• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Registering and Gifts

Gift dilemma

 I'm going to a wedding to a distant relative who I haven't seen in awhile. FH and I have to travel to this wedding and are excited to go. The problem is, I'm having an issue with what to give the couple. I'm in a financial bind and can't really afford to give them $200 cash. Unfortunately I'm having car issues and I have been paying off things for my own wedding.I prefer to give something from the registry but I'm told from relatives that it's an unspoken rule that we have to give cash for the wedding. 

What do you think? Is it inappropriate to give a gift off of the registry? Should I give a lesser amount in cash ($150-ish?) The wedding is in the NY/NJ area.I'm farther south where $100 is considered a pretty nice amount, so FH is scratching his head at the amount difference and not being much help.


Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



Re: Gift dilemma

  • Give what you are comfortable with. If that is a registry gift, that is perfectly acceptable. All of the weddings I have attended have involved a mix of cards and boxed gifts. If you still feel a boxed gift would be out of place at this one, you can have it shipped to their home and just bring a card with no money in it to the wedding.
    image
    Llikotdesserdhellohkb[Deleted User]indianaalum
  • Well, if they have a registry, I definitely don't think it's in any way inappropriate to purchase from it.  If someone told me that it's an unspoken rule that I was "supposed" to give cash when the couple had a registry set up, I would be even more motivated to not give cash.  But I am kind of a spiteful bitch, so I would probably buy the cheapest or ugliest thing off their registry. 




    image
    MNVegashellohkb[Deleted User]ohannabelle
  • There is no rule that you have to give a cash gift. Actually if someone told me I had to give cash, I would think it rude and probably not give it. If you want to buy off the registry that is perfectly acceptable. Why set up a registry if you don't want guest to buy you things? 

    Also not sure where you came up with the $200 figure, but I would give what you can afford and call it a day.
    hellohkb
  • I don't get why they'd have a registry if they don't want things from it. 

    Give what you are comfortable giving and what your budget can afford. Don't go out of your budget because of what your family says or your geographic location. That doesn't make any sense. 

    I'd start shopping the registry and buy something whenever it goes on sale. Since you're traveling for the wedding, have the gift shipped to their preferred address and be done with it. That way, you still gave a gift worth a certain amount but you didn't go out of your budget.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Llikotdesserdhellohkb
  • If you don't want gifts off a registry, don't register.

    Also, there is no minimum amount you have to give.  No one is required to go into debt for a wedding.  Gift giving doesn't have to be that complicated.  Look at their registry, pick something in your budget, have it shipped to them, call it good.  You're really overthinking this one.
    hellohkb
  • I feel like $200 is very generous! Most of the cash gifts we received were $25-$50 and I was very grateful.
    hellohkb
  • Thanks all. I am definitely over thinking this one, I just didn't want anyone to give me sideye if I bought from the registry. I would have it sent to their home if I went that route. I brought up the $200 because that's what other people are giving, and I brought up their region because I've read on here that gifts often vary by region.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In the event I buy a registry gift for the wedding, I ship it to whatever address is designated in the registry. I bring a card to the wedding and say something like, "I hope you enjoy the wine glasses!"  That's just me though.  
    ________________________________


    AprilH81hellohkb[Deleted User]southernbelle0915
  • edited October 2014

    deleted because I had changed my username and now my old one is back?!

    hellohkb
  • I would only give my CLOSEST friends that much money. It is NOT an unspoken rule to give $ at the wedding, I think many people choose to do that because it is easier than bringing a gift, especially when traveling. Buy a gift off of the registry that is in your budget, and send it to the couple before the wedding.

    hellohkb
  • Buy a nice card, write a thoughtful message, and give what you can money-wise. You're a guest - hopefully they want you there for more than just your money. I'm sure you'll also be safe getting an item from the registry - they're the ones who set it up in the first place, so...:S If they have a registry and are telling people they don't want items off of it, they might just return them for cash or something silly like that. I am sorry for judging, but that's the way it comes off, so I'm sure you won't be the tactless one in that situation.
    hellohkb
  • Thanks, all for the input!

    To update you all I wound up giving $100 cash and a card. I felt that was appropriate.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



    theartistformerlyknownas
  • hellohkb said:
    Thanks all. I am definitely over thinking this one, I just didn't want anyone to give me sideye if I bought from the registry. I would have it sent to their home if I went that route. I brought up the $200 because that's what other people are giving, and I brought up their region because I've read on here that gifts often vary by region.
    I definitely agree its "regional" or a "know your crowd" kinda amount.


    The average gift I received was 100-200 from most people. I live in Chicago, so I do think that that is the norm. I do think some smaller towns, or places with different "cost of living" have different "norm" price ranges. I would expect NYC to be higher, but rural Iowa to be less, if that makes sense.

    With that said, give what you can afford.  You are traveling, after all. That does cost money

  • hellohkb said:
    Thanks, all for the input! To update you all I wound up giving $100 cash and a card. I felt that was appropriate.
    I think that's perfectly fine! Our cash gifts spanned a huge range, and we never thought "ick this person was cheap" or "they must not love us as much because they gave less" or "what a fool, giving a registry gift." And I definitely expected people who traveled to give less. The fact that they spent and sacrificed so much just to be there was a gift in itself!

    FWIW, I ditto the suggestion to anyone else that if you send a gift ahead, bring a card and mention "we hope you enjoy the ___!"

    image
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards