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Etiquette

Bachelorette Party

I need help. My FSIL is having a bachelorette party on Saturday. I found out today that I have to finish up a project for my internship by Monday and I still have 50 or so papers to grade. The bachelorette party is back home (3 hour drive) and I just feel as if I just don't have the time. I'm worried though, because the relationship between FSIL and her family and my family is already strained. I don't want to be offensive, but I really don't think I have the time.

There are 16 girls in total who were invited to the bachelorette party (including myself and my two sisters). My younger sister recently had a baby and money is really tight with her. She had to decline the invitation because of her financial situation, but FSIL threw a fit because "we have to have 15 items to get the group discount". I responded that I would get a mani and a pedi, just trying to be nice. Then FSIL posted on her facebook page this post about how her sister has two kids but can handle her life and isn't cheap (not in those exact words, lol). That comment pissed me off! They are expecting us to pay for dinner, beauty bar (renting out a salon, champagne, appetizers) where we will get our nails done, general drinking/clubbing and finish off with a strip club.

I'm sorry, but I am a graduate student. I teach several classes in exchange for a majority of my school bill, I just started a new internship with this amazing company... I'm overloaded as it is.

I really hate her. But, my brother is begging me to just go. I kind of am ready to burn bridges at this point with him and the FSIL. Thoughts?

Re: Bachelorette Party

  • I think you need to weigh the pros and cons. I'm generally a people pleaser but if o thought I couldn't swing it I'd be honest and would just nicely decline. I wouldn't use an excuse of papers to grade because that could come across as bad planning.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    awebb04 said:

    I need help. My FSIL is having a bachelorette party on Saturday. I found out today that I have to finish up a project for my internship by Monday and I still have 50 or so papers to grade. The bachelorette party is back home (3 hour drive) and I just feel as if I just don't have the time. I'm worried though, because the relationship between FSIL and her family and my family is already strained. I don't want to be offensive, but I really don't think I have the time.

    There are 16 girls in total who were invited to the bachelorette party (including myself and my two sisters). My younger sister recently had a baby and money is really tight with her. She had to decline the invitation because of her financial situation, but FSIL threw a fit because "we have to have 15 items to get the group discount". I responded that I would get a mani and a pedi, just trying to be nice. Then FSIL posted on her facebook page this post about how her sister has two kids but can handle her life and isn't cheap (not in those exact words, lol). That comment pissed me off! They are expecting us to pay for dinner, beauty bar (renting out a salon, champagne, appetizers) where we will get our nails done, general drinking/clubbing and finish off with a strip club.

    I'm sorry, but I am a graduate student. I teach several classes in exchange for a majority of my school bill, I just started a new internship with this amazing company... I'm overloaded as it is.

    I really hate her. But, my brother is begging me to just go. I kind of am ready to burn bridges at this point with him and the FSIL. Thoughts?

    Have you already promised that you would go? If you can't afford it, I would admit that. I would make the reason as short and sweet as possible, then find a time for you and your sister to do something for her that you both can afford.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    awebb04 said:
    I need help. My FSIL is having a bachelorette party on Saturday. I found out today that I have to finish up a project for my internship by Monday and I still have 50 or so papers to grade. The bachelorette party is back home (3 hour drive) and I just feel as if I just don't have the time. I'm worried though, because the relationship between FSIL and her family and my family is already strained. I don't want to be offensive, but I really don't think I have the time.

    There are 16 girls in total who were invited to the bachelorette party (including myself and my two sisters). My younger sister recently had a baby and money is really tight with her. She had to decline the invitation because of her financial situation, but FSIL threw a fit because "we have to have 15 items to get the group discount". I responded that I would get a mani and a pedi, just trying to be nice. Then FSIL posted on her facebook page this post about how her sister has two kids but can handle her life and isn't cheap (not in those exact words, lol). That comment pissed me off! They are expecting us to pay for dinner, beauty bar (renting out a salon, champagne, appetizers) where we will get our nails done, general drinking/clubbing and finish off with a strip club.

