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Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
arabin
member
Catholic Ceremony First, then a Civil One?
Has anyone had any experience with having a Catholic Ceremony without the legal portion? I'm Catholic and my FI is not - he has never been baptized or anything. We already took a Pre-Cana class and have recently met with a priest to begin discussing our small ceremony plans. My FI is from NC and I'm from NJ, though we both live near Boston. Most of our friends, and his large family are located in NC and we fell in love with a reception venue down there. Our plan is to have a small Catholic Ceremony (just our parents/siblings) near Boston, then have a large civil ceremony/reception the following weekend in NC.
We haven't told our priest about this "second wedding" but I wonder if we should. It's important to me that our marriage is recognized by the church, but I want our wedding day in NC (with lots of guests and dancing) to be "our BIG day". Any ideas on this? I also realize we could simply have the wedding in NC, then get our marriage "Convalidated" by the Catholic church, but we already took the Pre Cana class and we want to plan this out the best way we can.
*Logistically we weren't able to have a Catholic ceremony in NC, right before our beautiful reception - long story but the closest Catholic church in the area won't do a wedding on a Sunday. Another important note is that this is the first marriage for both of us.
Any guidance is much appreciated!!
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Re: Catholic Ceremony First, then a Civil One?
Why not just have a big party in NC?
I don't know of any Catholic Church that will marry you without the priest signing and filing the marriage license. Also, convalidations are for people who are married outside the church while not practicing their faith and then return to the church and wish for its blessing on their marriage. Doesn't sound like this applies to you.
I don't see a way you can have everything you want here if you can't find a church in NC. Either do it all in NC or do it all in Boston. And please don't lie to your priest, whatever you decide.
If you are really so in love with the North Carolina venue, you can go ahead and use it, but NOT for a wedding reception. Wedding receptions are held on your wedding day. You can have a great celebration party, including dancing and dining, but don't wear a wedding dress, have "first dance", do bouquet tossing, etc. You are not the bride and groom. You will be the newlyweds - Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (or whatever you decide to be called). You can wear a beautiful formal gown.
You can have a wonderful celebration party, just not a wedding reception. You created this situation when you booked your venue before talking to your priest.
PS. Once you have been legally married (in the Catholic Church) it will be impossible for you to have a legal civil ceremony.
kkramss. If I'm going to get dressed up, purchase a gift, and take time out of my day to celebrate you, I had better not be getting sloppy seconds. I could maybe be okay with a reception at a later date, but that needs to be just a reception / party. There is no need to "re-do" anything.
What you're mentioning is having the legal ceremony first. The OP mentioned doing the Catholic ceremony first. I can't see the Church being OK with that. What's stopping you from not following through with the legal aspect of you did this? I imagine the Church could get in trouble if they did this.
If you want to invite guests to your wedding, whatever you do, lose "Do what makes you happy." Rather, do what makes you happy while taking the needs of all those present into consideration throughout the process of planning your wedding. And if doing what makes you happy won't make anyone else happy, at the least consider dropping it altogether.
The OP is already going through Pre-Cana, so they really aren't a candidate for convalidation.
People often forget that the Catholic wedding is the most important part of this celebration, NOT the reception. All churches I know have a strict policy of not setting a date until you have come to an agreement with the church. For example, here is the exact wording of one church's website: "My fiance and I are newly engaged and want to get ahead and book our date for the reception; how soon can we do this? Before you book any events or services, contact the Church first to inquire into Marriage preparation, available wedding dates, and other necessary details. The Church is to be your first and most important phone call or inquiry; not the hotel, travel agent, restaurant, caterer, etc. We are not responsible for deposits that have to be cancelled because a couple did not contact us first before booking a venue or service."
But the OP wants to do the religious part first. I don't know of any RC Church that would go for that ( officiating a non legally binding Union).
I don't quite get what you & your husband were able to do. I'm not trying to be difficult / snarky, but I'm curious. (I'm also still fighting a sinus infection, so my thinking abilities aren't the best right now.) And I know the Church is willing to work with couples who have immigration / visa issues. My experience with the Catholic Church is that they are NOT as willing to work with couples who plan the reception first and expect the church to be available when they want it.