In-Laws special dance

krystalandchad

So, my future in-laws had their 40th anniversary in May.  My soon-to-be mother in-law has requested a special song/dance during our reception for them.  I feel that since their anniversary is no where near our wedding date (Oct. 18 this year) and it is our day I can say no.  But in saving hurt feelings and keeping the peace, I feel like I should say yes. 

Also, if I say no, what should be a tactful way to save face?  I don't want to come off as the bad guy, but she does try to steal the stage from me at a lot of events and for this I feel like she should back off.  We are essentially paying for the wedding ourselves, so its not like they need recognition for that. 

Liatris2010

Play their first dance song. The DJ can even give them a shout out. But there is no need to clear the dance floor and make it a spotlight dance for them.

holyguacamole79

krystalandchad said:

So, my future in-laws had their 40th anniversary in May.  My soon-to-be mother in-law has requested a special song/dance during our reception for them.  I feel that since their anniversary is no where near our wedding date (Oct. 18 this year) and it is our day I can say no.  But in saving hurt feelings and keeping the peace, I feel like I should say yes. 

Also, if I say no, what should be a tactful way to save face?  I don't want to come off as the bad guy, but she does try to steal the stage from me at a lot of events and for this I feel like she should back off.  We are essentially paying for the wedding ourselves, so its not like they need recognition for that. 

I agree with Lia. There is no need to clear the dance floor for this, and the dj can just dedicate the song to them.

wandajune6

Almost exactly the same as my parents! Their 40th was in May, our wedding is the week before yours.

My parents would be horrified by the idea of a special dance. However, we really want to play their first dance song for them- perhaps as the first non-spotlight dance. Sadly, they can't remember what it is. We've been asking around but no one remembers.

I like the PP's advice of playing their song and giving them a call-out.

nicole4793

It'd be 1 thing if you were sharing their anniversary date, but their date is no where near yours. I love the idea of playing their song, but I feel like if the DJ says anything about their wedding anniversary, people would kind of just stand around saying "What the heck....?" just because it's so random of your mother-in-law to be insisting on this. Plus how would your parents/guardians feel being excluded from this special dance? I think that would cause a lot of issues. Maybe just explain that it would be hurtful to others celebrating their anniversaries and not getting any special recognition since their anniversary is no where near your wedding anyway. Good luck with that!!

krystalandchad

Thanks everyone for the input, it has been much helpful!! Thankfully my fiance is also starting to feel like the wedding is being hijacked since she also requested to invite some friends from her work.

Jen4948

krystalandchad said:

Thanks everyone for the input, it has been much helpful!! Thankfully my fiance is also starting to feel like the wedding is being hijacked since she also requested to invite some friends from her work.

I agree with the above advice, but why would her inviting coworkers "hijack" your wedding?

I'd be surprised if my parents didn't want to invite some friends from their past jobs (both are retired now) to my wedding.

Lauderdale Pink

Sadly, there is no kind way to say "no" to attention seekers at somebody else's wedding.  When I organize an event, I leave STRICT instructions with the DJ/Band that there are to be NO special requests.  When people ask the bride and groom to be acknowledged for a special event, with a song, I tell the couple to be non-committal and stay out of the conversations. The music people follow directions, and the special request just does not happen, end of story.  After, the "offended" parties can either blame me or the music vendor. If somebody wants to celebrate a special event, they are free to make their own party.

JoanE2012

We requested the DJ to play the first dance songs for our parents.  No special announcement, it was just a regular song that played at some point during the evening.

MandyMost

krystalandchad said:

So, my future in-laws had their 40th anniversary in May.  My soon-to-be mother in-law has requested a special song/dance during our reception for them.  I feel that since their anniversary is no where near our wedding date (Oct. 18 this year) and it is our day I can say no.  But in saving hurt feelings and keeping the peace, I feel like I should say yes. 

Also, if I say no, what should be a tactful way to save face?  I don't want to come off as the bad guy, but she does try to steal the stage from me at a lot of events and for this I feel like she should back off.  We are essentially paying for the wedding ourselves, so its not like they need recognition for that. 

I would respond to her with an "Oh, of course! How lovely! What is your song?". Then I'd avoid it and change the topic if it came up again. And at the wedding I'd have it definitely played as a slow song, and even have the DJ say something along the lines of "Here's to all the couples celebrating long and successful marriages! Mr. and Mrs. In-law have been together 40 years, Mr. and Mrs. Grandparents have been together for 63 years, and Mr. and Mrs. Jones just celebrated their 18th!". 

Jen4948

Lauderdale Pink said:

Sadly, there is no kind way to say "no" to attention seekers at somebody else's wedding.  When I organize an event, I leave STRICT instructions with the DJ/Band that there are to be NO special requests.  When people ask the bride and groom to be acknowledged for a special event, with a song, I tell the couple to be non-committal and stay out of the conversations. The music people follow directions, and the special request just does not happen, end of story.  After, the "offended" parties can either blame me or the music vendor. If somebody wants to celebrate a special event, they are free to make their own party.

It's polite to say to the attention seekers, "I'm sorry, but it isn't possible for us to accommodate you" and not accommodate them.  There is nothing rude about it.  No one has to give in to every request of an attention seeker.

theartistformerlyknownas

I'd just keep it subtle. Are you doing an anniversary dance where all the couples start dancing, then the DJ calls out "if you've been married less than x years, sit down"? We had our DJ give recognition after this was finished - the longest couple dancing was 40 years, then he gave recognition to H's grandparents who've been married the longest in the room at 63 years (but not dancing because grandma can't walk very well and grandpa has Parkinson's), and wished a happy anniversary to H's aunt and uncle who got married at the same venue, on the same weekend, 25 years ago. But not being the longest marriage and not being near the anniversary makes that kind of weird and very AW.