping they don't have one!

cheapchicbride16

Save your money... You don't need one.

hikebikebemerry

abbyj700 said:

OP - is there a certain reason you *don't* want a full cocktail hour? It's fine not to have one - especially if there is a good reason not to.

I love cocktail hours. BUT we are going to a wedding with a ceremony that starts at 7:30PM on Saturday. Say the ceremony is an easy 20 minutes, and 5-10 minutes to get over to the other space for the reception - it would still be 8 by then. If you have a cocktail hour and then dances, cake cutting, etc before dinner - you're not eating until after 9 absolute earliest - and I find that pretty damn rude. So I'm actually hoping they don't have one!

@abbyj700  Are you sure that they are doing dinner?  Could it be a dessert reception?

I guess that it just seems like a non-mealtime to me.

Jen4948

No, it isn't rude for you not to have a cocktail hour if the reception starts immediately after the ceremony.

What would be rude would be for you to have any gap between them during which time the guests are not hosted.  But since you are planning to go straight into the reception, you'll be fine.  It's totally okay for you to start with a half hour of hors d'oeuvres and then start with dinner and the other festivities.

Knottie30291358

"Cocktail hours" and the like aren't actually an expected part of hosting etiquette, but are rather a practice that has become customary for utilitarian reasons. People generally like to talk to those they might not be seated with and don't sit down until everybody arrives, so allowing a pre-planned period for people to file in while giving out food and drink to maintain the convivial atmosphere is usually good sense.
Basically, if you don't think the day will suffer without it, toss it.

Nymeru

Really, you can do it however you'd like.  I'd definitely give yourself some down-time before the reception gets going though.  It's lovely to have time for just you and your husband/wife to be together before you get pelted with well-wishers (which, while sweet, can be overwhelming), and busy with all the to-do that starts the reception.  A few minutes to revel in being married together before joining the party is wonderful, and my H and I felt like that was one of the best parts of the day.

abbyj700

hikebikebemerry said:

abbyj700 said:

OP - is there a certain reason you *don't* want a full cocktail hour? It's fine not to have one - especially if there is a good reason not to.

I love cocktail hours. BUT we are going to a wedding with a ceremony that starts at 7:30PM on Saturday. Say the ceremony is an easy 20 minutes, and 5-10 minutes to get over to the other space for the reception - it would still be 8 by then. If you have a cocktail hour and then dances, cake cutting, etc before dinner - you're not eating until after 9 absolute earliest - and I find that pretty damn rude. So I'm actually hoping they don't have one!

@abbyj700  Are you sure that they are doing dinner?  Could it be a dessert reception?

I guess that it just seems like a non-mealtime to me.

@hikebikebemerry - they did have a dinner! And I believe it expressed that on the invitation. While we ate late it was a wonderful, well hosted event that I didn't side eye too hard.

hikebikebemerry

abbyj700 said:

hikebikebemerry said:

abbyj700 said:

OP - is there a certain reason you *don't* want a full cocktail hour? It's fine not to have one - especially if there is a good reason not to.

I love cocktail hours. BUT we are going to a wedding with a ceremony that starts at 7:30PM on Saturday. Say the ceremony is an easy 20 minutes, and 5-10 minutes to get over to the other space for the reception - it would still be 8 by then. If you have a cocktail hour and then dances, cake cutting, etc before dinner - you're not eating until after 9 absolute earliest - and I find that pretty damn rude. So I'm actually hoping they don't have one!

@abbyj700  Are you sure that they are doing dinner?  Could it be a dessert reception?

I guess that it just seems like a non-mealtime to me.

@hikebikebemerry - they did have a dinner! And I believe it expressed that on the invitation. While we ate late it was a wonderful, well hosted event that I didn't side eye too hard.

I eat dinner fairly late normally, so eating at 9 would be NBD to me; I'd just plan on having a late lunch in that situation.  I'm just really nosey!

Happy to hear it was well hosted!