Gap or no gap

BrandNewJ

I just found out my father has serious opinions on making sure there is no gap between the engagement ring and the wedding band. When my grandma died a few days ago, my dad said I could have her wedding band to remove the diamonds and put them in a different setting so there is no gap. I told him I didn't care if there was a gap and would actually prefer to use her band as is. My grandpa made it for her (he was a diamond setter his whole life), and that sentiment has way more meaning to me than using the diamonds. He was taken aback. He couldn't understand why I'd want that gap. Can I get some opinions based on wearers of rings with both a gap and no gap? Or any opinions in general about this. Since I JUST got engaged, I haven't really thought about it, but I'm wondering if the gap is really as bad as he's saying. I was really surprised by how serious he was about this... He even pulled my FI aside to tell him to make sure I don't have a ring gap. Who cares?

KatieinBkln

Ha, I thought this was going to refer to a different kind of gap. I was all "BRANDNEWJ YOU KNOW BETTER!"

As for the ring...uh, who gives a shit? Especially why does your dad give a shit? Is the ring or is it not on your finger? I just...I have a lot of questions.

chibiyui

Who cares? All that matters is you like it and it's comfortable.

It's not like a ring gap is some sort of sign for "open for penis" or something.

Also, if I wear my rings on the same hand, there's a gap because they just don't fit together. But they still look bitching together.

BrandNewJ

@KatieinBkln‌ haha wow, I didn't even think of that kind of gap! Should've titled it better. No gaps. That's a hill I'm willing to die on . Ok great, that's what I thought too and my FI and I asked each other those questions too in the car on the way home afterwards. I'm glad to know we aren't the only ones who think it's a odd request, especially one that he's so concerned with. He's only ever wore one ring. He won't ever have to deal with that gap lol.

BrandNewJ

chibiyui said:

Who cares? All that matters is you like it and it's comfortable. It's not like a ring gap is some sort of sign for "open for penis" or something. Also, if I wear my rings on the same hand, there's a gap because they just don't fit together. But they still look bitching together.

Omg that made me laugh so hard! No "open for penises" signs for the past 4+ years! I think they'll look good together. Maybe that's his problem but he's voicing it incorrectly? My engagement ring is like encrusted, and her wedding band is simple with smaller. But again, who cares if I like it?

theartistformerlyknownas

I prefer them fitting snugly together, but that's only for my own rings on my own finger. What you do on your own finger is nobody's business but yours.

ashley8918

NOPE. Tell him to get the fuck over it. (Or maybe use nicer words... I wouldn't though). This is a thing that just absolutely does not matter.

gladyscf

I'll have a small gap on mine because my rings aren't a "set" but I really don't care.

Besides, I really doubt a penis could fit in there and if it did, I'd feel really sorry for the guy. 

Then I'd have to beat him for putting his penis on my finger.

LadyMillil

Out of all the wedding stuff your dad could make a big deal out of, it's kind of funny that it's a ring gap.

I have a gap between my rings. It doesn't bother me - well it does, but not enough that I'd do anything about it or stop wearing them together. I don't think anyone has noticed the ring gap because no one stares at my hand as much as I do.

RebeccaFlower

Pictures? 

ashley8918

So, I just had to go try on my wedding band because it never occurred to me to give a shit about this. So, I did, and OH, JESUS. LOOK AT THAT GAP. 

Just kidding, I still don't give a shit.

blabla89

You're the one who's going to wear them every single day. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

KatieinBkln

lolo883 said:

I prefer them fitting snugly together, but that's only for my own rings on my own finger. What you do on your own finger is nobody's business but yours.

Well, and maybe your husband's. AMIRITE LADIES?

flyingfoxes

What a weird thing for him to comment on.  It's your finger and rings, so it's up to you what you prefer! 

simcal18

I'll be honest:  I don't like gaps between wedding bands and engagement rings.  It just looks uncoordinated and unattractive to me.  But how you decide to wear your rings is YOUR business--not your father's.  If it doesn't bother you, go for it.  If you want to sidestep the issue, have you considered wearing your engagement ring on your right hand after you're married?

Cookie Pusher

There's a sizable gap between my band and e-ring because they aren't a set. They aren't even made of the same metal and aren't the same color either. Who gives a flying fuck, really? I love my rings and what they symbolize. If you like your grandmother's band as is, then you should keep it that way. No one else should get to make that choice but you.

BrandNewJ

Ok great, I'm so glad this isn't an issue for anyone at all. I will just ignore him from now on. He's really easy going about everything else so far except this. It is quite weird, and also out of character. I hope this isn't the start of him turning into a crazy FOB.

BrandNewJ

Cookie Pusher said:

There's a sizable gap between my band and e-ring because they aren't a set. They aren't even made of the same metal and aren't the same color either. Who gives a flying fuck, really? I love my rings and what they symbolize. If you like your grandmother's band as is, then you should keep it that way. No one else should get to make that choice but you.