    I'm sorry, but I am a graduate student. I teach several classes in exchange for a majority of my school bill, I just started a new internship with this amazing company... I'm overloaded as it is.

    I really hate her. But, my brother is begging me to just go. I kind of am ready to burn bridges at this point with him and the FSIL. Thoughts?
    Whoops, don't go. 
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    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • Suck it up and go. I agree, it sounds like you never should have committed to this. But you did. Knowing what you were signing up for, and you even volunteered to get two services to help out. It is in 2 days. Really really rude to agree to do something and back out last minute. And strategically it gives your FSIL the upper hand. She'll be justified in thinking you're awful.
    luckysnorkel
  • I would say that if you committed ahead of time do not back out.  It is rude and people will have to shuffle things around to accommodate the space that you left.  Things will always come up in your life and you just have to adapt to it.  Maybe you could try and grade the papers before the party especially if you have a few days.  Honestly  saying "I have so much going on I can't possibly do it all" is a poor excuse for a once in a lifetime event.  Even if it is just a bachelorette party you knew when it was ahead of time.
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  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Agreeing with PPs and suggesting you just go. I know stuff can add up and with the right mood and work load, it's easy to say no, but I really don't think this would be the right time to bail last minute. And honestly, even though "we" know your story, your FSIL and other party guests will assume you're bailing because you a) don't care and/or b) had something better to do. 

    It would also be a little rude to the people who planned the party to bail last minute as they've been including you in the headcount. Just go, and try to have fun. It honesty does sound like it's going to be a fun night, so just try to enjoy and let loose.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
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    It sounds like you must already be committed and the party is really close.  Just go.  See if you can skip out early as @lurkergirl suggested.

    If you hate her so much, you really should have stuck up for yourself sooner and declined in the first place.  :-/  Lesson learned for next time.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Is driving there, doing the mani/pedi & then excusing yourself & working on your project an option?Then if you get done early joining back up with them? At the very least you might get a chance to see your family & your sister's new baby while you're there.

  • Honestly, I wouldn't go after the comments she made about your sister. That's rude and uncalled for. You have a busy life, it's completely understandable to miss out. If your FSIL judges you for it, that's her problem. She needs to realize that no everyones lives can stop for her bachelorette party.
    PrettyGirlLosthuskypuppy14
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I'm with @PrittyGirlLost on this one. School and work always come first in my book. Sorrynotsorry.

    To keep the peace, I might go for an hour or so but then cut out early. But I also get not going at all.
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    PrettyGirlLostlevioosa
  • Can you just offer to pay for the things you committed to and stay home? 
  • edited September 2014
    I'm with BMoreBride, I think you need to cover the financial commitment you made because that has an impact on all the other ladies due to the group discount, but time-wise you're well within your rights to put school first and back out. ETA: How she reacted to your sister declining the invite due to money was SO RUDE and I would be furious about that- but she would be justified in being mad at you for committing to go and then after the fact saying your couldn't afford it, so that's where I see the difference in your situations. I know it stinks and I think most of us have been in a situation where we realized too late that we really shouldn't have committed the money to something, but it's too late now to back out of that part of the night without seriously inconveniencing other people.
  • If you have chase or pay pal, wire the money and tell the host you just got assigned a project that's due Monday and you can't go. Period. I wouldn't mention the papers because it seems like that's part of the daily grind.

    Work/school > Bach party for bitch who basically called your sister cheap and bad at managing her life. F that noise.
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  • Thanks for all of the advise! I ended up going, but then excusing myself early. Thanks again ladies!
    [Deleted User]
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    awebb04 said:
    Thanks for all of the advise! I ended up going, but then excusing myself early. Thanks again ladies!
    Thank you for the follow up. Most of the time, OPs don't follow up and I often wonder how things went.

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