Are registries rude?

CMGragain

I really don't understand the "We don't need anything for our household" point of view.  I would love somebody to buy me new sheets, towels, blankets, kitchen stuff!  After 38 years, you'd think I had everything.  Well, stuff wears out, colors change, and back in the day the bride registered for fine china and crystal to use on special occasions.  My daughter loves to give dinner parties and display her stuff, much of which was inherited.

KatieinBkln

CMGragain said:

I really don't understand the "We don't need anything for our household" point of view.  I would love somebody to buy me new sheets, towels, blankets, kitchen stuff!  After 38 years, you'd think I had everything.  Well, stuff wears out, colors change, and back in the day the bride registered for fine china and crystal to use on special occasions.  My daughter loves to give dinner parties and display her stuff, much of which was inherited.

Sure, after 38 years! But not after 7, right? 

But ultimately "I don't need anything" is really more of an excuse. The truth is, I'm just not super comfortable about registries, and FI is really uncomfortable with it, so we'll probably skip it/do a tiny one. Not to say it's wrong for anyone else to do (and in fact I love browsing other people's registries!). I just don't think it's okay outside of weddings and baby showers.

banana468

KatieinBkln said:

CMGragain said:

I really don't understand the "We don't need anything for our household" point of view.  I would love somebody to buy me new sheets, towels, blankets, kitchen stuff!  After 38 years, you'd think I had everything.  Well, stuff wears out, colors change, and back in the day the bride registered for fine china and crystal to use on special occasions.  My daughter loves to give dinner parties and display her stuff, much of which was inherited.

Sure, after 38 years! But not after 7, right? 

But ultimately "I don't need anything" is really more of an excuse. The truth is, I'm just not super comfortable about registries, and FI is really uncomfortable with it, so we'll probably skip it/do a tiny one. Not to say it's wrong for anyone else to do (and in fact I love browsing other people's registries!). I just don't think it's okay outside of weddings and baby showers.

It's amazing how towels lose their softness and duvets get stained/torn on 7 years. I'd love a new high thread count duvet set but I don't wavy to splurge on it. And while I have shades in my bedroom, we haven't had drapes on the room since we moved in 4 years ago.

Knottie48804623

Both places I have registered have also given me the option to "allow guests to purchase a gift card" for that place. Is that rude to check that box? I know its rude to just ask for gift cards, but I didn't really think about it until reading this thread. Thanks! 

[Deleted User]

Knottie48804623 said:

Both places I have registered have also given me the option to "allow guests to purchase a gift card" for that place. Is that rude to check that box? I know its rude to just ask for gift cards, but I didn't really think about it until reading this thread. Thanks! 

Don't do it.  Of COURSE guests are "allowed" to purchase a gift card.  That's just dumb to word it that way.  If they look at your registry and either think you have bad taste and don't want to buy anything on your list, or if they can't find anything on your list in the range they want to spend, they know they can get you a gift card to go toward something that might be pricier.  Or they can write you a check.  You also going to have a box that "allow guests to write a check"?

beethery

CMGragain said:

I really don't understand the "We don't need anything for our household" point of view.  I would love somebody to buy me new sheets, towels, blankets, kitchen stuff!  After 38 years, you'd think I had everything.  Well, stuff wears out, colors change, and back in the day the bride registered for fine china and crystal to use on special occasions.  My daughter loves to give dinner parties and display her stuff, much of which was inherited.

FI and I don't really need anything. We also just go out and buy things if we need them. No real "need" for a registry for us.

amelisha

I'm on that train too. All my stuff has been purchased in the last ten years (max) and is in good repair and was high quality to begin with, and I live in the tiniest apartment. I have more sheets and towels than we need, everything I could possibly use for entertaining, and don't need to throw out perfectly good items just for the sake of new ones. And I buy stuff whenever we need it in general.

Cookie Pusher

beethery said:

CMGragain said:

I really don't understand the "We don't need anything for our household" point of view.  I would love somebody to buy me new sheets, towels, blankets, kitchen stuff!  After 38 years, you'd think I had everything.  Well, stuff wears out, colors change, and back in the day the bride registered for fine china and crystal to use on special occasions.  My daughter loves to give dinner parties and display her stuff, much of which was inherited.

FI and I don't really need anything. We also just go out and buy things if we need them. No real "need" for a registry for us.

That's me and DH. And I get CRAZY deals through couponing and comparison shopping online and ebates. Because we have limited storage space, we don't have room for more stuff than we already have. We bought two new sets of sheets last year because our old sheets were done for, same with our towels. We weren't going to to use crappy stuff for a whole year just to wait in case someone bought them off our registry and we simply don't have room for more than the 2 sets of linens we currently have. We didn't have a registry and all of our gifts came as cash/checks/giftcards. 

biggrouch

The annoying thing about registries, honeymoon registries, and the rather convoluted philosophy of "asking for gifts is wrong and asking for cash is wrong but registering is OK and not registering will get you the $$ you secretly want"  is that the internet has now made it literally impossible to actually NOT ASK for anything. Because inevitably, if you don't register, a few people who've read a few too many articles on the internet will see that as "oh, they want cash." You're stuck between a rock and a hard place... pretty much, by inviting people to a wedding, you are trapped in the posture of seeming to ask for gifts!

