October 2014 Weddings

I just need to talk about this, I'm so upset...

kgoverkgover
10 Comments Name Dropper
member
edited September 2014 in October 2014 Weddings

Sorry for the wall of text, I just need to get some advice and support. Let me start out by saying that my parents have been absolutely amazing and have helped us pay for half of the wedding. I have a decent paying job, my FH not so much, but he works hard and as much as he can. I recently had to get some tests done (stomach problems since I was 12) and had to miss 3 unpaid days from work. I don't have PTO yet, unfortunately.

I still have to pay for the rest of the photographer, hotel for honeymoon, flight tickets, florist, tickets for Universal (honeymoon) rent, and regular bills.

I have already cut down on food, flowers, guests, no DJ, no alcohol, and pretty much everything that I could. I know I should have saved up more, but weddings are expensive! I did not anticipate being sick, and missing those precious hours at work I needed to pay for everything

 

We have contemplated asking our vendors if we can pay them when we get back, pawning our personal items (xbox, tv), cash advances, and just flat out cancelling our honeymoon. (sadly, the one way flight tickets already purchased are non-refundable). My mother wants to do a "honeymoon jar" at the wedding, but I just feel like that's begging.

I know this is just a rant, but I'm so distraught, and don't know what to do.  I feel like this is all my fault for not saving more.

 

 

 

Re: I just need to talk about this, I'm so upset...

  • labrolabro Hotlanta
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    I'm so sorry! This is NOT your fault! How can you anticipate these things? I wouldn't normally recommend this but since you're so close...is it possible to sign up for a credit card that's offering no interest for 12 months? I think that would at least cover the hotel, tickets, florist, and your regular bills and then you'd maybe have the cash for the rest of the photographer? I think those 12 months of no interest payments should give you enough time to earn back the money you need and get rid of the debt.

    I'm so sorry you're having all this stress so close to your special day!



    kgoverjaz3088jules3964
  • @LaPeanut1018 thank you so much, I'm trying to keep it together at work but your kind words have made me lose it, but in a much needed way.  My credit is pretty bad (student loans defaulting, younger bad decisions, etc) but I did sign up for a capital one card, and was accepted.  I have a 200 dollar credit limit, which I have already spent on decorations. :( thank you for the advice though!  I'm trying to be excited about everything, but I just feel so guilty and frustrated.
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    I don't believe you should go into debt for a wedding (Credit card or taking out a loan). 

    These are the things I would look at doing in your shoes:
    Cancel the honeymoon - if you're able to rent a cabin nearby or just stay in a nicer hotel for the weekend after the wedding, that probably would be cheaper than going to Orlando.  Groupon could be a friend of yours for this one!

    Are you able to cancel the florist and maybe just go to like a Costco or Sam's Club or even a grocery store and get flowers there?  I would try to find other options as long as you're not bound by a contract.

    For your photographer, you could look at Craigslist or if there's a community college with a photography program, you could go through there to see if you can get a better deal.  I know when my brother got married, his photographer just wanted to build a portfolio, so she asked for $50 and a meal - gave them copyrights to all their photos.

    Personally - without knowing your financial situation, I would never ask for a loan or use CC's to pay for it (without being able to pay them off right away).  IF you are financially stable and have a family member you could ask for a small interest free loan with an established payment plan, it might also be an option.


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    kgover
  • I agree with LaPeanut. Getting a credit card with low interest, or a small loan, to cover the extra expenses you have over the next few weeks is a good way to deal with this. I know it's bad taste to anticipate gifts, but there's a decent chance some of your guests will chose to write cheques instead of give you presents, or that they will include gift receipts that you can trade in for cash.

    That money can be used to pay your vendors and cover rent and other necessities... and if that doesn't happen, putting some of these expenses on a card will help you spread the cost over a few months. You may be able to find a cheaper hotel for your honeymoon, or cut down on some of your associated costs, but you need to find a way to honour your existing commitments, and borrowing money from the man (with the understanding that you should be able to pay it back before the spring) is a good way to do it.

    You may also find that you can sell some wedding-related things you purchased, or (if you feel comfortable with this), that you can discuss a small loan from a family member or guest attending the wedding that you trust. You are going to be surrounded by people who love you at your wedding -- it's a good time to reach out for help.