That's what I tried to explain to him, that the ring is a symbol of my grandparents who were my heros. I don't care if they match or not. That's not why I want to wear it.

itsrandiyo

It seems as if you already have a wedding band. But if that is not the case, and you decide that you don't like how it looks, there are many jewelers that will custom make a wedding band so that it fits snug. Just something to think about. 

NYCMercedes

Mismatched rings are very popular right now. Tell him to shove it (nicely).

Liatris2010

1. Not his finger, not his choice.
2. The gap only makes it better

See? It just makes you want it more.

BrandNewJ

itsrandiyo said:

It seems as if you already have a wedding band. But if that is not the case, and you decide that you don't like how it looks, there are many jewelers that will custom make a wedding band so that it fits snug. Just something to think about. 

I don't already have a band. That's what my dad is saying, that it's almost like a disservice to me to not take the ring and have the jeweler turn it into a different ring that will fit perfectly with the e-ring. @NYCMercedes‌ he might have a heart attack if I told him my rings would be mixed metal haha. @Liatris2010‌ that's beautiful! Is it yours? I do want it!

WinstonsGirl

Mine are a set and I still have a small gap. There's a sapphire on the side of my E ring, so a little knob/post on the other side which holds it on the ring. That butts up agains my wedding band (soldered together), so there's a few mm's of gap. I couldn't care less cos now my band doesn't spin anymore.

missdelilah

I inherited my grandmother's engagement ring. It's not my engagement ring though. I had it reset exactly the same as I was allergic to something in the original white gold, but I'd be horrified if someone told me to take it apart and make something else with it. Absolutely not! PPs are right, your business, and your business alone. I don't understand why anyone else would care. As it is, I'm going to have to wear my G'ma's ring with my wedding band, because I don't like shaped bands, and the E ring just isn't going to allow anything else to fit on my finger. FI is totally fine with this.

raissyrais

ashley8918 said:

So, I just had to go try on my wedding band because it never occurred to me to give a shit about this. So, I did, and OH, JESUS. LOOK AT THAT GAP. 

Just kidding, I still don't give a shit.

Damn my ass could fit in that gap it's so damn big.

Liatris2010

BrandNewJ said:

itsrandiyo said:

It seems as if you already have a wedding band. But if that is not the case, and you decide that you don't like how it looks, there are many jewelers that will custom make a wedding band so that it fits snug. Just something to think about. 

I don't already have a band. That's what my dad is saying, that it's almost like a disservice to me to not take the ring and have the jeweler turn it into a different ring that will fit perfectly with the e-ring. @NYCMercedes‌ he might have a heart attack if I told him my rings would be mixed metal haha. @Liatris2010‌ that's beautiful! Is it yours? I do want it!

Nope, it isn't mine, but mine is similar. That was just the closest picture I could find. I have a solitaire and a curved band. The curve leaves the tiniest of gaps, but I think it is super sexy. Like


She'd still be gorgeous without the gap, but the gap is makes her more interesting. People will look a little longer if there is something interesting to look at. Yes to the gaps!!!!

ashley8918

Liatris2010 said:

BrandNewJ said:

itsrandiyo said:

It seems as if you already have a wedding band. But if that is not the case, and you decide that you don't like how it looks, there are many jewelers that will custom make a wedding band so that it fits snug. Just something to think about. 

I don't already have a band. That's what my dad is saying, that it's almost like a disservice to me to not take the ring and have the jeweler turn it into a different ring that will fit perfectly with the e-ring. @NYCMercedes‌ he might have a heart attack if I told him my rings would be mixed metal haha. @Liatris2010‌ that's beautiful! Is it yours? I do want it!

Nope, it isn't mine, but mine is similar. That was just the closest picture I could find. I have a solitaire and a curved band. The curve leaves the tiniest of gaps, but I think it is super sexy. Like


She'd still be gorgeous without the gap, but the gap is makes her more interesting. People will look a little longer if there is something interesting to look at. Yes to the gaps!!!!

Liatris2010

ashley8918 said:

Liatris2010 said:

BrandNewJ said:

itsrandiyo said:

It seems as if you already have a wedding band. But if that is not the case, and you decide that you don't like how it looks, there are many jewelers that will custom make a wedding band so that it fits snug. Just something to think about. 

I don't already have a band. That's what my dad is saying, that it's almost like a disservice to me to not take the ring and have the jeweler turn it into a different ring that will fit perfectly with the e-ring. @NYCMercedes‌ he might have a heart attack if I told him my rings would be mixed metal haha. @Liatris2010‌ that's beautiful! Is it yours? I do want it!

Nope, it isn't mine, but mine is similar. That was just the closest picture I could find. I have a solitaire and a curved band. The curve leaves the tiniest of gaps, but I think it is super sexy. Like


She'd still be gorgeous without the gap, but the gap is makes her more interesting. People will look a little longer if there is something interesting to look at. Yes to the gaps!!!!

They think it's the faerie blood, but I know it is really the gap that drives the men wild!