Dad stuff. Why do I try?

wandajune6

Happy birthday!

I don't have any advice or anecdotes that apply here but I'm sorry your dad is being an idiot. Sometimes parents just miss the boat.

esstee33

ElcaB said:

I'm sorry he's been so negative. Does your dad have much experience with weddings? It might be that weddings don't interest him, so he's unintentionally critical. Have you thought about saying, "Dad, I love you, but I'm a little hurt by your constant criticism about wedding-related things. This is a really happy time for FI and me. I know weddings aren't really your thing, but if you could try not to criticize, that'd mean a lot to me." 

Oh, and:

Co-sign this for real. Maybe he doesn't realize what a buzzkill he's being? The alternative is that he does realize he's being rude, and you need to be like "Dude, stop. Not cool." 

Also happy birthday!! 

moutonrouge

My mom does this sometimes when I mention wedding things. She's not very excited about any of the wedding details. She's happy for us overall. But, for example, when I mentioned the place we're having the ceremony and dinner, she just nodded and that was it (I then aborted my plan to suggest we go there for brunch). Then, a couple days later, she wanted the website and told me her thoughts on it after looking at it. I think sometimes she just needs to live with it for a bit and then she's into it. 

KatieinBkln

Ugh, I'm sorry your dad is being such a loser about your wedding. That is shitty and hard.

I agree with @ElcaB though--it can be really weird calling out your own parents, but if you wouldn't hesitate to say something to any other adult who's pushing your buttons, you can totally say it to your parents. It could be as blunt as "Hey, you know you don't have to be a jerk every time I mention anything wedding-related." or as touchy-feely as "I feel like you rarely have anything nice to say about my wedding. I can stop bringing it up, but it is a big thing in my life right now, so can I ask you to please keep your negative thoughts to yourself  if I happen to mention it?" or as cut and dry as "You've made your point about my wedding. Stop making rude comments please."

Cookie said it best--parents are just adult people, and lord knows there are plenty of adult people who don't know how to relationship. 

Hugs for you, and happy birthday!

raissyrais

Happy Birthday! Sorry about your dad I wish I could share my super daddy with you! Hopefully he comes around today?

pinkcow13

I'm sorry My parents are the same way, it's like they are so "meh" about the whole wedding. The one thing they did was complain about how expensive it was. Ummm they are not paying for it, and I did not tell them how much it would cost, they just assume it's super expensive because of the location. Yes, it is not cheap, but we are adult enough to budget and know what we can afford.

Sorry, I went of on a mini rant there. Your dad sounds like he is just being a grump. Also, his wedding was (I'm assuming) probably a lot different from what you guys are planning, so he can't fathom the thought. He will probably come around today though, for your bday

levioosa

Happy Birthday!!!

Sorry your Dad isn't communicating effectively.  Parents know exactly how to get under our skin and bug us the most.  

JCbride2015

Thanks for the birthday wishes, everybody!

As for the dad thing, I mostly just think he's being judgmental about us spending money on the wedding when he knows I have student loans.  Maybe some of it is jealousy (that would be nice), but I think most of it is a money thing.  I get that he's coming from a place of wanting the best for me, but he manifests it in really annoying ways.  Also, weddings are just not his thing.  He's not into material things unless it's for him (custom surfboards, new Apple products constantly) and I think he doesn't get why we "need" the fancy wedding.

JCbride2015

Bumping this for a slight update.  Today we met with two possible officiants and they were asking about my dad walking me down the aisle, whether to have an official giving-away moment, etc.

So that spurred me into calling my dad and asking him if he would like to walk me down the aisle.  And he said, "Of course!  I've been assuming, too!  You don't have to ask."

YAY!

theartistformerlyknownas

JCbride2015 said:

Bumping this for a slight update.  Today we met with two possible officiants and they were asking about my dad walking me down the aisle, whether to have an official giving-away moment, etc.

So that spurred me into calling my dad and asking him if he would like to walk me down the aisle.  And he said, "Of course!  I've been assuming, too!  You don't have to ask."

YAY!

Yay! Even for as much of a sentimental sap as my dad is, he made a comment at some point about how he wasn't sure if he'd be walking me down the aisle because I hadn't asked him to. So that's AWESOME that your dad expected to and isn't COMPLETELY bah humbug about your wedding!

falsara

Yaaaay. I'm glad he's excited for that part!!! Its awesome that you guys have a good enough relationship that he didn't even question it, even if you did.

raissyrais

That's great, am so happy for you! See, he came around