    Good luck, and I'm so sorry this stress has come up on top of everything else.
    kgover
  • @Dignity100 thanks for the all the options!  The rough part is, since I am 8 days away from the wedding, we have already paid so much towards each of our vendors that I can't justify dropping them and going with something cheaper.  I will have to check out groupon!  We will probably have to swallow our pride and ask for help from his family
  • Can you delay the honeymoon? Your tickets may be non-refundable, but that usually means you still get a credit to use later...so not a total loss! It seems like other than the photographer, your honeymoon are the biggest expenses. Why not give yourself more time to pay for that and not end up so stressed trying to do it right away? You may get some cash as wedding gifts too, which you could apply to the honeymoon fund.
  • @tharkrider I can definitely try to delay the honeymoon, It would really just depend if I could get the time off of work at a different time. (I work in sales, and this is our slow period for government/schools).

    I'm definitely going to try everything I can to keep the honeymoon when it is, I may just have to shorten it.  I didn't know that about flights though, thanks for that!

  • PepperallyPepperally
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    edited September 2014

    I agree the main thing to target that you're not too in deep with is the honeymoon.  Even though the flights are nonrefundable, like PP said, you get some sort of a credit if you have to cancel.  Not a full refund but usually something.  But to pay for a hotel and food and still going to Universal...that's a lot.  I just don't think you'd enjoy yourself anyway with the amount of financial stress you are in.  The flight credit is usually good for a year. 

     

    ETA:  I am very sorry that you have to deal with all of this 8 days before your big day.  I truly hope you can work some things out and I hope your medical concerns are cleared up as well!

  • hkda2003hkda2003
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited September 2014
    Not too much advice here, except that instead of a honey moon jar which may seem like begging, our DJ suggested a fun way for us to raise some extra cash if we were interested in it. It's "cake smashing jars" if you want to see the groom's face smashed with cake, you put money in his jar, and visa versa. I'm still not sure if we are doing this, but I figured I'd throw the idea your way! You might end up raising some unexpected money!? Side note: I have recently read a statistic that 90% of weddings where they smash the cake in each other's faces, end in divorce!! But who knows!!!
  • Hmm, the raising money at your wedding I don't agree with, despite the fact I grew up in an area where they have what's known as the "dollar dance" where people pay to dance with the bride and sometimes with the groom, too, I think.  So some people are very generous and give more than a dollar, and it's supposed to give people a chance to have a one-one with the bride/groom.  I just think it's kind of tacky.  But people still do it here.
  • @pepperally I think we will just have to go to Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley some other time :( but! plus side, everything is going to be great at our wedding, I'm trying not to get too bummed! And thank you, I have been doing better with my health, just had to up my meds and try not to STRESS! haha, yeah right!

    @hkda2003 That sounds really fun! I'm not sure about that statistic, but I did warn my FH to not smach the cake on my face, but if it were a competition I think that would be different haha :)

  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    Hmm, the raising money at your wedding I don't agree with, despite the fact I grew up in an area where they have what's known as the "dollar dance" where people pay to dance with the bride and sometimes with the groom, too, I think.  So some people are very generous and give more than a dollar, and it's supposed to give people a chance to have a one-one with the bride/groom.  I just think it's kind of tacky.  But people still do it here.
    My brother did this at his wedding; he said his DJ never even really cleared it with them.  When they asked about it the DJ said it was just something he did unless specifically asked not to.


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  • hkda2003hkda2003
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    edited September 2014
    Not to be completely changing the subject here, but that's kind of insane. It's not as though that is a tradition at EVERY wedding!! In fact, I think that's the first time I have ever heard of the "dollar dance". That DJ sounds like a nut.
  • kgoverkgover
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited September 2014
    I never heard of a dollar dance until I went to a wedding last summer, I didn't think it was too bad, it gave everyone time with the bride/groom. Kinda awkard though!
  • Thanks for all of the support and advice ladies!  I had some time to breathe, and I talked to my FH and family about everything.  It felt good to get it off my chest, and you guys gave me some perspective!  We are going to cut our honeymoon a little short, and cut out all unnecessary spending (while still having some fun).  I'm so excited now, and I am working on the stress and hoping for the best!
    Pepperally
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