elopement?

aj081415

I've been stressing out over money costs, and guests, and a venue that after all the stress I'm already going through I feel like NONE of that matters to me. What matters to me is the fact that I'm going to be married to my best friend and what more could I ask for or need. I feel like no matter where I go with planning something never seems good enough. I feel like I'd be pleasing everyone but myself. Should we just elope? have a small ceremony with just our parents and siblings?

audrewuh

You should talk to your SO about that, not us. 

Planning a wedding is stressful. You expect a lot, your families expect a lot, it's super expensive, and everything rarely goes as planned. 

But then again, the exact same things are said about life. 

It's your wedding. You can do what you want size wise. If you want to elope, go for it. If you want to have a destination wedding in the mountains or at the beach with 30 people, that's fine too. But talk to your SO and find out what they want. And if they want the big party, they should help plan it. 

Dignity100

That is completely between you and your FI. My FI and I decided neither of us wanted to be the center of attention, I was fine with eloping, FI wanted his immediate family to be there - so we invited just our immediate family to a destination wedding. It's probably going to cost us around the same after all the add-ons that a regular wedding would have, but it's what we wanted.

Hummingbird125

Are you engaged? Why are you posting this on NEY? I don't think we know you.

If you're not engaged, don't worry about this stuff yet.

aj081415

We are, I didnt realize where I posted it. Sorry.

lilacck28

It's fine to post about this on the NEY board... just tell us more about you! 

cu97tiger

aj081415 said:

We are, I didnt realize where I posted it. Sorry.

Cool story, bro.

No, really, what the others said. Talk to your SO. Look at your finances. What can you afford? What are you willing to compromise? We can't make that decision for you.

Now, it would be a great idea to check out your month board and your local board.

lilacck28

Early on in my planning I felt anxious about the expense of a wedding too. I wasn't considering eloping, but I was considering a 10 person wedding vs. a 100 person wedding. I felt guilty that I wanted a larger wedding. It seemed frivolous, and very expensive, so I was seriously considering the very intimate wedding. I thought... I should be saving this money for a down payment on a house instead. 

 But I realized (well, my mom reassured me)... it may be frivolous, and it's definitely expensive, but a larger wedding is something I had always wanted and imagined. I would maybe/probably regret not having one. There are things about my mom's wedding that she regrets, and I didn't want to repeat that. I know people that have eloped, and that was something they had always wanted. They spent the money they would have used on a traditional wedding going on a long trip to Europe instead. I didn't always want to elope or have a very intimate wedding. 

 I think a tiny wedding or an elopement are both great options, if that's what you really want and have wanted for a while and/ or if that's what you can afford. But it's VERY common to go through "OH EM GEE weddings are stressful and expensive and WE SHOULD JUST ELOPE." Really common. 

 So yes, do a little inner digging, and talk to your fiance. Figure out what each of you want, and then, if necessary, compromise. First steps: 1. budget 2. ideal guest list 3. "feel" of wedding/ venue (i.e. in a barn, or in a church, or in a hotel, or by the water, or in a garden) And remember that the time of day and what day during the week/ the meal you choose can save you money. 

Pick the most important things to you. Splurge on those, save in other areas.(Example: I wanted great photography. This was really important to me. I'm an artist, and I looked at less expensive photographers in my area and kept seeing flaws in their work. So I spent more there than anywhere else besides the fee for the food/drinks at the reception.  I wanted a very pretty dress, but I also knew I could find one that I liked/loved within a smaller budget. And I did. My fiance and I  love brunch food, and that is significantly less expensive than serving dinner. So I saved there too. )  

 Good luck! And congratulations on your engagement.

[Deleted User]

I had a huge wedding (425+ people) over 3 years ago and we still wish we would have just eloped and then had a "WE'RE MARRIED" reception/party.  it is what it is now, and I am glad that I had a chance to wear a pretty dress, so there's that... 

lennonkdc

I wanted to elope because I was feeling the "my weddings not going to be good enough" pressure. It wasn't going to be some big ballroom affair with a band and passed apps, we just couldn't afford it. But my H wanted a wedding and I am so glad he talked me into it. 

We talked about exactly what we wanted, what our 'vision' was. For us, we wanted our wedding to feel like a big fun dinner party at house, but since we can't cram 150 ppl into our house we started looking at venues. We crossed a lot out based on price, and more off based on not wanting the 'hotel ballroom' wedding. We ended up finding an art gallery in a refurbished warehouse that had tons of galleries/artist work space. It was the blank canvas we wanted, we could bring in our own vendors, do some DIY projects and make it our own. We wanted to throw a party for our family and friends, to thank them for sharing not just our wedding day with us, but all the days before and after with us too! 

I could not be happier with the way it turned out, it wasn't some insane over the top affair, but it was "us"- Good food, great music, and the company of friends and family. I think it turned out beautifully! 

TL;DR- Elope if you and your SO want to, but don't do it out of insecurity that your wedding won't be good enough. If you just focus on what's important to you and your SO, and everything will be beutiful! 

Pepperally

FI and I decided we wanted to have the people closest to us there, although eloping was in the back of our minds as well, but we would say "but I really want so-and-so to be there", so we knew we wanted a very small wedding. We invited 45 people, 32 are coming. We are having it at a restaurant that has private party rooms and they are known for excellent food. So that is our focus...a lovely dining experience. No DJ or dancing. Just a quick and simple ceremony right there and then eat and socialize. A wedding can be as big as or as small as you envision. Make sure you don't lose your vision. Discuss your vision in depth with your FI and stick to it, stay your course, figure out what is important and strive to have those elements and consider the rest optional and never required.

Jells2dot0

It's important that if you go with an elopement, you do it for the right reasons. We eloped, but it was never about thinking a traditional wedding was not good enough or finances were tight. It was because it's what we both REALLY wanted, regardless of cost, timelines, etc. We also were 100% willing to give up not having anyone in attendance. A lot of brides/grooms think they want an elopement because the stress becomes too much, but then woefully regret not including their family and friends. So, be sure you are both on the same page from the very start and if there is any doubt about just running off on your own, then don't do it. It wil just cause resentment later and it leads to the dreaded PPD to make up for what you think you lost when you first got married.