lighting of the unity candle

brannigan33

my mom died 12 years ago and my dad never re-married. my question is (i have looked online but cant find many answers) who lights the unity candle in my mothers place?

i have read some places that it could be your grandmother, godmother, aunt, etc. i have also read it could be the dads who light it?

then i think to myself is the unity candle a thing of the past? i have heard about mixing sand together? does anyone have any other good ideas? 

if its not necessary to have a unity candle in a catholic wedding then i might do away with it only because it makes me sad my mom isnt there to light it.

input & opions PLEASE

markandsamp

I am getting married in a catholic church and doing the candle, i like the idea even though its totally optional. We were told that anyone special to us could light it so If you want your dad, and if you think that would be nice then do that! who else did you have in mind? is your fiance having his mother do it?

Riss91

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It might be best to skip the unity candle altogether as it  is not at all part of a Catholic ceremony anyway. It's become popular socially, however, many priests will not even allow it as it is disruptive to the ceremony, which in itself is unitive. Some priests will allow it, and since it is NOT a Catholic tradition, I see no reason why a priest would care who is doing what.

megsch88

I would say skip the unity candle lighting...it isn't a thing of the past, but there is no harm in not having it and it isn't a part of Catholic tradition.

brannigan33

I guess we can go with out the unity candle then. I have been to a ton of weddings and sometimes they do it and sometimes they dont!

To answer the question "is your fiance having his mother do it?" - she will do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING to get the attention to be on her! He is her only child so everything somehow gets turned around so she is the focus!

So I will be more than happy to go with out it!

TiffannieF

I'm not sure about the Catholic side of this but...

My mother also passed away before the wedding.  I had my grandmother light it (considering I am her only granddaughter and my dad was already giving me away plus the dance).

If you are not comfortable with it, and your religion allows with out it, I would just not do it.

But, I will tell you, I was VERY close with my mom (I had actually asked her to be my MOH before she passed away).  On the wedding day I only cried once in the morning but I did well the rest of the day...even when DH and I took a picture with her "in memory" items AND my uncle talked about her in a speech.  Remember the day is about you and the unity of you and your FI.  Message me if you have any questions or concerns.  *hugs*