I love money (obviously!) but I would feel super awkward receiving it as a gift from a friend, or anyone who wasn't at least 30 years older than I am, so we'll be registering for proper gifts. Otherwise, people might see no-registry as an etiquette-sanctioned request for cash. But I feel your pain, OP. The whole deal is just awkward.

levioosa

biggrouch said:

The annoying thing about registries, honeymoon registries, and the rather convoluted philosophy of "asking for gifts is wrong and asking for cash is wrong but registering is OK and not registering will get you the $$ you secretly want"  is that the internet has now made it literally impossible to actually NOT ASK for anything. Because inevitably, if you don't register, a few people who've read a few too many articles on the internet will see that as "oh, they want cash." You're stuck between a rock and a hard place... pretty much, by inviting people to a wedding, you are trapped in the posture of seeming to ask for gifts!

I love money (obviously!) but I would feel super awkward receiving it as a gift from a friend, or anyone who wasn't at least 30 years older than I am, so we'll be registering for proper gifts. Otherwise, people might see no-registry as an etiquette-sanctioned request for cash. But I feel your pain, OP. The whole deal is just awkward.

Whaaaa......

Did you read this thread at all?  No one is obligated to give cash or a gift at all.  Not registering is etiquette approved and NOT rude.  Honeymoon registries ARE rude because they ARE asking for cash.  

beethery

biggrouch said:

The annoying thing about registries, honeymoon registries, and the rather convoluted philosophy of "asking for gifts is wrong and asking for cash is wrong but registering is OK and not registering will get you the $$ you secretly want"  is that the internet has now made it literally impossible to actually NOT ASK for anything. Because inevitably, if you don't register, a few people who've read a few too many articles on the internet will see that as "oh, they want cash." You're stuck between a rock and a hard place... pretty much, by inviting people to a wedding, you are trapped in the posture of seeming to ask for gifts!

I love money (obviously!) but I would feel super awkward receiving it as a gift from a friend, or anyone who wasn't at least 30 years older than I am, so we'll be registering for proper gifts. Otherwise, people might see no-registry as an etiquette-sanctioned request for cash. But I feel your pain, OP. The whole deal is just awkward.

No.

redoryx

biggrouch said: The annoying thing about registries, honeymoon registries, and the rather convoluted philosophy of "asking for gifts is wrong and asking for cash is wrong but registering is OK and not registering will get you the $$ you secretly want"  is that the internet has now made it literally impossible to actually NOT ASK for anything. Because inevitably, if you don't register, a few people who've read a few too many articles on the internet will see that as "oh, they want cash." You're stuck between a rock and a hard place... pretty much, by inviting people to a wedding, you are trapped in the posture of seeming to ask for gifts!
I love money (obviously!) but I would feel super awkward receiving it as a gift from a friend, or anyone who wasn't at least 30 years older than I am, so we'll be registering for proper gifts. Otherwise, people might see no-registry as an etiquette-sanctioned request for cash. But I feel your pain, OP. The whole deal is just awkward. ***WHERE ARE MY BOXES?** 

Registering is okay because by registering you're not actually asking for anything. It's a way to help guide your guests to your tastes and things you would like if they choose to buy you a gift for the wedding which they are not actually required to do. A register is there for the benefit of the GUESTS, not the couple. It also helps if you are having a shower, which is a gift-giving event. That is, literally, the entire purpose of a shower and so this way the guests can look to see what the couple is in need of. (On the flip side, if you aren't registered, you should decline all bridal showers.) 

In other words: people who get married with the anticipation and expectation of anything other than their guests showing up are doing it wrong. That's why asking for gifts or asking for money or setting up honeyfunds are seen as breaches of etiquette. 

danamw

The registry idea started out as a helpful tool to give guests ideas as to what the couple needs and would like, and has mushroomed into something very entitled, and grabby. The root idea is ok though.

I hate it when I read that getting someone a gift outside their registry is rude. And I don't want to be told where to shop and spend my money.

I just prefer to give a check. Can't go wrong with that, everybody wants money.

esstee33

biggrouch said:

The annoying thing about registries, honeymoon registries, and the rather convoluted philosophy of "asking for gifts is wrong and asking for cash is wrong but registering is OK and not registering will get you the $$ you secretly want"  is that the internet has now made it literally impossible to actually NOT ASK for anything. Because inevitably, if you don't register, a few people who've read a few too many articles on the internet will see that as "oh, they want cash." You're stuck between a rock and a hard place... pretty much, by inviting people to a wedding, you are trapped in the posture of seeming to ask for gifts!

I love money (obviously!) but I would feel super awkward receiving it as a gift from a friend, or anyone who wasn't at least 30 years older than I am, so we'll be registering for proper gifts. Otherwise, people might see no-registry as an etiquette-sanctioned request for cash. But I feel your pain, OP. The whole deal is just awkward.

Hate to break it to you, but even when you register, many many many people bring cash gifts to the wedding rather than boxed gifts anyway.